Getting Ready for Deployment

Two words : Sesame Street!
They have a video series out that can help!
I dont remember what the site is, but I got the info from another mom with kids and dad in Iraq. maybe do a search.

I am sorry to hear that your hubby is going to Iraq. Having been through that experience twice (18 months and 16 months) I know hao hard it can be. During the first deployment our kids were 15 mo and 10 years. When we found out dad was leaving I chose to let him just be the "fun" person with the little one so that they could bond. I took a lot of pictures of them together and kept them where she could get to them. She was upset with him when he left and would not 'talk' to him on the phone. However, once he returned and she got used to him being around again (it took a little time) they became closer than ever. You and your son will always have a special bond since you will be his only care-giver for a while but kids are so resiliant that it will all work out. I would also like to suggest that you get to know some of the other moms in your hubbys unit. It is great to have someone to lean on that is in the same situation. Hope this helps a little and God Bless our soldiers and thier families.

My heart goes out to you, we've been through deployment as well. My first was born while my husband was gone, so we weren't in quite the same situation as you, but I can still offer a few suggestions.
1)I would make sure you keep lots of pictures of your husband around. Show them to your son often, and talk about daddy whenever you can.
2)Let daddy talk to him on the phone whenever possible. Even though he can't understand what is going on, it is good for him to hear his voice.
3)For your husband's benefit, make lots of video of your son while he is away. My husband loved getting videos of his daughter, and now that my daughter is three she loves to watch them. We would do fun little story lines and make it into a little movie, just to give daddy a laugh.
4)It sounds like you are on the right track. I'm guessing that maybe the reason your son isn't letting daddy get up with him is because he is sensing that you guys are under a lot of stress. I think things like that stress them out, too, even though they don't know what it is. I would just make sure daddy spends as much time with him as possible, it doesn't necessarily have to be at night, although for you, having a break before your husband leaves is a good thing.
5) For yourself, while your husband is gone make sure you get out for a little R&R once in a while, away from your son. It will be a lifesaver!
6)When your husband does come home from his deployment, still don't expect him and your son to be best buds right away. My daughter was a scared of daddy for probably the first 4-6 months or so. This was really frustrating for my husband, but eventually she warmed up to him. Just take your time, and it will come.

Good luck with the upcoming deployment!

Hi M....
Well, My husband deployed for about 6 months when my daughter was very young. About 2 months, and she was 7 months when he returned. I showed her pics of her daddy every day, and talked about how he was away. I know she was very young but I know she could still sense that something was missing. I bought her one of the "who loves baby" books by sassy, and just filled it up will all pictures of him. She could play with it and look at pics whenever she wanted. Since your son will be a little older he will comprehend a little better. But you can let him talk on the phone to daddy whenever you get the chance, and do fun projects to send to daddy. I let my little girl finger paint once. I know some people make video tapes of daddy before they leave, and then the kids can watch them too. There are a lot of options, but the most important thing, I think, is to have daddy be a part of everyday somehow, even though he isn't physically there.
Hope this helps.
C.

Here's a few suggestions (see below). I'm NOT sure how much they'll help. IF you need help, please e-mail me privately. And I'd be more than willing to help (incl. while your husband is deployed in Iraq). I know what you are going through!!!! Anyhow, here are my suggestions:

* Make a bunch and or have a bunch of stuff made w/your husbands picture on it (teddy bear, clothing, cup, etc.)

* Maybe have your husband record some stuff specifically for your child on a tape recorder or something to that effect. OR IF you have a camcorder, maybe your husband would be willing to make a home movie for you & your son to watch while he is deployeed.

Anyhow, as I said, I'm willing to help out. But please e-mail me privately. I have more suggestions avail. Good Luck!!

C.

This can be a tough time. My husband was deployed when my youngest was 9 months old and didn't return until she was almost 18 months. It was a harder time for me than it was for her and in hindsight (it's been almost 5 years) she doesn't remember him being gone.

I kept a diary for him about all the wonderful things that happened every day and included pictures that she drew and I even traced her hands and feet a few times.

