Need Help on Wanting to Make Love

I have the same problem and it really saddens me. It wasn't so bad after my first but since my second has been born (he's now 2) I can probably count on one hand how many times 'it' has happened. I know the more you do it the more you want it so I guess my advice would be to just do it!

GOOD LUCK!!!!

Set up the scene for romance, like a candlelit bath for 2 or nice dinner for just the 2 of you with wine, candles and soft music. Maybe try having him give you a back massage or foot rub and see if that puts you in the mood. Some people say just to do it even if you don't feel like it and it will make you want it.

Hello L.,

The main thing is you WANT to want to...If were you, I would talk to your doctor about it. There are many reasons your libido is not what it used to be, but no good excuses for not finding a solution to the problem. If you don't believe me just ask your d/h! You may benefit from the Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband, by Dr Laura Schlessinger. In any case it would not be detrimental to your marriage...

Start enjoy ALL the good things life has to offer!
T.

Hi L.,

First of all, Get you an appointment with 7 columns and put each person's name in the column. Block out a time for you and your husband to spend time together to get to know each other better.

here is a web site: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sexual-health/HQ01363

Hope this helps. Good luck. D.

Hi L.. It took me more than 2 years but I'm OK now, so please don't worry. I'm 37 yr mom, and I had my boy when I was 34. If you're thinking of having one more baby very soon, you could see a doctor, but if not, either yoga, herb tea, little excercise, or buying new underwear might help. My husband was always understanding and patient, and he received me as I was, which has made me love him more. With 5 children under the same roof, your mood might be distracted a bit. Is it possible to have a romantic night only with your husband?

It could be a lot of things. I had that with my second. I know some women may look a me funny but try pleasing yourself first. Sometimes YOU need to jump start yourself, so to speak. If you don't feel anything after a few trys then see a doctor. My doctor suggested it and it did the trick for me. Also try to plan a romantic night. Don't plan for sex. When you do that sometimes you get anxious and that doesn't help. Just try and spend time with him and remember what it was like before your last child.

L.,
You are experiencing normal libido shifts. Most woman have lowered sexual desire for the first several months; amd then it slowly returns.
You are not alone. Many women go at least a yr with no desire.
I suggst going to see an acupuncturist. That may sound strange. This form of treatment has been around for thousands of yrs. It has and does work with this type of issue. I send my clients to practitioners all the time after birth.
It's important to seek a practitioner who is American and not Chinese. I say that because of the culture mismatch especially in your situation. Also to go to an acupuncturist who has a Mac after their name.
There are plenty in this area.
Please feel free to contact me if you would like a referral.
There are also supplements that you can take that will help.
Good luck,
L.

Okay. You are so way normal...I'd say ask anyone, but you have! You are getting all the affection you need from your baby.

well maybe you just need passion... you just need to see sex on a different perspective, it's not just an act of sexual desires but also an act of love... do you love your other half? well if you really do express it through a passionate kiss and just let yourself feel him as you kiss him and let the love burn inside and give in.

Are you breastfeeding? If so it naturally decreases your drive which could be why you feel this way. As your hormones level back out your sex drive should return, if not definately talk to your doctor.

This will be strange advice...

But sleep naked! It seems to help rev up my dreams, which in turn revs up my desire to.

Also, I've noticed the more I do the deed, the more desire I have to do it again.

If you are nursing, or had been it could cause you to be a little more dry, the OB can prescribe an estrogen based lubricant.

Good luck!

Eat a lot of things with zinc in it like strawberries, raspberries, pumpkin seeds. They are said to improve sex drive. And Sunflower seeds supposedly helps with energy.

other ideas are working out and buying new outfits that makes you feel sexy or something.

I definatly feel that the strawberries work very well :)

This happen to me right after the second set of twins. I didn't have sex for over two years. Now at the time I wasn't married or cohabitating so it wasn't a problem. I think it might have been the work of five kids under age 7 and the breast feeding for over a year that added to it. I got back to normal with no help at all. Since you are married though you may want to talk with your doc.

L.,
You are a very busy lady and yes you may just be overwhelmed. You can try all the exterior things like sexy underwear and all but if your body is not right on the inside it will all be in vane. You may want to find a gyn. that does hormone testing. I am 36 y.o. and recently had a similar situation and found out thru hormone testing that I was not producing progesterone. I take a natural cream that only costs $8 a month and feel so much better and like the old me!!!! It may be that simple for you. I first read the book Hormone Hell to Hormone Well. Very good book. Here is a website you can take a quiz to see if this may relate to you at all. www.hormonewell.com
I hope I have been of some help.
A.

L., go talk to your Dr. it could be hormones, post-partum depression, or many other things. the best thing to do is always seek advice from a professional. I know its hard to talk about sex with them, but you have to it is amazing how many thing could lower your desire for sex.

