Helping a 2-Year-old Remember Mama

One thing that helps is if you can videotape her reading him his favorite books. Then, anytime he really misses her he can watch her and hear her voice and look along in the book. If you don't have a videocamera, CVS sells one-time use cameras for around $30. They're great if you don't want to pay for a big one.

S. --

Talk to the folks at the hospital and find out if she can have a laptop with a webcam attached to it in her room. The hospital might even be able to assist you in finding this type of equipment, if you don't already have it available to you.

She could sign on daily at a specific time and visit with her family, including her son.

Just a thought...

C. K.

Hi S....My story is somewhat the same, but as being the mother of that child...My husband was diagnosed with Cancer in 2000. At the time, my daughter was 6 months old, one of my sons was 2, one was 8 and one 12. I basically handed the responsibility over to my parents. We made many trips to Houston to the hospital, very often and for long periods of time. The only thing I can tell you to do is to let that child talk to her on the phone, if possible and as often as possible and to visit as often as possible. I am aware that bone marrow transplants are completely different than our situation, but anything that will connect them has to help. Make pictures, scrapbooks, write letters anything of the sort. I don't mean to end on a sad note, but my husband died in 2003 of lung cancer. I am a single parent of these kids and I think my mom and dad did a fantastic job with what they had to work with. My prayers are with you and your family. V. M.

First, your entire family will be in my prayers, especially your daughter, your grandson and you. You are very special- many people might just be overwhelmed, but you are creating a plan to protect the bond between your grandson and daughter.
Both are blessed to have you. I had an extended (five weeks)and very stressful stay in hospital during pregnancy with my second child, seperated from my 4 year old, who had never spent a night away from me prior. All you do to encourage that bond will be the greatest of blessings to your daughter. Here are a few ideas, most of which you have probably already thought. Of course when possible phone calls, but maybe have a picture of mommy out while he talks to her (and vice versa) Have your daughter write a note in his favorite books, and before you read the books, read the note from mommy. Make a card for her that has a picture of the two of them together and let him put a handprint of paint on the card each day and mail it after a week- do one each week. Maybe have mom select and sign cards before she goes in- that way if she isn't feeling well, you can just put them in the mail for her and go to the mail with him often for cards from mommy, or if he is allowed to visit, take one of the cards so mom can give it to him (this will help mom too) Have mom record a tape singing, perhaps with him if possible before she goes in hospital- maybe the three of you together, would be easier for him. If possible, have days where you eat the same thing as mommy for the same meal and talk about it on the phone. Have a matching socks day- today mommy is wearing blue socks- lets wear blue socks too. Take pictures of everybody in blue socks, share photos with each other If you don't have easy access to print photos quickly, get a poloroid (which my kids prefer over a digital at this point.) Let him decorate cookies and other things to send to mommy, even if she can't have them. Let him have a blanket or something with her perfume on it. If visits are allowed, this may sound extreme, but when I was in hospital, my daughter disliked the atmosphere so much she did not like to be there- I wish we had been more prepared with a new and interesting simple treat such as crayons or something she would have liked in my room or waiting room (even might have put it in a treasure chest like at the dentists.) My husband often took her to the gift shop, but this was a mistake, because if they came to my room first, she wanted to go to the gift shop, and once she had been she was ready to get out of the hospital. Something as simple as a card from me,a favorite treat or taking a picture together when she came would have helped her look forward to the visits. I mentioned making a tape recording- maybe mom could record something along the lines of "I've asked grandma to tuck you in tonight and give you a big goodnight kiss from me- a really BIG kiss. Get ready, get set, O.k grandma, it's time to kiss my baby..." Big sloppy kiss with tickling and giggles from grandma. You could play it each night. Please know you are all in my prayers. You are expressing your deep love for your daughter through your commitment to preserve their bond.
Love, R.

I am very sorry to hear about your daughter... My son had leukemia last year and we were on the donor list as well but we finally opted for a stem cell transplant and it has worked.. It was scary for a while but he made it through and is now back at school and loving life... Maybe pics of him and his mom together. Maybe a blanket that smells like her.. Sense of smell helps memory and they can talk on the phone every day if she is feeling well... Maybe she could make a daily video for him.. One that he could watch everyday so that he would be able to see her. I hope this helps I wish there was more that I could think of I know this is a very hard time for you and your family and especially your daughter but they are making breakthrus everyday and I hope and pray that your daughter beats this. If you have any questions or just need to vent email me anytime at ____@____.com.

S., FIrst, good luck to your daughter, it seems like she is fighting the good fight and thankguly she has you to help her and her son thru this time. She will heal faster knowing he is cherished and safe.