I never told her anything too complicated - only that daddy was at work. What helped us the most was that he would call whenever he could and she would listen to his voice. I also kept pictures of him all over the house. (Amazingly enough he was able to see her first steps!) When he returned, she recognized his voice and to her it was like he had never left. They are still inseparable.

M.~
I don't know if this would be awkward or not for your husband. But maybe you could set up the video camera and have your husband read books and you could record it. :) Kids love being read to and they don't mind at all hearing the same stories over and over again! Also, Sassy makes a baby friendly photo album that you could put pictures in of you, your husband and son. Then your son will have it to look at whenever he wants! (I've seen it sold at BRU and Target for about $5-$6.)
As far as your husband bonding with your son in the night time rituals department...I'm not much help there, sorry. Our son is the same way. Daddy can put him to bed...but he won't fall asleep until I say good night to him. ;)
My best goes to you and your family! It takes a dedicated strong woman to be a wife to a man in the military! I admire you. And to your husband...a huge THANK YOU!
God Bless you and your family!
~A.

Hi M.!
I understand what you are going through, I've been an Air Force wife for nearly 9 years and have 2 boys who are 6 and almost 3. We've been through countless deployments and each one has been different than the last.

I think it is most important to continue what you're doing as a family before he leaves and not to introduce something new to the mix. If baby doesn't like daddy putting him to bed, maybe dad could read a story while you're doing that last feeding, putting pj's on, etc. Just add dad to the bedtime mix. When he comes back, it's totally normal to be a little apprehensive of daddy, especially since he'll be at the stranger anxiety age as well. Just don't 'force' him to go to dad, he'll go when he's ready and remind your husband that it's not that he doesn't like him, just that he's not used to him.

I agree with the other posts about taking a picture of him and daddy and let him see it every day. Also we took videos of baby and daddy playing together and we'd watch those while he was gone...like daddy reading stories to him etc. We also made videos of baby to send to daddy so he could see how he was growing up too.

Another thing you could purchase is one of these:
http://daddydolls.com/categories.php?cat=7
I'm thinking of getting one for each of the boys for the upcoming deployment we're facing as well. Your son could have 'daddy' with him wherever he goes and sleep with him at night/etc.

Good luck!

Hi there...

Miltary Mom here too... My children are older but we are trying to expand the family as well.. I belonged to a group called Compass at our last duty station. It is for Navy spouses and we did a whole unit on this very subject.

I would make tapes of your husband reading books to your son so he can watch those daily and remember his voice and his looks. Being that he is very young it is hard for him to understand time.. but lots of families make a strand of rings out of construction paper and every day they cut one of the rings off... and the chain gets smaller as the day the parent comes home gets closer...It is a very good visual reference for them. They can keep it around their room.

It sounds to me like your son wants you to help pacify him when he wakes or goes to bed... In my opinion I wouldnt force his Dad into this role before he deploys.. He is going to need you for this very thing when your Husband is gone and you dont want him to rely on your Husband when he cant be there. What I suggest is to ...bring your husband into a role in the night time ritual such as reading him a book.. THEN when he has deployed you can play the video of him reading the book to keep his routine seemingly the same...Then before you lay him down you can take a ring off the chain.

I believe routine is very important for children at any age....It is of course only my opinion..

I hope this makes some sense....

Please thank your husband for his service to our country and for keeping our freedoms and families safe....

When my daughter was one my husband got deployed to Korea for a 12 month tour, which ended up being a 15 month tour he got extended. She turned one in May he deployed in June. I made my daughter a little album of pictures of her daddy, just one of the little flip ones that hold like 25 pictures. Some of them had her in them as well. We looked at the pictures everyday and talked about daddy, and what he was doing in them. Like oh that was when daddy took you to the zoo to see all the animals. I also just talked about him to her all the time, telling her daddy loved and missed her and hed be home soon. She had no problems at all going to him when he returned home from Korea. My husband returned home for only 4 months and then got sent to Iraq for 15 months, and again we used the album which I had added new pictures of when he had returned home for the few months. She never shyed away from him, I think they know who daddy is there is a bond there that wont be broken. My husband also could not lay her down for naps or bedtime. She wanted mommy to do that, I would suggest that not have him try to do that, just let your childs time with daddy be a happy one for her to remember. My daughter is now 6 and we have a 14 month old boy and he also will not let daddy put him to bed, I think kids think of daddy as their big play mate and want mommy to put them to bed.

