Need Help with 5 Year Old Behavior Problems

I do question if his father's re-entrance has upset him somehow. The play therapy is a great suggestion, I would still continue to call the one therapist.

I am wondering if one of these topics could prove helpful in the meantime:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

I have a son almost the same age (pre K, turning 5 next month). He can definitely be bossy and have a tantrum if he doesn't get his way as well so that may just be the age.

I would not be surprised if the visits with his father are part of the issue. How stable is his father? I worked with children in foster care and sometimes visits can be disruptive because the visit can bring up a lot of strong feelings and a young child does not know how to express those feelings. Have you talked to your son about the visits? Does he want to go? How stable is the father? I worked with one child who had a mentally ill parent who was delusional even with medication and the little girl was very distressed by the visits because the mother was not able to function normally even in visits supervised by a therapist. The visits in that case were eventually discontinued until the girl was older and could understand the situation better. If your ex is bipolar and visits are court ordered then making sure there is a recent evaluation or some kind of report from his doctor is part of the court's job. If his stability is uncertain then maybe supervised visits are in order.

Do you know how he and his father are getting along and what activities they have together? what happens when he's with his father. Does he stay over at his Dad's place. If so that is a big change for a little guy. I would try making the visits to not be overnight and see if that makes a difference.

Have you talked with the father about what is happening and if so does he have any ideas. Will he describe his time with his son for you? If not perhaps he'd talk with someone else.

Have you asked your son why he's feeling this way? What does he say? Does he talk about the time he spends with his father?

I agree that you should get him into play therapy. Often kids are able to express their feelings thru play and a therapist can interpret the play and recommend ways to manage the behavior. You definitely need to do this now before a negative pattern gets set at school.

Another option is to ask the school district to evaluate him for a learning disorder. He could be having difficulties with sensory issues which is causing him to misbehave. Federal law requires school districts to provide such evaluations and treatment for free if treatment is seen as necessary to have success in school.

Some of this need to control is normal at this age. He's becoming aware that his life is changing and in some ways he has more control which makes him more aware of how little control he has. He's testing boundaries to find out where he can have control. And having his father come back into his life, while good in the long run, does add stress to his life.

It is also not uncommon for kids this age to have nightmares. Our dreams are a way for us to work out feelings and things happening in our lives. If you don't hold and comfort him when he wakes up I suggest that you do that. He needs reassurance that you're with him and will always be there to be sure he's safe.

I would call the therapist back if you don't hear from him in the next couple of days. I would also be sure to give your son lots of love and approval. Praise him for everything that he does right even if you have to reach somewhat. Tell him he's your good boy and give him hugs just because it feels good to do so.

And find a way to relax. This is a stage in your lives and will be over with some professional help.

Are you anywhere near a University?
See if there's a department where grad students work with clients
and are supervised by faculty.
Quite likely the upheaval re divorce and dad and every other week
contribute to the problems your son is having.
Since he can't control mommy and daddy and security at home,
he's trying to control the children at school.
Good luck.

Did your son's new behavior start after your ex re-entered his life? If that's the case, then I think I would probably spend some time casually (very casually) talking to my son about those visits. Since your ex hasn't been a consistent presence in your son's life since he was 3, there's a good chance that your son may feel some frustruation or some loss of control with having to spend alternating weekends with his dad who had been MIA for so long. Or, if your ex is not taking his meds like he should, possibly your son is being exposed to adult behavior that he has a hard time comprehending, hence his need to exert power and control over his world at pre-k.

I guess, if I were you, I would talk to a child psychologist about this to get some guidance on how to possibly trouble shoot the issues that you are now facing with your son and potentially, your ex.

Hope this helps.

It is waaaayyyy too son to diagnose your son. I'd be more interested in what his experiences with his father have been like? Has he seen or experienced something too scary for his 5 year old brain to know what to do with? His sudden behavioral change and nightmares have me concerned for his well-being...mama, something is wrong here. I don't mean to over react but he needs only supervised visits and a good therapist if he's unable to talk to you about what's happening.

These red flags are too extreme to wait on in my view. I'm sorry this is happening and send you my best wishes.

He is displaying stress and/or anxiety.... and this is the way a child, tries to 'control' it.
Sure they may like school or not... but things, can tweak a child... and/or their adjustment, to their day....

Try to see, if the school has a Counselor... to help him. My Daughter's school does... and they do this with the young kids, in PreK or Kindergarten. My daughter did so as well, with the Counselor.... as she needed some help with adjusting to "school." They did play.... type counseling. It was great. My daughter loved it.
It was normal.... stress/anxiety many children get.... in adjusting to "school"... and their long day.

