Seeking Advice on When to Discipline My Child

I feel just like you. I am the mom I know when to put boundaries. Maybe you should just say something like I know you mean well but I want my baby to KNOW how much I love her and that she can always count on her parents when she feels the need and smile. good luck

Yeah, I'd say it's a little ridiculous to expect a 6-month old to respond to any form of discipline. At that age, they just don't have the cognitive ability to understand right and wrong and consequences. Plus, what kind of mischeivous behavior can a 6-month old be engaging in when s/he is likely not even mobile yet? I think it's a shame that some parents/in-laws think it's their place to give unsolicited advice on child-rearing. If you seek out the advice, that's one thing, but otherwise, I just don't think they should be inflicting their opinions on you. I would take it with a grain of salt . . . thank her for the advice and ignore it with a smile :)

You can start gently saying no now - they start to understand around 8 mos. Then more firmly say no when they are around a year old. Some people think they don't understand until THEY can talk, but they understand very early - way before they talk. I think starting time outs for discipline is good around 16-18 mos. My children definitely got the hint real soon with time outs!

MIL has to learn to be hands-off.

You need to remember, YOU are the Mommy.

"Disciplining" a 6 month old is, not appropriate. But re-direction and distraction is age appropriate.
Read this link:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&a...

THEN, print it and SHOW IT TO HER.

As you said, your child is just a BABY. Babies cry, they scream, they whine, they are babies. They CANNOT talk yet...thus, this is their only way to communicate. Well, I"m sure you know that already, obviously.

My Mother was like that in the beginning... and I am a very different parent than she is. It doesn't matter whether or not a baby "understands" the word "no." But it does matter, that BABIES DO NOT HAVE IMPULSE CONTROL YET. "FULL IMPULSE CONTROL" DOES NOT HAPPEN UNTIL ABOUT 2-3 YEARS OLD.

Your MIL cannot expect her Grandchild to be perfect. And besides, always telling a baby "no" without letting them explore....will just teach them that they can't do anything correctly.

Babies learn by exploring and making messes, and making noise, and by trial and error.

I would recommend getting a book on baby development. A good one is "What To Expect The First Year" by Arlene Eisenberg.

Sorry to be so emphatic...I'm not criticizing you, but just the MIL ideas that a "baby" has to be disciplined.

With my Mom and MIL... well, me & Hubby stood our ground TOGETHER... and told them in many ways that "we are the Parents, thank you, we have our own ways. This is our first child...let us enjoy it. If you want to "discipline" our child...you need to first come to us...it will be up to us on what to do." We just kept repeating this and reinforced this....and eventually they got it. Your Hubby also needs to support you in this. This is your child, not your MIL's.

Yes, it is so irritating. I put up with that for years. It took time for my Mom and MIL to concede. My family is very overbearing. But, it can work out. You just have to stay consistent in replying to them.

You are doing fine... you are the Mommy, and each Mommy has their own way of raising their baby. This is your first child...enjoy that. Remind your MIL, that this is your special time to be a Parent, she was already a Parent...so let you enjoy yours.

All the best,
~Susan

Ok, your MIL is jumping the gun a little bit! 6.5 months-come on! Your instinct is correct.
When your DD is a bit older, she can understand that she impacts her environment. That's when you can introduce positive discipline. By discipline I mean the true sense of the word: to teach.
When my baby started to explore, I decided that if it wasn't unsafe or hard to clean up, I would let her check out her world. If it was unsafe or caused a gigantic mess, I would say something like, "That's not safe" or "That's not for babies." And then redirect.
The hardest part for you is to grow your thick skin. Ugh. I had to really practice my "bubble of peace" when I was with less than positive or pushy people during my pregnancy and then with my babies. I just put a smile on my face, say something non-committal (oh, uh-huh, interesting...) and then ignore them!!!
You are doing a great job mama! Honor your instincts, love on your baby and ignore your MIL! :)

E.

