School Pictures: Should I Share with My Childrens Dad and His Wife. EDITED

J.- I would call and talk to them and if they want you to order then ask if they would pay for some of it even if its a small amount.Good Luck to you and congrats on the new baby even if its a bit late..lol.

My ex and I share a school package. It's usually cheaper to get a bigger package and split it up. I have him make a list of what he needs - and then I get him an amount that it'll cost. It works well for us.

I have a 9 yr old boy from a previous relationship and a 16 month old daughter from my current marriage. Personally I foster my Son's relationship with his Father because I want him to keep that bond. I feel that his father is just as important in his life as I am. Therefore, I supply his Dad with school pics, pictures of my sons various sports and accomplishments. Since his Dad is long distance, and doesn't have the means that I do, we travel to CA for visits. I'll even buy a gift for him to give his Dad for birthdays and Christmas. I encourage phone calls and make sure he sends a card on Fathers Day. I even have fostered a friendship with him so that my Son feels his love for his father is validated. Everyone is different, but for me, I prefer to keep the peace and help out as much as possible for my Son's sake.

Whenever it is school picture time, request an extra form from the school and send it to him, so he can order some if he wants to. Alternatively, when the pictures arrive, give him a wallet photo so he can see what it is like, plus the re-order form that always comes with the pictures, so he can order his own, if he wants to.

Be polite, keep him included, make it possible for him to order photos. Ask your children's teachers for doubles of everything that comes home so that he can have a set and be kept informed of what is going on at school.

Sharing like that will send a great message to your kids, don't you think?

I have a friend that is divorced that went through that same situation. She now informs her ex. that it is time to order pictures and asks if they would like to order some copies too. If he wants several she has her daughter bring an extra order form to his house. It is understandable that each side of the family wants pictures of your child but that should not be at your expense. Good luck

J.,
In our case, my step son is with us 1/2 of the week and with his mom the other 1/2. We make sure that the school picture order form goes to her if it comes to us first, and vice versa. This way we can place our own order and put our check in the envelope to return to school.

I don't think you should have to pay for providing pictures of your children to their father. However, because it obviously affects your children, you may want to take the extra step to remind their dad about school pictures, etc. Maybe the school could even provide you with a separate order form to give to your children's father? This puts the ball in his court and he won't be able to "blame" you for not having pictures of his children on his wall. Your children shouldn't be used as messengers and I feel the best thing you can do to prevent that, is to go out of your way to make sure he knows about the picture days at school and give him the opportunity to place his own order.

No, it shouldn't be up to you and he should ask you for this info, but for your children's sake, I think it would be great if you did it anyway...

You have received plenty of advice on this topic, but I have to put in my two cents being that we are on the other end.

My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage and it is in the custody agreement that she will provide him with school pictures, art work, her report card etc...They live in Toronto and he does not get to see her except for a few weeks in the summer, Thanksgiving and Christmas. My husband pays child support to her so it is her responsibility to provide these pictures to him.

He really wants to be in his daughter's life and it's nice to see the pictures every year. They (the school pictures) are the only pictures we get of her--we don't think her mother takes many (any) other pictures.

We have 3 kids of our own and we always try to include her. It is just very difficult because her mother does not make it easy. Because she isn't with us very often there are pictures she isn't in--like the church directory. There isn't anything we can do about that. We always send pictures of her siblings so she can feel included.

If you are the custodial parent it is your responsibility (whether your ex asks for anything or not) to provide him with things from your kids--especially if the kids ask. It is not about you. It is about fostering a good relationship between your kids and their dad.

I would give them one picture and send a coupon along for a photo place. Like - we had this taken at Sears I'm sure the kids would love to go with you and have another one taken so you can have your own. Or give one school shot and the information on how they can ordr more.

Look at the envelope that the pictures came in. Most photography firms have a web site. Additional pictures can be ordered from the web site. Give this info to your ex's relatives. While you are under no obligation to pay for class pictures for your ex's relatives, you may want to cough up the money for the sake of your daughter.

I would say if their Dad wants pictures of the kids he should purchase them himself and then do what he wants with them. I have had to deal with that with my ex and I was buying school pic for the kids for years. I would give them to his family and mine. He then took me to court and said he was buying them and made up fake check copies and said he paid for everything. If you do yours and keep copies of cancelled checks this can't happen to you.

