Need Advice About My Divorced Parents

My parents are divorced as well, yet my dad has a second wife that we talk to. He states that he will not come to anything that she goes to. Finally i said that if they cared about my son they would grow up and deal with it. Everyone there is there for one reason and it is not about them anymore.
D.

it is your day and invite them all with clear set boundaries for the benefit of your family. Tell them what the expectations of their behavior is and if they cannot act accordingly then give them the option of not coming!

I had to set up boundaries with my divorced parents too. It is hard to become the responsible one to our parents!

Congrats on all your hard work and graduating!
T.
www.tesabartell.myarbonne.com

Hi D.~
I'm sorry you are having to go through this. My Dad is on his 5th marriage with the most recent being about 6 months ago. My Dad's last marriage lasted for over 20 years and my stepmom & mom (she was the 3rd marriage) got along great~ still do! The new wife and my Mom kinda have a past so it is a little different. I recently had a babyshower, thrown by my Dad's new wife, and my Mom was hesitant about going. But being my Mom and the grandmother of the new baby, she went. She made the best of it & pretty much socialized with my friends & in-laws.
I think it is VERY important for you & your son that both grandparents be there. Both families too~ that means your Dad's wife. Maybe your Dad can go for an hour or so and then leave if it is very uncomfortable.
I wish you luck!

Growing up, my grandparents were divorced and (due to my grandmother's wishes) would never attend a party/graduation/etc. at the same time. We grew up with this being a "normal" pattern for them (even as children, we thought it was a little silly). My parents helped make sure that we had plenty of opportunities to visit with each grandparent separately, both grandparents got invited to every event and would usually alternate which ones they would attend, and we grew up with an appreciation for people who are willing to be flexible! Sure, there were times where we got frustrated that they couldn't put that animosity aside (both remarried) and both be there for us at some of our special events, but we grew up accustomed to that being the way things were and my parents got accustomed to not trying to bend over backwards to alter their plans for the comfort of just one person. Your son will grow up knowing that ALL of his grandparents love him. I'm sure it must hurt you that she won't compromise, but you may rather cherish those times you have together without her being stressed rather than trying to encourage a situation where everyone ends up on pins and needles.

Hi D.. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I can certainly relate to your story, not with my own parents, but with my husband's. They were divorced when my husband was about 11 or 12 (he's 31 now) and my MIL never got past her feelings of down right hate for my FIL. When we got married, my husband asked his dad to be his best man, and when his mom found out she wouldn't speak to us and started telling people she wasn't going to come to the wedding. Long story short, we pretty much sat her down and told her (in a very loving way) that we are not going to have separate birthday parties or other celebrations when children came along (we have 2 now) just because she couldn't be a grown up and be in the same room with him, and if she wanted to participate in these activites, we expected her to behave like an adult. Obviously we didn't say it exactly that way, but that was the gist of it. It has taken time, but she has gotten much better and we have had multiple gatherings with them both there without incident. I hope everything works out. But I would urge you to not let your dad suffer if it is your mom who is being the child, and make it clear to your mom that your graduation party is your day, and ask her to please put her differences with your dad aside for your special day. That might set the wheels in motion for healing for your whole family. Good luck to you, and congratulations on the degree. Good for you!

I have had very similar situations over the year with my father.He pitched a temper tantrum and stormed out of my rehearsal dinner for my wedding etc.... I have learned to be direct and firm. I use the phrase "I appreciate that this is upsetting to you, but you are not allowed to behave in this fashion when you are with my family. It is your choice to stay or go. I will love you whichever you choose, but I will not allow you to pitch temper tantrums in my presence." There have been times that I have lovingly had to say, " Dad I love you, but you will no longer be able to spend time with your grandchildren if you are going to continue to set such a disruptive and inappropriate example for my children." On the upside my father has transformed in many ways. He still has his moments and I have to suggest alternative ways of looking at things, but for the most part he behaves appropriately around the boys who are now teenagers. Yes I did have to follow through on my statements, but he wants to be with his grandchildren too much to continue to act poorly in their presence. Best of luck and know that a loving but firm stand is really the only way to help someone change their behavior for the better.

