My Almost 3Yo Cries Whenever We Leave to Go Home, from Anywhere...

It's a common stage.
He's having a little trouble adjusting to transitions and it's no reflection on you.
I was told he throws a fit for you (the Mama) because he trusts you so he can show his true colors.
How flattering.
Use to drive me nuts when my son went through this stage but it didn't last too long.
It helps sometimes to give him a heads up 5 or 10 min ahead of time if you can.
Or every once in awhile have something fun lined up to do next.
We use to have a Wed after school French fry date and he never had a fit when I reminded him why we had to leave on Wednesdays.
Nothing is going to work every time.
Just hang in there.
It will pass sooner or later.

It may be a transition thing for him.

Some children need a few moments to finish what they are doing. Especially if they are playing or in the middle of a project.

So instead give him a heads up..You have 3 more minutes to play, then you need to get ready to leave.

You can watch this video for 5 more minutes, then you need to turn it off and get your jacket.

Maybe even call ahead to Grandmother and have her tell him.. Your mom will be here in 15 minutes. Do you want to finish this video or can you get your things ready now.

Do you want to give grandmother one last kiss good bye and then put your jacket on, or do you want your jacket on first and then the good bye kiss?

This is giving him a tiny bit of control over the situation.

I would pick him up when is not time or the place to discuss this. Just pick him and go.

No sure how well he can communicate but try asking him on another time (no when he is crying) why he acts like that, he may have good reason (at least on his eyes) and see if there is room for a little negotiation (or let him believe so) like: I understand but when coming out for school is not possible, we must come back, but if we are in the park you can decide if you want to comeback in an hour or 2.

And when you are in a good mood and is possible perhaps a little of reverse physiologic? No Tom, we are not going home.
You never know, reverse psychology has work sometimes around here, lol.

Ah, the dreaded 3-4 yo transitional disorder!!

Yes, my daughter was like this as well. Didn't want to leave the house, didn't want to get in the car, didn't want to get OUT of the car, didn't want to LEAVE from wherever we went, and same thing in reverse for the way back.

Grrrrrrr.

I completely ignored it. I said in a matter of fact but make no mistake kind of voice, It's Time To Go, then just physically took over, not talking....she doesn't want to put her coat on? No problem, I'LL put her coat on, she doesn't want to get in the car? No PROBLEM, I'll PICK HER UP AND PUT her in the car.

Fortunately it was a short phase. This is what seemed to work for mine.

HTH, Good luck!

:)

What worked for us was "priming" him - 10 min before go time I would say "DS we are leaving in 10 min. He would respond or not - if he did not I made sure to say it to his face to get a response. Typically OK! Then I would say 8min until we leave, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 then I would say time to put on your shoes (if needed) and then time for good bye!" If I did this happily and keeping in the norm happy and easy transition. I would explain at first in detail things like we are going to get our shoes on, say goodbye, and get in the car to go home in 10 min at first and repeat often. I got looks at parks/play places but when we left w/out tears or a fit the next time we saw that mom or group of moms I got asked about it and they started it too! If they know what to expect it's easier for them to change their mode. Have you ever had a busy day of errands and you knew that if you sat down or stopped to do something you were not expecting your day was trashed? That's a simmilar way toddlers think to sudden change.

I agree with the others that you should try warning him when it's getting close to time to leave. I do that with my GD all the time for everything. You have five more minutes, then it's bathtime or dinnertime or whatever time it is.

Is your son an only child? Maybe he doesn't want to go home because there's no one there to play with?

I'm glad you're not taking it personally because I am very sure that it has nothing to do with you!

No advice, just want you to know you're not alone. When my daughter was 3 she did the exact same thing (but it included leaving the house) Wherever she was, was where she wanted to be. Total nightmare. She finally outgrew it I guess. Or maybe she got sick of me dragging her to the car.

I have a son who does this so your not alone, and it's hard to not take it personally. My niece also did it for a time to my sister. My son is just now getting better (he will be 4 in a couple months). I did everything , warning him that we had to leave, and giving him a time line, treats, bribery, punishment, commiserating, basically saying I know you don't want to go and so on. I think he is finally starting to grow out of it, but it's still difficult. I don't think it's that they don't want to be around us, it's that they don't want to leave what they are doing and having fun with. Other than saying keep up with anything you see might slightly work, I think it's more a test of time. At some point it will change. Oh, you know one thing I did do that worked was that I told him it was ok to cry and be sad that we had to leave, but having a fit and a tantrum was not ok. This took a while to sink in, but I think it also goes along with the commiserating with him about how sad he is about having to change what he is doing. Good luck and try not to take it personally, that was the hardest part for me.

distraction, distraction, distraction. there's two things going on- first is that he is having a good time being out and doesn't want to go, second is that he's spent however much time being good and sort of on guard, but once you show up, he feels safe enough to let his guard down- this translates to meltdowns in little ones. it is very common and you are not alone, though I know it feels that way!

the key is to make it a non-issue by helping him transition to the next step- car, home, store, whatever. so to start, when you pick him up from grandma's, have something cool to show him- a new book or toy. but don't just run in and show it. go in, spend a little time. sit down and ask him what he did, what he played with, was grandma silly..... you get the idea. find a bridge, say he says "we played with dinosaurs". you say, starting to stand up, "that's so funny, I just got a dinosaur book form the library....." gathering his things, "will you look at it and tell me if you see the same ones you played with?"....kissing grandma, bringing out the book....."I saw one that was big and green, with sharp teeth, do you think you can spot that one?" moving out the door... and on like that. You are saying next to nothing about leaving, you are getting him interested in something else and focusing on other things. Clue grandma in on this as well. My mom was always trying to sweet and hugging my DD, going on and on about how she'll miss her too and she'll be back, etc., this just riles them up. the key is to focus on something else.

Now I will say that he's already got himself a nice little habit going, so this won't work instantly, you are undoing other behavior. But don't give up, it will get better. good luck!

He's just trying to work you, to test the boundaries, to see what you'll cave in to. It's normal, and the phase will pass.