One year ago, after the birth of my 5th child, I had a tubal. Since then I have had absolutly NO sexual desire..nothing...nadda. No touching, no cuddling, no kissing, nothing (and that's what I tell my hubby, He is extremely patient w/me, thank goodness ;) Never have I been this way. Usually, after the births of my other children, all it took was about 8-12 weeks and I was back to "normal". On the rare occassions that we are intimate, I feel so empty and almost "cheap". I feel numb inside & cold. No sexual emotion at all. I have even become less affectionate towards my children. Have I lost it for my husband or is it something medical, hormonal or what? Has anyone else experienced this feeling after a tubal?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
DS
Mother to four great boys and a beautiful daughter & step-daughter.
Hello Everyone! I am surprised at the # of responses to this issue. A couple of things mentioned in your responses were sleep deprivation and post-p.depression. This could be very possible. I haven't slept good in months. As for the depression, I felt so extremely sad after my tubal. I cried while in the hospital, after the proceedure. I wished I hadn't made the decision to have it done. But I figured after having my 5th child at age 38, I'd be done. But that longing is still there....not that I WANT more children...but now I feel..well I can't find the words to describe it.
Thank you for sheding some light on this for me. And I will be visiting my family dr. in the next week.
Thanks again
DS
I feel the same way. I had my 4 years little girl and then had my tubes tie and have not been the same way in 4 years. I dont know what to do.
This is absolutely, positively NOT related to a tubal.
I agree with the other posts -- likely either due to complete, total exhaustion, or a hormone imbalance.
If I were you I would go to the Doctor.
Back in 2001 I had a complete hysterectomy and I was scared that I would lose the desire but it was opposite for me. I think once the parts were gone and there was no way I could get pregnant, my life changed and I have never been happier.
We were active before and after baby but after hyster has been the best.
I agree with the other moms that this is not normal. Maybe look at hormonal issues as some suggested. Almost sounds as if your are not producing any testosterone. Also, depression, anxiety, unresolved relationship issues often causes loss of sexual desire. You mention that when you did have sex with your husband, you felt cheap. That almost sounds as if there are some relationship issues in there somewhere. If you decide to see a psychotherapist, look for one specializing in sex therapy and who has experience in working with loss of libido issues. Good luck to you. You deserve to have an enjoyable sex life well into your golden years. I am nearly 70 and have only noticed a difference in frequency for both of us, not in quality. I found several informative articles on the internet, listed below:
www.womentowomen.com/sexualityandfertility/sexaftermenopa...
This website seemed helpful in explaining libido issues from several perspectives, psychological and physical. They are promoting their own program, however, so you may want to read for info only, then see a sex therapist or other doctor.
http://adam.about.com/encyclopedia/infectiousdiseases/Inh...
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey...
My best friend had symptoms like your due to health problems and using lots of medications. She always uses "female formula" from dr.Richard Schultze (herbdoc.com).
To bust sexual drive we use "damiana " or "maca maca" herb (Google to find out what they do)that make me feel sexual.
It is great feeling to have back sexual energy. I take 2 capsules of damiana 3 times a day. I reduce dose whan I start feeling better (mostly 3-5 days).Good luck-W.
In my non-medical opinion, I would guess that it is hormonal. Hormonal changes as we age can cause lack of desire, but depression can do this as well. I would get an appointment with your ob/gyn and have your hormone levels checked.
If you're anywhere near Southlake, I highly recommend Dr. Carolyn Marocco. She has been helping me with my hormonal imbalance. She is a naturopathic doctor and nutritionist. I really like her. My mom has tried McWherter and does not like him at all. Whatever you decide, best wishes to you in getting it figured out! This is definitely not normal and requires professional help. I would just also point out that a "normal" MD may not be as willing to get to the root of the problem, which is why I like Dr. Marocco so much. Her office # is ###-###-####
Ok (Non Medical) I am a mom of 5, DS 18, DS 18, DS 17, DD 16, DS 2yrs. Having kids take alot outta you. I read through and I saw all these people saying that this is hormonal, might be. I don't think so though. I have been with my husband for 19yrs. At first there was alot of sex, as time went on the more kids the more stress I just lost it. There was no more sex drive, no more passion, nothing. Ask yourself "Are you stressed? Think on that one you may say no, but your body knows otherwise. "Do me and DH see on the same page? Are we fighting or arguing alot" This may not be a situation in your house. I would recommend that you try something natural for stress, ST Johns Wart. And I'm not sure if I can say it in here but I know of this product that has done wonders for me. I mean this stuff is awesome!!!! E-mail and I will tell you what it is and where to get. ____@____.com
Here's a different twist. I began experiencing the same thing a few years ago, and was upset about it. My gyn offered no help, telling me it was normal. It is NOT normal, especially since we've always been very physical.
Long story short, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea about 6 months ago, and once I started treatment (CPAP) lo and behold, all that desire came back! So, look what fatigue can do! (And I'm not terribly old, either!)
While you may or may not have apnea, with your fifth child, you could seriously be sleep deprived, and lack of sexual desire is a symptom of lack of sleep. I also agree that your hormones may be playing a part in this as well. Good Luck
I dont think it has anything to do with your tubal. I had a tubal almost 22 yrs ago when i was only 22 yrs old and having my 3rd child in 3 yrs. and it didnt do anything except free me to feel more sexual b/c no fear of pregnancy. Check with your gyno about perimenapause possibly, it happened to me at 38. You didn't say how old you are. Good Luck.
