So my son is 4.5 and goes to bed just fine ever night door closed no night-light, he is easy in that respect. The problem is every evening he gets up multiple times and tries to come into our bed. We never have been big on co- sleeping. Primarily on the belief that we try not to create habits that we know we will later have to brake. He is getting to the point that his habit is to end up in our bed after many attempts. The full story is that we currently have both the kids share a room and he will say that his sister age 2 was talking to him or woke him up some how. I think that is true some times but for sure not always because I will take him back to his room and she will be sleeping. We only have the master bedroom and one kids room on the main floor (we have extra rooms in the basement) thus I have had the kids sharing the room for the past year. I just do not feel comfortable putting either of them in the basement and he has already stated he would not want to sleep down there. I have been trying for months to take him back to his room but when it gets closer to the early morning I do not because if I would go in to their room I would for sure wake up my daughter and she would not go back to sleep. My little man has never been a good sleeper since he was a baby and I have to say he is a momma’s boy and that pulls on my heartstrings. I honestly would love to hug and hold him all night because he is growing so fast and wont want that forever, but my husband is not so into that and I respect that. I need any help or advice that has maybe worked for you, how do I make him stay in his own bed all night? We do have a lock on the master bedroom door and my husband would love to use it, my only fear is that he will then wonder around the house and I will not hear him. We have caught him before watching TV in the middle of the night down in the basement and he is so sneaky and quite because he knows he should not be up. (We solved the TV problem by putting all the Remotes up and our TV’s will not work without the remote) I am so tired of getting up 3 or 4 times a night, I thought my kids would have grown out of that my now. (He was up every hour for the first 1.5 years) So we are looking to try and get this resolved soon any help is greatly appreciated. Friends have also told me that Dr Phil has said that co-sleeping is psychologically stunting after the age of 4…not sure that is true but added fuel to the fire for my husband. I am making my husband sound bad but he just wants to cuddle and sleep without a 4-year-old in-between us kicking and thrashing all night!
HELP…Feeling desperate
Thank you… Sincerely N. an extra tired mommy of 2
Just to add some confusion, I saw another child psych expert (can't remember name right now) in England say that kids under age 5 have separation anxieties that come and go and that co-sleeping is a very good thing to fix that.
Have you thought about sleeping part of the night with son in his room...and then switching to master when he is in the deepest longest cycle? Just an idea.
I know this is not a solution, but my help in the meantime, it has helped us. We don't tell the kids they can't come in, howevere if they do, they must make their own pallet on the floor. We keep some blankets low for them to get to and they know how to put one down and cover with another one. My 6 year old has been doing this snce she was three. and my 4 your old does it as well, though not nearly as much. We go through fases, where it will be every night for a week and then nothing for many weeks. At least we are able to get more sleep, and we son't have to try to keep putting them back to bed. Good luck.
C.
Hi N., My kids have always slept in their own rooms, in their own cribs, now beds, since day ONE. I'm not big on co-sleeping either since I'm a VERY light sleeper. HOWEVER, that being said, my now 9 yo daughter for about a year when she was about 5, would get up around 3 am and want to sleep with us. I would put her back to bed, but within a half hour, she would be back. So I let her sleep ON THE FLOOR next to my side of the bed. She did this for about a year and then stopped on her own and has since slept in her own bed. Same thing for my now 6 yo son, he is a mama's boy if you ever saw one and I did the same thing for him. He could sleep ON THE FLOOR. So he would bring his pillow and blanket and sleep on the HARD, TILE floor next to my side of the bed. He too did this for a few months, and not every single morning, and did out grow it. We have never CLOSED the master bedroom door, let alone LOCKED it! For simple common sense and safty reasons its just not a good idea. Because I'm such a light sleeper, I also check on the kids throughout the night when I get up to make sure they are in bed (mine have been known to be TV watchers also!) and they are warm and covered, etc. So long story short, I think you should just pick your battles and maybe compromise with something like I did. The kids liked that they were close to us, but we didn't make it so convenient as being IN bed with us. Not sure if this helped or not but I wish you good luck!