I wouldn't push the daddy bonding issue. It seems to me that if he cries the whole time he's with daddy at night it is just creating negative feelings for both. If your husband gets up at night with your son to help you, then kudos to him, but if it is to force bonding and you would all get more sleep if you just got up, I wouldn't make everyone continue to suffer. Your son will VERY likely grow out of this phase. As to your husband's deployment, that is really hard, but I still wouldn't push the bonding issue. He's so young he won't remember his dad and will most likely be shy with him when he returns no matter what you do while he is gone, but that shouldn't last long. Maybe you could make a book of Daddy pictures to look at every night before bedtime or something like that. I think that would be the least pressure and a way for him to at least be familiar with Daddy's face.

It is really hard to get a child ready for a deployment. My husband is a Marine also and left when our son was 6 weeks old. He was gone to Iraq until our baby was 13 months old. He did get to come home for a visit when he was around 8 months old and that was only for 10 days or so. The things we did to prepare our kids was to let them know where daddy was going - I had a 5 year old step son. For him we gave him a map of Iraq to show where daddy was. We also took the boys to build a bear and they each built a bear, and we had my husband record his voice and then they put it in the bear and then I played it for my son alot. We also went to JCPenny and had pictures taken and I made sure I got one of daddy and our baby (my step son was in another state) but I had all of the pictures up around the rooms so that he could see them. Then when he was gone, my husband called twice a week and I made sure I put the phone up to our son so he could hear his voice. It was suprising that when we picked him up at the airport for his leave my son went right to him and knew who he was right away. And he was leary of new people at the time, but he knew his daddy. Plus when my husband was in Iraq he read the boys a story and it was recorded on a dvd and sent to us - so that helped so the kids could hear and see him. He also took some pictures of himself and sent them via e-mail to us.
So I would say that don't stress you son out - and if he wants mommy at night - to let it stay that way - otherwise when daddy is gone you might deal with that problem of daddy not being there at night. But have daddy give him a bath - or try to let them do other things during the time you have that they can bond and you can never take enough pictures of the two of them. Maybe daddy can come up with a game or a toy that just the two of them play with.
I know how tough it is - but you will all get through it and things will be fine. It's hard and you can cry - the best thing to do is be surrounded by a support system for you both, some days you just need a break. I lived with my mom - so it helped and I could get away for a few hours if I needed. As a fellow Marine wife and mom I am here if you need someone to talk to! Enjoy all the time you have before he leaves. That is the most important thing right now.
J. - stepmom of 6 year old, 17 month old, and due June 25th, 2008 - All BOYS! (Stay at home mom and Pampered Chef consultant)

M.,
My prayers are with you and your family. This will be a tough time for the 2 of you, your son, however, should be just fine.
My ex husband worked away from home, but was in on the weekends- until we divorced and I moved back to Omaha- myson was 3. I feared that my son would forget his dad as we are only able to get to TX once a year, and we are never sure when dad will get a load coming to Omaha. So I put pictures up all around our house of dad. I routinely looked at photo albums with my son. Our wedding pictures are hanging right next to my son's bed even today. I don't know how well video travels or if your husband can have a cam corder of any kind. But I would suggest him recording a message daily to you and your son before he leaves. Then to two of you can watch/listen to daddy whenever you want to. it will help keep him in your son's mind. I am not military, but I have had employees who are and have been deployed while the kids were young- and I have seen this work for them, good luck and God bless.

