Helping Children Deal with Father Being Gone

My husband is reserves and when he's been active we have a teddy bear with his voice saying "I love you little angel" and I would play it for her right before she went to bed so she could hear daddy's voice. She started to talk right before he left for his last AT and I would call and put the phone on speaker and let HER leave a message for daddy. If he's gone for basic or AIT that won't help you any but if he gets deployed....

hth!

First, you have the hardest job being a military spouse. Join a support group, find a church if you don't already have one as well, for this is only the begining of being by yourself with children.

Second, as for the seperation, get a cassett tape and have him record a small message on it and play this for the children everyday. Take pictures and put them up for the children to see, in their rooms, on the fridge.

Third, remember, you too need a break from the children (even if it is only for an hour) so that you can regroup to who you are.

Hi B.! I can understand what you're going through - my family was a Navy family, and my father was gone typically 3-9 months a year most of my life.

A few things that could be helpful would to have lots of pictures of your husband around, and if you can, one small one per child for them to hold onto. That way, they get to see Daddy everyday. Depending on the kind of online access you have with him, you may think about joining a service like Skype, which would allow you to do free calls over the computer and if you each have a webcam, see each other.

The kids could make pictures for daddy, and he could write them letters about what is going on with his life while he's gone. I still have about a dozen letters my dad wrote me over the years that I treasure about his trips to Spain, Italy and the Middle East. We would also dedicate a few crafts to dad - when he came home, we would decorate him with macaroni necklaces, paper ties, and the like.

Good luck!

Plaster his picture all over the house at the kids' eye level. And talk about him,where he is and what he's doing. News paper picture of our men in action( no wounded or dead).

My hubby is currently deployed. I know what you're going through. With your little baby boy, try wrapping him in your husbands shirts to keep his smell close and put the phone to his ear so he can here his voice, when you can. Also, if he has access, get a webcam. It is tremendously helpful with the kids. It's amazing what technology can do for people in our situation. You can get a logitech one for $35 at walmart. Very easy to use and Skype.com is who I use to do the video, also, very easy. I hope this helps.

http://www.hugahero.com/index.php

Take a look at this site, it might be very useful. Since he will be gone for 3 1/2 months and on deployments, this might be a good idea for the kids.

God Bless.

HI B.,

A friend of mine had this same problem. Her daughter was a week old when her husband went to Iraq for 15 months. Before he left they took videos of his holding the baby and singing and talking to her. Also, while he was in Iraq he had a friend tape him reading stories that he then sent to his wife. She would play these tapes on the T.V. His daughter at 6 months old would go by the tv and ask for "dada". They had no problems with her readjusting to him being home when his tour ended. You could also send your husband lots of pictures and videos of the kids. Good Luck!

Good afternoon and sorry to hear your hubby has to be away. I think a great way to stay connected is to make a picture book. Include pictures of your husband and children. Make two copies and read the book evey night, and also send one to your husband and ask him to do the same. Also you could set aside time everyday to make a craft for daddy, something that they did that day. You could make the book with construction paper an bind it together by punching holes in the side and binding it with yarn. The kids will have a blast making it and i think you will enjoy them for a long time. Good luck with everything!

Wow. Bless your heart!

The first thing I might do if I were in your shoes, is get a picture of him, and talk about "daddy." If you pray, say a prayer with the children for his safety. Seems to me if you do this at least once a day, at bedtime, the baby may remember him as "daddy" from the picture, and they can remember better. Of course, if possible, phone calls are good. They will recognize his voice upon his return. Maybe record his voice in a call, and play it back for the children. Most kids love hearing over and over someone saying, "I love you." "You are good kids. Be good for mommy." All that type of stuff.

I hope this helps!

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS!

If he has access to a web cam>That would be great! Record his voice>Look at pictures often>Let the babies smell their fathers shirts>Talk about him often & let them know how much he loves them>

i have no experience with someone being away in the military but it seems like a daily email to the girls with a pic will help them feel connected and then one back to dad. it could be part of the daily routine, like eat lunch, check email, read stories.
also, why doesn't dad send some clothes he has worn? it may sound silly but having a hat dad wears around the house or a t.shirt could be fun for them to play with and give the feel of him being around.

