Need Help Getting My 3 Year Old to Sleep

If you are into doing it a more gentle way with no tears, I would suggest "The no cry Sleep Solution for babies AND TODDLERS" SHE ALSO JUST CAME OUT WITH THE SAME BOOK FOR pRESCHOOLERS. (oops sorry about the caps!! )The books are by Elizabeth Pantley. I think her methods are fab, and if you do not want to Cry it out, this book will probably help you a lot!

I know it is probably not what you want to hear, but I do agree you need to get "tough" :) My son (who is now 5) sounds much like your little girl. He was a very difficult/colicy (sp?) baby who was awake and screaming 23 hours out of the day. He is now a very strong willed and rigid little guy. We found that we had to be very firm with him to get him on a reasonable bedtime routine. These little personality types tend to to well with a very consistant routine. Bedtime is the same every night, with same rituals. We get pjs on, brush teeth, get water, read a book, lights out, then one of use will lay with him for 5-10 min telling him a quick story or talking about his day. Then we go. While he sleeps like a dream now, I will tell you it took awhile to get him on board. He has been a good sleeper for the past couple of years, but it was hard getting him there. I promise you it will get better:) you just have to be firm with her. Try not to let it upset you. You are doing the right thing by teaching her the skills to get herself asleep. If there is a nighttime battle and she eventually wins after screams and tears (and you are exhausted!)you are just reinforcing her behavior, and she knows that if she screams long enough she will get her way. If you make up a routine and stick to it, I promise you will be so happy and proud of yourself when you see the results :) Then you can get some time to do what you want to do :) While he was getting used to bedtime there were many cries and coming out of his room. We put up a baby gate on his door so he could not come out of his room. (I drew the line with shutting the door on him, just couldn't do it;)) so a few nights he fell asleep on the floor by the gate. The key is just keep your cool. If you have to go in there and place her back in bed 20 times, just tell her it's bedtime and you need to lay in bed. Nothing else :) then lay her down and leave again. Give her a week or two and she will be just fine, as long as you are consistant. I know it is stressful and you feel mean but you will be a relaxed and refreshed mommy the next day with a little time to yourself! Please feel free to email me, I am more than happy to be your sounding board :) Good luck!
S.

Phew...I was tired just reading...LOL! You know what, I have an 8 year old who did that and I just kept on being persistent. I know that when your baby cries it hurts down to your very soul. But what you need to do is realize in your soul that you are not doing anything to hurt them. It gets frustrating and it is loud, especially when they screan as if you are beating them but after a few nights they will learn that Mommy and Daddy sleep in their bed in their room and they sleep in their own bed in thier own room. I remember falling asleep outside my daughter's bedroom on the floor because that was the only way she felt comfortable. It is some kind of seperation anxiety that they go through. I would imagine that it has also taken a toll on your relationship with your husband. The truth is we as women have needs too. We need alone time. Think strong and don't give up. It sounds as if you give in after a few hours. I guarantee you, children cannot cry forever. Keep up what you're doing but don't give in because that is showing them that after a couple of hours of screams and tantrums Mommy is going to give in...and Mommy means business right! I know it is exhausting and you want to be able to do things the next day, and it breaks your heart as well but when you are correcting this behavior think in your head "long term", where you can tuck in your kids and be able to go watch a movie in peace or spend time with your honey and cuddle. The exhaustion is temporary, you are investing. Be strong, firm, patient and consistent. DO NOT go back on your word...No matter what! Good Luck! You can do this!

Hi , L. ...
Please don't be offended by this , but it does sound like your little girl is running the show. Hey , I , too , have a VERY strong-willed little girl so I can empathize ... we've had sleep problems off and on , too. It does NOT mean you are a failure as a mom ... it just means you made a mistake or two , something we ALL do.

That said , it sounds like you were on the right track with the reward chart. I'm surprised she lost interest in it.
Here , we do a marble jar with her name on it.
We buy one or two toys that are very appealing to her , and we tell her she has to earn 20 ( or however many ) marbles to get the toy. I think being able to SEE the prize is very effective for her , and it does work for the things we have used it for.

Also , from my Nanny 911 book , it says to put them to bed normally , then the first time they get up , put them back to bed with a short " It's bedtime ; goodnight" , and then the rest of the times , put them straight into bed , calmly and say nothing at all , with little or no eye contact.