Make a picture book with the two of them doing their daily routine. It doesn't have to be fancy, you can pick up a small book that holds 4 photos on each page at Hobby Lobby for 5.99 that has a place to jot down a thought next to each picture. That way he can see that they did these things together too. Have a phone at hand so that she can talk to him during or before and after activities, event he mundane ones. Make copies of his favorite books that she can read to him while you turn the pages each night. Make up silly songs and rhymes that only she plays with him, then she can have that little bond when she calls in. Get a web cam so that he can see her, then they can have a time each day to talk 'in person'. Keep her fresh in his mind by talking about her and what she is doing (the upbeat of course, 'Mommy is so brave, she misses you' etc. Have special crafts that he makes for her each day, then mail them to her and have her send pictures of herself with them to send back to him (e-mail makes these things faster) so that he can see that the stuff he sends gets to her. Get a 'buddy' for her to take with her, some stuffed animal that he likes, so that she can send photos of her and the buddy doing things (riding in the wheel chair, whoopee!)together. Anything that can keep the lines of communication open so they can 'touch' each other, even from a distance. Make shue she gets to tell him that she loves him each night before bed and each morning when he wakes up. Make hugs and kisses and leave them around the house so that he finds them and say "Oh look! Your Mommy left this kiss here just for you!" then grab him and kiss him. Keep her in his mind and she will be in his heart. Bless you all, get healthy and be strong.

D.

Perhaps showing him photo's, or a home video, would help.
I will be praying for your grandson..........I also have cancer (breast & lung), so know what the chemo does.
Good luck & God Bless
R.

well understanding that he is going to miss her is there any way that you as a family can take lots and lots of pics and or videos of the family . It might also help to send notes and cards both ways or it might even be possible to use a web cam for stories from mom . well please forgive my typing and grammer (not that good on a compurter. but my prayers will be with you.

Get Mom to make a video her talking to her child and reminding him that she loves him and will see him soon, or record her voice reading different books and singing different songs. While she is in the hospital make a daily, or weekly journal of the things he did that week...take a picture and glue it in the journal next to the entry. YOu could also have mom fill out a calender of the time she is going to be in the hospital and have her write different things she might want him to do. ex. Monday, March 25... " Blow a kiss to moms picture at 3:00", and mom will do the same while she is in the hospital....even though they are not together they will be doing the same thing. hopefully this will help.

S.,

Check out www.hugahero.com

They make dolls with the person's picture on them. They were originally for the kids of deployed soldiers.

I am so sorry your family is having to deal with this! Your family will be in my prayers. Your daughter is blessed to have such a wonderful mother.

So sorry to hear what your daughter is going through. My idea is to make a book (photo book) that has pictures and stories in it. I am a digital scrapbooker, but you don't have to be to do this. There are plenty of services out there where you have templates that you upload your photos to and areas where you put your text. These books are usually hard cover and can take a beating. I have used a company called Heritage Makers to make most of my books, but I think that Ofoto, Winkflash, and other online photo services also offer this type of book. It's not as hard as it seems. Hope this helps...L.

Hi S.,

Your daughter has a wonderful mother. It sounds like you love her very much. Since you know she will be going in for treatment soon you can plan ahead. Why not take a lot of photos of your daughter in various funny or silly poses, enough for one each day she's gone. Incorporate a photo with an activity. For example, if your daughter is waving in one photo you can show it to her son and let him know she's saying hi and misses him. Another photo could be of your daughter reading a book. Show your grandson the picture and then read a story to him, a story that his mom picked out especially for him. Maybe one could be of your daughter praying. Show it to him and than say a prayer before putting him to bed. Perhaps another photo could be of her cooking one of his favorite foods. Show it to him than let him "help" make the treat. Yet another photo could be of your daughter playing with her son. Show the picture to him than play with him. Take a photo of your daughter giving her son a bath and show it to him before you bathe him. All of this helps reinforce that his mother is still in his life and it also associates her with a pleasant experience. I wish your family the very best during this difficult time.

make a photo album with pictures of them together and with her alone. have her read stories to him in a tape recorder and play them for him at bedtime. try to record her on to dvd or vhs singing or just talking or reading stories to him so he can play it all the time. visit as often as possible. have mom go do a biuld a bear and record her voice for him if it is possible. so she will always be close to him and he has a little peice of her always. Good luck to you all. and smile. even on the bad days it really seems to help.

There is a website you can try out called caringbridge.com. My cousin's daughter had a heart attack while she was still in the womb, and the website helped keep people updated,and other people going through the same thing were able to give their insight. It is like mamasource, but for people with health problems, or people with loved ones with health problems. but also mighht help give you ideas, because there will be people who visit the website who are in the exact same position. It is an awesome website, and I think it would help you, your daughter, and your grandson. Please give it a try. Good Luck and I'm keeping your family in my thoughts. Another helpful idea: when I was growing up and my mom would go on trips, I would keep one of her stuffed animals and keep it with me, and she would take one of mine on the trip with her, and vice versa for if I went on a trip and she wasn't able to go. We exchanged the stuffed animals for the period of time we would be apart, and it would help us remember and think about the other-like our own private connection. Maybe your daughter and her son can do something like that- then they'll have something from each other with them at all times, and might halp.

