Need Help Trying to Figure Out My 2Yr Old's Behavior

Hello... I kind of know what you are going through. See, my 9 1/2 month baby girl is doing the same thing. She gets to spend the night with her grandparents every Friday and Wedenesdays, due to my schooling, and when I go to pick her up she cries!!!! Even last night when me and her dad dropped her off she slapped ME in the face when I tried to kiss her goodbye!! so I really dont know what to tell you except maybe he loves her a lot and just doesnt want her to go. I dont know.

I think it's wonderful that your son has such a close bond with his grandmother but he needs to mind you. If spanking is not working, you need to find out what does and do experimentation.

My 4 yr old niece is really headstrong. Spanking did not work with her either but getting down on her level (eye-to-eye) did. If he won't look you in the face make him by holding his cheeks and firmly explain to him what he is doing wrong and why it is wrong.

Timeouts might work as well. Put a chair in the corner and make him stay there until he can apologize. You might have to put him in the chair several times. (This can be tiring). Take away something he really enjoys whether it be a movie or toy.

I wish you all the luck.

I am the grandmother who had the problem when I left or when he leaves my house. Remember first, he hasn't learned to deal with his frustations and needs help with this. Also, when he is tired and hungry can aggravate the behavior. So maybe a favorite snack or drink would ease his tensions. I would really try to think of a fun thing to do before she leaves whether to the park or watching a favorite video.
I always did talk to my grandson long before anything was to happen. I would explain to him why I would need to go and that I would be back. He would still get upset sometimes and that is normal for the separation anxiety but just keep talking to him and planning things at that time and he will adjust with you keeping a routine.

I commend you in letting her be close to him and not resent it. It doesn't mean he loves you less. When my husband talks about his childhood, he has such warm memories of his grandparents which I didn't have. It's so special and I know you will be able to find a kind and loving approach to the solution that both of you can benefit for future problems.

Does your 2-year-old have an activity outside of the home that he looks forward to? Like a music class for little ones, tumbling, etc? Perhaps a weekly toddler story time at the local library? If not, maybe getting out to these activities early in the day when his grandma is heading out, will make the transition easier for him. I have found daily outings -- even just to play at the park -- so helpful with difficult phases like that. It also helps to be excited about these outings and tell the kiddos the evening before what fun things they can look forward to doing the next day. Also, he's having to adjust to the shared attenion of a baby sibling in the house. My daughter, who was 2 when our baby was born, really hit a rough patch when her little sister was 2 or 3 months.

Good luck!

Separation anxiety is to be expected.. How does she tell him good bye??? He just needs to be reassured by you and her that she will come back and making a mess is Unacceptable... spanking won't decrease his rage - it will escalate it if anything..

Good Luck!

J.

I agree with the other posters. If spanking isn't working, then you need to try another approach. The timeout thing works well if you do it right. Make sure he stays put (this is the hard part, especially at first). And I also think he should be cleaning up his mess. If he pulls things off the shelves, then he can just as easily put them back.

Does he do this for your mother-in-law or just you? Maybe you could have her talk to him and tell him how disappointed she is that he isn't obeying you. If he has a really close bond with her, it might help if she told him to behave for you. He might listen to his grandma!

Best of luck to you! This can be a really trying age, but the key is to be consistent.

This may or may not help but we apply this tecnique to every transition in our lives with the kids. for example any time you get ready for a change in activity from dinner to bath, to bed, to going out what ever the case when you switch from one thing to another or when grandma is getting ready for work, you would say "ok 20 minutes until Grandma goes to work"... then "ok, 10 minutes until Grandma goes to work..." then "ok when the bell goes off Grandmas going to work in 5 minutes" (set an egg timer)then when the timer goes off, Grandma goes to work she says by and walks out the door. no dramatic display just out the door...

it does not work the first time but after the child begins to get the hang of this he has time to wrap his brain around the idea that grand ma is going to work rather than just springing it on him.

My son has ADHD and SID and we use this technique for getting ready for bed, bath, leaving the play ground, leaving the swimming pool, you name it. now that we have done this technique with out fail for everything he knows that when we say time to go its time to go and we count down everything so he can get used to the idea of leaving or changing activities then he accepts it when its time to stop.