There's also the Supernanny technique ...
she sits on the floor (with the child in their bed) , probably a foot or two away from the child's bed. After the kisses and stories and night-nights are done , and she sits on the floor , she turns so the child can see the side of her face ( no eye contact ) and does not speak to them at ALL. If they get out of bed , she puts them back calmly and says nothing , repeating until they are asleep.
Each night she repeats this , only each night , she moves about a foot or so more away , toward the door ... until eventually , she doesn't stay.

I hope some of this helps. Our daughter still sleeps in a crib , and come Christmas , she will be in a new toddler bed ... so I'll be trying the same things I suggested , lol.
Best of luck to you ... I know the sleep thing is such a taxing thing on the whole family.
~ A.

My dear friend,
I am sorry to know about your issue but let me tell you something I have the same problem (but instead of girl my 3 years old it's a boy) and my baby girl it's 22 months old) but she is really good sleeper. Alexander has been in trouble last 2 weeks every single night for the same reason, so I'm not the best person to tell you what to do onlly that I have the same case, and I am so so so so tired of that, that I feel so stress in my life. Well the only diferent thing that I am going to try is star him on pre school to see if that help he will get home very tired after many activities. Does your girl go to school? maybe it's time she is 3, they need more action.

Good luck,
Y.

You've tried rewards and they only worked for a short time. Try using consequences like if she doesn't sleep in her bed at night then she doesn't get to do something she likes or wants the next day. If you had planned something like going to the park, mall, etc then that is a good thing to take away, or not let her watch a favorite tv program, etc. You have to stick to it though and not give in no matter what she does or how much she argues. If you don't follow through with the consequences then she'll start thinking you are a "liar" and not take you seriously. Using consequences was something I learned about in a parenting class. Let me know it if works.

I went through the same thing with my 2 year old. I would never let her cry, I always rocked her to sleep. Then I had enough. You have to be tough. You have to let her cry it out. It took me about a week of screaming and finally my daughter stopped. Shes very strong willed too. She always wanted to sleep with mommy and daddy. I actually had to stop sleeping in my bed because of her. I was always falling off. Thats when I said enough is enough. You just need to put her in bed tell her its night night time give her a kiss say I love you and walk out. If she gets out of bed you pick her up and put her back in. I know it will be tough letting her cry it was for me but you have to be strong and do it. Trust me it killed me to let her cry but I couldnt do it anymore. Her younger sister is still in my room in her crib but i didnt make the same mistakes rocking her to sleep. She goes to bed fine. And now with her big sister sleeping good I'm finally able to put her little sister in the same bedroom. Don't give up. Just give her time but you have to stand your ground. I hope everything works out for you.

My daughter was a good sleeper up until she was about 3 1/2, then she decided it was enough. She didn't want to sleep with us, she just didn't want to SLEEP. We fought and fought with her, at one point she was so determined to stay up that we told her 'fine we are going to bed, you stay here in the living room in the dark'. So we turned out all the lights and turned off the tv, and left her there in the middle of the living room floor, in the dark, for half an hour. No toys, not TV, no lights, no music. And she was so determined to not go to sleep, that she sat there for 30 minutes, in the dark, no tv, lights or toys, until we finally got up and and MADE her go to bed. This was a horrible time for my husband and I; we fought with her, and each other, and her some more. We yelled and screamed and tried to talk it out patiently and offered to buy stuff or reward her and we threatened to take stuff away when she WOULDN'T listen. It was a long hard road.
Here are a few things that worked (and didn't) for me. I know it's not the exact same situation, but they may help you a little. I had a doctor tell me to try giving her benadryl for a while, and it would MAKE her fall asleep. Did you know that some children have an opposite reaction to benadryl, and it makes them MORE hyper?! I found that out the long hard way. I was also told for her to get more active during the day, to wear her out, that seemed to help a little too. Also, she gets a little cup of water by her bed, so no exscuse to get up for a drink. And finally, when she just won't listen (and this sounds drastic) we threaten to lock her door w/ those baby locks. You know, the ones that cover the whole knob and only big hands can open them? She hates this, and it usually makes her listen. Maybe getting her to help with the baby more could help? She would know not to get up in the night cause it might wake the baby, and he needs his baby sleep?
Hope some of these help. :)

Dear L.,

Bless your heart! It sounds like you're doing all the right stuff and nothing is working. You must be so frustrated. I'm sorry I don't have any advice. My son still gets to sleep with Mommy on occasion, so I don't know what will happen when he's your daughter's age. At least your son is cooperating. Imagine if you had TWO kids keeping you up all night!

