My Mother in Law Keeps Family Pictures of My Husband and His Exwife Together!

When I first started reading this, I thought perhaps your husband had children with her, in which case I could understand not "erasing" her from the family photo wall. But then I saw that there are no kids, so her behavior is inexcusable. (Even if there were children, lying and joking that it's you in the picture would still be cruel.)

She has problems. I think, if she really needed to keep a picture in a private area of the house (her bedroom), you wouldn't have an argument. But having it in the public rooms, and then engaging in this bizarre behavior of involving the little kids (nieces and nephews) in her cruelty is beyond the pale.

By the way, I disagree about covering up the ex's face. The pictures go away, period.

Here's the thing, though. You and your husband have all the power here. I know it doesn't feel that way, but you do. So, stop going over to her house. Concentrate on having a healthy pregnancy. If someone wants to throw you a baby shower, you have control over the guest list and you have control over whether you agree to it at all. I would absolutely refuse if she's in charge or it or directly connected to anyone who is (and the grandmothers-to-be should not be planning a shower anyway). If you are in her presence and she starts in on this nonsense, get up, go get a glass of water, go to the bathroom, go lie down because you have a headache, anything - pregnant women have lots of "moments" of not feeling well. And you can get up and go home. You really can.

Do not inform her when you go the hospital - and do not inform anyone else who will tell her. Your husband can call her after the birth and inform her, just as he will call anyone else on the list (his siblings, for example). He can also set up a sort of phone chain for both sides of the family, so that he's not making all the calls (and neither are you). Do not invite her to your home when the baby comes - concentrate on happy and positive thoughts, and helpful people. Over time, if you visit with her, you can always get up and take the baby home because "the baby is fussy" or "we need a nap" or anything else. Get up, remove yourselves and the baby from her presence, and be done with it.

Your husband is the one who has to handle her. Stay out of it - it's really better for your senses anyway, but this is not a fight you can win. You have to take the Road of Confidence here, that you have your husband and child, you have her son and the ex-wife does not, and your MIL will have the choice of aligning with the woman who is not there and also missing out on the new grandchild, or of straightening herself out and realizing that a joke is only a joke if everyone is laughing.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but please take and hold on to your power here.

Perhaps it's time to take a break from seeing a lot of that side of the family.
You and Hubby can go somewhere nice together over the holidays if you are not too close to your due date.
They don't sound like people I would want to hang around with.
After the baby comes - don't see them for a few months at least while you are recuperating and if they start up again - then who needs them?

Sounds to me like they are jealous of you and want to do something nasty because of their jealousy. Plus, they sound like A -holes to begin with. Next time they ask their kids, I would just correct them in a calm voice and say, “your Uncle was married before. Now he is married to me”. Act like it doesn’t bother you and you’re just helping the kids understand. Then those losers will be thinking “darn, we couldn’t get her”

This past summer, we had photos done at a family reunion.

Right afterwards, one of the couples split up. It was kind of annoying, because I think the woman knew she was leaving my relative a couple of weeks later. But what was she going to do - break up with the guy right there and then? Or say, Oh I'll duck out of the photo ... no. She jumped in, and then now, it's this kind of awkward photo. We all feel for the guy - do we display it? Not really. It's disrespectful to him right?

These things happen. That's why it's probably a good idea to get different group shots at these family reunion type events (in hindsight).

The fact that they are joking about it and making fun of you - that's odd. I don't deal with people like that. I would leave them to my husband. He deals with his side, you deal with yours (that's the general rule). You don't have to visit them - there's no rule saying you have to.

Rudeness is a bigger issue than just a picture. How people treat you has to do with you as a person - not a 'thing'. If they don't respect you personally - then deal with that. Forget the photos.

My personal thought though is - people are free to display what they like in their homes. I have a good friend (who is like a second mom to me) who is still close to her first DIL. If she wanted to display her son's first wedding photo, etc. then if HE was ok with it, I think she probably would, in a discreet place, perhaps in her bedroom, for example. I doubt she'd have it on display in her living room. To me, that's her choice, so long as her son was ok with it. I don't think she would flaunt it in front of second wife.

Respect is something that means being considerate of others - it doesn't sound like the family you married into has a lot of it going on. You don't need to spend much time with them.

ETA: Just a suggestion once upset has settled - why not use new baby's arrival to have a new family photo taken, and your hubby arrange it. Doesn't have to be pricey - some of the nicest are casual shots. He can handle it (why does Grandma have to?) and it could even be his gift to everyone next Christmas. Time for a new one anyhow with new arrival/family.

Also - I had missed part about insisting she cover ex's face. Now that's pretty ridiculous I will admit. Sorry .. Don't stoop to their level. It is just a photo. Don't engage.

I'm assuming the picture is a picture of the extended family (your MIL, all her kids and all their spouses and her grandkids). If this is the case, I can undersand why she is keeping them up. The taunting is weird, childish, and rude, but you can't stop their behavior, you can only change how you respond to it. So, here are my thoughts:
1 - You are choosing to let it bother you. It's part of the family history, whether you like it or not. Covering up someone's face in a photo seems very silly to me. It just draws MORE attention to the person who is covered up, not less.
2 - I don't understand why you don't just gently correct the kids - "No honey, Joe was married before he married me. Her name was Sofie." If you do it without defensiveness, the joke will stop because the kids will look at the people saying that it's you like they are crazy.
2 - Go somewhere inexpensive, get your own family picture taken (you and your husband), and give it to her in a frame to put up somewhere. OR, since you are pregnant, after you completely drop this subject, wait until the new baby is born then suggest that the extended family get a new picture taken to include the new grandbaby. That way you can suggest a new picture in a way that isn't focused on your insecurity.

