Bath Time and Bedtime Routine

Hi L.,
My daughter loves baths. Then she stopped liking them for a while. I realized she didn't like the chill of the air when I tried to dress her and lotion her. I now bring everything into the bathroom and keep the door shut. She is now enjoying her massages and naked time!! Good luck

Hi L. - I just have a couple of thoughts... Perhaps the skin on skin massage is a problem for her (we never know what might have happened before an adoption) - for some reason, it seems it isn't a safe, comforting feeling for her.

So how about a little back rub over the pajama top? This might be more comfortable for her.

Also - I'm wondering about a night time bottle and teeth. It might be time to switch over to something with less sugar in it, or a sweetened juice with water in it... One thing we did was have a special juice for nighttime only and little by little we watered it down so eventually itwas less than half and half. She never knew.

Different routines work for different children - so just come up with one and stick to it!

L.,
My son never really enjoyed a bath or a massage either. I have been pretty happy without the bath as a part of our routine. He didn't really need to bathe every night and his sensitive skin is better off. We do stories and cuddle time every night before bed. We started the stories before he was one, probably about the age of your daughter. He didn't always get into them but it helped establish a routine. My son is no longer in diapers but when he was we would start the bed time routine with a special lullaby on the way to and during his diaper change. We even made up a song for cleaning up before bed "Let's sow down, let's slow down, it's the end of the day. Let's slow down, let's slow down, put your toys away." We would just be more calm while putting pajamas on etc. Somehow we successfully made him associate pajamas with stories and cuddling and not sleeping. After he was in his pajamas we would get into our bed and read stories (about 3 depending on age and length of book). After the stories we snuggle and say something we are grateful for. Then I tell him that I love him "all the way up to the moon and down again and around the sun and back again and down to the deepest part of the ocean and all the way back up again." As he has gotten older he has come up with his own variations for how much he loves me. We hug, kiss, rub noses and then off to bed. My son is now 4 so there have been variations on this depending on developmental stage but it has pretty much stayed the same. When he was very young we would place him in his crib and sit near him until he fell asleep patting his back if necessary. We sang to him. He never liked listening to lullaby cd's.

I hope that is helpful.

As a massage therapist I can tell you that not all kids like massage. I also have an 11 month old little girl...and let me tell you, she doesn't like lotion or massage either (which yes did break my heart at first!). And also you're still bonding, massage is very intimate, even for little ones, she just may not be quite ready for that yet.
Also, try a new stuffed animal to sleep with at nap time, it worked great for my little one. I give it to her and she goes in bed, she gives it "hugs and kisses" along with mommy and out she goes. The only time she gets it though is nap time..just to make it special.
For bedtime, our routine is simple: bath, bottle, bed. Not to sound like a drill sargent, but I think that the best bonding time happens before the bedtime routine and throughout the day. We do cuddle a little bit on those cranky nights, but mainly she just seems to want to go to sleep..and I'm not about to stop her!!! LOL! GOOD LUCK!

Dear L.,
Blessings to you for adopting your little angel.
Regarding bathtime and massaging, I would look at how often and what time of the day you are currently giving baths. My son does much better early evening in the tub and I do not bath him daily. I also do not use soap with fragrance which might irritate the skin or he may just not enjoy the smell.
If your daughter does not like the massage, I would just skip it. Maybe mention it to her Pediatrician for confirmation that there is nothing more to read into this.
Our routine here is an early evening bath every other day (I let the bathroom steam up a bit. Keeping baby warm keeps them happy!). Warm lotion in your hands prior to putting it on baby's skin. We play music and hand our baby a small book to distract him through the process of lotion and getting dressed, sometimes we use a hand puppet to talk to him and make him laugh while getting dressed, it works like a charm. Next, downstairs with Dad for book reading then he brings him upstairs to me for a bottle then bed. I only need to sit with him for a few minutes before he is out for the evening. Hoping this routine continues to work well for us.
You are doing great!! Keep up the good work Mom!!

Hi L.,

The idea of a soothing bathtime routine with the baby massage and bonding and the baby patiently waiting while you put lotion on her is for Johnson and Johnson commercials, it didn't work for me in real life either, as hard as I tried.

Some babies, especially if she's 11 months old, just have other plans in mind, and have no desire or patience to wait for a baby massage. With mine, I was lucky if I was able to powder them after a bath! :-)

As for a bedtime routine - do what works for both of you, as long as it's consistent and fun for both of you. At her age, she might not sit long enough for you to read to her - mine didn't at that age, but maybe some quite play time with her is better.

We did bath (quickly), PJ's, and just some quiet time, and that worked to calm them (sometimes). About an hour before bedtime, I'd keep things quieter, so she knows what's coming. I would verbally say "Ok, Bedtime is in 30 minutes..."etc. Maybe rock her in the rocker a few minutes before putting her down.

Bottom line, whatever works best for your family. Even if she doesn't care for lotion or baby massage, she loves you so much because you are taking good care of her.

Good luck to you!!