Hi, Y.--I am a child psychologist. I'd love to know what on earth your mother-in-law thinks "boundaries" means where a 6-month-old baby is concerned. Did she even explain what she means?
Babies are still forming their brains at this age, and they are not yet able to retain memories from day to day. So telling them "no" and expecting them to remember it is not going to work. Your job is to keep them away from unsafe things and situations, as they will not remember bad experiences from one day to the next.
At this age, babies also are busy learning to feel trust and safety and self-worth. Moms contribute to this by answering their baby's cries right away and comforting their baby as soon as possible by giving the baby love, food, and a clean diaper. When you answer your baby's show of distress and try to figure out what she wants, you are teaching her that she is important and that she can rely on you. Not answering her needs or making her wait only will confuse, frighten, and frustrate her.
Babies are better equipped to understand boundaries when they have developed the parts of their brains that store memories and experiences--between 14 and 18 months old.
Y., your instincts tell you to respond to your baby lovingly and quickly. Follow those instincts. You and your baby are both biologically designed to help her grow together safely and well into a toddler. You really DO know what to do--you are designed to know, based on how your body and hers have been developing in harmony together since her birth. Your mom-in-law is not biologically in a place to raise a baby, as you are right now. Trust what you feel and know!
Best of luck!

I should of gotten the mother-in-law of the year award....They can make your life miserable if you let them....Where you need to draw boundaries is with her....I'm not kidding here.....Set boundaries now....Let her know this is YOUR child and you will raise your child to the best of your ability....If you need advice, you will ask her....otherwise come over and enjoy your grandchild and leave...If you don't stop her now...it will only get worse....trust me.....

A child 6.5 months old doesn't need boundaries as of yet....They need a lot of love and patience and kindness in their little lives...When she gets older she will need boundaries set....As of now...let her explore her new world...enjoy being a baby...and just loves her with all your heart...

You will know when to disiplin your child.
Thank your maother in law for her advice, but tell her in a nice way that this is your daughter and you and your husband will raise her your way.
Every moment in raising a child is a learning experience. Learn with your daughter, you both will teach each other many great things.
Take care

Your mother in law is a bit zany I suppose, but then, she did raise your wonderful hubby, so she must have done something right. You are your best expert with your baby and you might want to have her read some of these replies you've received--there are some smart cookies out there! Be firm where your mother in law is concerned, because your baby needs protection from that kind of thinking.
Best to you..

Babies don't know words but they can read your facial expressions and moods. I 'disciplined' my son with a FEW issues starting as needed around 10 m. Read Parenting with Love and Logic. But really, just use common sense. My son was fussing mostly at meals, so if he started, I just picked up his tray and the meal was over. Then I'd offer him a snack afterwards (he still needed to eat) but it was on my terms and he learned that his screeching didn't get him what he wanted. It was subtle and slow and that's all you can do with babies. Don't over use the word NO, save it for dangerous situations. Distract them with another toy or remove them from the situation...

No, you certainly cannot discipline a six month old baby! You can say, "No, that's not O.K." She may not be able to speak, but babies understand a lot more than they're given credit for. Discipline shouldn't really start until around two, and then a short time-out (where you know that they're safe)should suffice. Good luck with your mother-in-law! :)

Hi Y.:
You've recieved some very good advice here today. Looks like (most agree),that your baby,is far to young to be disaplined.(Most experts agree)Normal motherly instincts,are to (LOVE) and nurture.It concerns me, when I hear A mother speaking of or, seemingly looking forward to disaplining their baby.The only advice I will add here, is to sit down,and speak to your husband about his childhood.Ask him what type of disapline was used while growing up.I'm sure your MIL loves her Grandchild,but it sounds to me, that she will attempt to set her own boundaries with your baby. Make yourself quite clear to her,that you and her son want HER to just (Enjoy being a Grandma. If and when the time comes, that you both believe she needs any boundaries set,or disapline,It will come from you and (Only You) Your doing fine Y..I also used the( MIL Nod technique). Another smart mother mentioned that here. : )You just nod your head,smile and say... "Oh really" "Interesting" "hmmmmm" "Something to think about" (Yeah like..... for about 2 seconds!! lol The very best to you,and your darlin daughter Y..

