My 17 month old daughter has started throwing temper tamtrums and I am afraid of her hurting herself. She has started banging her head against the floor or whatever is nearest to her, she hit her head so hard on the couch she split her forehead open!!! I just don't know what to do to get her to stop this and also how to discipline her at this young age????
My oldest son used to do that. I read a book that helped immensely. Holding Time-By Martha Welch. It taught me how to teach my son to express his feelings. They have all the same emotions we do, but don't know how to express it. Holding time is still used in my home for all 3 kids! It's been a life saver!
Hi D.,
Walk away and tell her to let you know when she is done with her temper tantrum. Say it casually, not angry not nervous, just totally casual. Don't look back. She will bang her head again, but will very quickly realize that she is hurting her head and getting absolutely no attention from you. (very easy for a 17 month old to recognize) It ends it quickly. Otherwise you are giving her attention for the behavior and the behavior will continue. I have two boys 13 yrs. old and 10 yrs. old. Maybe threw one or two temper tantrums and that was it. They realized that they would not get the response they were seeking. Hope this helps. Very important part of this is to stay calm cool and collected. Even if she does bang her head and have to go to the ER to get stiches, pick her up, bring her in, get her stiches, don't show her that she is stressing you out or she will know that this behavior is effective. It does not take long to correct this behavior, but becomes more difficult the longer it is allowed to continue. I hope this is helpful. I know it is not easy after being at work all day, but it is deffinately a behavior you want to nip in the bud. Also sets a precident. Just my thoughts, hope this helps
Head banging is TOTALLY normal at this age.
Since you know she'll bang hard enough to injure herself, when she starts, move her to a safe place like a carpeted floor or a mattress. Otherwise, ignore, ignore, ignore.
As far as discipline goes, distraction, redirection, and modeling are all age appropriate. She is much too young to understand punishment :)
I would find a safe place for her to have the tantrum. My son did this and that was the best thing. I would stay near him and occasional say that I was still there, etc. But mostly he just needed to have his tantrum. He grew out of it when he realized that having the tantrum would not change my mind.
A different technique is to sit up against the wall and hold your child facing away from you in a bear hug. You can wrap your arms and legs too if necessary around her. You must stay calm and speak gently and soothingly. Don't tell her to calm down, but tell her that you understand that she's upset, you are sorry that she's upset, but that we have rules for a reason, you love her and you want her to be safe, etc. The firm pressure and the sound of your voice will eventually calm her. Be prepared that this could take a while and you cannot let go until she is calm.
I have two spirited children. Tantrums are tough but you'll get through it. By being consistent your daughter will learn that tantrums are not the way to get what she wants.
My son was like that.The doctor told me if i see it,pick him up and move him on the bed.He said it is very common.Just make sure they do'nt hurt them selfs.He is now 6 and very healthy.He out grew it.
my son used to do this too. But he only did it once on the kitchen floor before realizing owe that hurts. He mostly did it on carpets. If she doesn't grow out of it, I would ask your ped about it. The thing with head banging is that with normally developing children, they generally don't hit their head hard enough to cause any damage. Children with developmental disorders or with Autism or something else on the spectrum have been known to seriously injure themselves. If the splitting of the head open was a fluke - like she just hit it just right (or rather wrong) and she has no other signs of developmental delays I wouldn't worry too much. I read that 20% of all normally developing children head bang while tantruming. Maybe try having an area that you pick her up and move her too when she starts tantruming so she can bang on pillows or carpet? Good luck!
Hi D.,
My son used to throw temper tantrums too. He would hit his head on anything hard! My son grew out of it. It took a long time though. I tried to catch him before he would bang his head and talk to him. I would ask "Are you angry?" or say, "Its ok to be angry" and then I would redirect him into doing something positive. He would help me pick up or clean... he needed to redirect that energy. She is also young enough to start time-outs.
Becky
Temper tantrums can be scary things for toddlers. No matter what has caused the tantrum, she is showing that at that moment she does not have the ability to regulate her emotions. She is not behaving, but rather responding with pure emotion.
It will help to soothe her back into herself, and also prevent her from accidently harming herself physically, if consistently with each big tantrum you calmy but firmly pick her up and hold her in your arms for the duration her tantrum. Rock her in your lap, held snugly, or my son responds best to holding him on my front with legs around my waist and his head over my shoulder, then walk and shuuushh, just like when he was tiny.
This is not the time for discussion of the problem that caused the tantrum nor a time to use many words when speaking to her. You are in the role of soother. This allows her to that she need not be afraid because the strange out-of-control feeling of the tantrum will end, and that she will have you to help her regulate her emotions until she can do it on her own. :)