Like I said, I have no advice. I don't know if you believe in God, but I will pray for you and your family to find some peace. I hope the other mamas have some good tricks up their sleeves. ;)

Good luck!

-T.

This technique worked for me, and my 4 year old is a very good sleeper now. I read this in a book called 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy child', by Marc Weissbluth.
Explain to her that things are going to change at night, because she needs to get her sleep and so do you. Tell her that she will have to stay in her bed all night long. The first night, go through your bedtime routine and when you are done, kiss her goodnight and leave the room. Of course she'll be out of the bed like a jack rabbit! Without saying ANYTHING take her hand and bring her back in her room and put her in the bed. No kiss, no anything (very unemotional, but not angry or upset). When she gets back out of her bed repeat the same thing, all the while NOT TALKING. This part is crucial to your success. If you talk to her it reinforces her behavior, even if you are saying something comforting. Put her in the bed as many times as neccessary, until she stays there (probably collapsed from sheer exhaustion!)
I did this with my son, who was 2 at the time, and he probably got out of the bed 40 times that first night, with every excuse in the world as to why he couldn't stay there. Eventually he did fall asleep though. The next night he got out of bed 2 times, and then slept through the night. If you try this technique and stick to it, I'm sure it will work...
Good luck!

im so sorry to hear about your situation. i had problems with that as well. I was told routine was the most important thing before bedtime. which ever method you choose (personally i used the sit in a chair next to but not too close to the bed and read a story, then a kiss goodnight) if my son got out, i would just take him back and put him in again without a word....he eventually saw that it just got him back to bed and stopped. Just make sure you follow the same routine every night because routine i was told is comforting to a child especially at night. whether its pulling down the shade and singing a lullabye every night or a short story. Also, give her a teddy bear or something very soft for them to hold at night, it makes them feel less alone. Hope it helps and good luck to you.

You could move your son's crib into your room and let her scream it out. - If it doesn't bother you and if you are just concerned about her waking him up.
I also don't like to let my babies 'cry it out'. But there does come a point when I know that they know exactly what is going on. And when you know that all is well physically and emotionally (you've proven yourself to be a caring and attentive mother. She knows you are there for her - that's why she keeps screaming, she's confident that you will hear and come) You know that your precious one is just mad. She'll be fine and respect the fact that you DO have boundaries.

I have sorta been in your position. my son who is now 4 used to sleep with me because i was single and didn't live with my boyfriend. with him it was difficult and sometimes still is. have you tried putting a tv in her room and letting her fall asleep watching a movie or playing the lulaby cd's? with my son we argued back and forth all the time. sometimes, it last hours. and other nights he knows that if dad has to say something that is bad. he is now getting to where he will go and get in bed. we have also starting telling him, his bed time is 9 o'clock. so he watches the clock and then when its time he tells me ...mom its my bed time. make it a fun thing.

Hey there,

It sounds like your daughter is in control of the situation. Regardless of how strong her will is, it is your duty as mom to be stronger. You and your husband are the parents and need to demonstrate to her that you are in control. You don't have the luxury of giving in, you're the mom. Keep up the fight, don't give up. You will be serving and helping your daughter in the long run, keep that in mind. Also, make sure both you and your husband are presenting a united front. She can sense, which I'm sure she already has, sensed if you guys are not on the same page or are being wishy-washy.

Don't give up! You will be blessing your daughter by teaching her to submit to authority now. It's a much harder lesson to learn in your twenties and thirties!!!!

You are not being a bad mom if she cries and screams, especially for something that is for her good. Remember that, you are helping her grow and mature. Three years old is not too young for her to learn that she is not the boss. Be patient with her, she has been the boss in this area for three years, so it might take a while for her to learn differently.

I hope you feel encouraged, please email me if you ever need to talk or need encouragement to keep it up! You can do it...God made her special just for you, strong-willed or not, so you are equipped with all that you need.

Take care, I'll be praying for you...

: ) Becky