Hope this helps.
Get a favorite blouse/shirt/jacket of Mom's and have her wear it several hours so it "smells" like Mom. Keep it ziplocked in a plastic bag except during "Remember Mom" times. Have lots of pictures of Mom holding little guy and doing things with him. Tape record Mom reading one or more stories to him. If you have the "technologies" (borrow or buy camcorder or DVD burner/player and make video of Mom and little guy. If possible, have Mom talk to him every day on the phone.
When my daughter was a baby we didn't have videos of my Mom who babysat my brother's children out of state for the summer but I talked to my daughter about my Mom and would hold the phone to her ear. We had moved from my parents' house when she was about a year old, and we only talked by phone once or twice a week.
Hope this helps.

Maybe you could keep some pictures around and daily show him her picture and tell him of his mama and even if she feels like talking, then let them talk on the phone. That way he will remember her voice and seeing her picture will help him remember what she looks like. I hope this helps and hope you find a match. What state do you live in? Good luck and God Bless.

S.,
I will keep you and your family in my positive thoughts. I loved all the suggestions from Dianne G. - I think all those are great things. And I would suggest maybe an outing with your daughter (if she's able to) and your grandson to Build A Bear (usually in malls), where they pick out a bear or animal together and his Mommy records a special message to him. Something like "Mommy loves you very much and misses you lots" - I think it can be up to a 60 sec recording. And you wouldn't have to buy accessories for the bear, since that's where the cost adds up quick. I love the video recording idea too, but with a bear, he'll have something he can hug and love on anytime he misses Mommy. I think it could help your daughter to get one for herself and have him record a little message to her and she could love on it when she misses him (which I'm sure will be all the time). And if he sees that they both have one, he'll have a visual (2 bears - one for him and one for Mommy) and a physical connection (something from Mommy to hug and kiss). That's my suggestion, hope it helps during this difficult time for you all.

This is heartbreaking. Little ones in our family have had to deal with separation from deaths, and deployment of a parent. We used videos and lots of phone calls. It helps, but doesn't make the problem go away. Thank God he has you.

Hi S., I know this is a very dificult problem. I had cancer in the Tiroid, I also took alternative help that doesn't harm. The treatment is named Flor Essence is natural, but my recover was faster even thou your taking Chemotherapy. Look in the internet the information and have the information. I am now a healthy person have 2 babies after this. Hope everything goes on well.

Encourage your daughter to make a video tape of herself with small messages to play every day very generic so they can be replayed once they have all been viewed.

You obviously have a computer. If your daughter were able to take a laptop with webcam to the hospital with her she would not only be able to talk to her son but have video conferences with him anytime she would like to. Due to Isolation check with her Dr but I don't believe there should be a problem with that. It is hard to be away from her son as much so for her as it is for him. I think with the webcam it will make it easier to have daily contact and they will be closer when she gets home. He would certainly know who mommy is when she returns to him/ I will pray for you all and hope that this stay in the hospital is a short one and she will come home healthier. Good Luck and God Bless Grammas.

Hello S.,
I can't imagine what you are going through, my heart goes out to you and your family. I would get a picture for sure, you may be able to go online and find stuff animals that have a picture pocket. I found this one website for you http://www.eplushtoy.com/anpicfram.html
and I'm sure there are many more if you google stuffed animal picture frames. You may even be able to find some like the build a bears with voice recorders. Mama could leave a personilized message just for him on it. This is something he can keep for life....Also just remember to talk about her everyday, and visit when you can. I wish you the best in these hard times.

I recommend doing a memory album. Maybe an album all about "Mom & Me" with pictures of them together. Have his mom write the stories (or type them) and he can then read it like a story. I'm not gone, but my 2 yo son absolutely loves reading "his story" (album). Let me know if you want more help or suggestions - I also sell products.

Hope that's helpful.

I am very sorry for your situation. Sometimes life throughs curve balls and we just don't have the strength or energy to get out of there way. I was a little bit older when my mom went into the hospital for tb of the brain. I remember how much I missed having her around but my aunt would keep pictures of her around and we would talk about her and she would tell me stories. Also, talking on the phone might help. All my other ideas seem to be to mature for a two year old but I will keep you in my prayer and since I know God answers prayers I am sure everything will work out for the best even if its not the way you want it to be. In my prays L.