I definitely would not cater to the immaturity by having separate parties, etc. That is completely unfair to expect your celebrations to revolve around their issues. So make your plans and invite them all and it is their choice whether or not they attend. I think it is wonderful that you asserted yourself to your mom and let her know that you didn't think her behavior was fair. Parents shouldn't put their kids through that. It's pretty selfish and it's only hurting her as well to hold on to the anger. BUT, you have no control over your parents and so try to let go. You do what you have to do, and they make their own choices as well. She will probably regret the headache she's causing you someday. At least my friend's mom did when my friend's dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Her mom apologized to her kids and her ex-husband and her only regret is that she had made everyone's lives hell for so long before getting over her bitterness. Hopefully your mom will come to this realization sooner than later, but it's really out of your control and you have to accept that. Just don't cater to her manipulations. Those are unhealthy boundaries. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Your son will probably not like the situation, but he'll realize on his own that it's not the healthiest behavior or very mature.

D., others may think this is bad advice, but having grown up in a situation where every occasion was ruined by my divorced parents being together - and the unbelievable stress that preceded and followed every occasion - my advice is learn to celebrate things with them separately. Your mom might have some really good reasons you don't know about to be that bitter (maybe not, but maybe). So why put her through the pain? I think it's ok for kids to learn that sometimes it can't be one happy family, and that relationships can be difficult, and that you can't always "fix" everything, even though you try. I hope your mom can find some peace, but meanwhile, why torture her? She probably wishes it could all be better, too.

This is not going be solved by you. Always invite both of them and if they both show as soon as one starts ask that parent to leave because it's not fair to your son or your other guests and if your parents want be around you and your son for special occasions then their going to have to learn how to get along or it's there loss and it's sad to say but most people miss out on alot because of pride.

My policy is never to "accomodate" this type of behavior. When you set the boundaries, it may mean that one of the grandparents doesn't make it to some of the events in your son's life (and yours). That is sad and unfortunate, but it is their choice. Make that really clear to them. This isn't about them, it is about you and your accomplishment in completing your degree (congratulations, by the way).

When my husband and I got married, my in-laws didn't like my parents, so when we had a baby and threw a party for his first birthday, they "couldn't make it", but a few days later when we had dinner at their house, there was a cake and a present for our son. Hmmm. I made it real clear at that time, that there would only be one party, period. If they couldn't make it, then they better send the gift ahead of time, because there would not be any of these "after parties". I felt that was their way of avoiding my parents and acting selfish and childish.

Over the years they have found it in themselves to not only come to events, but to be cordial. At some points in our marriage, they were actually friends with my parents. There were times that they tried to get out of coming to b-day parties and such. Sometimes I just let it go, and other times, I called and let them know that I expected them to be there.

You might be surprised to find that they will actually step up to the plate and act better if you expect it of them. Set the boundaries and set them now. And read the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud if you haven't already. This is their problem and they need to keep it to themselves and act like adults.

I would tell your father (and your mother) that this is your graduation and that you expect both your parents to be there and act like adults. Period.

My inlaws are this way, and we just had a big "tantrum" over my son's 2nd birthday. We ended up having 2 birthday parties for him because my mother-in-law is very difficult to get along with for anyone. I would ask your dad if they would like to come over at another time, that way they can play with the grandson, etc.
We have personally come to the conclusion not to invite mother-in-law to any more celebrations because my 2 year old and 4 1/2 year old behave better than she does. What makes it "easier" is that she lives in California and the trip takes a toll on her pocket book.

Congrats on your graduation!!

Been there, done that! Have a telephone chat with your mother and very kindly, but very bluntly, remind her that you expect her to act like an adult in family gatherings. When the gathering is about her, she can behave as she wishes. When the gathering is about anyone else (your graduation, son's birthday, etc.) you expect her to be cordial to your father and his wife. If she refuses, smile and say, "That is your choice. I will miss you and will send you pictures." Do not continue to allow your mother to railroad you into choosing sides. When she wants to start arguing and "proving her side," very quietly tell her that you are not going to argue. When she persists, quietly say, "I love you, Mom, but I'm not going to argue. So, I'm hanging up the phone. Call me when you can talk." THEN HANG UP. Do not feel guilty. Your mother will change over time -- or she will be very lonely. You are not in charge of her emotions and behaviors -- she is. I didn't learn this until I was almost 40 and my daughter was 4. 5 years later, things are going well (with the occasional tiff).