I think that if you start the Daddy, son night time ritual he will not let you put him to bed when dad is gone. I think he will be better off finding other ways to bond with him. Maybe bathtime at night or even just playing with him on the floor or one more have him feed him his bottle or baby food. I am sure he will remember daddy, you should frequently show him a picture of Dad and let him hold the picture in a waterproof cover on it. And constantly tell him who he is and talk about him all the time!!! Best of luck!!!!!

My husbands family live in another state and we have 2 young boys (2-1/2 & 10 months old). We found a really cheap photo book and let him put pictures in of his cousins, grandparents and aunt & uncles. He loves to look at the book and tell us who he it is. You could have your husband and son take some photo's together. We added stickers too.

7 months is still quite young but the more you can show him pictures of his dad and some with him in them, the more he will remember him.

Likewise, we found that our first boy loved to sit on his daddy's lap and listen to him read short board books (we actually sang the words). This has been their bonding time from an early time and they still read almost every night.

My 10 month old is a "mommy's" boy and he wants me all the time, especially at night. I think you should not worry about forcing your husband and son at night. They can build a repore better if they find something that he like to do with daddy - like getting a horsey ride on his leg or tickled.

Just talk about your husband all the time to your child when he is gone. It may not seem like he is old enough to remember now, but if you keep it up then when your husbnad returns, your son will know him.

As baby's develop they tend to favor one or the other parent or grandparent over the other it's very normal. Take lots of pictures of Daddy, you and him to keep all around the house and his room and talk about the family and when Daddy comes home what a grand time this will be. Baby's forget if you are even gone for a few days and he is with someone else he will favor that person even if it's a sitter. This is all normal, Daddy needs to take lots of pictures if possible and send home so you can tell him what Daddy is doing this will also help you and him. GOD BLESS

My husband was deployed when my son was 10 months old. He was gone for 20 consecutive months, with only a couple times seeing each other. When my husband came home, our son remembered him very well and was warm and affectionate to him from the moment my husband picked him up in his arms at the airport. Our son was 2&1/2 when he returned! That is a LONG time to be apart, but they still had a great relationship. There is a lot you can do to assure this happening. Here is the best advice: 1) keep building their relationship before your husband leaves. The more they bond the better! 2) Talk about "Daddy" every day, and point him out in pictures. Make a big deal about who Daddy is and how much you both love him. 3) Have him listen to his Daddy's voice on the phone when he calls. 4) My favorite thing was making videos of my husband, and having him send video's to us while he was gone. Have him do cute and funny things that a little baby would like. There is nothing better than seeing his Dad and hearing him at the same time...other than him actually being there. So...VIDEOS VIDEOS VIDEOS!!! If you have to buy a video camera, it is worth it! Those are hands down the best things that helped our son remember his Daddy. Good luck!

Please tell your husband thank you for his service! And thank you to you for being a strong wife and supporter of your husband. My brother-in-law is currently deployed (2nd time) in Iraq. He and my sister-in-law have a 6 month old baby and before he left they took a bunch of videos of him reading to their daughter (my niece), playing with her, feeding her a bottle and even just talking to her so that she can watch them and see her daddy. Even though she's young she understands so much and so will your son. I have a 16 month old daughter and she loves "Veggie Tales" on DVD. She started watching them around 7 months and even at 7 months she recognized the characters and would laugh when certain characters would come on the screen. They understand so much at that age so videos would be great for your son.

With my brother-in-law gone, it has also helped that my husband looks somewhat like his brother and he tries to spend a lot of time with our niece. She is not around men very often and we don't want her to be scared when her Daddy comes home. Hope this helps! We will be praying for you!