One way to think about this type of situation is to reframe the question ... what would be best for your children? It sounds as though your children would benefit from having their dad (and his extended family) get pictures. If you can avoid focusing on who's asking, who's paying, and who's doing the work and focus instead on helping your children get what they need (connections with all of their family members), then these decisions may be more clear). I read an interesting book from a grown child of divorce and this author emphasized the importance of avoiding putting the child in the middle.

If he is paying child support then in essence he is also paying for the school pictures. I would be more than willing to provide him with the pictures. This is more about the kids and them being able to give their dad pictures probably makes them feel good. It seem perfectly logical to me that the dad is asking the kids about their school pictures.

Yes. I'd share. You'r kids will have a relationship with your ex's wife, and if that happens to extend to pictures that you are sending, so be it. Send them, and be the bigger person. You could ask him what size he wants...if it's an 8x10 school picture, I'd ask him to pitch in a bit and pay for it if you're in a good enough relationship to do so.

Hi J.,

I am a step-mother of two (15 & 10). I would not expect their mother to just give us pictures. We order the pictures just like she does. First of all, I do not want to be indebted to her for anything. Secondly, she is a BEAST! The least we have to deal with her, the better.

My husband and I have one child together (4). All of their pictures are displayed on our wall just as if they were all of our children. I was a step-child myself and I know how it feels to be left out in many different situations. I vowed that if I was ever a step-parent, I would not be that way, and I'm not. Don't get me wrong, there are things our son gets that the other two don't, but he is here 100% of the time. They are only here 50%.

It sounds to me like your ex needs to stop sucking his thumb, and quit being a passive person. He needs to grow a backbone and stand up to her. I don't mean any of this in a bad way, but your two kids are his kids too. It is only fair to display their pics, and buy them themselves. Your children didn't ask for any of this.

Good Luck, M.

I dont want to sound mean or anything, but dont you think that you are being a bit childish about the whole thing ?
I mean I was not married to my oldest sons' father but I do send school photos and any other snapshots to him and his new family. I want him to be able to see his son grow up, we are even planning a family vacation together. I think that it should be all about what will make your child happy ... not what makes you happy. If it is such a big deal to you then ask the school to send a duplicate copy of things such as picture order forms, report cards etc to his address. I am sure that you are not the only family in your school where the parents are divorced/seperated. All you have to do is ask and be the bigger person, I hope this helps.

Whenever school picture time rolls around, we always make a phone call saying we are putting our order in and want to know what package they want and put them in the same envelop. Every year we both order the same package- it's pretty easy. Then when we get them back from school, we send them along the next weekend with a sticky note of what their cost is and they usually send a check back. I don't think you should feel bad.

I just give my x a wallet and maybe a 5x7 but if he wants more he has to take our son somewhere to get his pics done.

J.,
I have a 11 yr old that has the same thing was going on I decided that I wouldn't give him anymore. So I scan the order form and send it over e-mail asking if he wants a package for him and his family. The check is made out to the photo company and I have them seperate from what I order. I do this with any school related funraiser too.
A.

I have to echo just about every post and say that you certainly are not responsible for buying pictures of your kids for your ex and his family. When my parents split up, I was in high school, but I brought the order forms to my dad's, he decided what he wanted, and wrote a check. I turned in his order with my mom's. When I was a senior, my mom paid for my sitting and the pictures she wanted, my dad ordered his own pics from the proofs, and I ordered and paid for the ones for my friends. It's totally reasonable to expect everyone to buy their own dang pictures!

I deal with this yearly with my 11yo son. He is in a few different activities, so gets several pics taken a year, in which I only purchase one the entire year. I request duplicate picture envelopes, in which one goes with him when he goes to his dads so if they want anything, they can order, put the money in, and send it back with him to drop off at school or the orginazation. I also have called him to let him know, if there was pics that were being taken that needed advanced payment, that if he wants these ones, then he needs to either let me know, or get to the org and put in his own order. The only pic he has of my son, is one from 3 years ago.

does he pay child support even if he doesnt is this not really petty to be arguing about give them one picture and let them make copies that cant be too much for you just be happy that he still is in their life and cares remember children get older and if you fight over the petty things they will remember and blame you for alot of things

I'm not divorced so I've never been in your shoes but your ex-husband's family does deserve pictures of your chilren. Just as you have to order them though, so should they. Have you thought about getting an extra ordering packet to give to him or his family? Instead of giving your daughter a picture to take to her dad's, give her an order form and let him order his own for his family, that way each side of the family is responsible for their own pictures.