You could make a DVD of your daughter talking/ reading/singing to her son. Don't have the technology? Check with your local hospital for leukemia support groups, they may be able to help. Short of a DVD, you could make a photo album of the 2 of them and show it to him daily. Also she could make a CD (just audio) of the same things she would put on the DVD.

I'll keep a prayer for you and your family.
Blessings, E. T

When my husband was away for work and for months at a time and our daughter was a year to a year and a half, I made pictures of him and his parents just for her. A great way to do this is through the Kodak website where you can design soft page books with mommy's picture throughout...it's like a storybook about his very own mom! It really helped mine and it still helps her remember the relatives that are so far away...I know it's not much, but it may help a bit! Good luck with EVERYTHING.

Hello S.,
I will be praying for you,your daughter and the little guy along with your husband. My husband is in the military and we found this website, http://www.hugahero.com/index.php (daddydolls.com) these dolls are not just for the military. It helped so much when he couldn't be there for christmas or any other function. We just brought him along in the form of a doll. Go to the website and browse. They are alll such blessings. Also a small photo album of snapshots. It doesn't have to be a scrapbook, just a simple dollar one at walmart or Dollar tree. the pictures don't have to be fancy, just keep it simple, just one of his very own. Don't worry about it getting dirty or worn. Just make sure he knows its "his" to carry around. We also used this when my girls started daycare/preschool.
Bless you!!
~Denise

I agree with some of the other responses. I would have her read his favorites stories, either on a recorder or video camera, you could also (if she's able) to go to Build A Bear Workshop and build him a stuffed animal with a electronic recorder in it that she can leave a short message on and he could sleep with it or have it as his mommy toy. You could also take him and have him make one for her with a message and then take her picture with it so that he knows she has the same stuffed animal that he has. Just a couple of ideas.

S.
I will keep your daughter in my prayers. Have you tried having your daughter make a tape of her reading his favorite stories and lots of pictures of mommy and a shirt or blanket with her smell on it, or maybe a phone call to her while she is in the hospital, or a video tape of them both together so that he can watch it when she is in the hospital. I hope you daughter will found a donor soon.
T. K.

First of all, I am sorry for all that your daughter is going through. I know it's difficult and scary.

My suggestion would be to video her and your grandson together doing everything they do together, including day to day activity and fun stuff. Show it to him every day that she is gone. Also show him pictures and talk about her and how much she loves him. And maybe she can give him a stuffed animal to keep him company while she's away.

Maybe it would help her, too, if she can have pictures of him while she is undergoing treatment.

Most of all, pray for them both through this.

Hope this helps.

Oh, my heart and prayers go out to your daughter and your entire family. Since he is 2, I think the best things would be pictures, videos and a cassette tape of her talking to him, reading to him, singing to him. Doing everything she would do if she was with him. This way, he can hear her voice and see her face.

You might check out www.hugahero.com (also known as "Daddy Dolls"). It is a website begun my military moms but has tips on separations. May God watch over you, your daughter & your grandchild as you all go through this season of your lives.

God Bless you S.. I work for a Hem/Oncologist and I am the mother of a 2 1/2 year old, so my heart really goes out to your family. First of all I will pray for ya'll. My daughter LOVES to look at photo albums. I would suggest getting some photo albums that he can handle with out you worrying about them tearing up and fill them with great picture of his mama and ones of him and his mama together. I know he is at an age that it would be difficult to take him to the hospital (even when the doctors say its alright) because he doesn't understand why mama can't come home. Maybe everyday ya'll could "color a picture for mama". (even if you don't give her all of them it could be something you encompass into his daily routine) This is definately a trying time in your lives. I know there are times you just want to get in the closet and scream. Make sure you take at least 15 minutes a day to close YOUR eyes. You sound like a wonderful mother S..

I have no personal experience with this. I can't imagine what she must be going through. The good thing is that he is older now. At 2 their memory is much better than 1. Have pictures up and talk about her. Tell stories about things she did with him. When he cries for her remind him she will be home soon. Also, if you can videotape her talking to him that will really help. Let her tell stories, video him on her lap. Oh, my mother also made a cassette tape of herself reading stories out loud and my daughter listens to that at night. That will soothe him to hear mom's voice. Tape record her reading his favorite bedtime stories and have her say the things she usually says to him at bedtime. He can listen to that every night!

My heart goes out to your family. Hang in there. It sounds like they need you desperately.

My heart goes out to you and your family. You will be in my prayers. May I suggest that you keep a photo of your daughter handy and talk to the baby about her often. Maybe this will help to keep her in his memory.