Dear M.,

Last year my husband returned home from a 9 month deployment, it was the first for us. We have 5 children the youngest was born while he was away. We stumbled across some fun ideas that helped with the separation and also got some great advice from our Family Support Group members. I hope you have one! If you do not, you might be able to start one- just to have contact with other wives in the same situation whose husbands are serving with yours. We got some great advice this way. We made sure that some things didn't change while dad was gone, you may want to talk about and agree upon a way of discipline that your husband can continue when he gets home- try to keep other things the same. Consistency really helps with separation. I found that using workds like "Dad and I feel. . .", or "Mom and Dad love you so much". . . kept him involved in what was going on. Also, we made a "Flat Daddy", a picture of Dad that I glued to cardstock, that we took with us when we went places as a family or did projects at home. So, it was like he wasn't really gone. I would often lean the picture up in the room with us while we ate dinner, or said family prayers, etc. It was almost like having him there. We also made some home movies of the kids telling Dad about things they were doing and copied them on DVD and sent them via snail mail. (The last thing I mentionned did take a little extra time, so we only did it two or three times. Life can get really busy- but the most helpful things were the flat daddy and keeping home life as normal as possible.)
And about the fact that he falls asleep better with you and that you would like more father-son bonding, I would suggest not being too concerned about it. Most children are comforted more by mom than dad- trying to change this might make things more difficult during an already stressful time. Find something that he and dad can do together- Does he like to climb on dad? Go to the park with Dad? Read with Dad?, etc.
I wish your family the best during this time- remember that you are strong and though it's not fun to have him gone, you can handle things until he comes home. It is always an adjustment, but the best thing to remember is to find simple ways to keep including each other in your lives and the separation will not be so intense.
I am praying for you. Prayers sure helped me!

Take care, and please thank your husband for serving.

H.

Keep the bond between them as strong as you can. I have 3 children and their ages were 3,6 and 9 when my husband was deployed. A webcam is huge for your son seeing him on a regular basis when he is in Iraq.
My husband also made video's for the kids to watch when he was gone. He read all their favorite books, told stories and talked about fun stuff with them thru the video. We also did a video of him singing happy birthday, Merry Christmas and wishing them all the holidays. That way if he was unable to get to a phone that day we played the video. (the kids always looked forward to it!) It was a huge link restored between them and also gave the kids some control. So when the kids missed him we played a video. It worked great.
Another family that was deployed with my husband made a full size picture of the dad. That way he still had a spot at home. I know it worked great for them.
Good luck. It is never easy. My husband was gone 1 1/2 years.

Deployments are hard on everyone. Try not to press the issue of the bonding and just stick with your normal routine that you had before, if you have pictures of the two together you could get a little photo album and put there pictures in it so your son will have them to look at. Also you could have your hubby make video tapes of him reading your sons favorite books singing or just of them playing together. When it gets closer to time for daddy to come home you could make a paper chain and have him take a piece off every night to count down to his return.
Hope this helps.
Also they are so young that it shouldn't be so difficult for him, I always find its the coming home that is harder to get used to.

I live near Pocatello Idaho and I read in the paper about a sign business that gives families with children life size pictures of daddys that are in the service. (They look like the cardboard cutouts of celebrities). Maybe you could find someone near you to make one. The article said that they used it so the young children would remember their dad while he was deployed. Also tell your husband thank you for his service to us all.

One of the biggest things you can do is make sure that what time they have together is fun. Another thing is they have flat daddies available and soldier bears. You can make sure that he has pictures of daddy available where he can see them. Have daddy tape stories that he has told so that daddy can "tell" him bedtime stories. Phone calls home from Iraq can be easier with speaker phones. We have just completed our third deployment, these are things that we have learned through the years.

Hi! I had a similar situation. My husband was deployed to Iraq for over a year when our boys were 4 and 20 months. Things we were able to do was get a web cam and see dad on the computer. But even with our best efforts the boys still visualized dad in the airplane they saw him take off in. We had lots of pictures around the house of dad with the boys that helped them visualize thier relationship with dad. I will tell you that the baby didn't bond a whole lot with dad because of his age and me being a stay at home mom and the primary caregiver. But they did have fun together. When he got home the little one was a little reluctant but now they are best of buds. It has been almost 3 years since he has been back but we are now facing another year deployment. So we start over again. I think the best thing to do is always let them know that thier dad loves them and will be back as soon as he can be. I will be honest and say it is hard but you can get thru it. Good luck.
Y.

Boy M. have I been in your shoes a time or two! Before my hubby left, we had him make a few videos of him reading books, playing/singing songs, interacting with our son, etc. I played it for my son almost every day. I also put a pic of our son and his daddy next to his bed, and we kissed it goodnight before we said our prayers. Praying for daddy is something else we did.