Hi J.-
I am in this very same situation. I used to "handle" it for them, but then I decided to stop the leak on my time and energy. And I gave myself a present. Then next time picture time came around, I asked the teacher for two order forms and two copies of the ordering instructions. Schools are used to dealing with blended families, so don't feel like you are being a burden for one second! I then turned those over to my son's father and told him he could order pictures if he'd like them. When he continued to try to include me in the situation, I politely reminded him that he has the order form and can make his own decisions about what he does or does not want to do about pictures. It is not your responsibility to facilitate this process. It does not benefit you. It will benefit your daughter if her father handles his own business without including you. You are causing him to be responsible for his own wishes and giving him the opportunity to take some pride in his role as your child's father. I hope all goes well for you!

I am always finding myself in the same situation. I feel that if the other parent wants pictures for that side of the family, they should gladly pay for half of the cost. Think about it, if your child's father paid for professional pictures, would he voluntarily give you pictures for you and your family? Doubtful, at least, this is the way it is in my situation.

B. R.

Hi J. -

I'm assuming that you are just talking about the pictures taken at school, which are usually sold in packages. My question is - do you typically purchase a package and give them to other people in the family (grandparents, etc.)? If so, I would think that you would have 1 to give to the father. If it is really a financial issue - just ask him to pay for part of the package. You mentioned that you have been meaning to speak with him about it - I would do that before the next set of pictures are taken. Open communication is key!

I went through the same struggle this year. I always give my ex a school picture and then send one to his parents and his sister. After all, my children did not divorce his side of the family! But, this year, he wanted the composite class pictures. I told him no and that if he wanted them next year, he could let me know and I would order extras that he could pay for. It is not up to us to support them or buy what they want. They should have the sense to tell us that they want copies when we order them and then they can pitch in on the cost! Hope this helps.

Yes, I would honestly still share a picture of your child with her dad. But I agree, why do you have to buy them all. I would only give one and let them know they need to make copies for who they want, as you are only buying them for your daughters family (which means-he is dad-he should get one). 2 at most-dad and grandma -- but only if your daughter considers his mom-grandma. I guess it really depends on your daughters relationship with her dad. Since that is her dad and the only dad she ever will have (yet she has a father now-your new husband) there will always be a special something between dad/daughter. Let your daughter make the choice to keep it, or disconnect from that. I know it's only pictures-but it will lead to more if it is an issue now. So yes, 1-2 pictures is all I would give tops. They can pay for others. There responsibility too. :) Hope it helps.

Hello J.,

We have the same problem. I feel that if the father really wants pictures of his children that he will ask. If he doesn't ask, don't send him any. He has the same option as you. Or if you communicate with him you could tell him that school pics are coming up and it will be really nice if you will go 1/2 with me on purchasing them. If this is a no no then have him purchases his own. If he doesn't ask for the pictures then just don't send one. I don't know your relationship with the kids father, are you able to communicate? Or do you communicate through your children? Is he remarried? How is the relationship between the new spouse and children? I would be able to help you more if I knew these questions.

But J., use your own judgment and if you don't feel right about sending the pics-don't. He can always do what you have been doing, paying for the pics himself.

J.,

You have given pictures to your children's grandmother as a courtesy? Charming. School pictures are not that expensive, this is not about money. I hope you do not pass along your resentment to your children. Half of who they are is your ex-husband. Have you even considered that your daughter might want her father to have a school picture of her? Remember that she has repeatedly asked for pictures to take to her father, and do it for her. Would you rather that your ex-husband and his wife did not care about his children?

I don't think you should have to pay for pictures if they want them. My son's father purchases the picture packages from school separate from my purchase and that has worked just fine. If you have extra pictures and want to share then that is different and so in that case if it bothers your children that there are no pictures of them on the wall then maybe you could give them one picture just for that purpose but in the future do not give them any because they should purchase their own. Yes, if they want the pictures they should ask you but in my situation the less we talk the better even if it is a small thing like that because whenever we talk we end up arguing. I don't know if your situation is anything like that but I was just trying to offer a reason why they wouldn't talk to you and would have your child do it instead. Or maybe they just think it is more convenient that way too.