And yes of course... the whole divorce and then his Dad popping up in his life again... Does impact a child. A child... does NOT have "coping skills" for life's changes....

all the best,
Susan

I know it is a long drive from Frisco, but Lake ARlington Baptist church has a counseling center called IMPACT. they have at least 2 people that are well versed in play therapy and can get to the root of the problem with your boy. Their number is ###-###-####. Ask for Katy Brooks. Hope this helps!
Take Care and God Bless!

P.

It sounds to me like he needs consistency in discipline and in all areas of his life. As an outsider with no knowledge of your son or yourself, I'd say that he's been able to get his way most of the time and now - he can't. He doesn't like it. (totally understandable, by the way)
Play therapy might help. Get the public school system to help you find a play therapist. They might have one on staff.
YMMV
LBC

There is definitely something off in his life. Five years old boys can exhibit some of that behavior but the timing with the renewed father contact, the continued behavior, and the nightmares tell a story. Your son may be very stressed about this whole change in his routine and is coping by controlling what he can. I would definitely talk to your son about the visits and what they do, talk about, etc. I have an ex that told my kids awful things like I was married to Lucifer and that we are all liars, that we don't love them, etc. Lord knows what may be going on! The dad may not be doing anything wrong but you need to talk to your son so he feels reassured and safe. But something may be happening too. Take your kid for ice cream or to the park, etc. and use these opportunities to talk to him about school, his friends, his dad, etc. Try the school counselor too, they can be a useful tool to get your son to open up about what is happening. Best wishes and God bless!

The fact that your husband is bipolar gives a large clue here.

Did u know that bipolar problems usually have a root in adrenal /thyroid malfunction.
The adrenals put out hormones that directly affect the phsychology of the human being. In addition, many people who have anger outburts, inability to control emotions, get more upset than they should for the situation, have thought of hurting others, feel paranoid, anxious, agressive, a sense of foreboding and dont know why, depression, zoning out or blanking, memory and concentration issues, mood swings /happy/ manic episodes and then a crash, shakey or nausea and need to eat, are actually experiencing hypoglycemia. Google symptoms of hypoglycemia. Another issue that causes agression is high testosterone, also seen because of low cortisol. MANY if not MOST of the people who have been simply put on mind drugs are sadly not DX'ed correctly,. They are trying to control phsychiatric symptoms, but these wouldn't even manefest if there wasn't hormone imbalance and adrenal issues..

Try to get them to give him a saliva cortisol test. (not the blood a.m. test which gives a false negative for adrenal fatigue). If they wont do it, buy it yourlsef at canaryclub.org. Contact me or go to an adrenal website to get it deciphered: ____@____.com

Hypoglycemia is directly caused by Low cortisol hormones.

Adrenal malfunction can be passed down from parent to child.

Sounds like you need to call the one again that has not called back. If they don't call you back you need to find another one. I had issues with my oldest when he was 2 1/2. I had just gotten married and moved out of my parents house. It was a very unstable time for him. Play theropy was very good for him. I can tell you if his behavior keeps up the school could tell you not to bring him back. My son was a biter. They started to call me to pick him up everytime he bit after a certian point. Sounds like there is a lot going on with him that he probably does not even understand why. There is a councling center I think in Plano call Exchange Life Ministries. I think they work with kids. I went to them and my parents both did. They are great. You might check them out if that is not too far way. They are definently worth the drive. My mom would drive over an hour at least once a week for a long time to see them. Don't give up! You are being a good mom wanting to do what's best for your son! Keep it up.

Good luck and God Bless!!!!

Play therapy is a good idea, so call again and keep calling, but also, call a Developmental Pediatrician, or a Board Certified Child Pyschiatrist with a Nueropsycholgist evaluation combo for more indepth and diagnostic help. Bipoloar is an inheratable condition, and children are effected. Many of the issues you describe could be explained by too high or too low a mood, and this can be controled. Children with Bipolar disorder present very differently than adults, so try not to compare his issues to your exhusband's issues.

Certainly, you want these issues fully identified, and under more control before he begins Kindergarten. Behavior can and does interfere with educational services, and you do not want that to happen. As a child with a Bipolar disorder, if that is what it turns out to be, he would be entitled to a behavior plan in school that will employ only positive behavioral supports instead of punishment, and you want to be ready to pull that trigger as soon as posible when he gets to school.

www.wrightslaw.com and NAMI will be very helpful resources for you if this turns out to be a bipoloar disorder.

M.