When my husband and I first moved into the neighborhood, a nice elderly woman rang our doorbell to welcome us to the neighborhood - and to give us some pamphlets published by The Watchtower Society. I majored in Religion in college and spent several semesters studying Jehovah's Witnesses (and others) from a sociological perspective, and anyway, I am always interested in learning about what other people believe, so I took it and thanked her and thought that would be the end of it.
Well, it wasn't. For the first couple of years, she just came by every 6-8 months to deliver different leaflets and such, and so I was always friendly but never encouraging. After my son was born, I began to see her a bit more frequently, and lately, she has been coming around every month. She wants to talk to me about ending world suffering, defeating death, and being saved (her way), not to mention that she sometimes wakes the baby, since the dogs bark when the doorbell rings. She is always perfectly lovely to me, but her paperwork has offered me no new insight or information that I didn't already have on her religion, and after studying other religions for over four years, I know I am content in my own.
But I can't help feeling that the chance to tell her that she's wasting her time (politely, of course) has passed. My friends advise me to put up with it, and to put a sign in the door when the baby is sleeping so that no one rings the bell. However, knowing that she thinks she is saving my soul and playing along feels like I'm misleading her. This is especially complex since she is a neighbor (although she does not live in any of the adjacent houses), knows our names, and is really not pushy, considering. My husband has offered to handle it for me, but he is often annoyed that I "encourage" the door-to-door evangelists, and I know he will be rude, or at least blunt, to her. Any advice about how to sweetly tell her we're not interested?
Thank you to everyone for your advice! I just wanted to clear up a couple of things, though, about Jehovah's Witnesses, because some people seemed confused about what the religion teaches. JW's are Christians. They believe in Jesus and Heaven, and they read the Bible and take it very literally (more so than many other Christian sects). When it comes to the American flag, they do not believe in pledging allegiance to it, because they refuse to pledge allegiance to any besides God, including flag or country. Although they have several unusual/distinctive beliefs, I believe they are most well-known for being uncomfortably persistent in their proselytizing, which is required in their sect.
I have decided to do a combination of things to handle my neighbor. The next time she tries to engage me in serious discussion of religion, I will tell her my background and how long I studied her faith. I also picked up some pamphlets from my church to give her, although I'm not sure whether I actually will because I am not personally comfortable proselytizing. But I feel much more confident about talking to her now that I have read everyone's responses! I will update this posting again once she has actually come to let you know how it went.
P.S. I still don't know what is wrong with posting a sign to let people know my baby is sleeping.
I just want to add that I don't see anything wrong with putting a sign up asking not to ring the bell the baby is sleeping. Some people seemed to freak out about that but I do not see what the big deal is.
It's time to tell her outright that you no longer wish to receive her tracts. It's ok to be blunt. You can be blunt without being mean.
Could you not just tell her that although you value her friendship, you believe your way to heaven is just as valid as hers?
I am a member of the Mormon church, which also encourages proselyting, but I have many non member friends who have listened to the message I offerred and said they appreciate my efforts but are not interested in my church.
We're still friends and I still pray for them, in fact I feel as though I can talk about my faith with them easier because we worship the same God.
It doesn't sound as though you were being dishonest with her, and I don't think she will feel you were leading her on. Just tell her that although you appreciate all the information, you have decided to stay with your own church and agree to disagree on any doctrine that is different.
she will NEVER stop coming to your door as long as you keep accepting the literature. My MIL is a JW & does door to door work every week religiously, lol.......if you cant let her down then have your husband do it otherwise when your little one gets old enough she will start handing the childrens literature to him.....you must be blunt with these people just say "i am not interested so please dont bring over any more literature".....or next time she comes over give her a pamphlet from your church & invite her to attend a service..... best of luck
Amanda,
You are so kind to not want to hurt her feelings.......
I like what Linda said, below, especially the last sentence.
I also like your "A little about me" section ;-)
K. Z.
I'd thank her for the visits and the valuable information. Then I'd tell her that with the new baby you have less time and visitors are a problem. If you still want her to visit ( it sounds like she's lonely) then set a specific day and time for her to come by and chat.
Be straight with her and tell her you like your own beliefs and you appreciate her intentions, but that you do not ever plan to convert. That way you've spoken your mind about it and she knows...but I'm betting she already knows you aren't converting
I would tell her that you enjoy talking with her, but after much studying and reflection, you are sure that her version of religion isn't right for you and your family and that you'd appreciate it if she keeps future conversations to neighborly conversations instead of religious conversion.
Good Luck:)
If it were me and i knew it was her just don't open the door. This may sound harsh but she is invading your privacy.
Your home is your home.
I would collect a bunch of tracts from my own church. Then when she visits next, tell her that each time she visits, you discuss her tracts, and it is now your turn to discuss your beliefs with her. Explain that you are solid in your beliefs and care as much about her soul as she cares about yours. Do not be afriad to make her uncomfortable. She is invading your privacy and your home. Then tell her that since you need to agree to disagree, there will be no more need for anymore visits.
There was a perfectly nice woman who would come to my house. I explained to her I appreciated her coming by, but that I had my own faith/belief system and I was not interested in being converted.
I was pretty darn sick at the time due to some major surgery, so she would still come by to check on me, but she didn't push her propoganda. We would just chat for a few minutes and then she would be on her way.