I am divorced, my children are 9 and 7. Their dad and I live in the same school district and share custody. We both will place an order for their school pictures. This is in part since we have many many people to share them with.

This is what I used to do when my daughter still talked to her father.

I'd call or email him and give him an advance notice of when the pictures were to be taken and ask him to either contribute to the costs or he was on his own for taking my daughter to go get her picture taken somewhere. I have no problem giving her dad 1-3 pictures but after that it's like hey this stuff costs alot and I have family too.

It also bothered me as a child and still does to this day that when my parents were divorced and I would go visit my maternal grandparents they had every grand child's picture on the wall except my brother's and I. Felt like I wasn't a part of the family and have held that grudge to this very day. Their excuse was since they didn't get to see us often it hurt to bad to have it up I feel as if we were written off though.Sooo... I would make a comment if possible that you feel it bother's your children they're picture's aren't displayed. And that you'd be more than happy to help them order some when it's time to take pictures next.

I know step family stuff get's weird. I am not talking to my dad right now for many reason's but one reason was he had this nice picture frame in his living room of my daughter his only grandchild. Every time I got pictures taken he'd rotate the old picture to the back of the frame and proudly display my daughter's newest picture. Well his girlfriend of 13 years moved in and now my daughter's picture got tucked in a drawer or thrown away. Totally irriates me.

This can be a sticky situation. There are so many emotions involved, and it seems like money never stretches as far as we want. If you are really in need, consider asking them to contribute. Be prepared to take notes on what they want, let them know how much money that will be (this may take a few tries--be patient), and when you need the money by (tell them an earlier date than is true, just to make sure there's no problem).

And remember--while it may feel like you're doing something for them, you're really doing it for the children.

My husbands ex girlfriend has either told us when they are being taken and gotten us an order form or like last year she just ordered a packet and has us reimburse her for it. She won't share any of hers so that was our options. She could have given us one of hers and we could have made copies also. I guess it depends how many pictures he needs if it is not many don't supply a whole packet just give him or his mom one to make copies of for whoever wants one. My husbands ex also goes threw the child to talk to her dad, she is six, and if the pictures are such a big deal there pictures should be added to the wall also. I proudly display my step daughters pic on the wall.

Our family is in the same situation. When the kids bring home envelopes to order school pictures, have them bring home extras for their dad. Then they can order as may, or few, as they like because you should not have to foot the bill each time. If they do not want to order then that is their choice. Then it is not you being immature or the bad guy it is on the other parties choices. Good luck.

I don't think it needs to be at your expense at all. If they want to have pictures they can order their own just like you ordered your own.
I look at it like this... they want to take a picture of your daughter at their home, does that mean that you have to supply them with a camera? No.

Not your responsibility. If they want pictures they can either take the children into a studio like Penneys or they can go together in buying a package from the school with you. You are not responsible for paying for nor getting them their pictures.

Hi J.- My son is 12 and has never lived with his dad. Every Year I call them before school pictures. Ask if they want any and what the price is. I order and pay and then they in return pay me for the pictures. Sometimes I do have to remind them. I think If your children are asking you, you should really just ask them and order them. God will bless you in return for your kindness.

L.

As the stepmother of an 11 year old who has always appreciated that his mother has sent us two of his school pictures for as long as he's been getting them, and without ever being asked to, I am surprised how picky you seem about it. However, I have also taken my step son along when I had the pictures taken of my kids and given her some of the pictures, not because I felt I needed to, but because I want to based on what a great mom she's been. It just seems like there must be alot more going on there than just school pictures.

If it bothers you that much, send one small school photo with the order form that comes in the envelope. If you ex wants to order more pictures for himself and the family, he can.

Hi J.,
Boy you have a lot of responses on this one... I agree with those that say to send some pictures. My husband pays child support and his ex will order pictures and usually orders extra in the package she buys. When they arrive to her, she removes her order and forwards the envelope to us. We use the pictures she has given and if we want to order more, then we have portrait studio information.

