Should It Be This Hard to Get Laid When Your Married ;-)

My husband suddenly lost interest last year. The best he could explain was it was there, and now it is not there anymore. My first concern was a possible health problem. A physical and a few blood tests revealed he had very low testosterone levels. Next came an MRI. It seems seriously low testosterone levels could be a sign of a pituitary tumor. He passed the MRI and now uses a testosterone cream daily to restore what he has lost.

I went thru the same thing, My husband had the same problem as PamG's I give him a shot in the rear once a week now!

Well, we would need to have more info.
His age, his health
has he always been this way, with a low libido?
Has there been a major change in his career, emotionally? Money problems, death in the family, or good friend?

Does he have a good male friend that he sees on a regular basis?

Men go through all sorts of physiological changes as they mature.. and of course they HATE to to to the doctor.

High blood pressure low blood sugar, Low testosterone, Manopause (mid life crisis), Depression, over weight, low self esteem, alcoholism.

Make sure you have an open conversation about your needs, but let him know you are concerned about his changed behaviors and encourage him to go to a doctor.

He needs a full check up.

Make the first move, light some candles wear something sexy, and go into your room and text him tell him you have something you want to show him, when he comes in you'll be ready. Married for 30 years, have to get creative, J. L.

A couple things.

If your man truly never wants it, I can think of a few things- my Dad actually got tested for that and turned out he had really low testosterone. Second, my husband went through low libido when he worked graveyard shift. He tends to not want to have sex when he is very tired.

I feel pretty confident saying it's NOT you. It's easy to let our minds go there though. I feel your pain, I've been there and it's hard!

Talk it out with him. Ask him why he thinks it is. Ask him if he's tired, stressed, if there's anything you can do. Ask him how often he would like to have sex. Tell him how often you would like to have sex.

Finally, be the sex kitten you are! Go to bed naked, cuddle up to him, and give him every opportunity to pleasure you. If he's still resisting, you know you've got deeper issues.

Good luck!

I've felt like that at times, too. :)

9 months pregnant--I think it was just so uncomfortable for him that it was easier to be frustrated by not doing anything, but it did make me feel worse about being so whale-like.

Other points in our marriage when we're working opposite schedules and both constantly exhausted (before and after kids) we were often "in the mood" when the other was dead asleep. I used to go to bed and tell my husband to wake me up if he "needed anything," which he knew meant I would NOT complain if he woke me up for that. Apparently there were times he would really try hard to wake me up and I was dead to the world.

Other times, he has been on sleep meds that interfered with anything working right, or if he's had a drink or two things slow down too much, so once in a while it seems like we don't do that too often, but since we've had kids we usually manage at least a few times a week. It might just be a phase, or communication. I think once we both finally talked about feeling frustrated and we were both perceiving ourselves as "always initiating" and the other as rarely initiating. I've told him that I don't want to make him feel bad if it's a night when he's exhausted and he doesn't want to start things when he thinks I've had a long, bad day and need to go to sleep. We're both "being nice," which makes nobody happy sometimes. :)

Go to bed naked (leave a handy robe out in case of fire or children waking up). He'll probably wake you up. Extra likely to be guaranteed: Go to sleep in a thong. I have no idea why that seems "nicer" to guys, but it might give him the hint. :)

my husband wants it all the time but I do have a friend that says her husband never wants it. I guess it depends on their libido. how was he when you were dating? That his how I would judge it. :o)

I know it's hard, but don't take it personally. It's probably a hormonal thing. Is your husband willing to have it checked out? I have a friend who's husband is this way, and she's beautiful, so try to keep it in perspective. You might be able to do some reading and change your diet around a bit to help him if he's not willing to get help. It's really as easy as just going and getting a shot every so often.

I understand. My husband is working insane hours and under a lot of stress right now. Sexual desire is one of those things that the body suppresses when under stress (as its not necessary to individual survival). It can be frustrating at times, but then again, I wasn't so interested after the children were born and while I was breast feeding all the time. So while I miss frequency, it doesn't really hurt my feelings or hurt our relationship. If your husband is under a lot of stress that's probably all it is. You could have his testosterone levels tested. If they are low that will cause disinterest in sexual relations. And you can naturally treat low testosterone issues if that is the problem.
J.

I feel like that too, so you're not alone!

I've been with my husband for over 10 years now and have two kids. We go through phases where one of us just doesn't have the energy or drive...then it gets better.

Honestly, it doesn't bother me anymore! He's my best friend, and we have a good relationship, no matter if we are in a rut or not. We also talk and joke about it. Being open helps!

I am not sure how many kids you have but it is hard to make the time when you have little ones running around and always wanting mommy or daddy's attention. So you have to compromise and find what works for the two you you. If you are taking the initative to get him excited and he is not repsonding to it then I would talk to him about it. But if you are wanting him to make the 1st move, some guys want the women to get them excited before they make the move. I would keep trying to see if you can get your husband to have it with you but if he keeps turning you down then their is a problem and you need to address it now. Good luck!

If you have young children...the answer is YES!! IT IS THAT HARD!!! *(well...maybe not HIM...the getting laid 'bit')*

LOL
Michele/cat

***and remembering those years... SO glad the kiddos are older!!!***

Been there! You don't say how old your husband is, but many men experience hormone imbalances as they age, just like we do, and it can affect libido. In his mid-forties, my husband's interest level, which had never been very intense, dropped to zero. My husband gets easily buried in his work, and for awhile I thought that was why he wasn't, um, interested. Then he discovered that his testosterone levels were critically low. (This has implications for heart health and weight in addition to libido.) He now uses a prescription topical hormone cream, and it has helped restore his drives a bit.
So it might not be about you - it might be about his endocrine system, and if it is, it can be addressed, and should be, not just for sex, but for his overall health. When is the last time he had a check-up? Would he be willing to talk to his doctor about this? Would you?

Time to sit down and talk about it.
Calmly.......
guys get defensive about stuff like that.

I totally agree with Laura J. Don't go overboard thinking there's something wrong with you, or with him...it's probably just sexual laziness. You didn't say how many children/what ages, or what your schedules are like...but that can have a huge influence.

With children and different schedules, my husband and I are really not on the same page, either. He wants to wake me up at 4 or 5 in the morning, when he goes to bed...and I go for it (although I don't want to, because I have to get up at 6 with the baby) and I don't think it's that great for either of us. Sometimes we get in sync at a reasonable hour, though, and then it's great!

LOL!!!

We definitely go through phases but at our worst it's once a week - at our best - two or three times - if it passes the week/week and a half point EVERYONE in our house starts to get real cranky! :-)

I agree with what everyone else said - sometimes it's about initiative - my husband always wanted it from the get go - and I turned him down A LOT - he finally stopped trying so hard and we found a good rhythm - best of luck.

I felt like that for awhile in my marriage. I dont know we just brought the spark back.

I agree about making the first move, alot of women wont due to pride, it may be what he needs from you.

it's not uncommon for couples who adore each other and are committed for life to go through spells like this where you're just out of whack with each other.
a sense of humor and open communication are the best ways to work through it.
:) khairete
S.

I understand! Sometimes I just feel that we are not on the same wavelength with our wants/needs. You are not alone. Keep trying!

M