It appears that it is time for your mother to grow up. It is too bad that you must be the parent but, this will be good practice for your own children. You lay down the rules for admission into your home and your child's life. She will be polite to all other guests, there will be no tantrums, etc. If she misbehaves, she will be asked to leave. If she acts hurt or gets all bent out of shape, argues, etc. when you give her the rules, then you know that all she cares about is herself and doesn't care about your feelings. You really don't need her in your child's life, sad as it is. By the way, I have a mom who has had to hear from all of us kids that we will not tolerate her behavior any more. It's a tough thing to have to say but once they know that you are serious, they have to decide and hopefully your mom will choose to be with her family.

D.,

I am so sorry that you have to continue to go through this. This is exactly what divorce does to people and I live the same life you do.

I am a 33 year old mother of two and my oldest is 13. We have had many "what should have been" family gatherings to celebrate accomplishments. The most recent being my sons reconition to enter Jr. High. It's never a pretty thought having both my parents in the same room and just like your story my dad has moved on, my mom never will. What I have learned is this is "there issue" as was the relationship to begin with, and not our issue though it effects us and our children. Your explaination to your child is going to be what sooths the child so if your bitter, your child will be as well. Just explain that grandpa and grandma choose to carry their relationship with your child seperate from one another due to comfort reasons. Reasure that the child is loved by both grandparents but seperatly. It's to the point now with my family that if the grandparents are in the same room together it's viewed as a "bonus" and in a weird way is almost the family joke amongst my simblings and myself.

I know your son is still super young, but if you start expressing this now, it will save you anguish in the future. Your son will grow up knowing that grandma and grandpa as it should have been, isn't. Plus, now there is a real bonus (hoping of course you feel good about your stepmom) He now has two grandma's.

Good Luck...
L.

Hi D..
This sounds like two similar issues that maybe it will help you to separate out a little more.
On the one hand, letting your parents have their journey. ie supporting your mother in finding the place in herself that needs your father to be a certain way toward her; and supporting her in uncovering the deeper meanings this may have for her in regards to how she treats herself and those around her; and supporting her in finding a way to provide herself with the loving care that she wants from another so that she's not dependent on others to meet her needs, so that she is not a victim. Certainly parts of her may feel like she had no choice in the matter of separation and divorce from your father, and those are certainly valid feelings and valid perspectives, but deeper down, what gift are they bringing for her that is a greater way of meeting her needs, perhaps with less "cost", less "price" that she must conform to or "pay out" in her interactions and relationships with others.
She may or may not be willing to open herself to these uncomfortable reorganizing considerations, and if she is willing, it could take a weekend workshop to shift her perspective and it could take several years of counseling. It just depends on how she wants to do it.

It might be helpful for her to ask herself, what would really be most joyful for her in this regard, now that things are as they are.
On some initial level, perhaps it feels more joyful to her to get some revenge, and that's a rather important and significant step toward feeling better if we're in a place of depression. Anger and revenge feel better than depression, but we don't want to stay there for the rest of our lives because there are so so many other places that feel much much better than revenge. I would even say that revenge feels better than guilt, but then after revenge, taking some responsibility can feel better also, because we've gotten some juice flowing again and we often don't feel as wounded after some feeling of blame and self-righteousness.
It's important to relate to her where she is, not to only an ideal end point of how she should be, because it's just too far to jump from being angry to being totally loving and joyous toward everyone around us, and it sounds like she's not ready to be the ideal that you might know is possible for her and in relation to your family.

Things must become what they are before they can change.

It seems to me that this is the second part of the issue for you: of how to relate and how to orchestrate family gatherings and such.
But not just family, how do you relate to her about this.
Judging her as "an immature teenager" may be an accurate and appropriate assessment for your understanding of what is happening, but likely she won't be any more equipped to make a better situation out of it by you holding that opinion than a teenager would who feels stuck in a situation they dislike and that they feel very strongly about.
When we feel strongly about disliking something, we are defending an ideal, and we're not being willing to make the best of what is. Like a teenager who's heart has been broken by a situation that is so far from their desire for themselves, she is confused and unwilliing to let go of her dream. It's not that she needs to let go of the dream, for our dreams give us life, but she needs to find a way to feel better within herself and about herself and also about other's decisions so that she can begin to find a way to allow her dreams and the longings of her heart begin to take shape.
It's easy to let love in when we feel worthy of love and willing to love others regardless of their decisions. And when we're upset, that somehow colors everything we hear from almost everyone so that we become defensive toward almost any imput because we don't want to be made wrong.