I definitely don't think it is too much to ask (especially if he is paying childsupport), but I don't think you should have to supply all the other relatives. Work out some kind of quantity that seems reasonable, order and send to him to distribute.

Hi J.,
From my experience, communication is the key to solving most issues between parents who are not married. Make sure your children's father knows when picture opportunities are available and at what cost, whether it's school pictures, Little League team pics, soccer photos, etc. Just pass the information on to him in a matter-of-fact way, just as it is given to you by the school or organization. You may have to work out a system the first couple of times because it seems that not every photography company operates exactly the same way, but then you are giving him the chance to purchase the photos he would like, just as you have been given that opportunity. If you are in the position of being the parent that receives this information, then it's just a common courtesy to pass that info on to him. What he chooses to do about it then is his choice. Remember always that treating your children's father as an important part of your children's lives is one of the best things you can ever do for your children (and that goes vice-versa for the fathers on how to treat their children's mothers!) A lot of children's lives are unnecessarily scarred by parents who find retribution against their former partner more important than building their children's futures. I know you will do great because you cared enough to ask this question and find out other opinions. Good Luck!

I am also divorced and I have two children. Every year at school picture time I call their dad and let them know what packages are available to order and I leave it up to them. They generally order something and they usually get pictures with the step family also. I would never pay for them though, you're right in that respect, you're not responsible to pay! Even though you know your children feel hurt by dad's choice not to hang up pictures it is still not your responsibility. I would try talking to your oldest and letting them know that it is not your responsibility to provide dad with pictures and make it very clear that it is dads choice not to get pictures of his own. I have always taught my kids that everything in life is a choice you make and you need to be responsible for those choices and NOT responsible for choices that other people make. I hope this helps.

You are not being too picky. My husband does not take responsibility for supplying his ex-wife with school pictures (stepson lives with us). He gets two order forms from the school and makes sure she gets on. If she chooses to order pics from the school, she can make sure to send it in or give to us to send in. Sometimes she chooses not to. I would do the same thing for your children and their pictures.

There is nothing you can do to change the way they communicate with you. My husband has regularly asked his ex-wife to talk directly to him about things and she continues to talk to their son. One thing we have done is to train his son to say "you'll have to talk to my dad about that." It's taken awhile but he is remembering to do that which makes him feel less responsible for their communication as well.

Are you giving your daughter's father the opportunity to purchase school pictures? If it isn't expressly written in the Decree that when there is information that isn't provided by the school district to him then it is your obligation to provide it (ie, school picture order form since they often don't provide two of them), it is an unspoken responsibility of a custodial parent to share this with the non-custodial parent. It is part of the co-parenting that goes on when parents who have children divorce.

I do think, however, you shouldn't have to bear the expense of purchasing school pictures that are given to her father and his family, but if you aren't giving her father the option to purchase any himself, you should offer a few to him. I have a 7 year old stepdaughter who lives with her mom and come school picture time, if she's here when she has the order form, it is sent for us to decide and order. Otherwise, she calls and my husband lets her know what we want, we mail a check payable to her and she orders it. A lot of heck can be paid if it can be shown you aren't working with him, even by giving him the opportunity to order some. If he chooses not to, that is his choice, but don't make it for him.

If nothing else, keep in mind the children you share with their father won't be young forever and the day will come you don't have to worry about picture dramas. Enjoy their youth while you can...the rest probably isn't worth the battle.

J.,
I have experience the same situation, and the best thing to do is contact the father of your children and ask if he would like to "Help" in purchasing the school photographs. It should be 1/2 and 1/2 unless he chooses NOT to help out on the purchases. Give him the option to decide, never assume things when dealing and rearing children under a separation or divorce. It continues to be a joint sitiuation in raising the children unless the courts of decided otherwise. I feel that its a "good act" to give pictures, I never found myself lowering myself to a level that is not civil, because it always bounces back as making the mother look back. If the father of the childen choose not to help you in the purchases of the school pictures, so be it, move on and be kind and offer by allowing the children to give them a picture or two. Always remember the reactions you show towards the father of any children is witnessed by your children, never make a pull and tug with confrontation when its only a simple gesture of giving a photo or two to the absent parent. Its better and healthier for the children to see a calm and loving "Adult" behavior than a frustrating one that will last in memory for years to come with regets and resentments What the children see from the behaviors form the parents will be interpeted to ok in the eyes of the children when it is not ok behavior. Set example, be an example. Be "Bigger" and "better" and never "lower" yourself in the display while being around the father. It will come back to haunt you in the end. Show good positive attributes and character for the children sake and share. Picture giving is an important event in every childs life and keep it that way. Best luck to you. KM

I think he could get pictures taken during the visitations and he should pay for them. school pictures are very expensive and I would not expect someone to buy them for me.