My prayers will be with your family! I can only imagine how she will miss her baby. Get pictures of her and video if possible. It won't matter if it is only one pic/film bit or many. Children can hear the same story and love it just as much so variety will make no difference. Each day look at the picture and say "Good morning Mommy ... Good night Mommy." Have him point to the pic and say hello and tell him she loves him. If it seems to make him sad that would be the only reason I would not do this. This is just one of those times that whatever it takes for the entire family to make it through it is what you do. As long as he is well cared for and he gets older each day, he will adjust and understand. Tell her to stay strong and do what it takes to get well ... baby boy will be fine and they will have a lifetime to bond.

My thoughts are to make a photo book for him with pictures of his mommy and of them together. I would look through it daily and talk about mommy and how much she loves him and can't wait until she is better so she can be with him again. Also, if it's possible, for you daughter to record her voice or videotape her reading a book for him that you could play would also keep her voice familar to him as well.

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Web cam. Get a good one that works in real time and use it often. You dont say how old her "little guy" is but even if it looks scary, knowing is easier to explain and easier for them to handle than what they can imagine. And youd be surprised at how early in life their imagination gets started. So let him see her everyday, when ever he asks, explain in short simple terms what each thing is that he is interested in. The more they know... The less they fear. Who knows you may inspire him to be a dr. Or an rn. Or to finally find a cure.

Or maybe he will just be less frightened. Which is always a good thing.

Granny

S.,
Maybe recording her voice reading bedtime stories and just talking to him. Also you could try video recording her reading bedtime stories and talking to him. depending on what she feels up to. keeping an abundance of pics of her around. and for her do the same. make audio and video tapes for her. send lots of pics and maybe giving each something that belongs to the other that is sentimental to both. sorry u folks are going thru this. may god be with you!

With todays techno world. How about one of the digtal picture frames that talks? I will remember your daughter in my prayers.

I suggest that your daughter make a video of her reading books and it be played everyday- a new story. In the video, she could look directly at him and show the pages of the books and he could hold the book and look along. She can tell him that she misses him and how she loves him. They will be something to cherish when he gets older as well. I did something similiar when I had surgeries.

Also if possible, web cams and laptop might give them a chance to see each other. You can rent Laptops and webcams have gotten cheaper.

Hope this helps and will pray for her recovery to be an easy one.

R.

How old is the little boy? I have two little boys, and their father is always gone. He went to Korea, Iraq, and just came back from being gone 8 weeks from Virginia.

They seems to remember differently depending on their ages.

What I can tell you though, is your reaction is their reaction. The women I know who struggle through a deployment, their kids seem to struggle as well.

This is a heartwrenching story. I'm really so sorry. I hope she gets better soon!

S.,

You've gotten some really good advice. The only thing I can think of is, if you have access to a video camera, let his mother record herself talking to her son. He'll be able to see her and hear her. I know at two they aren't quite able to hold a crayon, but making little crafts with him to give to Mama could be something helpful.

God bless, we'll be praying for you and your family.

A.

i have a few things you could try.
have lots of pic. for your grandson to look at of his mom
also on her good days see if she could make a video for him. she could tell him stories or even read him books on the video and sing to him.

If you have pics of Mama...fix him his own Mama album in an inexpensive little photo album. And look at this with him on a daily basis...and if it was me...I'd pray with him for God to watch over Mama and him till they can be together again.

My Momma passed away at the age of 56...and my children were 8 months, 22 months and 8 years,8 months...since I took lots of pics...my youngest 2 feel they knew "Granny" as well as their older brother. They especially love the pics of them with Granny.

The build a bear idea is a really good one too...if there is one close to you. My oldest son made one of those with his voice talking to their unborn daughter...before he left to go to Kuwait. He's in the Air Force and was gone for 7 months. He left in August...she was born in October (he got to come back for 2 weeks then) and then he was gone till March. Lexi is 17 months old now...and that bear with Elliotts voice talking to her...is still one of her favorite toys.

God bless you and yours...I'll keep ya'll in my prayers.

Deb

S.-

I hope my message is appropriate. I signed up for mamsource over a year ago. I have a little guy myself and was dealing with some very severe mental issues with him and was just looking for answers. I soon found another support program that seemed to work better for me. I have not opened one of these emails in a year. I came in my office today and was going to erase all incoming messages from mamasource. For some reason, I opened this one. It grabbed my heart!!! You are doing the right thing. Continue to reach out and share, do not keep these feelings to yourself. I have no idea what advice to give you.

What I do want to tell you,and I hope is not offensive to you, is this. I have written your name down along with the words- daughter and grandson. I will be putting this in my prayer box, and praying for you and your family daily. God can see you through this and look to him for the answers you need.

Photos, pictures and letters home from mama would be GREAT. Maybe she can set up a video cam in the hospital so she can talk to him live, or someone can take pictures on a digital camera or recorder so he can look at them/watch them later. I know mama won't be looking her best but baby won't care. Just give him messages from mama all the time and let him know she loves him! Put a photo of mama in his bedroom so he can see it when he wakes up or goes to sleep and when he is playing. Those are my best ideas.

