My precious, charming & very bright 8-year-old daughter is the absolute light of my life. But she's such a mess! It's like the girl has absolutely no self-awareness. She gets dressed in the morning and I often have to say to her, "Honey, you made a great choice in color, but I think those leggings would look better with a shirt that's a big longer." or "Sweety, I love the outfit you chose, but socks don't generally look good with capri pants. Why don't we choose shoes we can wear without socks?"
She comes out of her bedroom with her pants twisted or not pulled up all the way or both, her underwear sticking out the top, her shirt backwards or inside out, or completely mismatched. She'll try to leave the house with toothpaste all over her shirt and her face. I have to tell her to brush her hair EVERY day, and forget putting it up- she just won't let me!
Her best friend is the exact opposite (I take care of her before school every morning). She loves to put her hair up. She always carefully matches her outfits, and loves to accessorize. She always looks well put together, and checks herself in the mirror twice before we leave.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want my daughter to be vain, or to care TOO much. I think girls often care too much about what other people think of them. I tend to be very low maintenance. I don't wear makeup, I keep my hair styled so that I have to do the BARE minimum (wash, blow dry, go), and I wear clothes more for comfort than anything. But I always make sure I'm at least presentable!
Is my daughter a normal 8-year-old? Will this change? How can I encourage her to be more aware of herself?
i would be gently insistent about cleaning up the toothpaste and brushing her hair (if she won't allow that, it's time for a haircut) but i'd let the rest go.
she sounds charming, self-confident, eclectic and utterly adorable.
go you!
:) khairete
S.
As long as she is dresses appropriately for the weather and not wearing ill-fitting clothes I would let it go. Hygiene is different though. She should be clean, brushed and neat for school. I would insist on that because as they get older they need to learn to put their best foot forward for teachers, jobs etc... But socks with capris? That will pass as she gets older... or maybe she will just stay awesomely unaware and blissful. And that could be such a blessing for her!
Try offering her a limited selection, that way she gets a choice, and you get to have a say too. Lay out a selection of 2 sweaters, 2 t-shirts, 2 capris and 2 pairs of socks & shoes, she must have an item from each category, she can choose which she will wear.
Another option is to make her wardrobe "fool" proof. Get things in similar color categories, or a bunch of "neutral" staples. That way she can't go far wrong.
Personally, I like it when kids are put together a little strangely. I think it smacks of personality and spunk, but hey, maybe that's just me.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
You just described an 8 year old ME! Hahahah, my mom just called me a raggamuffin. I say keep up on fixing the L. things. By the time I got into Jr high, I realized I actually had to try a L. bit to look presentable. And from ninth grade on, I put my face on daily, and simply styled my hair. Even if she ends up being a bit of a quirky dresser, or a jeans and tee shirt kind of girl, she will eventually come into her own, and learn how to dress less sloppily.
She may grow out of it when boys become important. She is only 8 so really why sweat it. Until she gets a stronger sense of herself and her own personal style she will be who she is.
I remember going to school on the days we didn't have to wear a uniform dressed in stripes and plaid. My teacher talked to me about it and I never wore that combination again.
I really didn't get a great style until I hit about 30-ish. Now I'm much better at picking out things that really work for my body type and age but God helps me.
Cut her some slack and start buying her clothes where everything matches with everything else and you won't really have that problem. If she is like me, her legs get cold in capris so therefore she chooses to wear socks to keep her legs warmer.
If you supply her with clothing that would work better together you may get a better outcome with her selections. As you buy her new pieces, think about how many different things that piece would go well with that she already has.
I hope this helps.
I still pick out my seven year old's clothes the night before. If she's awake I have her help me, or I set out two options so she can still feel like she's got a choice and can express herself! Maybe she can eat and brush her teeth before she gets dressed? And you can get her to look in the mirror by having her look to see how clean her teeth are, maybe she'll notice the toothpaste on her face? I still have to brush and style my daughters hair or it looks messy.
Your post made me chuckle! I think she'll be fine. I have 2 girls (8 and 10). The 8 year old is very put together. She lays out her clothes the night before, right down to any hair accessories. The 10 year old? Not so much. The other day she came downstairs wearing these cute Nike capri pants I just got her. They'd look adorable with short socks and sneakers. But she paired them with multi-colored striped knee socks!! Pulled all the way up, of course. It looked awful. I didn't say a word. Someday she'll be made fun of, and she'll stop wearing goofy things (or not!). The only thing I'm really pushy on is being clean! My girls would go a looooong time without a shower if I'd let them.