I hear you loud and clear about wanting your childrens father to be responsible to pay for pictures. I am in a situation where my husbands children live with us. Their mother rarely contacts them and hasn't seen them more than one time in two years. The kids ask me to send her things all the time, at first I would say that I would send it and conveniently forget just because I didn't want to send it, or I thought it wasn't necessary. But then I had two thoughts. 1. why not send it, this shows that I am the bigger person and gives her less to hold against me, and more for her to feel bad about when she doesn't follow through with her promises. 2. I don't know if you are like me, but we usually have tons of extra pictures laying around the house that I don't know what to do with and they just clutter up space. If that is the case I say clutter up his house with the leftover pictures it will only help keep you more organized, and you really aren't getting your money's worth if the extra pictures are sitting in the bottom of a drawer somewhere anyway.

You should also be aware that any of you actually MAKING copies of these school photos would be illegal due to copyright laws, if the school pictures you are talking about are the ones taken at the school by a professional photographer.

I sounds like you have made a good decision, but I felt you should know about the copyright laws in case you or anybody decided to try to have the photos copied.

I personally take turns with my kids dad each year. One year I buy them and the next year he buys them. Before we started doing this though when we were seperated, I gave him pictures of the kids with out charging him as he is always current on his child support and insurance on the kids..so I didnt have any issues with it.
You could also provide one picture and let them go about getting other pictures.
Good luck,
Ang

I've been divorced for 11 years and my kids are 16 & 13. What I've learned over the years is that kindness goes a long way and it all comes out in the wash. We've tried a few things but what I do now, is order a "bundle" that has 2 - 10 x 13's. I give him 1 of them, a 5 x 7 and a few smaller ones. I tell him how much it cost and he usually doesn't pay me. The pictures are for the kids, more than for him. ALSO, more than anything, in the long run, what are/will the kids think? What are you teaching them? If nothing else, it's a "gift" to their dad.
There is a saying that if you're kind to the person that's mean to you, it's like putting hot coals on their head.

I'm not divorced either, so can't really speak for you, but I do know that with my kids' school picture order form you may order as many packets as you'd like. Give him a call and ask him what he'd like to order for his family members? Tell him how much they are and that he should give you the check next time he sees the kids, etc. No, don't feel guilty either. I don't think you are at all being picky. Why should you pay for all of that, it gets expensive.

As a child of divorce, this is what I recommend. When it is time for school pictures as the teacher to send you children home with 2 order forms. If the teacher does not do so, then contact the school office to get a second order form for each child. Then when you see your husband give him the order forms and you can either have him send his order in or you can have him decide what package he wants for his family and then provide you with the check. When you are going to do pictures independently of the school pictures you should let him know. Most photo studios will provide a way for other family members to access the photos and place an order. While it is nice to provide his mother with a picture it is not your responsibility. However, since it seems as if you are the one that has primary custody it is up to you to provide their father with the proper information in regards to photos, so that he can order for himself and his family. When you provide him with the order forms I would let him know that it is up to him to order pictures for himself and his side of the family. If he orders great, if he doesn't than that's his bad. If your former mother-in-law contacts you about pictures of the kids, just let her know that you gave her son the order form.

I have two step-son's and my son's father lives far away--
Yes, I definately call dad and he picks a package and pays for his own --- I even fax a copy of the report card -- what the heck!!!
My step-son's are older and they call us and ask if we want to purchase a package ... no biggy

good communication and kindness are key for healthy relations with your x and your children you have together.. as well as your husband and babe---

Even though at times it is harder to be the "bigger" person
at the end of the day letting go of the past and all of that jazz an x can entail is best for the little ones

Kids learn by example eh>?

My husband has a boy that is 8 years old. We purchase our own school pictures if we want them. I would never expect his mom to buy us some pictures at her expense. I would say they are on their own.

