My Son's First Bad Word

Dear A.,
I would suggest a reward system as follows: Make a "I used good words all day!" jar, and every day that he does not say the bad word, put in a penny. At the end of the M-F week, if he has 5 pennies, he and you (or the whole family) get to do his favorite thing (go rollerskating, rent a kid movie, get dessert at Sonic, play hide-n-seek in the dark with flashlights, whatever floats his boat).
In the meantime, I would completely ignore his use of the word as long as he's not using it in anger. Once the enjoyment of his new vocab word wears off, it won't be that big a deal to him --until a new one comes along! :)

Sincerely,
A. P

My son has learned several "bad" words. The first time he did it I tried to tell him we don't say this word, it's not nice, etc. Well he kept it up. Each time I would tell him to quit saying the word. I finally realized he knew what he was saying was inappropriate so I just ignored him. When he realized he was getting no rise out of me he just quit.
Several mths later he came up with a new word. Ignoring him didn't work this time but a little soap across his lips did (I couldn't get him to open his mouth so I had some soap on my fingers & rubbed them on his lips). He has never uttered a nasty word since.

My son went through a huge potty talk period. We tried so many things and nothing worked until we took away 5 minutes of tv every time we heard a potty word. It worked like a charm and it only took a couple of times for him to figure it out and not say those words any more! Every kid is different. You really have to find what motivates them.

He's noticed he's getting a reaction from you every time he says it. I would make a specific consequence, such as "each time you say that word you will have to wash the walls," or something else he hates to do so he associates the bad language with the negative consequence. If you have a long talk with him every time he says it, he's going to just keep saying it because he's getting attention for using it. Tell him ahead of time what will happen if he says it again, and the next time he says it, don't have a long talk--just give him a bucket of soapy water & a sponge and tell him to get to work. Good luck!

Maybe try to Ignore him see if it works.. If not keep telling him its a bad word and we dont say them, thats its not nice. My father used to say he will wash our mouths with soap if we say bad words. Not sure if it will work but you can tell him that see how it goes. I think my brother actually had soap in his mouth for saying bad words it did work. Not sure what kind of timeouts you give him.

You will probably think I was an awful mom, but my children (now adults) are good kids and never have been in trouble. My reaonsing was that if I went a bit overboard on a consequence the first time, I probably wouldn't have to deal with the same issue again. It worked for me, anyway. I believe that "talking to" a spunky 5-year old doesn't mean much. I'd use something more on the lines of soaping his mouth. Sure worked for me as a kid, my brother, and it worked for my children. I saw another response that mentioned soap across the lips because she couldn't get his mouth open. One time ever I used soap on a toothbrush -- I never dealt with that problem again.

I am a grandmother raising my 3 year old grandson and was having the same problem. The way I broke him of saying bad words (that he was picking up from the older boys at the babysitter) was I stuck my finger in a little vinegar and wiped it across his lips. He spit and sputter and then I gave him a drink of water and told him not to say bad words again. I had to do it one more time and he does not say bad words anymore. If he hears someone else say them he tells them I will get the vinegar. It works and it didn't hurt him, so you might give it a try.

My daughter started singing a nursery rhyme full of explicative words at three. She had heard it at my gym's daycare. We were in the car so I just ignored it. Later that day, without making a big deal of it, we talked about how some words hurt people's feelings. She didn't want to hurt people's feelings, so she is now careful with her words.
Hope this helps.

He may continue to say it because he knows it will get your attention. You can try ignoring it like you didn't hear it and after awhile, since he doesn't get the attention for it, it may just disappear. You could also try replacing it for another similar sounding word. For example, oh you said "fish". I like fish too and move on. Kids will learn quickly what gets attention.

I never paid any attention to "bad words" because #1, words are not "bad" they are just words, and #2 because the attention is what is desired when they are spoken.

If there was a time and place where I deemed it to be inappropriate, I shushed them or sent them off somewhere where it was ok to say. Like the bathroom. I have taught my kids that there is a time and place for everything. If they are angry their room is a mess, sure, say a word or two, it is just them in the room anywhere, so why not? Drop a toy in front of grandma? Not the time or place. If it helps to relieve anger over a situation, why not, in the right place.

I have two sons old enough for this--one who rarely swears, and is in jr high, but not afraid to tell me anything, and one who tests his limits with me, but still has a clean mouth in public. Point being, I have never had to worry about my children swearing in front of anyone--it is not a big deal in our house to do it so therefore it is not nearly as much fun.

Now, in public, we sub a fun word instead. i.e. instead of sh!t, we say "poo" cuz it just sounds cute. Maybe your son would like a substitute word, like fudge :D

A.

For us it worked just ignoring it as long as he is still young enough to be just seeing what happens when he says it remember older kids will do it for shock factor though!!!!!!!!!! Sorry I do not have a magical answer but this worked for us. D.

Your son is going to hear several of these in this day and age. I always found the best way was to explain to him about these words best as possible, but then try to ignore it as he may be doing some of it again because he knows he shouldn't and that it upsets you also. Try to act as if it didn't happen, and hopefully he will lose his desire to say it if he knows no one is listening and it doesn't upset anyone.