Dear S.,
First I would like to say my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I hope and pray a donor is found for her soon. My idea is a scrap book with pictures of her and him that they make and decorate together. Maybe place they have went like Chuckie Cheese or the zoo or a snow day. They can make as many pages as they want to and it will be an activity that won't wear your daughter out to much. A page or two a day. May God Bless your family and keep you in his hands.
P.

Pictures and stories and never be afraid to talk about your little guys mama. My son is in the Army. When he is away, my oldest grandson will do get in his daddy's bed or take his daddy's pillow to his own bed. Sometimes his mommy will put one of his daddies t-shirts on him to sleep in. There are pictures and voice recordings on the computer and cell phones. These certainly are not substitutes for the love, warmth and tenderness of a parent, but it helps to comfort and ease into much needed sleep for a little one, even for you. God bless you and your family.

I am so very sorry! It has to be hard for you both as a mother AND a grandmother. My main suggestion is to have lots of video of your daughter and son together so you can both watch and talk about her. Lots of pictures too. I have a 2 year old son and if your grandson is anything like him having those constant reminders will help.
I hope everything goes well and my prayers are with you and your family.

I'm so sorry your daughter is having to go through such a tough time, do you or someone you know have a movie camera? Maybe make a tape or DVD of your daughter taking to her son and saying his name and show him alot of her pictuers and talk about her to him. I hope this helps, or maybe gives you an idea.

Will pray for
all of you,

T. R.

I would check with the hospital to see if she can get setup for videophone over the internet. I've been told that Skype and Yahoo Internet messenger are good, and free!

My prayers to out to you.

lots of pictures. one special picture by his bed. a daily phone call so he can hear her voice . video messages. Have him make
a craft project for his mom.

I know several people have responded with the idea of a photo album. I am a Creative Memories consultant and would be happy to donate an album and supplies and even help you put it together. It would help him now and be a keepsake for the future. Go to my website www.mycmsite.com/juliebedard and send me an email from there. I would love to help you do this.

I am so sorry to hear about your Daughter. I can't even imagine what that must be like.

My Husband was deployed to Iraq for a year and left when our daughter was only 8mo. old. At that time she was so young and I had never been through a deployment, so we didn't quite know what to do. In the meantime, my Mother had purchased a digital camcorder that recorded onto mini-dvd's. We recorded my daughter during all the 'firsts' that my husband would be missing. He came home for his two week R&R at about the six month mark. She was 14mo old. We decided while he was there that maybe we should record him doing things with her. He read stories to her, sang to her, and really just talked to her. Most of the time...it didn't seem to do a whole lot. But, when he was on his way home, I played that movie for her all day long every day and when he got home, she recognized him a lot better than I thought she would.

Your grandson is older, so it would probably work even better with him. My prayers are with your daughter, you, and the whole family.

I don't remember much at two years old but when I was little I always liked hearing stories about my parents when they were younger. Maybe each day take a few minutes or as long as his attention will hold and show him picutres of his Mama and tell a little story about her when she was his age or something she did really well (obviously you will need to make it age appropriate for him) Or just say "Your Mama loves you very much" and show him a picture or if you have video of her that might work too. This way he will see her each day and learn a little about her too!

May God bless you and all of your family.

S.,

First of all, prayers going up for your daughter and family!!

It is always so hard on little ones. I can imagine, now that he is 2, your grandson will remember his mother during the absence, but will definitely be very clingy when she is again home.

How about making a video of Mommy reading him some of his favorite stories, or just talking to him and telling him she loves him? My husband is military and has had many long deployments. Before each one, he would make a video for the kids, reading their favorite stories, singing their bedtime song to them, and telling them how much he loved them. We pretty much wore those tapes out, because the kids loved to play them every night before bed. It made them feel like daddy was there, tucking them in.

Now that your grandson is older, phone calls might be an option, too...and making a little photo album with pictures of him and his mommy, and of just mommy, might help. My kids also liked to have something of my husband's to hold and cuddle at night when he was gone. The older ones liked to sleep in his t-shirts. The little ones preferred a special blankie or stuffed animal that daddy "filled up with hugs" before he left, and which smelled a little like his cologne.

Having the kids video messages or color (or scribble!) pictures for Daddy, and taking pictures of them doing things to send to Daddy, also helped the kids feel more connected. Your grandson might be old enough to enjoy this too...especially if your daughter can pass drawings or messages back (my husband would mail drawings of hearts or flowers or of a stick daddy hugging stick kids--his drawings weren't very artistic, but it met the kids on their level).