Hi there. I have dealt with the same situation before and refuse to share the school pictures that I purchase with my ex or anyone in his family. And that's not to be spiteful, but it's because I have a large family and they come first, especially since I pay for the pictures. My ex is now on the mailing list for the school (especially because he lives out of state) so he gets the picture order form mailed to him to order his own pictures. It works out great now! So my advice would be that your ex gets his own picture package ordering form and that way, YOU don't have to worry about it at all! Good luck.

we had the same proble with my 9 year old step daughter and her school and athletic (basketball, soccer, softball) pics... Because we have full custody we always make a copy of the order forms or ask for 2 order forms and they are always willing to accomidate us we are usually not the only ones then we tell her mom when picture day is and when teh order form and $$$ need to be turned in and it is up to her to get them to us by the deadline or no pics for her. I would say right now since pictures have already been taken make a copy or give them a couple extras and tell them next picture time you will get them an order for so thay can purchase them as well it dosn't cost any more they usually just make more copies of the one pic. they have ocassionaly taken 2 differnt ones but it dosn't matter to us as long as i get my pics. then when she dosn't order them she has to explain why she didn't get them to our daughter but she knows i at least tryed.

One year I gave in to the pressure and let dad buy the packet and did not have some for myself. I will always regret it as those were some of the cutest pictures the kids have taken.

My brother handled it by contacting the school photographer and ordering his own packages of the school photos for his children. It seems that if you give dad the contact information for the school photographer, you have done your duty. Anything more than that is out of the kindness of your heart.

I have been in your situation and this is what I do. My ex-husband and I both order our own school pictures. He orders his own package and I order my package. When you get the order forms from school, just give him or his wife a call and let them know what packages are available or give them a copy. That way it is up to them to order for themselves, it is not up to you anymore. So do not feel guilty about not giving them a picture. They can order their own. The main thing is that your children need to see that you and their dad are getting along with each other and working together in their interest. That is what really matters.

As a step-mom who loves her step-son very much, I would suggest giving them one picture even if it is a wallet and then they can scan it or copy it for their family, but I would also suggest since it seems they might be trying to get out of paying for anything that next year they order their own package of pictures too. You can collect a check from them for the package they want. If they can't understand that, then I guess I would have to agree that you not give them anymore after that, they can always take the kid to Walmart and get pictures taken.

I would ask your ex why he can't afford his own pictures in front of his new wife!! What an idiot!! The good news is....your not with him anymore!

I'm not sure what the problem is here. Your children seem to have two families that love them and include them in their lives. If you have them, share the pictures! I realize that school pictures aren't cheap, but holding out on a handful of them for whatever remaining personal reasons is cheap. Be the big person and bridge the gap. Give them no reason NOT to have some picture of your kids on the wall. A couple of wallets should do the trick.(aren't there always those wallet sizes left?) If they ask for larger (and thus more expensive size) say "I'd love to, but I'd have to order more in that size and they cost ______. If you woulnd't mind sending me ______. I'll order the picture for you." Send the pictures out of love and gratitude for your kids--and especially if your kids are asking you to. They are working hard to feel included in their step families and you should do whatever you can to facilitate that. As a counselor and teacher, I've worked with too many kids who only wish their parents and extended family wanted pictures of them.

Sorry for the pointed tone.

if its going to make your daughter feel happy and proud to take those pictures over, then i would just do it. life's too short, you know?

Does your ex receive the same letters, etc. notifying him of upcoming school photos and give him the option of ordering them? If you are sure of that, then it's his responsibility to order some for himself and his family. However, if you can afford it, it's really not going to hurt to provide a picture, right?

Keep in mind that I don't have an ex, so I'm not speaking from experience. But I know (from the experience of being a child whose parents were not together) that little things can make a big difference. Maybe instead of asking what you should do, maybe you could figure out what you're willing to do without feeling resentment or taxing your resources, and do everything you can for them up to that point.

I have never given my daughters dad pictures from school. What I di is let them know that school pics are coming up and I give them the order form so they can choose whichever package they want. I also have them pay for it right away and then I send it in with my order. That way we both get pics and there won't be any arguement over why someone did get copies. If her dad doesn't share with people on his side, there is nothing you can do about it. That's my thoughts anyway. Good luck!