Sounds like you need advice on disciplining your mother-in-law! You know what is best for your baby and are confident in your choices. Hold your ground and tell her that you respect her opinions, but are doing things your own way. It would be helpful to make sure to let her know if you are making use of other kinds of advice that she gives you, so that she still feels valued.

I'm not sure what your mother considers "disciplining." If she means putting your child in time out or spanking her or any form of punishment like that, I don't agree with her. A 6-1/2 month old baby is too young to get that her action directly relate to that consequence.

If your mother-in-law is trying to suggest that you should set up some boundaries and start teaching your child the rules in a positive way, then I'm all for that. For example, if your tickling your child and she's laughing a smiling and then reaches out and pulls your hair, you should redirect her hand and tell her somehting like, "Pulling hair hurts."

I really didn't start punishing my children until just after they turned 3, after I felt that I had taught them all the rules and they should know better and, even them, I would usually give them up to 3 warnings before implementing the punishment, depending on the severity of the transgression.

Dear Ms. Y.,
Perhaps it is best to keep a youngster of that age away from any object that you would not wish to see in their mouthes, thrown, or slamed against any surface.
There are a lot of good materials these days about the perception and learning stages of babies. I don't know for sure about the details of these things but I am quite certain, for example, that responding to crying overnight(rather than ignoring it) will do more to wear you and your husband down for lack of sleep...lack of sleep will also make you an easy target for whatever illness is going around.To have EVERYBODY get a good sleep at night will not hurt your child's sense of security. An unpleasant reaction from parents can be percieved by infants as ATTENTION worth gaining, in spite of the negitivity. The only effective "punishment" for infants is to isolate them so they may realize the social consequences of a tantrum...without exposing your child to the annoyance your family and friends will naturally feel but do their best to hide.
The youngest infants should be 1) enjoyed, touched, and held by a lot of friends and family 2)exposed to beautiful music and encouraged to dance(as soon as they can stand)and play with percussion instrunments 3)given soft safe objects during the "grab and suck" stage to increase depth perception 4)exposed to your singing and talking while using simple, well enunciated words which you might hear your baby partly repeat but AVOID "BABY TALK" like a disease since such behavior can have a very negative effect on your child's communication skills for at least a few years of school.

Follow your heart, it knows best. Six and a half months is way too early for discipline, I agree! I have two girls, 1 1/2 and 3 1/2. My advice is to not say 'no' for as long as possible! To say something like 'let's not do that' or 'let's do this instead' or whatever. My second daughter learned 'no' way too early having an older sister, now that's all she says! lol
Anyway, best of luck to you!

When my babies were that age, I would do a redirection when they were doing things they shouldn't and tell them no at the same time. Over time they learned what that meant. Be consistant and she'll be fine.

Aloha Y. *(^^)/

There is some really good advise out there, but not from your MIL. At six months, babies cry for nourishment, dry clothing and love. That is all they really know or understand. Does your MIL not want you to respond to crying? Wanting to be held is as much of a need to an infant as food and a dry diaper. When baby is walking, then some boundaries for safety need to be implemented. Though they don't speak yet, they understand a lot, including facial expressions and with some repetition learn to understand NO, but not at six months. Your MIL is just trying to insert herself into your life...so listen and then do what you feel is best for YOUR family and all will be well. Best of luck with your little girl

It's never too soon to start disciplining children. If you start now, it'll be better for you and your child. You and your child will struggle alot less as she grows up. Trust me, mother of two beautiful girls, 8 and 3 yrs old, I have different things to deal with with my 8 yr old. I often tell my 8 yr old that her sister looks up to her and does and says things that she does. She's her example. So she needs to "behave" so her sister will learn how to "behave". Iknow that mother in laws have a bad rap, overall, but I would have to agree with your mother in law on this one. Parents need to set a steady boundary for children so when they "grow up" they'll now how to be well behaved teenagers and adults. Start with small boundaries and little by little, your daughter will understand what she can and cannot do. It'll be easier to visit family and friends homes without having to worry that your children will start destroying other peoples things.

good luck
e.m

well, boundaries are different then discipline, per se. saying, "no" when she wants to stick her finger in an outlet is something you could do right away, so that she begins to understand "no" as early as possible. Discipline at this age is ridiculous. Discipline runs fairly parallel to language development. your child will understand language sooner than she can speak it, but it's still a good rule of thumb.