Hello N., I would encourage you to try a Chiropractor that specializes in Pediatrics. There are many journal articles that support safe gentle Chiropractic for kids. If you need help finding the info please let me know. Usually when the childrens' cervical region is misaligned they cannot sleep well. One adjustment can help alot of kids sleep like a baby for months. Another thing is to make sure they have a light snack of carb and protein before bed,(NO Sugar)if they have dinner really early. Most people will wake up if their blood sugar drops too low during the night, this includes children. Also make sure you start diming the lights around the house at least 1 hour before bedtime with soft music and no TV on, give him a nice warm bath with Johnsons' baby wash with lavender. Make sure room is not to hot or cold. Hope that helps....Dr. A.(see our new website soon Askdrannette.com)
I gave my four-year-old a reward every night she slept all by herself in her bed for the entire night. One of her favorite rewards was an extra bedtime story. I told her if she stayed in bed all night that meant I got more sleep and I had more energy and time to be able to read her an extra bedtime story.
Have you ever considered he may be walking in his sleep, sleep-walkers can do just about anything and stay asleep but they look like they areawake. Good luck to you and keep safe.He may have to out grow it .. been there done that...
How about a sound machine to drown out noises?
We have the same problem with my 4 year old. She has always been a great sleeper until about 9 months ago. We have done the reinforcements, we have talked to her, we have made a bed on the floor for her, we have instructed her on how to go back to sleep. The only time she sleeps with us, is when she sneaks into our bed. Once my husband or I realize she's there, we bring her back to her bed. The only thing we haven't done is lock our door, but I have the same fear as you, her wandering the house. About 3 months ago, she went to the doctor for a sinus infection, Doctor mentioned that her tonsils where enlarged and to keep on eye on it. Doctor said enlarged tonsils can cause kids to wake up due to restricted air flow. We have followup in another few months. As much as I don't want her to have her tonsils out, if it will give all of us more sleep - I'm all for it.
First of all N., don't apologize because you aren't into co-sleeping. I know there are many moms out there that allow it, but I (like you and your husband) am totally against it. My bed is for me and my husband, period. I think your son is old enough to be sat down and talked to about your expectations at night, and he is old enough to have some consequences. What those are is up to you, but you must be clear. Also, maybe a positive reinforcement in the morning if he stays in his room all night may work too. I would continue to bring him back to his bed as many times as necessary until he gets the picture that you are in charge and you are not backing down. He needs to know that no matter how many times he comes back, you won't crumble and eventually let him stay. Right now he's banking on that and it's working. Why should he stop? There are many opportunities to snuggle and bond with your children during the day - you and your husband need boundaries and he needs to respect them. I hope it works - hang in there!
The reason he keeps trying is because you eventually give in. If you didn't give in, he would give up. You need to make a decision about the "rules" of sleeping with Mom & Dad, then stick with them. The rules could include that, if he doesn't get up at night (including wandering the house)until 4am, he can come in and sleep with you. However, if he gets up before that, then he will be taken back EVERY time, including the early morning hours, regardless of whether it wakes his sister or not. The only exception would be if he was truly scared - and you would have to judge that yourself, not let him be the judge of it. If he does it the first few nights, be firm, and say, "I'm sorry you're sister woke you up (etc), and I love you very much, but you know the rule - if you get up before 4am, you canNOT sleep with us." Whatever rule you choose, do NOT give in. And, by the way, my husband is like yours - he never did want the kids to sleep with us. He considered that our private time. So, our rule was, if Dad was away for a night, one or two children (I had six) will spend the whole night with her, and the others will wait their turn. (Fighting children lost their privilege.) If Dad was home, they were taken back to their bed. If they were really scared or really sick, I would lay on their bed with them until they went to sleep. The point is consistency. If you are letting him sleep with you sometimes and not let him other times, you are sending him a mixed message. Make a rule you and your husband can both live with. Good luck!