My 2 1/2 year old loves it when I take him from the tub and I have this routine of looking in the mirror while he is snuggled in the towel and I would always talk to him about seeing the baby in the mirror! He still loves it and requests to see the baby in the mirror and we practice all of our faces -- happy, sad, etc. I know she is kind of little and I know this isn't always good for everyone but you could buy a Baby Einstein DVD and let her watch it while you put lotion on her -- maybe the lotion you are using isn't something she likes .. try a product like Eucerin that is fragrance free and just start at her legs and do the same thing each day. And see if she allows you to do more, like her arms, etc.

The other piece, bottle at bedtime, Dr's would go crazy but she is still little and you can wean her later -- transition from bottle to sippy cup with just water when she is about 15 months old .. just a thought. I also play music on the music box still -- Ocean Wonders by Fisher Price has this great music box and my 2 1/2 year old still loves it and I rub his tummy and his forehead and he loves that -- I don't get him all the way to sleep because I don't want him to rely on me but he loves the routine of it all.

Keep at it, it does take time. You did a great thing by adopting a baby and establishing the bond is important so be patient!

Good Luck & Best Wishes!

Hi L.,

I did a lot of reading when my kids were babies. I learned that they don't generally need a bath everyday because it will dry out their skin and unless they have really dry skin, they shouldn't need lotion. As far as the massage goes, I'd "listen" to your daughter. If she's reacting that way, she's telling you she doesn't like it or it makes her feel uncomfortable or something. Let's face it, bathing is "work". Sometimes we as adults don't feel like taking a shower when we're really tired. Maybe your daughter is too tired at that time of the day to be all riled up with getting washed and rinsed. My kids are 5 and 2 now and we usually do baths in the late afternoon (after they've played and gotten dirty outside). Plus they're clean for dinner. They love bathtime. I usually have to drag them out of the tub because they want to keep playing with their tub toys. Try bathing your daughter at another time during the day and spend the evenings doing quiet things like looking at picture books or reading to her if she'll let you. Maybe you could sing songs or play quiet games. Keep in mind that whatever routine you set in motion - you'll be doing for a long time to come. Once they're in a routine that they like, they get very upset if you deviate from it for some reason and it's hard to get them to sleep if they haven't had their usuall routine. I'm sure you'll figure it out. Keep up the good work.

Jen

Hi L.,

When I had my daughter, almost 7 years ago (!), I had a picture of peaceful bathtime, followed by baby massage and blissful breastfeeding until the child drifted off to sleep. She however had a very different idea of what bedtime would be like. The bath energized her and she wouldn't tollerate massage at all, it made her irritable as she didn't like to be put down. More recently I read that some babies are very sensitive to physical stimulation. Because of this, both a bath, the body being submerged in moving water and thus feeling stimulation everywhere, and massage, also experiencing physical stimulation, can be overwhelming to a sensitive little body. We did what we could to help her fall asleep, but it was often a challenge. She still tends to have a hard time with transitioning and looking back on it now, I'm sure that was part of her trouble then. We switched to morning baths when I was hoping for lots of energy and excitement which she still really enjoys. She also LOVES massages now. Lucky for me because I get to rub her sweet little back and have some special mama time.

So as the other folks said, do what works and don't think that it has to be a certain way to be "right". It's very individual.

Enjoy!
C.

I think if you are giving her a bath every night that maybe too much and will dry out her skin. But for bathtimes try the lavender bath soap for kids and maybe play soft music and blow bubbles for her? find ways to make it fun for her.

She may just not be use to being touched so much so go at her pace and when she seems bothered she may have had enough.

Our routine that still works at 5 is teeth brushing then stories..picture books and Little Critter or stories like that are great for the wee ones. The reading will really help her with the words and names of the photos and it really is a special time. You can lay down with her or have you both in a chair. I think the books will be a great way into her new world too and the sound of your voice reading will be very important to her.

She can also start finding favorites and pick those out too. Nap time we did 2 or so books also (he napped until just after 4 years old) it is a nice wind down.

My daughter is 16 mos and she wont sit still for the bath - very active in the tub. She doesnt mind the lotion but now is at a stage that she prefers to do it herself. When my daughter was 11 mos, I would feed her dinner, let her get down and play while I got her bath things ready (ie: toys in the tub, filled, and her pjs layed out, etc). Then I would give her the bath. Afterwards (b/c at 11 mos my girl was walking) - my goal was to simply get her diaper on... then I let her play some more. Dim the lights - no tv, no music, just quiet. Then we read books (ones with 2 or 3 words on the page b/c of such short attention span), we play with dolls & get dressed, etc then we lay down to nurse.

I think you have the right idea. Your consitent which is excellent. That is probably what has helped her adjust with you over the last several months. Keep it up.

And you cant always go by what it suggested by companies... although its helpful - it doesnt always work for everyone. You just have to find what works for you. And at 11 mos - she is getting more of a personality and just letting you know that she doesnt feel like doing something. Just wait it gets better!

I don't know if anyone else has mentioned this, but adopted babies often have underdeveloped nervous and sensory systems, and may be overly defensive to the kinds of touch that typical kids usually enjoy. You may want to do some reading on sensory issues (like "The Out of Sync Child" or "Raising a Sensory Smart Child") or go to a private occupation therapist trained in sensory work for an evaluation (like OTA in Wakefield/Watertown or Project CHILLD in Beverly).
M.