You received a lot of good advice from other moms about going with your instinct and politely telling the mother-in-law to step off some. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job and loving your baby constantly is the right thing to do. I gave my daughter hugs and kisses all the time when she was little and still do now. She is 8 and we have a wonderful close relationship and she is also a well-behaved fun child. I just wanted to show you some support. Keep it up Momma!

Dear Y.,

Thank her for her sage advice (really) & then do it the way you and your husband agree. You are you - and she is who she is. Nothing has to get nasty. She just wants to impart what she knows whether you want/need it or not. Someday, you might harken back to something she said & it'll be helpful - maybe not, but it is like this forum. You take what will fit for you....As far as you 6.5 month old....boundaries are changing the direction of her crawling or no, don't touch mommy's necklace (or take it off anyway). She is much too young for discipline in the traditional sense. Of course, in a few more months or so, when she is walking - she will definitely understand when you tell her No on things, and Don't touch that...etc.. You sound like you are doing just fine & lots of love to her Grandma - she wants to love her too! God Bless!

My beautiful sweet angel is 14 months old and her daddy and I hold her all the time! I wore her in my Baby Bjorn until almost a year and now if it's a short trip (cause she's HEAVY now! heehee) I will wear her in the hip hammock. Otherwise she is in the stroller and most of the time she is happy to be looking around and curious. We can't give her enough kisses! I am still nursing her and let her nurse whenever she wants.

I commend you on never letting your baby CIO. I always get really aggravated when people try to tell mommies to "let your baby cry". That is so horrible. Our babies cry because they NEED mommy and daddy. Kudos to you for always tending to your baby and for letting him know that you will never just "let him cry!".

P.S.
Honestly, I laugh at the idea of "disciplining" your 6-month old. Our babies are learning how to use their hands, feet, etc. and they're learning SO MANY new things. They don't understand discipline. Our babies are naturally curious, THANK GOODNESS and this is how they learn. By crawling and getting into things! Of course we need to protect them from getting into something that could hurt them. I would just pick up my daughter, gently and calmly tell her that "we don't play with the computer printer" and set her down somewhere else to play. I would play with her and of course kiss her like crazy!!!!!~

Fortunately babies are easily distracted onto a new toy! :) Good luck Y.! You're doing an amazing job!

We started telling our son "no" as soon as he could move around and get into things. By 9.5 months he completely understood what no meant but did not always follow it.

I don't think she ment start beating her. But she is right.
She won't learn "no" if you don't start teaching her now. For instance when she grabs your hair and pulls you can teach her by pulling hers back and saying ow that's not nice it hurts mommy. And when she is getting into something she isn't suppost to you can give her a mad look and say no and take her away from it. I can't believe at 6 months she is getting into alot of things but she will start crawling and walking soon. So start teaching her what's not exceptable now, or you will have a harder time teaching her once you have been ok with it for awhile. That's really confusing to them. Use your judgement you'll be fine, Kids need to learn boundries as they grow. Not just okay today you are 2 and you can't do these things anymore. My son use to head butt to your face at 6 months, it was hard to teach him no because it hurt so bad I'd be in tears before I could say no. But with him seeing my sad face and me telling him no no no that hurts mommy, he finally stopped. As for your mother-in-law it's best to just take her advise and do nothing with it. If you complain to her about her advise she will most likely be affended, and start acting diffrent, if she gets in your face about something that's when you stick up for yourself. It sounds like she is not a touchy, feely, lovey type of person. Maybe that's how her mother was with her. I think you can never get enough love. And you should get it while you can. One day they will be old enough to tell you it's wierd mom, and it will be alot less loving. Remember we learn as we go. Good Luck!J.

