Needs Attention

I have the same problem with my 5 month old. Most of the time I let him cry it out for a good 10 min at a time. Unfortunately, I have not been able to break him of it. A lot of it has to do with being the first baby for us and the first grandbaby for my parents, so he gets held A LOT!! i suggest to let her cry it out maybe she will learn... Or then again maybe not!

Dear K.,

You are probably not going to like this, but I think that it is better for you to patiently carry her anywhere you are, don't fuss, just be busy with your work and let her be near you either in your arms, laying near by,sitting on the floor playing near your feet, be creative. Just let her know that you like to be near her too. She will 'give you up' when she is fulfilled. My daughter did that too and we have a lot of pictures of me holding her, or sitting with her, or being nearby, and she loves looking at those pictures.

She is 46 now and I am 76, but she still mentions that I was always there and took good care of her. She has had a lot of problems since the 6th grade, and is now, finally, stronger. I often wonder what would have happened if I had not spent a lot of time with her. Some people just need the support and nearness, and some others are more distant and independent. We just have to go with the flow, and accept them as they are. Susan, my daughter and I have always been close even through a lot of problems, and it is worth the time you spend with them, believe me. I am so glad that I have stuck by her young and older. It is our job, and a fruitful one.

Children are well aware of their surroundings and the attitude of the people who care for them, they know when they are being respected and they know when they are being shunned. Take Care. C. N.

She is probably feeling a little seperation anxiety wich is normal for her age. You need to make her feel secure. Try carrying her around in a sling or some oher baby carrying apperatus until this fase passes. She can't help it, she is at a stage in her life where she isn't ure if you have dissapeared entirely or if you are just in the other room. Also try having her playpen or activity toy very close to where you are, that may help.

Yes my girl was just like that. never grew out of it. at least not yet she will be 4 in march. I just deal with it and love it as long as she wants it becuase one night your gonna close your eyes and in the morning she wont want you around and it's gonna hurt so just deal with it and love her for it.

I have a 3 year old and a 15 month old they both still cling to me. Its not as bad as when they were younger but the only thing i can suggest is maybe having your older daughter "help" by playing with the youngest. It works sometimes but not always. Also I just carried them both in a front carrier when they were that age! Good luck!

Has she always been this way? She is just trying to stay close to you, as she was in the womb. Babies that age do not really need to be left alone. Try wearing her or sitting on the floor and playing with her. I bet this is hard with an older child, unless that child is in school during the days. Or get big sis involved in playing baby games when you need to do something.

I had a high needs baby too. He would not let me put him down for almost a year unless I was right there with him, especially to sleep. I could not put him down (even after falling asleep at the breast) for more than 10 miutes or he would wake up crying. Around 7 mos he finally slept for 30 mins on his own! But we continued to cosleep and he is happy. I just slept with him or read a book, wached TV, or talked on the phone while he slept on me.

He became very active around 4-5 mos when he started crawling (scooting backwards), and was walking by 9 mos, so there is a weird dichotomy of dependence and independence going on. My son is 2.5 now and still enjoys a lot of attention but not nearly the way he did as a baby.

I believe that forming an early bond with your child will only make them more independent individuals as they grow up, and I can see this in my 2.5yo. You cannot spoil a baby. Just help them feel secure as a person and member of the family. With love and respect they can feel confident in their place in the world.

It does get easier, but just realize that she is expressing a need in the only way she knows how, by crying. Put yourself in her shoes and think about what life is like for her. And enjoy this baby stage as it goes by so fast. (You know, you have a 5yo!)

Read "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears. It may help explain it better than I can. I don't think a baby needs to be "broken."

Hi K.!
My son is 8.5 months and we are currently going through the same clingy state...
The doctor says it's just a growth spur and ot will go away in a little while.
Meanwhile, it helps my back to just put him in the floor/his jumperoo/walker to play and just be next to him. I read or even do something on my laptop, and juts pay attention to him and talk to him!
As for housework and more relaxing, it's usually when he is napping or down for the night!

My daughter was the same way. The only time that I got a break was at nap time, or when my friend brought over her kids. After I moved away from my friend, I didn't get a break again untill my son was able to walk. Even at night, when my son goes to bed, my daughter still "hangs out with me" and she's 5. I feel that it means that you're a great mother, and your child loves you so much that she wants to let you know you're the most perfect person in the world. And she'd rather spend her time with you. I know how frustrating it is, but they grow up so fast.

Hello, how about slowly (at whatever pace YOU can handle) weening her. Sometimes letting them "cry it out" is too much to take (I know I had a hard time, I would cry myself in the other room), so I would slowly increase the amount of time I'd let my son cry. Maybe you can start off with a minute. At 30 second, let her know you're there and you love her and then leave her be for another 30 seconds. Slowly increase the time at intervals you can handle and see if it works! We did that with our son and putting him to bed at night. I couldn't let him cry for 5 minutes, so at about the 4 min mark, I'd check on him and let him know I was there and leave the room. I was able to increase the time until he didn't need me to come in any more. Just an option!

I held my son constantly for 18 months...He is 5 now and still wants constant attention....

Hi K..
My daughter is 11 months old, and she went through that phase also. After a while, I ended up having to let her cry it out. Now she's fine. I couldn't even get housework done before. She cried anytime I wasn't holding her! But she's grown out of it. That's the only thing I can suggest because I tried everything else.
Good Luck!

Hi K.,

Only you know your child's needs. Some children do need more attention than others, that is true. However, sometimes moms need time to themselves once in a while. I have really learned to listen to my child's cries. She has seperate ones for hunger, sleep, and once in a while, attention. I can say this, it is important to take care of yourself and your own needs, as well as the child's. One issue I have had, is she gets held a lot by close friends and family. I have gotten to a point where I get her interested in something to have a small break. There are tons of CD's that have cute lullabies for sleeping, and also playtime songs. Our child loves music! She just laughs and giggles when it is on. I can say it is hard sometimes not to pick her up everytime she cries. But, it took a very long time for me to recoup from the pregnancy. There was a time when I had no choice but to try other solutions. Happily now, I do pick her up once in a while, just not always. Hope this helps....

Blessings,

K