When his time to come home approaches, an idea is for you and your son to make a chain of construction paper links for every day till his come home. Each day your son gets to take one of the links off.... the chain getting shorter means daddy's coming home soon. :) Best of luck while he is gone. Take care of yourself.

Hi M.! My name is Tracy. Well, I just want to let you know that I am also the wife of a deployed serviceman. My husband has been in Afghanistan with the Navy since last January and will be returning in April. We have four kids (ages now 8,5,4,and 2). My youngest son had just turned one when my husband left. I just wanted to share some of the things that we did for him.
We wrote letters to him and mailed them every week. These were just short notes from each kid about their week. I helped the little guy to write his.
On holidays and special days, I let the kids help me pack a flat rate mailing box full of goodies for my husband and the other guys in his unit. They all loved getting to pick different things. For Halloween we mailed the guys a box full of those glasses with the noses and mustaches attached. They sent us pictures back. It was great!
We took pictures each week and downloaded them to send him on the internet. My husband is so happy to see the kids and how they are growing.
One of the biggest things that I do at home is probably the most important. I talk to the kids all of the time at home. We had a family picture taken right before he left and I made a frame for each of the kids to set in their rooms. We talk about how much bigger they are going to be when daddy gets home. We talk about what things that daddy would want to do or places we would want to go. Once a month I try to do those things with the kids and take a lot of pictures so that my husband will feel like he is there with us.
Things that your husband can do to help out are: just make things fun, make sure to call and write letters that you can share with your son, and if possible send pictures over the e-mail so you can show your son. It never hurts to have too many pictures when your family is separated.
As for the night time terrors your son is having, I would suggest you both going into the room. You hold your son and have your husband sit at the edge of the bed and see if that will work. It will bring you all closer together. Kids feel the stress and I know how crazy this time in your lives is.
Well, I would love to talk to you more if you are willing. Thank your husband for his wonderful service to our country.
Take care. Tracy

My son is in Texas and then will ship out overseas in a few months and he has a 1 year old daughter and I worry about the same things. A couple of things they have done or are planning on doing are: they went to build a bear and made a bear for her and recorded dad saying something to her, he still has cell phone right now so he calls lots, and we all got computers with cameras so that when he can call online we call talk while seeing him. I personally don't think you want to push the daddy at bed time, because that would change his routine twice in a short period of time. Maybe have dad read him a story and then you put him to bed. He could always video tape himself reading to your son also that you could show him nightly if you wanted to.

At this age, your son is still very attached to you. This is normal.My hubby left for a 1 1/2 yr deployment in 2004. I was left at home w/ a 4 1/2 y/o son and a 1 y/o daughter. My son had his attachment to daddy established,but my daughter was still a mommy's girl. We allowed my hubby to try his attachment approach w/ her in "fun" things and activities.Otherwise the snuggling and consoling could only come from mom.It does change down the road..hang in there. He'll(your son) be more ready for the daddy-bonding when your hubby returns from deployment.During the deployment, do all you can to remind him of who daddy is. I put my hubby's picture in a vinyl pocket-type casing and let my daughter carry it with her and had her watch him on video tapes of before he left. We talked about daddy going bye-bye,and that he would soon be home to see her and her brother.I saw on a military documentory on TV, that one gal had a lifesize cardboard cut-out made of her hubby. Also, if you can,get a video cam for your computer.
My hubby came home when our daughter was 2 1/2. It took some time for her to "warm up to him", but now she loves him just as much as mommy!
Another thing we did, was have a few men(uncles/grandpas) in our kids lives ,step in to do "daddy-type things" with them. To this day, they are very attached to these two uncles.
You will have a harder time that your son through this deployment--but he will be the one who gives you the "joy" to survive the deployment!Journaling your feelings when your hubby deploys helps and allow yourself to accept help in any way possible.Your "personal" time is important in helping you keep things together during the deployment. Take people up on babysitting or doing chores like lawnmowing(etc).My prayers go out to you!!