I hope some of these ideas help....and I hope you are encouraged to know that others are praying for you and your daughter and family!

Hi S.,
I have had quite a bit of experience in this department. My son is now 3 1/2 and his daddy was deployed for at least 18 months of his life. The six months that daddy has been home is the longest time they have been together. Have her read his favorite books into a tape recorder or have them video taped. Also tape her talking and spending time with him. My son loved watching him and daddy playing. If she can have copies of his favorite books with her than, if she is able to call on the phone, she can read the book to him while he and you "read" along. Lots of pictures of the two of them together EVERYWHERE. We even carried one in the car for him to see and show people. There is an Elmo video distributed to military families and I think it is sold at WalMart about when daddy/mommy has to go away. In it Elmo's Daddy had to "leave" and it didn't say where he had to go or when he would be back but they handled it well, showed them talking on the phone and videos. I know that it will be stressful for all involved, but remember to keep it positive and spend the time doing things that are child oriented, learning and fun. My son is well adjusted and knows that mommy and daddy love him because that was repeatedly told and shown. Lots of luck.
B.

Dear,Dear S.,My heart goes out to you & your family.You're in my prayers. God does answer prayers.Please check out www.glycoscience.org and watch the "State of the Science" video.Do you have pictures of Mama with the little one?It is so important to keep her close and talk about how much Moma loves this little one and is so proud of him.If there is anything I can do for you.I'm here.You can learn more about this new science Mon.8p.m. 1-877-626-6246 Love,M.

Dear S., how are you?The call is INCREDIBLE! Call me ###-###-#### I have some powerful info.that I can share.

My heart goes out to each of you! I have no experience with your situation; however, an idea occurred to me... When my son was about 2, a friend had given him a 5"x7" "book" she made out of colored card stock paper. It's titled "All About (insert child's name)" which is what is typed on the cover page. The first page says "ME!" at the bottom of the page and she left a space to glue a 4x6 photo of my son. The next page says "SISTER" at the bottom and leaves space for her pic. The next says "MOM" with space for the photo and so on. You could use this same idea for your grandson's entire family or it could be devoted to just pictures of he and his mom doing different things together... READING, GOING FOR A WALK, KISSING, HUGGING, PLAYING, etc. The pages are held together with a big ring but you could have Kinkos bind it for you for approx $5-7 bucks. This will visually reinforce his relationship with his mom.

Another thought I have is to record his mom reading his favorite books to him and play that for him so that he can "read" along while you turn the pages (or he turns them for himself)! This should reinforce the comfort and sound of her voice.

Good luck! I'll keep you in my prayers! ~A.

Hi S.,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter. I had a few thoughts as I was reading your situation that may help you and your grandson.

1. Take videos of your daughter talking to her son, encouraging him, singing to him, reading a book to him, telling him goodnight, that sort of thing. Play those back for him. Then take videos of them together and play those back.

2. Make a photo album of your daughter and her son and leave it where your grandson can pick it up and look at it, on a coffee table or by his bed, etc. You could even write a journal book about things that your daughter and son do together and put photos of them together for him to look at.

3. Let him talk to her on the phone, hear her voice daily.

4. Take him to hospital, if possible, often.

5. Check out, or buy, books or movies that are kid appropriate about children going to the Doctor or hospital, etc. to help him understand what happens. One that I can think of right now is "Curious George visits the Doctor", it is a DVD and I am sure it is in book form also. Then discuss how Curious George is like his mom, visiting the hospital/doctor.

Praying for healing!!

Blessings,
P. k.

Hi S.,

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, this has got to be so stressful, let alone devestating to watch. I do not have any full proof advice, but hope this helps in some way.

Maybe take pictures, lots of them, and put them around his room, this will help him recognize his mama, and know that he is loved by her.

Whenever possible, and she is feeling up to it maybe call her and let him hear her voice, and hopefully she can tell him she will be home, or anything reassuring.

Make a video. Have mama sit down in front of the camera and tell his favorite story to him, read his favorite book. Maybe she can re-enact a nightly bedtime ritual so it helps him at night. She can tell him how much she loves and adores him and how much he'll be missed. Maybe it's not mama in real-time, but it's something.

Just a few ideas to help hopefully, best of luck to you.

K.

pictures pictures pictures and stories about momma are great in the mean time contact the news stations and get your story out plead for donors!! by gosh you can do it!

Is there any reason why he cant go in to see her in the hospital? Let him lay by her in the bed and have lunch with her. It could be 3xs a week. Give him a book with pictures of her and say prayers with him for his mom. It is all up to you granny...

is there a dad in the picture? What about grandpa?