You didn't mention if you are on the Pill. I know you said your husband was "fixed" but some people like the pill for the benefits during your period. I found that when I went off the pill, libido went through the roof. That's why I went off the pill, not to have a baby, but to increase sex drive. If you're not on the pill, I'd heed the advice of the other wonderful mothers who have responded and see a doctor.

Yep - normal! After our son was born it took me a while because I felt like my body wasn't my own yet. Parts that used to be for pleasure were now just functional. My husband was VERY understanding. But I didn't want my guilt about the changes to affect us in a long term kinda way. So I just came to a place where I would think of how much I loved my husband and our life with our child. I didn't need the physical act of sex like he did - but I needed to feel the closeness. I became willing to do alternative things to satisfy my husband's sexual need and that fulfilled my need to be close. It was very satisfying to meet his needs eventough I didn't want to have intercourse and he met my need for closeness with lots of cuddling and appreciation!! After I stopped breastfeeding at about 10 months - we were totally back to normal. What that did for me was to bring us together in a new way - and it kept me from letting guilt of NO sex in between us in the long term. I hope that helps.

L.,

It sounds like to me that your real problem is your life. You have your hands full. Womens sexual desires tend to revolve around mental rather than visual. Having said that, you have your hands full and with your kids and that doesn't include the possibility that you may work. Add on if your the financial manager and all desire for sex is miniscule. On top of all that you could also be having hormonal adjustments still. Women need to be relaxed and have mental foreplay and that can't happen when your mind is all boggled up with other junk. Until recently, I was in the same boat. It was hard to even want sex once a month. My mind and body was so stressed and tired that I was even physically ill. The doctors were considering chronic fatigue syndrome. I too am a mother approaching my forties and have children who are none stop active. In the past six months I have reevaluated what I wanted out of life and prioritized those important things. I started working towards that goal. That included doing things that I did not think were financially possible. Now they seem like the best things I ever did. My mind is more relaxed and my sex life is something like I never thought I could ever have. I only hope that it is not the peak. It sounds like you love and appreciate your husband. That also has to be a concentration in your marriage. I would however suggest that you have your hormone levels checked just to make sure you are not having any other problems that may cause depression if at all possible.

I had a similar problem; are you still nursing? My ob/gyn told me since I am nursing (9 mo twins) I am not producing estrogen now, it can interfere and she prescribed Estrace, a vaginal cream which has helped some, both w/ desire and made sex more comfortable. It takes a good 6 mo after you quit nursing for your hormone levels to get back to normal. Talk to your gyn and have your hormone levels checked; there may be something off. Also, just having the work of a baby seems to lower the energy you have to be intimate w/ your husband. I find if he is helpful w/ the chores, it makes a difference. Hope this helps!

I just had to comment on this especially after seeing the other responses. Several moms say that they get this after the second pregnancy... Well, ME TOO! I don't know if it is a coincidence or what, but worth pointing out. But seriously, it took me forever to want to have sex after my second was born- beyond 11 months at least. We did end up having sex throughout that time, and I did find that eventually it helped me actually WANT to do it...

I know it happens to a lot of moms- I don't know if that means that it is okay, or if it is actually a problem that should be addressed. It wouldn't hurt to speak to a doctor, though. If you choose to not talk to a doctor, give it a little more time. You are definitely in the normal range. I never seeked medical advice at the time of my low libido, though. Now (pretty much ever since I got pregnant with my third), I'm totally myself again- even now when I'm so super uncomfortably pregnant again.

I don't think that the fact that there are five kids between the two of you makes a difference in the lack of interest on your part... something like that can definitely be distracting, but you would know if otherwise you wanted to without the kiddies being a factor.

Also- I notice that the longer my husband are together (we've been together for almost 8 years), the less we "make-out"... But when we do now it REALLY sparks up things!!! If it isn't "making-out" for you two, it just could be something else... Just an idea.

Hi L.,
I realize this sounds very strange to you. Something is definately different, but what?
My first thought is that your hormones may be out of balance. Are you breast feeding? This can cause hormonal drops that may affect desire.

You may be perimenopausal, again with hormone levels not as high as they used to be. Testosterone levels drop and that definately takes a toll on the sexdrive.

Are you feeling exhausted, pulled in too many directions?You mentioned being a stepmom is very difficult. Extra stress also puts a damper on feeling amorous.

Please see your gyn MD to have your hormone levels checked.They can do a blood test or saliva test, and see if some of the levels are low. It is possible to get a perscription for Testosterone Cream that will restore the desire for sex if that is the problem. Have the MD discuss possible side effects.

You may also need more relaxing time to yourself and with your partner. Any good childcare helpers around?

Good luck,
A.