She's eight. My SD went to 1st grade all spun up because her mom taught her about matching and was so upset about getting it right. She got home and cheerfully announced, "Nobody else knows how to match, either!"
Now, I'm not saying don't care at all but think about what you really need to care about. If your kid has the right insides, does it really matter about socks and capris? If she wears a dress to a wedding like you ask her to, do stripes and dots really matter on a school day or weekend? Does your child really need to be like her best friend?
I would make her be clean and appropriate for the season (no shorts in winter) and then not worry about the rest. My SD still wears two different socks with skirts and chucks and frankly...she's confident, smart, kind and caring. THAT matters more than some of the wackadoodle outfits she puts together. When we need her to, she can also dress to impress or dress for a wedding and not embarass us.
If your DD needs her pants twisted around or a spot check for toothpaste, just do it and chalk it up to being a kid. I used to wonder why little girls have wild hair...until I started spending time with them. ;)
Re the hair, make it a bedtime ritual for it to be brushed and braided so if she runs off without a brushing in the AM, there are a lot fewer tangles. You can also ask her if she'd rather the braiding or shorter hair. My SD was like that til she was about 11.
It'll be alright. Just let her be who she wants to be. One day she'll start taking 45 minute showers, spending 3 hours in the bathroom and missing the bus because she was perfecting her make up. It may not be til she's 14, but most girls generally go through THAT phase, too.
If she wears too short shirts, then go through the outfits with her to take out the stuff she's outgrown so she can more easily make better choices.
I would take pictures of how she looks when she does it herself (half hazzardly) and take pictures of when she has the "tweaks" you suggest and ask her what she likes about each and what she does not like and go from there. I think she needs to actually see in a picture what she is presenting to the world and you should discuss by finding pictures of people and watching shows that express this same thought that what you present is important and part of life.
She'll be fine! It's just not her thing! Everyone is different. Does she have a full-length mirror in her room? If not, get her one. This is very key! And it will help her tremendously.
Also try educating her on key things little by little.
Another thing is if she likes to play dolls, play with her. Sit and have a fashion show with the dolls. You can "teach" without her feeling preached at. They tune that out sometimes....
My 8-year old daughter is the exact same way. I figure when it bothers her she will change. It makes me a bit crazy, but I only intervene when there is some occasion when we must look good. This is one where I pick my battles. BTW...my son has been wearing sweats with holes in the knees for over a month now and he loves it. I just take a deep breath and move on. Good luck! I look forward to more answers from others! LOL!
LOL My 9 year old boy wore his t-shirt backwards last week.
I'm forever reminding him to "smooth down" the elastic waist of his boxer briefs.....(sigh)...
What abolut picking out an outfit the night before?
That's what "we" (I) do! haha
Oh, I'm sorry, but this made me laugh a little. Not with malice, but with sympathy. My daughter is going to be 13 this summer and is just now, FINALLY, showing an interest in her appearance.
I know that with mine, the more I tried to "advise", the more she resented it. I still remind her to brush her teeth and brush her hair every day (she always looks like she just rolled out of bed) just because it's not acceptable to go around with dirty teeth and knotted hair, but I let her dress the way she wants (pretty conservatively).
She didn't start putting in effort until a boy came along...the one day that she actually brushed her hair more than once and pulled it back, the boy paid attention to her. A light bulb went off! So, now I'm trying to get her to take better care of her skin as she is developing acne (which is not helped by her poor hygiene).
I know this isn't very helpful, but I've decided as long as she doesn't smell and is a good kid, I can deal with her being sloppy.
Good Luck!
When my daughter was 8 she had only one outfit she would wear. I tried to buy an identical one so we had 2, but she declared that one "itchy". I finally taught her to use the washer and she would put it in before bed every night and I'd switch it to the dryer before I went to bed. She's now a very well-put together young lady with a great wardrobe, who looked fabulous this weekend when she went out with friends to celebrate her 21st birthday.
She sounds fine to me.
For the toothpaste, have her do a quick check in the mirror before she leaves the bathroom. The other day I got all the way to the train station, checked my mirror before getting out of the car, and had dried toothpaste from my mouth to my chin! Hubby hadn't said a word!!
As for the hair, have that also be a 'before you leave, run a brush through 3 times'
As for the mismatched clothes, as long as all of the important parts are covered, let her have that freedom. You should see the outfits my 5 1/2y puts together! If a long sleeve shirt with shorts and rain boots on a sunny day is the price for her dressing herself and getting out the door on time, so be it! If it becomes a problem at school, she will figure it out and make little adjustments here and there.