GM
I'm not an expert, either, but it definitely sounds hormonal, which is a good thing because it can be addressed with either medications or supplements. It seems that emotionally you're there, but your body's just not cooperating. I go through periods like that, too. If you don't have a doctor who's willing to explore your options, Dr. Joseph McWherter, who has an office in Fort Worth and another one in Colleyville, is EXCELLENT. All he does now is gynecology (as opposed to also doing OB). Good Luck!
After eah child, it may get harder to get back into the 'normal' sched. of things. While the previous ones were okay, this one is different. Give yourself more time. With 3 kids under 7 (been there myself), it is very hard to get the rest and be able do things that energize you.
Make sure you are having enough time for you. Find some you time. And then just together couple time - go out and do something you both like to do.
If that doesn't help, It's been a year. Got to a doctor. Most likely they will suggest anti-depression meds for you. My friend went through something similar and the meds helped her. Just be aware of how you are feeling on the meds (side effects and all).
Hang in there. It will get better.
I have definately felt this way. Maybe not quite to the extreme you are describing, but I have had NO desire before. It has finally changed, after YEARS! My Dr. said it was just having a new baby, etc. I'm wondering now if my hormones were out of balance or maybe I was low on testostorne (sp?) I'd ask the doctor and have your hormones checked. It can really put a strain on your marraige, even if he is understanding.
I also recommend Dr. McWherter. But you might want to start with his PA to get an appointment sooner. Check it out at www.femcentre.com.
I had a tubal at 22 and then just had a tubal reversal this past March. While researching the tubal reversal one interesting fact that I came across what that there can be a loss of sexual desire after a tubal. It has to do with the decreased blood supply to your uterus/fallopian tubes. I can't remember the exact details, but I bet you could find out more with a simple google search.
Here is a little bit of info I found real fast: http://www.tubal-reversal.net/blog/tag/decreased-sex-drive
Good Luck to you!
T.
www.TFJPhotography.com/blog
DS, I felt like this towards my husband after the birth of our daughter - she's 3 now - until I went to see a doctor who prescibed bio-dentical hormones - not many do .. my life has changed - I am 42 and remember what it was to feel 25 because I'm happy & normal again... my husband must be a Saint! Let me know if you are interested in who I go to. Naturally your progestorone will have already started to decrease but maybe you have low testosterone as well. I take both and I feel fabulaous after 3 years.. a long journey :-)
Sounds hormonal to me. You could also try sexpert.com for some advice. It took courage for you to post this and I hope you find some help.
Goodness...I would wonder if you are tired? I am sure taking care of 6 children is quite exhausting. I would go along with the other posts...maybe it is hormonal. Certainly wouldn't hurt having things checked out. Good luck. I am sure this is quite frustrating. Did you experience postpartum depression? Perhaps that is the cause of the empty feeling. Again, good luck and try not to be so hard on yourself while you try and figure things out.
C.
DS,
Could you be dealing with depression? One thing that surprised me about having a tubal is how sad I was about it. I didn't know why, because I KNEW I didn't want anymore children. I realized that I was grieving the fact that I wouldn't have any more babies and that part of my life was over. Maybe you're feeling the same thing and haven't dealt with it yet(?).
I've been round and round with this issue, talked to ob/gyn and physchiatrist and been told there isn't much that can be done medicinally. The best advice I received from the phychiatrist was to consider intimacy a gift you want to give your husband. Think of the things he does for you that he doesn't particularly have his heart invested in (like visiting your parents..haha). I only had to use this tactic a time or two before things began clicking again.
But you do owe it to yourself to get some rest and I believe your husband understands this, too.
Good Luck!
it may be medical but i think it is more mental and why i think that is because you are not just feeling a lack in sexual desire for him but lack of emotion from your children. in addition to seeing you medical doctor you might want to see a counselor also maybe one at your church or your dr could recommend one. best of luck hun i also wanted to say that if you had your tubes tied you can always have it reversed and from what my dr told me they are only guaranteed 7 years. if the lord wants to you have children you will with or with out having your tubes tied
I have had two children and began menapause a few years ago. It didn't affect my desire for intimacy, cuddling, loving family/children. Not that it might not be a hormonal imbalance, but it sounds like depression to me. Perhaps start by seeing a good gynecologist that you can talk openly with (e.g., Dr. Connie Casad at Medical City is great). Afterwards, she may have a recommendation for you or may recommend you to another specialist(be it regarding depression or sex or whatever). Chemical depression can come over a person for no substantive reason other than your brain chemistry. Fix your life, don't wait around for it to get worse. You don't want to end up in bed feeling numb, angry, depressed, etc. do you? Ask the pros. Wish you the best.
Dear DS,
If you haven't already, please go see your doctor. I'm sure there's something she can give you that will help.
Deb D
It sounds as though you are having a hormonal imbalance. I had a full hysterectomy and am going through menopause because of it--and have the same issues! I am now impatient with my children, where I was very patient beforehand. You may want to try alternative meds for menopause symptoms, or consult your doctor who can put you on a low dose of estrogen, if needed. I have to take the low dose of estrogen to feel human and loving!
You should go to your gyno and have your hormone levels checked. Menopause does the same thing and hormone therapy helps most women.
D. Kimbriel