You should let your husband tell his mother and sister that they need to stop now. If they don't I would seriously think twice about having your new baby around these ignorant women who don't seem to understand their actions. You are entitled to feel hurt by what they are doing because they are doing it to hurt you.

I would focus on creating a loving family with your, your husband and your new little one. I'd stop going over and if asked why tell them flat out that they continue to do things that are hurtful even after asked to stop. Don't get upset just be straight forward on this.

For what its worth my mom kept one of my brother's wedding pictures in the top of a closet after his divorce was finalized. When we moved her to assisted living she was torn about what to do with the picture. I said 'Well he's got a new wife we we love so I'd say we toss the picture and focus on the present instead of the past.' Brenda went in the trash which should have happened years ago.

Okay I swear I saw this question posted before (?)
But whatever, these people sound incredibly weird and immature. Why hang out with them? Just because they are family? Um, no. If your husband has already said something and they keep doing it then it just means they don't respect him. Who needs that? Live your life and visit them only when you must.

You can't make her take down the pictures or make her stop what she's doing. Your husband already tried, and she still doesn't seem to care enough. At this point, you and your husband have to decide exactly how much this upsets you. Does it upset you enough to say, no more? Are you ready to say you're not coming over, you're not inviting them over, you're not doing anything with his side of family anymore unless they accept you and treat you with decency? That's probably where I would be if I were in your shoes. You hate to put your husband in that position, but that's the position he is in. He chose to marry you. He chose to have a baby with you. You and the baby are his family now, and his mother and siblings need to accept that if they want to have a relationship with him.

You and your husband need to bow out of the family for a few months. I think there’s a bit too much “closeness” going on since they all seem to think they can be SO disrespectful to you and laugh about it so much.

My father-in-law once asked me what I thought about an issue in front of the family, and when I gave my opinion (it was about whether a stadium should be built downtown or not), he told me in front of the whole family that I should listen to my more informed brother-in-law. It embarrassed my brother-in-law, and hurt my feelings. I quietly got up and went inside the house, and my husband took his father aside and told him that he expected his father to treat me with the same level of respect that he gave every other family member, including my brother-in-law. And then he took me to the car and we went home. I did get an apology some time after that, when we didn’t show up for a while.

You and your husband will need to make it clear too by instituting some VERY CLEAR BOUNDARIES. If your mother-in-law cares about your pregnancy and being a part of this baby’s life, she will stop this stuff. And she will put the others in their place if she cares enough. You and your husband need to stand firm. He needs to be the one to say it to her, and say it once. No more discussions except when invited over to ask if the picture is still sitting out and if they are still disrespecting you by showing it to the kids. If the answer isn’t “no”, you don’t visit, pure and simple. It’s a matter of principle, and you two need to nip this in the bud NOW, or you will be disrespected over and over again in a lot of ways.

A picture with the ex in her house isn't terrible and is somewhat understandable. However, her taunting is sick. The siblings going along with it is also sick. Making you out to be her is sick. Teaching the kids that she is you is really sick. It is your husband's job to deal with them and get this issue to stop. If he won't, I'd stay away from them completely, and they would not be in on the birth or seeing the baby/babysitting at all. If he tries, and they still keep up the psycho behavior, all of you need to take a long no-contact break from them. I just can't quite grasp how they think this is funny. It's really bizarre.

Didn't you ask this question a couple of weeks ago? Perhaps.you didn't get any answers.so is trying it again?

You've asked her to get a new family picture. You can get a family picture and pass it around. You have control of what happens in your house. If anyone visits and makes fun, calmly say you don't accept teasing. If they're your husband's relatives, he has to be the one to tell them. If they continue, ask them to leave. If you're visiting, say the same thing about no teasing and if it doesn't stop leave. This is a reasonable.boundary to set. Your husband can draw a line in the sand and enforce it.

My ex had a large picture (like 24 × 30 inches) hanging in the living room. I felt hurt. I felt like his mother was more important than me when he didn't understand and left it up. After a few weeks, I took it down. He didn't seem to know it was gone. Then I felt better.

Are there pictures of his ex in your house. If the kids who are teased are your children, I would ask your husband to keep a couple and put them away.

I would not accept this hurtful ways of teasing. Don't allow it in your home or in your presence. Then pay no attention to the rest. The more you react, they will continue doing this. You and your husband cannot change them or require they not show the picture but you can refuse to have the picture or the comments in your presence. Your husband may not want to do this because he's used to his family. Perhaps tell him you need not see or hear this anymore. Ask him to protect you.

You are probably having a stronger reaction than you would if not pregnant. Your body is changing which changes how your family will be. Pregnancy is a major change in many ways. It's stressful. You need to know your husband will protect you.

How old are your children? Old enough to recognize teasing? Is it possible that they are just going along with the "game?" I would tell them that talking about who is in the picture hurts you and ask them to ignore any mention of the picture.

I suggest that if you can not let the situation take up less space in your brain that you choose.a word or sentence that encourages you to stop thinking at the moment. I often tell myself to stop and change my focus. I also say positive things about myself such as I will not let them upset me. Or I'm calm. I love myself. My husband loves me and chose me. Say words as often as you need them. Say them over and over until you feel them.