You sound a little like me. I am trying to do the right thing for the earth as well as my family in eating better, low energy bulbs, buying in bulk and wrapped as least as possible. Using cleaning products that aren't harsh. Cloth diapering and breast feeding. We were very poor in the begining. I figured If I could make milk why buy that stinky stuff. I feed 2 buys that way and in public too. I had an old lady crying in a store's lounge. That was in the 70's not too many were doing it then.
Where we use to live I had the same 2 lady's come all the time. I would read their papers and ask questions. Let them pray for me. The main one I asked must have chased them off. They never came back. I asked "Why is it other mainstream religious groups do not like you? What is is you profess that offends them?" They could never tell me. Thge only thing they ever said was you should ask them. I was just told you need to beleive our way and that's that. Maybe you know. It made me feel like the deffination of a cult.
I won't be offended by anything you say. I am very laid back. My grandfather was a babtist minister. I was babtised a babtist but feel we all celebrate the same diety just call him by different names. It's like me I go by 2 names my real name and a nickname. So why can't God be known by many names.
Good luck with your delema. Maybe have your bag at the door ready to go somewhere and tell her. I am so sorry but I need to run out now. Do that a few times and actually go out and maybe she will stop coming without you being rude.
Could you simply say next time she comes to the door something like "Mrs. _______. I understand your intentions are to save me and help me to find God, but I feel that I have found him in my life with my own church and as of now and content with that. I don't mind you visiting but would rather not learn more about your religion at this time."
I don't know if that's too blunt for you or not but I think you would have to be nicely blunt in order for her to go away.
This is completely cracking me up. There is a Jehovah Witness that actually drives to my house to see me each month. I joke that since I stay at home it is the one guaranteed time each month that I will get to talk to an adult. I,too, feel like the time has passed to tell her she is wasting her time. She is perfectly lovely, as are her various companions, but my dogs go nuts every time the doorbell rings and wake up my kids, too. I have also thought about putting up a sign not to ring the doorbell. I am curious to see what others suggest!
i disagree below.... one never put a sign on your door you have a sleeping baby...EVER!!!! second, if you set a schedule to have her come over you are inviting REAL TROUBLE! I am religious but this woman who hold to that schedule and if she is invited in your house...you just unconciously welcomed her to your family and your personal beliefs. I believe since you are the one she is targeting, then you need your husband and if you do go to church *if not * no big deal confront her now and let her know in no way will you convert and have no interest in her faith but only interested in her (the neighbor.woman).
Hi Amanda! Tell her that you enjoy seeing her but that you are not interested in any more literature. I had a co-worker who was Jehovahs Witness and she would CONTSTANTLY try to give me stuff and send her friends to my house. I know they mean well but it almost borders on harassment.
The next time you see her, you could tell her that you appreciate her efforts, are not interested in talking about religion with her and that you would love to have her over for coffee sometime. She probably won't take you up on it.
You have a very kind heart to not want to hurt her feelings!
Maybe next time she comes, invite her in for tea or coffee. Start asking questions about her background. Has she ever been married? Where did she go to school? Does she have kids? ...you get the picture. When it seems like you can work it in, tell her you majored in religion. Maybe even let her know your religion. She will likely want a discussion over it but in the end, just remind her you are happy with your decision but you'd love to see her again for tea & to hear more of her stories (from when she was young). Good luck! :)
P.S. I would not hang a sign on my door to let people know the baby is sleeping.
Hi Amanda,
Have you thought about being honest with her? Maybe you could invite her over for tea/coffee. Then tell her everything you feel in a loving way. Especially tell her about her waking your child--how that can make life really hard. She may surprise you. Then again, she may continue behaving the way she has. I wouldn't get your hopes up that she is going to change, but at the very least she needs to respect your child's sleep.
Good luck and God bless :)
if you have come to know her well, maybe you should explain to her how to get to heaven... care about her and talk to her -- that is what we are here for.
Hi Amanda
I know its hard to tell them thanks but no thansk but you have to. We had some
Coming to our house (not our neighbors as yours is) and I had to
Tell them that what they believe and what we believed isn't the same
And they were wasting their time coming to our house and please don't
Come here again. They have stopped although one sent a letter to my
Husband the other day. He let them in(big no no! Lol!) And I don't recall
If its before I told them to stop coming by or after. Anyway just be nice
And tell her thanks but no thanks.
Take care
D.
I don't think being rude is ever a good thing. Have you ever shared your faith with her? I would and let her know that you are confident in your faith and that you appreciate her kindness but that you do not believe in what she offers. If she is doing all the talking then she is only trying to get you to see it her way. But if she is truly becoming a friend then I wouldn't discourage. AND let her know about the doorbell and let her know if you continue to chat that you will put a sign up when not to use the doorbell. All you need to do is start sharing your faith and she will either be converted to yours or she will stop coming.
Hello! I found this to be such an intriguing post! At one time or another, most of us have probably dealth with unsolicited input on religious issues/ideology. You seem to be a person of compassion and tact, I am sure that you can have a tactful conversation with your neighbor in which you compassionately share your thoughts with her.
I am curious- some of the respinders below have warned against posting a "baby sleeping" on the door. What is the story with that? I have to admit- I cannot understand why this should be a problem.