My kids were this age when my husband left for boot camp. I got them a build-a-bear with the Navy uniform and we called him Daddy Dog. Everynight we would say our prayers and kiss Daddy Dog and tell him we loved him. The boys would color pictures for him all the time also. We stayed with my parents when he was gone and that helped a lot having adults around.
I wrote my husband everyday (You may be able to call him, I dont know) but he said that made HIM feel like we didn't forget about him. He said there were some guys who didn't hear from their wives/girlfriends the whole time and they were pretty bummed about it.
Don't worry too much about him, they'll keep him busy, but worry about making you and boys happy.
And you've probably already heard this, but the first week is the hardest...once you're through that first week, it won't be so bad!
Good luck!

I've been a military wife for about 11 years now. I've got 4 children. I've been "alone" so many times I can't count. Know this... your children will not forget him. Nor will they love him any less. Even the baby. If you have any home videos with him in it, play them sometimes. But I have found that if you try to "remember daddy" every single day, it gets old real quick. They get tired of it. It isn't real and they know it. There may be days that he can't call or email. You can't be the wife that worries all the time and can't leave the house "just in case". It's not healthy. you have to learn to trust him and trust the Army to keep him safe or keep you informed. If you need to know... you will find out.
When he does call, let the kids talk to him if possible. Let the baby hear his voice.
You can let the kids make him a poster for his homecoming. Make some flag stuff. Like windsocks or placemats. As far as sending things to dad, if he's at basic, he doesn't have a lot of room. He's sharing his space with lots of other men. Pictures are the best. You can have them make some personalized candy bar covers to put over a hershey bar or something. Cards or drawings.
Hang in there. When you get your orders, find out when your Family Support Group meet and get involved. You can make friends with the wives of the people that work with your husband. They will be in the same boat and you can support each other during times when the men (or women) are away.
It's a tough lifestyle, but there are rewards. I hope you're able to navigate it well.

I can only imagine how difficult this is for you right now. My children lost their father at young ages. My advice for you is similar to what I have done to help them remember him.

Basically, TALK a lot about him! Show them his pictures every day...have them around where they can see him, point to "daddy" talk brightly of him to the baby... if he does not know what "daddy" means, he WILL learn that "Daddy" makes mommy happy by your tone. He will learn that "Daddy" is good, and you can tell your children about how daddy is doing a very important work of helping people... "Aren't you glad that YOUR daddy helps take care of all the people?" When the older ones feel sad, and miss him, give them something to do for him... if you make care packages, have them help make him cookies and cards. His pictures are going to be your lifeline point of connection in this... When he comes back, and they hear you talk about going to get "Daddy," they will not have as much fear because you have helped condition them to know all this time what he looks like, etc. If he could record reading a book to them, they could have "daddy" read to them each night...again, use his picture.. let them know that since daddy cannot be here tonight, he will read to us this way.

Have you ever heard of Heritage Makers? They are a personal publishing company. There are several out there, too. You can completely personalize anything from cards, to books, and game decks with pictures of daddy/kids and be sure to add your story to the whole thing to make it really meaningful for each of them. My children love the books I've created for them. My 5 yr old is helping me write a book filled with his artwork. The website is www.BestTreasuredMemories.com. There are other companys out there, I've just only used Heritage Makers. I know Wal-mart does it some and so does shutterfly.

B.,
I would show them any video of him and photos at the least. It would be nice if you could record his voice and play it for them. Also, any clothes you may have (or blankets, etc) with his scent on them that they could sleep with or have in their rooms to remind them of him. You can put together a baby photo album with his photos that they can look at and chew on without worry of ruining them. Target has the "baby proof albums" in the baby section. If you have anything that will remind them of him, such as his camo's or a hat or something, that would help.
Also, once he is home, make some video footage of him talking or reading to them to show them while he is working and if he is deployed again. Hearing his voice and seeing his face is the best way to keep him alive in their lives. I would also have him make a video, once he is home, for each one of the children and for you, to keep in your archives for the future, in case he is deployed for a long period of time.
Take Care,
T.

Come up with a service that you can do for the soldiers. Painting pictures for each person in your husbands unit and mailing them to them. Enclose a camera so your husband or someone can take pictures of everyone receiving their pictures and the many smiles.

I was a "military brat" myself and my fondest memory was when my mom and I got involved with the other army families and we put together care packages to send, planned their home coming party which included making decorations and BIG banners, things for families to hold like signs welcoming their moms and dads home.

The best to make ourselves (young and older) feel better is to make someone else feel better.