It sounds like you already have great instincts about the situation. 6.5 months is way too early for your baby to understand "discipline". But boundaries are good...not only for your baby but for your mother-in-law. Baby gates are wonderful for keeping your baby out of areas to make it safer for her and less stressful for you. My son is 9 months and he is just now starting to begin to understand the word no...sometimes.
My mother-in-law gives me crazy advise like "if you don't keep a baby's hands and feet warm they get a stomach ache" and "if you tickle a baby too much they'll studder".
It sounds like you are already doing the right thing for your baby and your relationship with your mil by smiling, nodding, and doing things your own way. If she gets more confrontational or hypercritical just explain in a nice way that you & your husband discuss and decide how to raise your child and thank her for her advice. If this doesn't work you might have to limit how often she sees your family until your baby is a little older.

Hi Y.,

You are exactly right. A six month old is not manipulating you, she is just trying to get her needs met the only way she knows how. Please just meet her needs so she will grow up feeling that she has some power in this world. It sounds like your instincts will raise a wonderful girl. Just smile at your mother-in-law and proceed to do what you do. If she gets in your face, just tell her that you are raising your child in your own way. Hold her as much as you want, the personal touching is how babies thrive. Whatever you do, don't give in to your mother-in-law, she is totally wrong!! If it gets really bad you may need to limit your visits because you need to put the welfare of your daughter first.

V.

Honestly--that seems a little young. I can tell you at 8 and 9 months when they're starting to get mobile you can start setting SOME boundaries--like my son at 9 months would throw his bottle across the room when he was finished--yeah--we stopped that over a period of 2 weeks by saying no and then showing him to set his bottle down---but at 6.5 months that seems REALLY early!!

I agree with Julie L. Disciplining has a huge range on meaning. I'm 47 and STILL raising my kids ages 7 and 20 months. I started reading to them at 4 -5 weeks old...cuz it's never too early (by 2.5 yrs old, my son knew all colors, numbers to 20, shapes including hexagon, octagan, etc...partly cuz I didn't KNOW as a first time Mom that kids don't always learn all that that early! but it proved to me that it's NEVER too early to read to them! they soak up sound, voice inflection, facial expressions...all of it!)

And I did as Julie L. explained....from very early on when they were already crawling and looking to get into things that might be dangerous....you say 'no' if they are about to reach for something they shouldn't touch....etc. You don't scream, you don't yell. In fact I've NEVER yelled. My kids learned from a regular voice tone that no means no. As they got/get older I focused on as many 'yeses' as I could reasonably allow. So that when it came time for a 'no'....and I have to say no...they don't question. They've learned that I'm not unreasonable...they'll get a 'yes' again for whatever somewhere down the road. But when Mom says no....it's in his best interest for whatever reason (and of course it's my 7 yr old that has a better grasp of this so far).

When we are any place...I've NEVER chased my kids. At any age. They learned VERY early on...when I say to come, or stay, they need to do as I ask. Because in their early stages especially in this day and age....bad things can happen quickly if they are running all over stores, or at someones house and didn't learn that it's not ok to jump off the first level of stairs, or jump on peoples furniture!!!

They are sponges....give your daughter the benefit of the doubt that she has the ability to understand. Not talking yet doesn't mean she won't understand. I used hand signals, body language and facial expressions to teach them....no yelling has to take place.

The overall point is that NOW is the time to start teaching them as much as you can. When they are of school age or heaven forbid when they become teenagers...if you haven't established a level of respect from them VERY early on....boundaries for a lack of a better word.....then you've just made your job SO much harder.

So again....depends on what 'kind' of discipline the MIL is talking about.

Hang tough if she's talking about 'hands on' kind of discipline!! For THAT ....yes....then she's being unreasonable and opinionated and over stepping HER bounds.

What are you supposed to discipline a 6.5mo for??!!?? Your MIL is definately being very opinionated! I bet this is just the start of it too (my MIL is the same way, she is ALWAYS right) so I would say just shrug off her comments and don't take it personally.

With over 10 years of experience with my mother in law....I just want to say that the boundaries need to be drawn with the mother in law!!

I learned, the hard way, to finally tell my MIL that I appreciate her help, and that she was free to ASK me if I would like her opinion on raising my children, and I was free to respond with "no thanks"......she still has a difficult time with keeping her opinions to herself, but at least my boundaries with her are clear.