When she is feeling defensive, it is probably most helpful for her (and the overall situation) for her to feel heard in her opinions and feelings and that's all.
No analyzing, no conclusions, no "well if that were so, then ..." or "if you were to do that then ..." because she won't be able to hear it when she needs so so much just to be heard herself in her feeling of being wronged. You don't have to make it right or wrong. You don't even have to agree with her. Just tell her what you're hearing her say and ask her if that is what she's saying so she hears it back from you. Don't be trite with it. You must be genuine, and it may take time.
Of course, this all depends on how close your relationship with her is and how willing she is to hear about it.

It may help to just lay some ground rules, perhaps even written (by both of you--and maybe your dad too) and signed, so that everyone is aware and accountable in a different way. This may be quite a trigger for her since she may feel that he didn't honor what was written before so why should she now, etc, but it may help.

My own parents have been divorced for about 10 years. They raised phenomenal children and my mother doesn't want anything to do with my dad anymore. They were both at my brother's wedding two years ago, and there was no strain on the event, but I don't think they talked the whole time. I didn't see it, though I wasn't really watching. I'm sure if they did, it was cordial. They're essentially strangers. There is too much pain on both sides for too many reasons to unravel here and for too many reasons for either of them to be interested in attempting to untangle together. This is where they are and I feel the best I can do is to love them both and not to push them at all with an idea that I have about how they should relate.
They probably will never come to an openhearted, easy, verbal agreement, but they each have come to a certain peace within themselves according to their beliefs. My father has remarried and my mother has been in a long term relationship for years (which ended about a year ago) and now she's really discovering who she is, outside of other company. Quite a big journey for her and I'm really delighted for her in it.

If I could encourage your father at all, I would encourage him to not "take on" your mother's display of disapproval.
It's the old saying about a show-off (not to be disrespectful in any way toward your mother), but when someone wants attention and we dont' give it to them, they stop acting out eventually.
I would encourage him to let it be like water off a duck's back.
If he makes a big enough deal about it to not come to other functions (that are important to you) that is doing at least two things. It's playing into what your mother wants, which is probably not good for anyone concerned. And he's making a big deal about it too, even though he thinks he's trying to mitigate a big deal being made, he's acting out in another way and that makes ripples just as large as what she did openly.

It's really really essential that we create a feeling of allowance for other's feelings, and not make them wrong or inappropriate. This is essential in our family circles for us to be able to function as a family.
It's difficult when the parents dont' know what to do, because parents are supposed to know what to do. That's their role, but it is up to us as children to remind them, now that we're old enough that it is sometimes more important, even if something makes us uncomfortable, that we continue to contribute to a spirit of well-being and not begin to co-create a feeling of disease or to ostracize and isolate one individual or one way of being.
This is what I would encourage your father to bring: a continuous spirit of well-being regardless of the displeasure expressed by others, for even an expression of displeasure is allowed in the overall expression of a healthy environment.

I've run out of time to respond, and hopefully this is helpful both to you and to the whole situation.

Be Well
P.

I think a big chunk of the problem with your mom is that she lives far away, and maybe feels the stepmom is the "real" grandma...I have no advice on how to solve that (in addition to her having to move in with her parents because she can't keep it together...yeah I know that story).

In the meantime, you can help you mom connect with your son by maybe chatting online and getting the webcam, she can read books and play games...and focus on the large picture (HIM!)instead of the silly jealousy nonsense.

I told my mother (divorced from dad for 30 years), that she will not be allowed to say anything negative about my father in the presence of my children. The first conversation was when my firstborn was 4 weeks old...so I was serious about it!

The times they will be together will be few, so it won't be a major aspect of his life. So you're ok with that (for now...)

good luck!

Don't have any advice. I'm 62 and had the same problem with my parents. Maybe this story will make you smile. When I graduated from ASU I told each parent the section I wanted them to sit in (at opposite ends of the stadium of course. Well, fate has a wry sense of humor. They both ignored my recommendations and sat where they wanted. Neither of them noticed who they had sat beside until they were already sitting down. And of course they were next to each other. My Dad said it was the most silent graduation he had ever attended.

Have you ever tried to talk to your mom when she was not already upset? Your dad is probably feels doing the right thing by staying away from her but he needs to also realize that this is not about her ir's about your celebration of a great accomplishment.

Your mom may resent the fact that your dad is closer to you geographically and may feel his wife is taking over part of her roll as a mother and grandmother.