Hello A.,
What we have done with our kids when they encounter a bad word is first to explain to them that they are adult words and when they become adults then they can choose whether to say the word or not. We tell them that it is not appropriate for children to repeat those words and that it makes them look bad. Then we allow our kids to have 2 minutes to say the word so that they get it out of their system. When they first learned the SH_T word, we called it "Two Minutes Of SH_T". We make a game of it at first so that they can say it, because ultimately that's what they want to do is to hear themselves say the word. We usually get a big laugh out of it. And my kids understand that once the two minutes is over, if they are caught saying it than they will get into serious trouble. Usually something that they value, such as video game time, is taken away for that day. I don't know if this will work with you, but it has been very effective in our family. Our kids do not use the adult words even though they recognize it when heard. Good luck with your decision on this issue. Have a nice day! ~T.

I think your son is merely in his copy cat phase (it seems to never end).

I killed 2 birds with one stone when my son (now 9) uttered his first potty mouth word. I gently warned my husband several times about spending "quality time" with our son while watching TV (Sopranos, The Godfather Trilogy and other movies where every other word is for the garbage). I said "Okay, when he says his first curse word, you're gonna handle it". He assured me it wouldn't happen. It happened. I sat him in front of his father and explained the incident. Now, they both are cured.
L.

Just watch what you say around him, but there is not any way to keep him from hearing bad words he's going to hear them every where he goes, just when he says them just enforce that those are bad words and we don't use those words.

Hello A.,

First of all there is nothing wrong with your son's personality. He is simply mimicking what his ears hear.

Time out's are probably going a bit too far at his age.

Your story made me smile in remembrance of two different occasions wherein the children in my family spoke inappropriately!

The first instance probably happened about 20 years ago when my son and nephew were roughly two years older than your son. They became spatially aware of the proper word for male genitalia and they had the grandest time laughing each time one said it (and they took turns) and they were too tickled to stop, even when I entered the room. I was alarmed and mortified.

I asked them where they got the word (although we knew the correct terminology, we didn't think the boys were old enough to use the word responsibly---and I was right). We used other soft words to describe male genitalia. My son had learned the correct word at school and promptly shared it with his cousin (my nephew).

To make a long story short, I told them to continue to use the word (right then and there) until they didn't feel like laughing any more. I sat there through this exercise and when they got good and bored with laughing at the same word over and over again and seemed ready to quit, I had them say it one more time for good measure--It is important to note that I was not mad at them--I sat there as if I was amused with their new found brillance.

Needless to say they got bored real quick at the repetitive use of the word, especially with me staring at them.

I asked them at this point if were good and finished with their laughter and when they assured me that they were I asked them to then use the word in a sentence. I them told them both that they could only use the word from that day forward in reference to something relevent to their private parts as they had mentioned in their sentences.

I never heard either of them utter the word in public again and no warning shots were fired (LOL!).

The second incident now involves my Grandson;
My grandson is two years old (he will be three in May). His Mom brought him to my house one day and the two of us were talking and perhaps didn't include him the conversation enough. Anyway, he was playing with toys and exploring Grandma's house when all of a sudden he blurted out a curse word! Well to say his mother was shocked would be an understatement. I said, "did he just say what I thought he said?" and just as I got that out, he said it again.

I figured out why he said it again, he had gotten a reaction and some attention from his mother. All kids crave attention from their parents, regardless of whether it is good attention or bad attention.

I told her that we would redirect him and give him some other words to concentrate on. He said the curse word a few more times that day(seemingly with glee I might add!) but eventually, the redirection helped to take his mind off his new word.

My grandson's mother and I went back to our conversation and he said the word again, this time his mother didn't respond with surprise and eventually we included him in our conversation and didn't hear the word again.

Her thoughts on where he acquired his new word included the idea that his Father and Friends had been playing a videogame and cursed during the course of the game. She promised to get onto them about their language around her young son when they are engaged in playing Video games, which is truthfully not very often because they all work. However, there are occasions when they gather together for this activity.

I will ask her if he ever said the word again at home.

It makes sense to monitor absolutely everything your child watches on T.V. and hears in the home, including on the radio. They are at the height of their learning experience. That is their job, that's what they do best. They mimic the language that they hear, its how language is passed down from generation to generation in our society, so it makes sense to control what they hear.

If you have to provide two t.v.'s; one that constantly plays cartoons, kid shows and children's movies and another T.V. that plays nothing but adult news, gardening shows, drama and/or videogames, so be it. Whatever it takes to improve your child's environment. He shouldn't be on punishment because the portal through which the world steps into your home (the television) was left on a channel that allows characters to use curse words during the hours when children are normally awake and viewing.

Another suggestion (since your son got the word from T.V.);
Change the Channel! Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius never uses curse words!

Sincerely,
From A. to Another

Teaching is a great profession. Congratulations to you. It might be possible that your son has learned his 'first' bad word at school in the play yard or else where. Telling his and discussing with him right after it occurs that [..] is a bad word and we use [...] to say this or that. More than likely getting mad at him and letting his see any anger may cause the misbehavior to continue.

I know this sounds crazy, but what worked best for us, was to completely ignore it. Unless of course they keep repeating it to get your attention. But alot of the time the child is just trying to see if the word will still get mom's attention. It took about three times of my husband and I not acknowledging the word of choice for our 3 year old, and she stopped saying it.

Yep, my five-year old did the same thing a couple of weeks ago - a word he heard my dad say. We talked about how there are nice words and naughty words and we talked about what some nice words are that we should say. He liked "bicycle." Now if he gets frustrated, he's been saying, "Oh, dear." Every once in a while I hear, "Dang" slip out. But at least it's better than the OTHER word. :^)

One of the things that worked for me was to explain that this word was dirty and that if it came out of his mouth again, it meant his mouth was dirty and needed to be washed out with soap. Of course, my child had to test that - but I never heard it again when he got the soap in his mouth. Do it now while he's young enough to get this concept!