No! NO! NO!

Being more playful may help. When my son was in the no's I would turn it around in a silly way. So he would say - no, no, no - I don't want to go to bed. 'What did you say? you said, no you don't want to stay in your clothes? did you say, no you don't want to stay awake? no, you don't want stories? I found the best approach to 'oppositional' behavior was to be on the same side as often as possible.

It also helped my son to sympathize with him. 'I know you don't want to stop playing, you are having so much fun. Now it is time for pajamas and then we get to have storytime'. Showing him you understand his feelings doesn't change that it will still be pajama time, but it may help him feel better about it.

I think your approach of giving choices, but limited ones is spot on. If he wants to get into pjs himself and you are ok with that that is great. It may help to get him a timer so he can see how much time he has to do that. It may also help to give him time warnings. It is fair to let him know that when pajamas take too long there is less time left for play or stories.

I personally did NOT let my son play after he was in pajamas. Only because I tried to use pajamas as a cue that it was time to settle down and get ready for sleep.

My son also went through a stage of staying awake until 9 or 10 pm before falling asleep. I think he was about the same age. He was definitely napping though (at least 2 hours a day). Since most of the time he was laying in his crib happily talking to his stuffed animal buddies, we just let it go. Eventually he just started falling asleep faster. I do not think it was anything we did, just him getting older. I would let your son nap for as long as he wants/needs to.

It sounds like you are more in the positive discipline mind set than the back to basics one. It also sounds like you are using some good tools but they just need a little tweaking to make this age fun for both of you.

And also everything Laurie A said.

A few things..
How much active play is your son getting during the day?

Young children really do have a lot of energy and need super active play throughout the day. This means hours at a time. If he does not get enough he will have a lot of pent up energy. It makes a huge difference.

Children also thrive on schedules and routine. Try to plan your days and weeks so that they stay on a schedule. I know very well this can be hard, but if you have a daily and weekly schedule you can still get things done, but also have your children feel like they are living with a schedule.

The no's are normal reactions, but to cut them back it helps to learn how to keep your children "feeling" like they are in control. Lots of heads up. And choices given that you can live with.

"In 10 minutes it will be time to begin putting up your toys." To give this direction, call your childs name. Make sure he is looking at you and that he is listening to you. Then come back in 5 minutes and say.. "5 more minutes and then clean up." Then "ok, time to clean up." "I like how you are putting your toys away.." "Lets see how fast we can clean all of this up!" "Thank you for putting away all of your toys!" "You are a big helper."

"Do you want to put your hat or your gloves on first?" "Do you want to hold my book or do you want to carry this bag?" Do you want apple slices or orange slices? May I share that with you, or do you want the whole thing to yourself?

"Today we will be going to the grocery store. I will need your help."
Please help me pick out a snack to take with us. We do not buy snacks at the store. Can you help me make my list. Here is a piece color and a piece of paper for you. Then call out the things you will need and let him "write down" things." While in the car remind him about the rules of behavior at the store. Make sure he is listening to you.

Night time routines are also very important. It is the whole house needing to participate.

Quiet dinner. No TV, no cell phone calls. Quiet time at dinner no playing.
No fights over food. Everyone helps clear the table. Maybe quiet play time with puzzles or blocks. etc.. no rough housing. The amount of time riling up a child it will take twice as long to calm the child down.

Then bath. Quiet bath. Not a time for loud talking and horse play. No TV sounds and loud conversations on the cell phones around the house.. etc.

Any activities the child can hear around the house, all makes the home sound like the child is missing out on something. Use really warm water, use strong strokes while cleaning your children. Almost like a massage with the wash cloth. Wrap your child super tight in the towel and carry him to his darkened room with the sound machine (or quiet music) already on.
Quiet voices. Dry him off using strong strokes. Place him in his Pj's. Have a book (books) already picked out. As you read, this is not the time to discuss the story. This is a time for him to listen. Use a lower tone. speak slower and slower. Maybe rub your childs head, back, feet or head.. to calm him. We used to read slower and slower as we got to the final few pages.

Have some quiet music play or a book on CD to help him fall off to sleep.

Once the night time routine begins. No playing is included.

Make sure you all are on board with this.

Boys are such turkeys!! My son stopped napping pretty early on. I would say about 2. He would on occasion take a 40 min nap or so but, I tried every night to give a 30 minute relax/ calm time prior to bed and always a story before bed. Bedtime was at 8 and no later because he would get a second wind, and that was all hot air and hyper activity to try and stay awake.

Since he seems to have a good vocabulary maybe taking something that he holds dear as a consequence would help deter him from going off schedule? Sounds like my guy though he is pushing himself to try and stay awake.

As far as the hitting, take his hand and firmly let him know that isn't acceptable. The only time I use silly behavior is when my son is being a stinker about something silly and pouting, that usually gets him out of that mode and giggleing and laughing begins.

Sorry, this is a tough age but I found 3 to be more of a challenge. Good luck!

Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. If you plan on keeping your son :) through ages 3, 4 and 5, get the book! These are all battles that don't need to take place! You're working really really hard to avoid discipline with distraction and scene changing and all that, but a little discipline will do the trick. Don't shy away from a well placed sting on the butt when he's running away and refusing to listen to your hard work at being fair. Don't let him succeed at the oppositional stuff. It will get worse. All of ours got ONE chance to get out of bed, nicely get returned back to bed with the warning not to get out again. They all had enough consistency not to doubt us, but our most difficult (now two-she also speaks very little but has excellent comprehension) needed to be disciplined a couple of times to understand the warning was real. As for any tantrums,"no's" refusals to get dressed, etc, those are just all behaviors that arent' allowed anyway, so with consistency throughout the days, they don't all show up at bed time. Bed time is super easy now so it's worth using some force, and all our kids love going to bed.

Do your long, nice routine, and then draw the firm line. He may protest at first, but then he'll just know it's time to stay in bed and do it. Boys get more and more challenging as their manly testosterone accumulates, you have to stay on top of this. When I see glimpses of bad behavior from my now almost 4 year old son, I thank my lucky stars for the fact it's never been allowed to get out of control. He's so much tougher (as in older, stronger, more deliberate with his anger etc) now that he's "big"! And so much tougher than his older sister was. But he's still very good, loves his momma, and we're super close, because he knows momma cant' be steam rolled. He almost never gets disciplined now, he can just be spoken to respectfully and he listens, he's sensitive with an awesome conscience, but between ages two and three? Forget it! Boys need lot of discipline. You'll have plenty of time to distract and give choices and all that when it's not linked to bad behavior. Don't soft pedal, be concise and effective. You can do it! Don't let him win at making bed time into an insane asylum for you! The book has specifics.
Oh, and hitting? Maximum discipline every time after you've told him once never to it.

Maybe try the Supernanny method I've seen on TV when kids about his age or even a bit older won't go to bed. 1) Put him in bed and say it's time to go to sleep. 2) if he gets up and comes out of his room, just pick him up, say nothing, put him in bed. Then sit down in the darkened room, with your back to him about 1/2 way between the bed and the door. Just sit there. Don't look at him or speak. Finally they go to sleep. I don't know if it works in real life, but Supernanny has the Mom's do it a lot! Love that program, especially since my kids are grown up! LOL!

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