Okay...my daughter is 12 and started her menstral cycle yesterday. She came home from school complaining of a belly ache and later in the day...it happened. She is my oldest child and I don't know how to talk to her about this kind of thing. I showed her how to use a pad but other than that, I don't know what else to do or say. My mom never talked to me about this sort of thing so I can't go by what happened with my first time. I don't want her to be embarrassed and not tell me anything. If anyone could give me some advice on what to do or say, that would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you everyone on your advice. I did talk with my daughter the day it happened. I would have talked to her sooner but I just wasn't expecting it. Sorry if that makes me sound like a bad mom. I am going to take her out to dinner Friday night...just the two of us. She got over the belly cramps the day after she started her menstral cycle. I never thought about getting a book...but I will look into getting one this weekend. I would talk to her about my first time...but I don't remember my first time. Again, thank you all for the advice.
The American Girls have a series of books that cover this topic and many others for preteens - it's the Care and Keeping of You that talks about hygiene and all the fun things happening to her body - very pre-teen friendly...The books are avaliable at most bookstores but I found them really cheap on amazon.com - best of luck to you!
K.
I had that talk with my daughter months before she started and I was very frank and to the point with her. I told her the "birds and bees" of it all. You have to be blunt and not afraid to tell her. Open communication is the best for both of you. Good luck!
Hi K.!You and daughter should have talked about this way before now!I have 3 daughters. My 13 yr.old just started her mo.period just the other day for the first time too.But she and I have had many discussions concerning this.Get this! She couldn't wait to start! Once the big day came,she was so excited,even with the pain that we celebrated it and she kept looking at her self in the mirror to watch her body start developing into a young lady! HA! Share with your daughter about your first period and have some laughs about it. This will cut thru the chill with both of you. Good Luck!!!
Hello K.,
I do not have girls, just little boys; however, I can tell you what my mom did when I became a little woman. It worked wonderfully!
She talked to me before my menstrual cycle started, though. My mom told me that I would have a menstrual period. She told me about I was going to stain my underwear, perhaps without notice or may be I was going to have some cramps or belly aches before that could happen. I learned from her that it is a part of being a woman and I should not be ashamed to talk about it. She showed me some books and things I was going to need like pads for instance. The day my period started I was playing outdoors, and..it happened suddenly. I was not afraid, just surprised..and I ran to the house and told my mom that I was being a little woman!...She already had for me a basket of cologne, pads, flowers and a little book about menstrual cycle wrapped in a beautiful silky paper and congratulated me.
Mom told me exactly what I had to do everyday, how clean and fresh I should be all the time..That was very sweet and nice and since then my mom has always been my best friend. My dad gave me a big hug, and a little flower with a card saying "Congratulations little lady".
I hope this helps you a little,
Good Luck!
Alejandra
well, they should be learning this stuff in school, but if not. just sit her down, ask her if she has any questions about it, let her know its all natural and all that good stuff. that's really about all you can do, i was always uncomfortable talking about it to my mom, and she was always willing to talk. some girls have no problems talking about it, some do, just be patient, don't push the topic and if she needs help or is scared, then let her know she'll always be able to come to you if she needs it.
~jess
I agree with the other response you received - be open, honest and frank...things that you probably wish someone had been with you. If you're still uncomfortable, I would suggest going to one of the websites for feminine products - they sometimes offer advice, information or 'beginner' packages for young women. Or you could meet with a nurse - the 3 of you - and have an open discussion. I'm sure her just seeing that you're there and want to give her all the information and support you can means a lot to her. Good luck! My daughter is only 6 months old and I'm already trying to prepare for that talk! :-)
Wow, that is a tough one. I would suggest to go about it in the scientific approach. Sit her down and ask her if she knows and understand what is happening to her body. And let her do the talking at first. It may turn out that you won't have to do much. After she's done fill in the blanks, clear up misunderstandings, and answere any questions that she may have. Knowing what she knows will be your greatest weapon.
Well dont make it seem embarrassing. If you are embarrassed to adress the subject so will she. Explain to her now you are a young lady. WE have a cycle every month that is all part of being a lady. Make it seem to make her more powerful. A boy cant have this time every month so they most of the time do not understand. Tell her about the differnt types of pads/tampons that are available and how to use them effectivly. The last thing she needs is to have a mess at school. Kids are not nice about these kinds of things. Tell her to wear darker pants when she has a cycle to protect her if for some reason she leaks. And be very honest. If you have a funny story about somethign that happened while on yours tell her about it. Alot of kids are really shy and scared when they have a cycle for the first time. They think something is wrong with them. So it is best to be supportive and answer her honestly and try to help her understand what is happeneing to her. good luck
Hi K.,
In 5th grade my daughter's school teaches basic sex ed - reproduction, menstruation, etc. In 6th grade they teach more about the sexual aspects of body changes. So - the summer before 4th grade, we talked about it, very frankly. My mother didn't talk to me about sex until two years after I'd already been having it - so I was determined to have open communication about this type of thing. I could never talk to my parents about this - and if you can't talk to your parents, you end up talking to your friends, and friends usually don't have as accurate info as they could or so accurate that it goes into the realm of "overly graphic." I suggest talking openly and honestly. I would also invest in a good book about sex education for her. She needs to get the info from someone, and it would be best if she got it from you!
This is scarely enough a time when she is vulnerable and needs you. Don't you remember how alone and scary it was to get your first period and not be able to talk with someone about how scary that was! It is funny how it is still such a dirty, taboo thing. No different from the days when they called it being "unwell" and they removed thereselves from society for that week. We right away tell our daughters that it is dirty and something to not be spoken of. I can understand that you don't know what to say but this is a time when a daughter needs her mother. This can be a great bonding expirience and help make her self esteem as a woman. If she can't trust you now with the intimate details of her life she never will. Don't let her feel alone and scared. Go and tell her about how you got yours, how you felt. Show her that what she is feeling is normal and wonderful. Will also be a window to talk with her about sex. It is proven that an educated girl about sex is considerabley less likely to have sex, whether that be forced, manipulated, or consentual. Knowledge is power. That knowledge will help give her the power to say no because if she gets in that situation she knows what is going on. If you don't know what is going on your are far more likely to sit there in horror. She also isn't as likely to put herself in bad situations either. So go and have a wonderful, open, talk with her and show our mothers how it should be done.
I agree with everyone so far! My daughter will be 8 in March and we have already talked about it with limits at this age(her curiousity was peaked when I was pregnant two years ago and again when my sister just had a baby in June). My mom never talked to me about anything regarding "becoming a woman" before I did and when I did she handed me a book to read and at the age of 12 and attending public school most children I already had a pretty good idea of what goes on as most children still do now. As a parent we need to teach our children so they learn it correctly and be able to have this conversation with them so they know they can come to you.
Good Luck!
I talked to my daughter before it happened. I went to a Christian bookstore and bought a book that discussed both the changes in her body and in boy's bodies as well as sex. We read the book together and discussed as we went along. This worked really well and we have an open dialogue about the things that are going on with her physically and emotionally. I hope the conversation goes well for you.
I see you have gotten plenty of advice...just to throw this one in, I was 12 when I started mine, my mom lived in Florida and I in Indiana.
My dad patted me on the head and said congratulations. I had to wait for my sister to get home from track practice to find out how tampons worked, and even at that she was 14 and giggled mostly outside the bathroom door...the directions in the box helped :)
You can't screw it up that bad! Just talk to her...you'll find the words.
