My freind is taking her baby in to the Dr. tomorrow to check for retinoblastoma. She heard about this on a Dr. show and saw the pictures taken of children who have this. In the pictures the eye with the tumor is white while the other is red or normal. She started thinking about her babies pictures and started going through them all. Almost every picture that his head is turned the right eye is white while the other is normal or red. She is very concerned/upset, with obvious right, but my problem is I don't know how to comfort her or make her feel at peace with it. I know she won't until they tell her he is fine but what if they don't? Has anyone ever been in this situation, had or known someone who has had retinoblastoma? If so, what would you have wanted to hear from a friend or if you were in my shoes, what did you do or say to be there and support your friend? Thanks for taking the time to read and respond
Thank you all so much, I feel really good about all the advice and am using a little piece of each one! Only problem now is that, the appt. was this morning but the Dr. had a family emergency so they have to wait until next Tuesday, they've already been waiting for a month so it's stressful but hopefully everything will be okay for the Dr. So I guess we just need prayer for everyone, her, her son, the family and the Dr. I will keep you all posted on the outcome. Thanks again for all your thougths, prayers, and support!
She will want to talk about her feelings eventually about this. Just be there for her. Do not give advice, do not be judgmental or second guess what the dr.'s have said...just listen. Hold her hand and her heart while she talks it out. That's the best thing I can tell you for anyone who receives bad news. I have been there and this is what I needed.
You & your friend are in my thoughts & prayers.
Hopefully everything will be normal.
FYI- my sister in law called us when she saw a picture of my 1 year old because her eyes did the same thing- one eye was white/cloudy while the other was normal/red. She is a nurse and was concerned about retinoblastoma.
We had already been to the pediatric eye specialist, though and my daughter's was caused by a clogged tear duct. So, hopefully this will turn out to be nothing major.
In any case, just try to be a good listener (liek you already have been) and think of ways you can help (maybe take care of other children for her while she goes to the doctor, prepare meals, etc.)
Hope everything turns out okay!
Dear K.,
My one year old grandson had the white eye reflection and we were scared to death for a day or two until we could get a doctor's advice/diagnosis.
We were so scared about the possibility of having his eye removed...of him having to fight cancer at such a young age...of him dying from cancer.
The only thing we needed was God's strength and the prayers of our friends.
I don't know if you are a praying woman, but knowing that God was still in control when we had no control brought us comfort. No matter what happened, God would see us through it.
BTW, our grandson had pediactric cateracs in each eye, instead of cancer. I will pray for the same less frightening diagnosis for your friend.
J.
The advice about calling, listening, NOT being afraid to be there for her is very good advice. If it turns out the baby DOES have retinoblastoma, send me a message and I'll give you the link to a website of a very good friend's son. He writes a blog about his experience with his 4 year-old son's retinoblastoma. They were scared, of course, all the way through the journey, and I suppose it's really not over yet. But life has gone on for them (and for their son!!), and that's probably something your friend will need to know. Things will be difficult for a while, but there will be light at the end of the tunnel, and blessings to enjoy even after the fact.
Never been in that situation but here is my advice to you as a "good friend"
A good friend would:
Just listen to her. Call her before the appointment and let her talk and get out her fears. Tell her she is in your prayers.
Give your friend the reassurance that no matter what everything will be ok and let her know you are there for her. Just be a supportive shoulder to lean on without making her feel worse.
also if i were going into a serious dr. appt i would not want to here about my friends silly nonsense you know the "girl talk". no gossip, no silly conversation; just be serious and be there the best you know how.
goodluck.
I think you have received some great advice and it sounds like you are a very loving friend.
Don't be afraid to physically show her you care as well. Giving hugs or holding her hand while she talks are also good. Some women really draw strength from touch.
If the results of the Dr. visit are not good, you can show her you care by bringing dinner after treatments or Dr. visits. I've not had any experience of this disease, but it would be helpful to me, if my child was sick, to have a helping hand.
Prayers for your friend and her baby are being sent to heaven today!
K.,
You have gotten very good advice from a lot of smart women. I will add my two cents. You cannot know exactly what will make your friend feel better. Everyone is different. You cannot make her feel peace. Being there with compassion is what good friend does. Sometimes that is not saying much, just acknowledging your friends right to whatever it is she is feeling.
Also, don't offer too much information. In that I mean don't start dragging up articles or telling stories about what your "heard." I'm not saying you aren't allowed to share some things. The happy ending described by one of the other mom's offers hope. You can offer practical things in a non-judgemental way.......like, "Have you considered a second opinion?" But don't bring books or articles, etc... Trust your friend to seek out the information she wants to know. Trust her if she says, "No, I don't think we need a second opinion."
You and your friend and her baby are in my heart today.
All the best,
P.
K.,
will be praying that all is fine with your friends baby.
The best thing you can do is just be there. Ask her if you can help cook dinner for them or help clean up or run errands. Just let her know if she wants you to pray with or just to vent or yell and cry, you are there and will hold the box of kleenex if needed.
Many of us (me included) are fixer, we want to do something to make it better, and it's hard to just sit there. Many times that is what our friends really need, just someone to be there.
If the test do show something, then offer to help watch her little one if she needs to get away for a few minutes, or needs time to research information. Or offer to do the research and then give her the links or what not...
And help with meals if needed.
Hope and pray for a good report.