With your child, trust your instincts....and, my opinion, since you asked :), is to give your child plenty of love and attention.....boundaries come later, and still include all the love and attention.

Best wishes!!

I don't know what your MIL has in mind when he tells you to start disciplining your child. I don't reccomend time out or spanking at this age but you can begin training. After all discipline means teach and train. You should establish basic rules that are age appropriate. Basics like: no hitting or kicking; don't bang on the glass door on the entertainment center; only go outside with a grown up; be gentle when touching animals. Redirection, distraction and demonstration will be your main discipline tools until age one. At age one you can institute a one minute per year time out. The focus of time out should be time to calm down and change direction. Time out should be followed by a reminder of the rule, an appology (when age appropriate) and hugs.

What ever you do remember your goal. You want to raise her so that she will be a well adjusted, well behaved, confident young adult when she leaves your home and goes out into the world.

That's absurd and definitely an out of date way of approaching "discipline". There are some fabulous books available on the subject. You've got to figure out your parenting style and find a way that matches up with that. But 6 1/2 month olds are not defiant or naughty. Two books I respect are Becoming the Parent You Want to Be (Davis, Keyser) and Positive Discipline (Nelson). They've both been great resources. Good luck!

YOU SO TOTALLY ROCK!!! I could not agree more. There is no reason for dicipline right now because your angle is not breaking any rules. Yes, Mom-in-law means well but the next time she mentions dicipline or boundries remind her that she did her job with your wonderful husband and now she has the GRAND job. Spoiling that girl rotten. When it comes to dicipline, you and your husband are the only ones who should decide that with the advice of her doctor.Right now let her explore her magical new world and you keep giving her as many kisses as you can fit in a day, my daughter is 5 years old and perfectlly normal, yet several times a day she will stop whatever she is doing just to come and find me to give hugs and kisses and i do the same to her. Knowing the she is loved and safe is the greatest gift you can give to your child

Hi Y.,
Babies understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Six month old babies do understand words even though they can't talk back to you. My son pulled himself up at 6 1/2 months and started walking around the house holding onto furniture - so he learned "no" really quickly. At 7 months I asked him where daddy was and he crawled over to my husband and he said "Dada". You'll be surprised how much they really do understand.

I don't agree with all the things your mother in law says but not all of her advice is bad. You don't have to discipline your daughter at this age but you do have to start setting boundaries (what she can touch, what she can't touch) because children learn quickly how to manipulate their parents to get what they want even at a young age. My son learned quickly exactly what to say to get me to stay with him longer or get him to stay up longer. My husband still says my son has me wrapped around his finger.

There are a lot of good books out there to read to get more professional advice. Don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable with but definitely start thinking about little areas where you do have to set some boundaries because they grow up fast and it is hard to break bad habits that we allowed to start when they were babies.

Good luck.

Before you go jumping all over your mother-in-law you need to find out from her why she feels your baby need boundaries. Did she see your daughter doing something that is causing her to be concerned? In her mind does she think that drawing boundaries is the same as disciplining? I know that when you are a first time mom you get inundated with tons of unsolicited parenting advice so this is a very emotional subject. I'm just saying that you should just step back and take a deep breath. Then talk to your mother-in-law and find out where she is coming from and then make your decision. She is the woman who raised your husband so her parenting skills cant be completely off right??? Good luck!!

Hi Y.,
You just keep doing what you're doing!!! Respectfully, it sounds like your mother-in-law needs the help- not you. It truly says a lot about her in your paragrapgh where you mentioned your husband is the youngest of 4 boys and they didn't have a good relationship with her, as do none of their wives. Honestly, what you told about drawing boundaries for a 6.5 month old made me sick. As her parent, you are there to love her and nuture her in every way, shape and form. Disciplining is part of that, however when they are babies, you are building the foundation of trust and comfort in an entirely new environment where they cannot survive without you. If she wants to explore, let her. You be right behind her to support her and keep her safe, or distract her, like you do. Discipling NOW seems like bad timing. On the other hand, you can NEVER spoil a child- or any human being no matter what their age- with being loved, hugged, given attention, and appreciated. If you think about it, love is what we live for and if we don't "have" it, we're looking for it. People need touch and closeness. When that is given from the very beginning from both parents- or even just one- or whomever the caregiver is- that builds a strength and an inner security that is priceless. It builds their worth and their confidence. It helps them to reach out and care for others. It is absolutely positive all the way around!! So Y., I thank you and your husband for nurturing a beautiful little soul who will love so many and create so many happy hearts throughout her life stemming from the examples you both were for her!!! Don't question yourself anymore. Just love and be peaceful and enjoy these baby years because they are over in the blink of an eye!!! :)