I don't have much new to add, except to say we also skip the bedtime bath with our 9.5month old. Too much extra work, waste of water, and when she is tired it just adds too much time to bedtime. She bathes as needed for cleaning, or showers with one of us. Our routine involves dimming lights, changing into PJs, reading books, and cuddling. If she wants to nurse we do, but often she has already nursed. While I am holding her next to the crib I talk quietly about how it is bedtime, "have a good sleep, see you in the morning," etc. Then we put her into the crib and leave. She goes to sleep without a sound (wish naptimes were so easy!). How tired she is determines how long we spend on everything. Also, we do give her a binky for bedtime and naptime.

One suggestion on massage - my daughter only likes gentle long strokes down her entire body. As for lotion, our pediatrician said just do it after baths if needed. I have heard some people say they float the bottle in the tub so the lotion is warmed. I just rub it between my hands to warm it.

I am sure you will figure out what works best for your family (and then in a month it all changes, right?).

M.

Hi L.,

I find that it's really best to follow the little one's lead regarding a bath and other parts of a pre-sleep routine. My son, like your daughter, has never enjoyed getting lotions put on or being massaged, so that is not a part of our night time routine (we keep that to mornings). My best advice to you is to keep it simple and don't stress over it too much, because you'll find what works over time. If it helps to have an example, here's ours: upstairs at 7:15 for a little quiet play (or loud, when dad's involved), clean diaper and pj's go on at 7:30, then he's into his sleep sack by 7:40 and it's story time with dad in the rocking chair. He's taken to his crib by 8, with a little song (our favorites: "Moon River" and "Take Me Out to the Ballgame"), his lovey Bobo, a kiss, and a "Love you, good night, see you in the morning!" Door closes behind and he's off to dreamland, most nights without much fuss. Good luck to you...it'll all fall into place, and congratulations on the adoption! How wonderful, and what a lucky little girl! :)

Hi L. my 1 yr old always protested getting his pjs on after a bath but he fights sleep until he is finally so tired he cant fight it anymore. I usually give him a snack, a bath, get him dressed upstairs in his room, read a story, dim the light and sing a lullaby and then lay him down. Some nights I have to go in several times to lay him back down other times he lays right down for sleep. I also started leaving a sippy cup of water in his crib when I first started weaning him from going to sleep with a bottle. It worked well I still leave the water in his room but he very rarely uses it.

Hi L.,

Bathtime is too exciting for my little one, too, so we have a bath-free bedtime routine. My guy's now 14 months and responds well to the routine which we've been doing for a long time now --

Within about a half hour of bedtime, he gets into jammies and nurses or has sippy cup milk, then plays quiety for a bit (or like another poster said, plays loudly if Daddy's involved!)

Bedtime routine is brushing teeth, then he can have a pacifier, reading a few board books (which at 11 months meant he grabbed the book and played with it while I talked about it...now he turns pages and has patience for just one sentence per page :) then we go to a darkened room and rock and sing a few songs. Kiss and "goodnight" and to bed.

Occasionally he's squirmy and doesn't want to sit still for books and/or songs, but I just stick with the program and maybe cut parts short, but I keep him on my lap even if he's energetic, and he's on his own to get to sleep regardless.

I found that naps were harder too -- what worked for me was "sleep training" at night first (I let him fuss up to 30 minutes and within a week he was getting himself to sleep well) then did the reading and singing part of the bedtime routine at naptime, and that worked OK. We had to re-start naptime sometimes, but I figure even when he doesn't sleep much at least he's having the opportunity for down time.

Best of luck, and congrats on your adoption -- that's a lucky little girl indeed! :)

Hi L. - My daughter is 11 months too! She will be one on June 5 and I can't believe it either. Anyway, she doesn't enjoy lotion and massage at all either, and though she loves the bath, she is so active that getting her pj's on is actually a workout most nights. I don't push the lotion too much - I do it in the morning or let her stand up and play with something on the couch and do it that way after her bath. She is just way too squirmy. As far as bedtime routines that aren't the bottle, I have found my daughter to need the bottle less and less as she approaches one. She has never been the best sleeper, but she does like getting a story read (a short one!) to her and getting her back rubbed once she is in the crib. I also try to speak soothingly when she first goes down, saying good night, etc. Sometimes we have to go back in her room after 10 minutes or so if she has been crying and can't settle herself, but usually she settles right down, or if she does cry, it doesn't usually last more than five minutes or so.

I hope this helps! I have an almost-three-year old also and they are SO different that I have had to learn all new strategies with the baby! Good luck and congratulations! Enjoy the first birthday!

I am a mother of two girls, 3 and 15 months. Neither of my girls ever seemed to find massage relaxing. Just like you, I tried because "the sources" all make it seem like such a nice bonding ritual. The routine that has worked for me for both of my girls is bath (but not every night), brush teeth, quiet "PJ playtime", books, bottle with lullabies playing (drink of water for my 3 year old, bed.
From my experience, it is not so much the activities you choose to be part of your routine that are soothing and comforting, but your consistency with the routine that you choose. Does that make any sense?