M., unlike the ladies above, I can't offer any experience with what you are going through with a husband/father in the service. All I can say is I hope it gives you and your family some comfort and strength to know there are so many of us out here who deeply appreciate the sacrifice your family has made. You sound like a great mom and wife, and the fact that you are thinking and planning ahead for this will take you a long way. I hope you will continue to reach out to people around you and continue to get support from all Americans near and far who care and thank you all for your service and sacrifice.

Hi M.,

My husband is in the Air Force, and has been deployed a number of times since we've had our son. My experience is that there really is no way to prepare them for him leaving...he's just too young to really grasp the concept. Though what would help...or at least seemed to help me...is to take a picture of your husband and your son--as recent as possible before your husband leaves, and just have it where your son has access to seeing it every day. When your husband gets back, he'll still be a familiar face that way. He still may be a little confused, but not scared. That's what I did with my son. That way your husband is still "part" of their everyday.

Hi M.,
First of all, tell your husband thank you for his service.

My husband was deployed to Iraq when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with our firstborn and missed his entire first year (came home two weeks before first birthday). I was worried, too, that my son wouldn't respond or go to him when he returned. Since my son was so young, like yours, I tried to focus on visual reminders. I showed him a lot of pictures of his dad and talked about his dad a lot. I found one of those soft sided photo albums for babies and filled it with pictures of his dad and of his dad and I together. Since your husband and son are together now you could add some pictures of the two of them together. My husband also got him a stuffed animal and I always made sure to stress that it was his "daddy animal." On those rare occasions that we got a phone call I held the baby up to the phone too so my husband could say hello and tell my son he loved him.

To be honest, I have to tell you that it will be very hard. Even if your son remembers and accepts your husband, it's a long time without contact. The hardest part of my husband's deployment was the months following when he came home. Once the initial "honeymoon" period wore off, there was so much adjustment for all of us. Now, I hear the military is doing a better job of preparing soldiers and families for that. Just be patient, and when he returns make sure you schedule a lot of time for your son and husband alone together so they can rebuild that bond. It takes work, but sometimes I think kids are better at adjusting than most of us!

As far as bedtime goes now, could you and your husband do it together? Maybe your son would relax and accept it better if he saw you and your husband working together, and it'll give the three of you some nice time together before your husband leaves. Perhaps your husband can take over a different task to do alone, like bath time.

Best of luck to your family.

My kids were 18 months and 3 when my husband deployed for 18 months to Iraq. I too was very worried that my 18 mo old son would not remember his Dad when he came home. In an effort to combat this, my husband did everything in his power to make sure he called daily, and when he did, I would hold the phone up to my son's ear and help him talk to his dad. We also went to build a bear and let the kids make their own special bear from dad, then we put one of the voice boxes, that they sell there, in the bear. My husband said his little goodnight to each of the kids on the voice box so before bed every night for 18 months, the kids would get to listen to daddy saying goodnight to them. We also videoed my husband reading stories with the kids on his lap. I would let my kids watch this when they were really missing dad. I think it also helped my 18 month old remember who daddy was and that he loved him. There are several good books on amazon about daddy being deployed from a kids perspective, they weren't available when my hubby went, but they look really neat. There are also a lot of military wives forums out there with a lot of good suggestions.....I am sorry you have to go through this,but hopefully it will build your family and make it stronger as it did ours. Best wishes and may God watch over your husband and bring him home safe to you.

It is my understanding that many children simply prefer their mothers at that age, especially when they need comforting. How long has he been trying? Have you tried getting up with him together?
As for the military part, there are lots of things that you can do while he is away. Things like saying goodnight to his picture every night, talking about him, and even a countdown project. A friend of mine puts up a big foamboard full of thumbtacks equal to the number of days he'll be gone. Then every night, they take a thumbtack out. Also, don't be afraid to take him on base just to the exchange or commissary--seeing people in uniforms just like dads might help.
Your base's family services center (that's what we call it in the AF, I don't know what Marines refer to it as) should have lots of helpful information for you for how both of you will survive the deployment. Some will even offer occasional video conferencing. If you are a member of USAA, call and tell them that he is deploying and they will send you a packet as well. But, by far, the best resource I have found is Military.com. They have so many great ideas and discussion boards with folks going through the same things. They'll talk about what works and what doesn't.
Godspeed to your husband, and my heart goes out to you.