And, if you feel like you need to speak with your mother-in-law, then do so. The truth is hardest to say, but in some way, on some level, it will be healing for her soul and a needed release for your spirit as well. You can only "put up" with someone like that for so long regarding your child before you might start to feel like you just can't take it anymore and are going to explode. It's best that you deal with things now while you can work it out, or possibly decide not to even have dealings with her anymore before your daughter gets older and more attached to her.

Have confidence in your decisions :) I think they have been right so far- mother-in-law not included!

Best wishes and blessings to you all :)
J.

While I agree that you don't need to wait until your child can talk to draw boundaries with your child, six months is really too young!!! I mean, what can the child be doing that needs to be disciplined??

You should start using words with her like "dangerous" and redirecting when she is pulling the plugs out of the wall, or getting close to the fireplace or whatever else is dangerous. You need to give her a toy and remove the remote from her hands and say "that's mommy's, thank you for finding it!!" and stuff like that. If she is biting you, then say "biting hurts!" and put her on the floor by herself and walk away. If she is hitting, move her hand is a stroking motion and say "gentle hands" these are some appropriate ways of dealing with her behaviors. If she is trying to get your attention, give her another way of getting your attention, like pulling your finger or whatever. She is very young, but I guess it is never too young to start giving her the tools she needs to communicate with you.

If you are into it, try using sign language with her. It is really easy to get started, and there are many books available on the subject. you can also check out babysigns.com. Have fun with your daughter!!

all i can say first off is that your mil needs to respect her boundaries and not tell you how and what to do with your child and just because her methods may have worked for her doesnt mean you have to use then or that they will work for your baby. i know how you feel my mil over steps it all the time and i have to put her in her place to the point i dont even let her change a diaper with my daughter (shes gotten as bad as saying i neglect my baby). anyways as far as setting rules for your baby what i did was set up an area where i expected her to stay (ie the living room where all her toys are). if she kept getting out of where i wanted her (if i had to tell her no you need to be in here more then 3 times) she would get put into her excersaucer. i started as soon as she started crawling and getting into things (which was 4 1/2mo) and she seems to do pretty good most of the time now (shes 14mos). but really its your and your husbands choice on how and when you start to disapline your baby. good luck!

Well, 6 months is pretty young, but it never hurts to verbalize "NOs" when it's a safety issue to help the child understand the connection...although it might not be understood at that age. What could a 6 month old be doing that needs disciplining??? Exploring a new world, trying out new things? I don't really see what the child could be doing that would require discipline?

J.
www.AisForAutism.net

You should've started already. Do not under estimate your child you'll be surprised as to what they know, besides why do we even talk to them when they are still in our womb?
I'm not talking about yelling, but a slight firmness so that they will know there is a difference to their actions.
You discipline in love, and as they grow you will learn how you discipline them.

Personally I started setting boundries at aroud 6 or 7 months for my little girl. She is very curious and is every where as many children are. But she seemed to be Extra Curious and I could see that being a problem in the future if I didn't get a hold on it. Babies are very bright, they can learn sign language and comprehend other languages at an early age when they are exposed to it enough. The same thought process should be applied when setting boundries. I started telling my daughter No and Please don't touch that, explaining to her that it was bad or would hurt her. As a result she doesn't pull on allot of things or go around the things she souldn't. At one year she understands what is acceptable and what is not. But you have to keep in mind that what may work for one may not work for another. You have to do what you think is best for YOUR child, every child is different. I knew that my kid was going to be a Curious Georgette so I had to lay down the law. So do what you think is best and not what other people think you should be doing. Good Luck

This truly makes me laugh. What sort of discipline is she saying that your daughter needs. What sort of "misbehaving" can a 6 month old do. Honestly?