Hope that made sense. A. J

Do what Supernanny does...get down on his eye level & tell him that's not acceptable behavior firmly. Then put him in time out & then make him clean it up. Yes, he can do it. It doesn't have to be perfect, but he can put things back. If it takes him 2 hours, then so be it. If he has to clean it up, he may think twice before destroying things.

From my years of teaching 2 yr olds, most who act this way are seeking limits. Keep it simple but tell him that we do not throw things, throw a fit or however you want to say it. Then simply pick him up and hold him. You may need to wrap your arms and legs around him and sit on the floor. "I will hold you until you can control yourself, we can't throw things"

They are very independent and don't like help so once he realizes that you will not tolerate the destruction and he will not have his freedom until he can control himself,he will stop.

Another solution that often works is to put him somewhere safe but away from you--no attention if there is no one to see him. Maybe his room. Tell him he can come out when he stops throwing a fit. Sit by his door and listen. You may need to talk him through it at first. Wait a few minuts, then remind him to use his words to talk to you, stop throwing things. If he continues, let him be alone for a bit longer.

If this behavior has become a habit, it may take a while.

To help prevent the fits, talk to him when he is calm (not when she is leaving) about the day's routine. Grandma always comes back after work, we will eat and play and rest and she will be here later. Do this often, stick to a routine as much as possible and he will soon learn how the day will go.

Make sure grandma keeps her goodbye short but sweet but make sure she always says goodbye so he learns that she says goodbye and then goes and comes back later.

C

It sounds like this is one for your mother in law to handle. It is okay to hand over the reins every now and then.

Ask her to talk to your son, and tell him that the way he is acting is NOT okay! Ask her to give him a special token (this can be a rock...) to hold while she is at work, so they will be close to each other.

If she won't talk to him, it is time to take it up a notch in your parenting. I don't care if you have to hold your son on your lap, while holding down his arms and legs so they don't hit you! Do not let this behavior go on one second longer. He is winning. He will remember this, and it will only get worse from here.

On *that* happy note... good luck!

I think you hit the perverbial nail on the head when you said he is 2!!!!!
I am not completely against spanking but have you tried other disciplinary methods such as time outs or losing a privelege or a toy for a day or something else that might motivate him to "not act his age"(ha). Maybe your mother-in-law could sit down and talk to him about where she goes when she leaves and what she does and insure him that she will be back. With all these people who aren't his parents living in the house, are there that many diffent types of discipline or is that left up to you? If everyone chips in, you might want to make sure you are all on the same page, using like methods but always make it known to your son that when you are there alone with him during the day that you are the mom, the adult and you are the one who is in control.
Good luck and best wishes,
M.

Little ones often love schedules, even before they're old enough to understand what the time of day means.

My son recently turned 3. He doesn't know what 2 o'clock means, but I put a schedule on the wall, and all day, I reference it. "Oh, look, it's 2'clock: nap time!" I read the entire schedule out to him, and there are several times marked "play time", "story time" or "cuddle time". This makes him love his schedule, and so when I say, "Nap time!" he goes along with it, knowing that play time comes later.

It may help to pin a schedule to the wall, showing when grandma leaves and when grandma comes home. You could add a special time for you and your son while grandma is gone. Then, you'd discuss the entire schedule with your son sometime when he was calm. It may help him cope.

Other than that, I think everyone has alread given you the best advice: if spanking isn't working, it's time to try something else.

Spanking didn't work with my first child. I switched to Time Out, and it worked great. The best part is, that child is now 16 years old, 6'1, 190 pounds, and I can still control him with a Time Out if need be. If I tried spanking him, it would be absolutely silly! (I'm 5'1, 100 pounds.) Several of his friends' parents are having a hard time controlling their teenage sons; spanking is no longer an option and they've never learned another way. I'm using the same discipline methods on my 11 month old, my 3 year old, and my 16 year old, and I have very well behaved children.

So, I went from being spanked myself as a child and thinking that that was how it was done, to not spanking because it wasn't being effective. Now, after years of not spanking, I've gotten to the point where I hate the idea of hitting my children, and have learned that other methods of discipline serve my family better, anyway.

Whatever you decide is best for your family, I wish you the best of luck. :)