I would talk to her. Explain to her how you feel. She needs to know that she can not act that way in front of your son and your family. Sometimes people do not realize what they are doing and how it effect people around them.

If your mother cares about your feelings she should honor you, your home and your family. If you do not put your foot down she may never change.

N.

Hi D..

My parents divorced after 33 years of marriage, it has now been about 4 years. My mom is still pretty bitter over the circumstances that led them to divorce, however, I have told her that she needs to let go of her anger. It isn't good for her and she will never truly move on until she does. I have young children and the day will come when they both will attend a family gathering. At this time, I am dreading that day! lol. However, I have spoke to my mother about my feelings and pretty much told her that when that day comes, I expect both of them not to allow their personal feelings interfere with their grandchildren. They don't have to like each other, but they will have to "fake it" (if that's the best they can do) for their grandchildren. She agreed.

So, I would suggest just talking to your mom and explaining your concerns. You never know, she may realize that she will have to be the bigger person. Good luck!

I really feel for you. Having dealt with an individual that would make it clear that they were not happy, I finally had to put my foot down and explain to them that if they could not put the anger aside, and behave, then they were not welcome. I put the choice in their court, and made them responsible for their own behavior.
It was also made clear that if they promised to behave, but then started with the drama, they would be asked to leave--immediately.
We try to accomodate everyone in our lives, and some people just have to take the spotlight, not willing to acknowledge that they look bad in front of everyone, afterall, negative attention is still attention.
Pull the plug on the power play, it sucks, and hurts, but as Elenor Roosevelt said "No one can take advantage of you without your permission".
Congrats on your graduating, and good luck.
(and keep giving that baby hugs, they grow up so fast!!).

I think it's better to keep your parents separate until your mother has dealt with her issues. Your son does not need to be around that energy, and he will more easily adjust to seeing your parents separately than seeing them acting as you say "immature." What do you want your son to know most?

You write about your son's needs, but what about your own? These are YOUR parents. Your son is 20 months old and has seen his grandparents, but not daily. You lived with them for 19 (?) years. Give yourself some empathy for how tough it is for you.

It is best for your son to see his mother taking care of her own needs in a healthy way. This includes placing loving sanity and limits over drama. If your mother is not willing to seek help with her unfinished emotional issues with your father, then that is her choice. You then need to choose for you and your son's emotional health. And it sure hurts when your parent is acting so wounded and is unwilling to move on.

No matter the circumstances for her pain, your mother is choosing to put her inner wounded part in charge of her life, not choosing to put her mature side in charge for not only herself but her daughter and her grandson. You need to kindly explain to her that you are making choices as a parent, not as a (her) child. Remind her she is an adult and is free to make which ever choices she wishes, and that all of her responses and feelings are choices.
Good luck!

I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this. My parents JUST started being able to be in the same room together and be somewhat happy about it after 24 years divorced.

I have no advise, but I can sympathize with seeing immature behavior in your parents. We seem to expect our parents to "act like adults", but as we become parents ourselves, we realize that they have issues like anyone else. I, too am going through quite a lot of immature B.S. with both of my parents.

Let's make a pack to "hang in there" together. Honestly, I've withdrawn from my family (for now) and asked my husband to take up thier slack a little (to support me, help out,etc). He's responded well (with time) and we've become closer than ever. Perhaps that was the reason for going through this?!
B.

Hello D.,

First let me start by congratulating you on such a big accomplishment. It is hard enough getting through college, then you add in kids, wow, pat yourself on the back.

I had the same situation with my parents who have been divorced now for about 20 years. My children started asking me why Grandma and grandpa hated each other. At that point I got mad, I did not realize how aware my children were and how much it was affecting them. I called a meeting with my parents and we went into a very public resteraunt so that they would be to embarrased to throw any tantrums. I told my parents what my children were asking and I told them I did not care what their differences or feelings for each other were. They needed to suck it up and think of their grandchildren first. I also told them that if they wanted to continue being included in our family plans that they had better grow up and act like the adults they are, if either one of them was not willing they would be the ones that would be excluded from all of the important events in life, because I was tired of walking on eggshells. I of course approached it a little kinder and with a great deal of tact, but I got my point accross. Since then we have had get togethers and even had Christmas all together one year. It was really nice, and everyone had a good time. Also when my daughter graduated from high school, both parents came into town and they both stayed at my house, it was for about three days, they got along even if they disagreed they did not act childish. While my parents still can't stand to be in the same room together and I hear about their gripes when the kids aren't around, at least they are doing what is best for the grandkids and that is what I wanted. Now when my kids look back at their childhood they are not going to see bitter grandparents, but just grandparents that love them enough to do whats right. My oldest is going on 21 and is very aware of her grandparents feelings, she has such a deep appreciation for them both and what they have done for her and her siblings and cousins.