Your daugter doesn't need discipline, she needs love and guidance as she explores the world around her. She isn't yet capable of knowing right from wrong, if she is doing something she shouldn't do because it is dangerous simply redirect her attention. Otherwise, love and nurture her as she grows into a toddler. Believe me you will know when your daughter needs discipline. You will know when she is doing something to get negative attention or is setting a bad behavior pattern. Trust yourself!

Tell your MILaw thanks for the advice and then ignore her.

Good Luck,
M.
www.sittersnow.com

Hmm... "discipline" to me means giving consequences for bad behavior, which is TOTALLY unnecessary at that age. Or any age until it's a situation when your child knew better but misbehaved anyway...

But, my advice about the MIL- smile and nod, smile and nod... try not to complain about her to your hubby, or even your sisters-in-law (though they can relate). And of course don't listen to a word she says! Or be simple and gracious when she tries to tell you what to do--> "well, I appreciate the input, our parenting styles are different though and I have to do what works for me..."
Good luck Y.! Enjoy the crawling stage, my daughter is there too and it is a whole new stage with it's own joys and stresses... :)

I think there is nothing wrong in holding your baby. YOU CAN NEVER GIVE TOO MUCH LOVE OR ATTENTION AT 4 WEEKS!!! People would tell me the same thing. I didn't care because now (she is year old) she is every kind and loving and at 6 months she was giving me kisses and hugs just because and they are the best!!! Everyone is different!! Just because it was ok for them (mother-in-law) doesn't mean it is right for you! We learn as we go!! Enjoy every moment holding her and loving. And there is my 2 cents :)

You are right to listen to your heart! Your baby is showing you by her loving ways how she is learning to trust you to meet her needs, and this is wonderful. Discipline actually starts at the breast, with your responsiveness to her. This is how she learns to feel right, and self-regulate--through your being there for her--and that is the basis of discipline, which ultimately is self-discipline, so that you don't always have to police your child. Making your home easily accessible and baby-proofed helps, too, as well as distraction, as you mentioned.
As far as you MIL, how commendable that you work towards a good relationship with her! Sometimes it helps to just smile at unwanted advice, and say, "Hmmm, I'll think about that! Thank you for letting me know." You of course will think your own thoughts about it, which don't have to be shared with her!!! And she will know you understand that you both care about your baby. If she knew better, she would do better, as any of us would. It can be reassuring to her to have you just accept what she says (and do your own thing of course), because seeing how well your baby is doing can be threatening, as her relationships clearly didn't turn out that well.

Wow, do not listen to her. Be aware too, this is only the beginning of her comments. Always, no matter what, go with your own mommy gut feelings. People will tell you all kinds of opinions and experiences but no one knows your daughter better then you. If you run into a problem or a question (which we all do all the time) it is great to ask around and do research but listen to your gut especially with disciplining.
You are right, no 6 month old baby needs any kind of disciplining, maybe she meant she thinks a schedule would be helpful? She might need some help with her communication skills.
Good Luck (I am lucky because my mother-in-law speaks a different language, we just hug and then there is nice SILENCE!)

Hi Y., What kind of boundries is your mother in-law talking about. A 6 month old baby can learn the word no very quickly,
when mine were at that age, and they would pull my hair or pull on my earings, i would move their hands and say no, my second and my third were crawling at 6 and a halfs months old, and when they would touch something that they were not supposed to I used the word NO, they learned very quickly. give me some feed on what kind of boundries she is talking about, I'm 51 and have raised 3 wonderful kids, my husband and i niped things in bud right away, to reduce behavior problems later on down the road. J.

Boundaries on a baby?! What a strange concept! You need your husband to intervine and nicely tell your MIL to back off. I think it is his job to put his mother in place, not yours. Hopefully you are married to a man that can handle his mother. Good luck!