I am a professional photographer and find most people in your situation will have each parent pay for half or order their own. The paying half is usually with high school seniors as the parents split the cost of the seniors pics. I agree with the comment of getting an additional order form and giving that to dad.

I definitely have opinion on this J.. I am going through a divorce right now, our son is 4yrs old and although we don't have school pictures, there are pics with Santa, portraits, etc. that I get done and pay for. I feel NO obligation to share the photos with my ex and his girlfriend. They know where to get pics taken! If your ex wants school pics then he needs to fill out the order form too (I'm a teacher and I KNOW they have extras!)

OR talk to their dad and tell him that you are considering getting portraits done of the kids at Target (free sitting, free 8x10, only $3.99 for additional sheets). He can get a portrait of each of your/his kids for $3.99 each! If he doesn't go for either of the suggestions, he's just hurting your kids. HE is the one sending them the message that the other kids are more important than they are by not adding their pictures to the wall. It's not your job to make him look like a great dad. Your kids aren't stupid.

As for sharing with his family (grandparents, etc.) that's your call; what are you comfortable with? I provide my ex-in-laws with pics because I know my ex doesn't share even snapshots with them. They appreciate the communication and we have a great relationship. I know that if I didn't share with them, I would be punishing them for my ex's BS behavior. I feel like I am helping to nurture a healthy relationship between them and my son.

Feel free to respond,
deb

I am in the same situation, I figure that if he is paying child support he should have a school picture of his children. He can then make copies for his family.

I see you have already posted a follow up about your request, but I wanted to add a response.
As a stepmom, I just wanted to say that when we want school pictures, we have to buy them ourselves. Which is fine with us, the only bad part about that is the kids don't tell us and my dh ex doesn't tell us when pictures are.
I think sending an order form to their house is a great idea. Your daughter can even have two order forms when she gets her picture taken, my stepkids both have two order forms that they take with them (if we get the form that is).
Another idea is to split the package. You order it and if they want some, they can pay for part of the package. Here our packages only come with one 8x10, so if they wanted one, they could buy the extra (around $8-10, here) Just an idea. We've done that before, but it was AFTER pictures were already taken and handed back to the kids, so we didn't get the option of getting an extra 8x10, we just go what his ex was willing to give us.
So, as a mom in your shoes (not divorced, but split from my son's bio father) I would have them buy what they want from now on and as a stepmom, you at least have to let them know when pictures are so they CAN buy some.
Just my two cents.
I think you have a great plan already figured out

I have three children. My two oldest are 7 and 11, and are from my first marriage. My ex and I have a great relationship - think Bruce and Demi - because we choose to for our children. We are both children of divorce and had parents that could not speak to one another, which made our lives very difficult. Not only do I give my ex school pictures, but I'll occassionally print pictures of the kids and mail them to him. He is very grateful. I provide him with extra schoolwork and copies of report cards. I am proud of myself for the type of ex-wife I have been. My ex cheated on me when I was pregnant our 7-year old, so it wasn't always this way, but I worked hard to change my attitude and try to be a hero in this situation. Everything we do writes on the slate of who our children are, as Dr. Phil would say. :) I take that very seriously. Please start sharing pictures with your ex-husband. Good luck.

Since your daughter is 10 you don't want to say bad things about her dad, but, in my situation I didn't provide any pictures. if they want pictures of her they can take her to Sears or Penny's and have them taken when they have her. I think there is no reason why they can't do that. Her dad and stepmom shouldn't be putting her in that position. If they insist on the school pictures make them pay. Sorry, this is a really touchy subject for me too! You are not overexagerating!

My daughters father purchases his own package when she gets her school photos done. I would just give your ex an order form next year to order his own. Than he can choose the ones he wants.

Here are two options, please don't take the first one badly. If the father of your child is sending child support, then its only fair that you pick up the cost of the photos and those for the other side of the family.

The other scenario is to ask them for extra money since the photos are not suppose to be copied, I know how expensive the pictures are.

I brouhgt my duaghter to a day care and we spent nearly $300.00 on school pictures to send to both sides of the family. THis past year I took her to a professional and paid $150.00 for a two hour chunk of time and sicne we live in Colorado ritght now, I was able to get them with the view of the mountains. They turned out amazing. I have the CD and hae made hundreds of photos.

Nikki