Good Luck and God Bless
D.

my parents are married but my mother is impossible . i feel sorry for my dad. any time there is a family et togehter she starts a fight with someone. we all joke around about who ist going to be next time. she makes ridiculous accusations and feelings get hurt and then she act like nothing happened a few days later. one example. i divorced my sons father when my son was 3 months old. i remarried when he was 5. my new husband loves my son. the first christmas after we got married. he was to spend christmas day with his father. he never showed up so my husband suggested taking him to his house. we did. when we got there my ex came out of his house and told my son to put his suitcase back inour car. he said he was sorry but he couldnt care for him anymore because he was married and his wife would always be with him and Jay was going ot grow up and go away and he needed to invest his energies on his wife. yes, he told htat to a 5 yr old. my son jsut looked at him and told him, my mom didnt stay with you what makes you think the stepmonster is going to stay with ou. i hurried him back in our car and we left. he had gotten a new motorcycle for christmas and we asked him if he wanted to stop by his grandparents ranch so he could ride it. that stopped the tears and he got so excited. when we got ot my parents my mom came out and asked why he was till with us. i told her hwat happened. the whoel family was there. so she immediatley starts attacking my husband. telling him that he wsnt allowed to love jay too much becuase he was only the step father. it was my husbands first time. all my borthersinlaw were behind my mom laughing and making faces because he was getting it. she said some really terrible things blamed him for us divorcing(he got married tow weeks after the divorce and i wated 5 yrs). anyway, as usuall everybody left and we all came to my house. after that we all got togehter and had an intervention. we told my mom that she was not invited to any more family gatherings if she was going to be mean. of course she denied being mean. she thought we werent going to do it. the next family gathering we called my dad and told him i would be picking him up but that mom would have to stay. he didnt want to go so we went ahead and did it without him. the next one she found out about and she showed up and it jsut happened to be at my house so i told her she could stay but if she felt like fighting she wudl have to leave. well she did and i escorted her out and told her either to drive herself home or sit in the car until my dad was done. she started walking and dad didnt follow her. so she came bakc and again i escorted her out and toldher she couldnt be mean. it is my house and she had to respect it. so she sat in the car for a couple of hours. after that she has chosen not to go to any more gatherings becuase she cant control herslef. we are sorry we cant have the entire family togehter but we are much happier without her there. i visit once a week sometimes alone sometimes with my husband but we dont stay mroe than half hour. the other siblings do the same. if she starts to be mean we leave. if she comes to my home she knows that she cant start anything. i know it sounds mean on our part but she refuses to get therapy or couseling. she blames everyone else for whatever is her problem.until she does, she is not welcome. it is not right for our children to see that kind of behaviour.

Dear D.,

Bless your heart! I went through this some years ago. My parents divorced after 33 years of marraige and a little after a year my father met and married another lady. My mom was bitter with her until the day my father passed away (some 15 years later). It was very difficult for us to handle being in the same room with mom and this other woman because my mother made it difficult. She did not wnat to go my wedding or shower because SHE was going. She thought we all replaced her as a mom (we did not), but if we talked to Gladys, mom was mad at us for weeks. So unfair of my mother to have been that way. She was the one who asked for the divorce. Anyway, I knew she was the one making things difficult for everyone. Gladys would talk to my mom and be as nice as pie, and even complimented my mom, but nothing made her feel better. Her and I ended up in a fight after I had it and told her she was being very immature and needed to get past the fact that dad had moved on. She also was re-married by the way so what was her worry? We still don't know. We finally just learned to do as we have always done and treat Gladys good and my mom like a mom and if she couldn't live with it we knew we could not change her. Then my father passed away a little after Gladys and him divorced. My mom and her came face to face first in the hospital then at the funeral. I do not know or understand her to this day, why she was so bitter and jealous. We had some hard years to begin with, but we learned to deal with it after confronting mom about her immaturity. I say just talk to them one day heart to heart and share your feelings. God Bless.