I've never been in your situation so I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say God bless you and your family. and my prayers are with your husband.

God Bless you M. and your family.
We would not have the freedoms we have, with out families like yours.
I also have a few Maines I love two.
I would keep it fun and every day.
Take lots photos of Dad loving on the boy.
I heard a story once about a boy, who when he was a young man he thought his dad do not love him, until he saw a photo
of his and him as a tot. In the photo his Dad was loving on him and right then he knew his dad had always loved him.
So now I always take photos of my DH, playing, kissing, hugging, running, and just loving on my kids.
Some day they may need to know that daddy always love them.
I Think what would be cool for your little boy would be a little book
all about just him and his Dad.
You can get a little scrap book and write a bed time story.
With lots of photos of him and dad playing super baby, airplane, piggy, tub time, and just having fun.
Then you can read it to him every night before bed. Tell him all about the fun he has with Dad.
It may sound silly, but babies have wonderful minds.
Then in 7 months when Dad comes home he will be all about playing with Dad.

M., My husband is in Iraq right now. We don't have young children such as yours but same situation. We talk about their dad and what he is doing. We bought a web cam and they are wonderful. Put pictures of his dad by his crib and let him know how proud you are of his dad. You might think he won't understand but he will feel the calmness in your voice and know everything will be okay. I know this time can be rough so Good luck and I wish you and your family the best. J.

No help on this but I pray that the Lord will watch over your hubby and family while he is gone.

Hello,

Being a member of the armed forces I see a lot of this. I would say to keep letting your husband put your son to sleep at night. I feel there is a comfort in that. Something I suggest trying while your husband is deployed is getting one of these dolls at the website attached.

http://www.5minutesformom.com/154/daddy-dolls/

M. S,
I know EXACTLY what you are going through!!! My husband was deployed with the National Guards when my twins were born...they were only 2 wks old when he left for a European mission. Then when my youngest daughter was 2 months old, he was again deployed, but this time to Iraq for 22 months. I was really concerned that she wouldn't recognize him as her Daddy when he came home. We also have an older daughter who was in elementary school for both deployments. Just remember, you are not alone!! There have been many military families that have been through this before you and unfortunately, there will probably be many that will go through this after you. What we found to be the most help was to have a "Flat Daddy" made at a local printing company. We took a picture of my husband in his uniform, gave his shoulder width and shoulder to waist measurements to the printers and we had a "real-life size" Daddy. My kids played with him so much, we had to brace his neck up with wood and duct tape!! (It's amazing what you can fix with duct tape!!) I know other families that took Flat Daddy with them every where they went and took pictures of him. (If you get a chance, read the book Flat Stanley. That is where the idea came from.) We also had a little photo book (24 pages) filled with pictures of him with the kids. That way they could look at it and see their Daddy holding them. Videotape him reading a book. I know they feel weird doing it, but the kids get to hear his voice and when he comes home, they will remember that! I know a lot of people did the Webcam's and had success. We didn't just because the time difference made it hard to communicate with his schedule and all. We talked about Daddy every day and I repeated every day that he was at work helping people. When he stepped off the bus and our kids saw him coming, even our youngest who was just turning 2, pointed and said Daddy. That made me feel like my mission was accomplished! ;) Please find out and get involved with your local Family Readiness Group as they really are wonderful!! It is a great way to get to know other wives that are going through this with you. Stay active in whatever you can for the sake of your child...church, community, or a Mom's group. My one twin is a Mom's boy, but the other will be happy to tell you that he is "Dad's boy" and after 2 deployments in their young lives, I can accept that and smile. I hope you can find the smiles too during your deployment.

Good luck...
P. T