Pictures of course will help, going by the hospital and waving at the window may be something to get him to feel she is still there. I also think talking about mommy and maybe trying to find some children's books dealing with illness/ and absence. I can't imagine how difficult this is for your family, my heart goes out to you. Planting flowers or something that you can tell him is for when mommy comes home, will give him something tangible to connect to his mom. Maybe these ideas will help. I wish you all health and peace.
Best Regards,
B. Smith

My grandson was two when my daughter was hospitalized for a month with Lupus. She was allowed to call him on the phone and they would talk everyday. I had to put him in daycare so that he would play with other children which seemed to keep his mind off the fact that she wasn't home. I spent a lot of time with him. He liked story hour at the library and going to the park to play with other kids. We went to the McDonalds with the playground.

When his mother returned home was difficult as well. He would still cling to me and didn't seem to trust her at first. Over time he became comfortable with her again. It was a difficult time.

My ex-husband came to visit our daughter and would constantly say that we couldn't allow him to use his mother's illness as an excuse to misbehave. I simply focused on him and what he liked and we worked through it. God bless you.
peace and blesssings
D.

I am sorry to hear about your daughter. Only thing I can think of is possibly a video. Maybe she can make a video before she goes into the hospital of her reading him books,singing songs,etc.
My father-in-law was diagnosed 13 months ago. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. I can relate with you anxieties and frustrations. You had mentioned the lack of minority donors,forgive my ignorance,is race a factor when matching to a donor? My FIL recieved a transplant from his brother. His doctors said that a relative,especially same mother and father,matches best.
Please contact me privately. I want to help.

Perhaps videos of your daughter might help your grandson feel more connected to his mother during her hospital stay. She could videotape little messages for him before she goes into the hospital, which you can play for your grandson everyday. Also, check with the hospital to see if special arrangements can be made for your daughter to have internet access during her stay in the hospital. She can then take a laptop with a camera with her and your grandson would be able to see and hear his mother over the internet. Your daughter could call each night before he goes to bed and sing him a lullaby and "tuck" him in bed that way. If there was someway to incorporate your daughter's presence into your grandson's regular routine, I think it would help him deal with her absence and her return. Toddlers and children in general are reassured by routines. I will keep your family in my prayers.

First of all let me say how sorry I am that your daughter and your family is going through this. I will definitely add all of you to my prayers! How old is your grandson? Is there any way he can visit regularly in the hospital? If not, you can do things like have Mommy read him some books and tape record this so he can follow along and hear her voice every night. If you don't have a video camera see if you can borrow one and have her tape a little message that he can view everyday. She could even do this all at once and you just play portions of the tape daily. She could read books, sing songs, do fingerplays or just talk to him and tell him how much she loves him. I will do some research on the internet and see how parents that are in the military and experience long absences do stuff to remain familiar to their children. My email address is ____@____.com and if you will send me an email I promise to find some more ideas and send them to you ASAP. Best wishes for all of you!

When my husband deploys we take the videocamera out and have him read bed time stories on tape. We also take the time to make pictures of us to send with him with words like hug and kisses, etc. This helps with thelittle ones rememebring a parent who is far away or unable to be near, the action of sending to the parent helps them remeber to love and they remember they are loved. I also place pictures areound thehouse of him and my daughter.

Make videos, you could even use a cell-phone camera and send the video thru the email - then they could be recent. Also, they could talk on the phone or use a lap top - the hospital may have this available to your daughter. Take photos of your daughter from the doorway of her hospital room and give them to him. Have him draw pictures for M. or pick flowers to send to her.

pray...and pray some more. pictures, items of clothing that have mom's scent, stories that go with the pictures everyday, meals that mom would make, new soft "something" that can be his huggable thing and name it something like "mom's angel", light a candle everynight and pray with him...or if you are not a praying family, tell a story...

worry is pointless...let them go. concerns are different...pray about those and the answers will come if you listen...

sending good thoughts your way...

First of all I would found out what kind of comunation she is able to have. Can she tape herself reading him stories on days she feels good, how about phone calls. I would also kept pictures of her around that he can remeber what she looked like. I would have him draw her pictures for her if he is big enough to. I want to also to know you all have my prayers.

Dear S.:

May God do a miracle with your daughter and give you strength! I have a brother who was healed as a child from a blood disorder similar to leukemia. And I believe Jesus is the best doctor...
Now my suggestion since I have a little boy almost 2, is to keep pictures of Mommy where he can see them, pictures of him and his mommy, and to show them to him each day and tell him where mommy is and that she'll come back as soon as she can, and how much mommy loves him! Where I live children are allowed at the hospital as long as you don't go to a risky area/floor. If this is your case your grandson might be able to see mommy while she is at the hospital. I don't know if this might be risky for mommy or your grandson though...
Would you send me a personal email with an explanation of how to become a bone marrow donor? I am interested!

Many hugs, hang in there!
R.