Over the Christmas holiday, my 19 month old suffered from Bronchitis. During the night, his coughing would wake him many times. Which in turn would wake us. So the only way we could ALL get some sleep was to lay with him. His father and I would take turns every evening, just so at least one of us would get a full nights sleep every other night. The baby fortunately got well, but now he won't sleep in his own bed. He'll fall asleep in our arms, but as soon as we lay him in his bed he wakes up screaming. We considered just letting him cry, but we don't want to tramatize him. And it upsets everyone in the house.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Any and all advise is welcome.
Sweetie I feel you. My daughter is almost 21 months. I can not get her out of my bed either. When I work the graveyard shift at the hosp. she stays at my sisters and sleeps in her pac n play all night. I don't know what to do either.
No advise on how to make your son sleep in his bed, but I guess is up to you guys if you want him to sleep in his own bed. I have a daughter she is 3 new, since i used to breast feed her till she was about 7 months she slept with us, as soon as she turned about 1 we tried to get her used to sleeping in her room, well she cried and did not want to sleep on her own. So, since it would break my heart to see her cry, I decided she could sleep with us till she was ready. Well she is now 3 and she still sleeps with us 99% of the time. Occasionally she might sleep in her room but for the most part she sleeps with us. I have no problem, but my husband sometimes does :)
Please go the www.askdrsears.com and look up "sleep".
try getting his crib mattress or making a pallet next to your bed. and you can lie down with him, then move up to your bed, and in the night if he wakes up, you can reach down and comfort him, but stay in your bed and be firm about him staying in his bed. you and your hubby may go through a few nights of little sleep, but it's probably the most sensitive way of doing it. then you can move it into his room, maybe you sleep on the floor next to him for a night or two, reminding him that you're still there for him even when he's in his bed, then slowly transition back to your room. look at dr. sears website...they are big on attachment parenting and have some really great advice for transitioning from cosleeping to sleeping on their own. good luck!
there are tons of ideas you can try before cry it out (cio). cio has been shown to increase levels of stress hormones and children maintain a higher level of anxiety 24/7 (and there have been links, but nothing difinitive, whether it contributes to anxiety disorders in adulthood). so that's my thought on that.
best advice: read no-cry sleep solution for toddlers and preschoolers, by elizabeth pantley. she has lots of ideas for making kids comfortable in their own beds and making bed a place just for sleep, etc. we are using ideas from it now to transition our 2yo to his own bed.
another good book on transitioning to their own beds is in the sears baby book. they have a huge, long chapter about sharing sleep and transitioning to an individual bed.
good luck! we're in a similar boat, but realize the transition can be slow. just be careful not to approach it in a manner (like cio) that makes him equate sleep with anxiety/trauma/etc, or he will NEVER want to go to sleep, kwim? my bro and sil are dealing w/ that now because they did cio.
I will be upfront that I do not have any advice on how to get your son to sleep on his own again because our youngest children (5 and 3) sleep with us and so I've not tried to make something happen quickly. I just thought I'd throw my two cents in that it's not a negative thing and/or "problem" there are actual benefits to co-sleeping.
We find that our children sleep better because they do not have the problems of being scared when they wake in the middle of the night/they feel the security of us; and we have the joy of seeing them fall asleep each night and waking up together each morning. They do sleep in their beds many nights; however their beds are in our room because it allows everyone a better night sleep. We also run a box fan at night to create "white noise" which drowns out the noises that most homes cause (which can cause children to become scared - "mommy, I heard a noise" and most times, it's just noises adults are used to - the air conditioning/furnace turning on/off, a dog barking outside, etc. Also - what a short time it is that children are young...
What I really want to say is that there are many, many studies that have been done and advice out there on both sides of the coin. For allowing/not allowing children to sleep with their parents. What I've seen repeatedly in articles/studies/advice from professionals is that allowing your child to "cry it out" is teaching them that their caregiver (mom, dad, whomever it is that provides their care) will not come. But - if you take a look at what that can mean, is that when they (the child) need them (the caregiver) and they need comforting/are scared/don't feel good/just want mom or dad/etc - whatever the reason is for a little one - that teaches them that they will not come. It also makes bedtime not a peaceful, restful time; it causes stress on the child and parent, and I know that it only takes a "few" nights for them to "deal with it", however it doesn't mean they are not scared or want/need that physical touch anymore - it just means they have accepted the fact that it won't help.
Do I think there are plenty of children out there that cry to obtain what they want - of course - but is what they want wrong? I doubt that a baby and/or small child necessarily want something wrong at bedtime - much of the time its they are tired and Mom and Dad make them feel secure and comforted. They are little people who have feelings and this is how they express a need when words are not able to do so.
I know this probably didn't help - I just felt the need to share another point of view since many are sharing the "let them cry it out" viewpoint.
I guess my nightly "advice" would be to: give your son a warm bath, put on whatever your child sleeps in, turn on a box fan to drown out the noise, turn off the overhead light, turn on the bedside light and read a couple of stories - if he isn't asleep when story time ends, sing a lullaby and rub his back, watch your child drift off to sleep - make bedtime peaceful and secure and I bet it will create a great habit...we do this for both our girls and we cherish the nightly routine.
As a final note to those that are against co-sleeping - our oldest daughter co-slept too and she is about to turn 16 and moved into her own bed at about 6 years old with no problem. She is a very secure, high achieving confident teenager; our son was adopted as a pre-teen and he is happy and never co-slept. I'm not a mother that says you have to do one way or the other I do know and agree is a parent’s choice to do what works for them. I’m just a mom that says that allowing a child to "cry it out" is something I don't understand and always want to see bedtime as a peaceful pleasant time.
Hi A.,
Well you could go about this 2 ways, 1)either put him in his bed shut the door and walk out or 2)put him in his bed, sit down with your back to him and just sit there. don't talk to him or make eye contact. I think which ever way you go its gonna make him cry and you won't be able to sleep until he is asleep. I pick which ever option is easier or better for him. I'm assuming he is in a crib still ? Is it at a point where he could be moved into a toddler bed and transition up while trying to accomplish this. If he is already in a toddler bed than you need to do one or the other.
Also for the next time he gets sick and hopefully he won't there are 2 ways to make this not happen again 1) would be that when he is sick put him to bed in his bed but when you go to bed you could put him in bed with you or make him a pallet on the floor 2) or when he is sick you and dad switch of each night and sleep with him in the living room on opposite ends of the couch. that way hes not going to sleep in your bed but you can still keep an eye on him. hope this helps a little W.
I'm going through the same thing with my three year old. So to wean him from having to be held we would just sit with him. We don't speak to him, we don't look at him, we're just there. Each night we've move a little further from his bed until I'm almost out the door. I've had to do this about 4 times in the last 3 years and once I'm out the door I'll just sit in the hallway, then move out of his sight little by little each night.
Don't struggle to make him lay down. Just let him lay down on his own.
No noise, no lights just you and him. You won't traumatize him if he cries and you're right there. He'll just learn that he can get through this on his own.
Unfortunately, your going to have to let him cry it out or something of the sort. Before he got sick, did he put himself to sleep?? If so, he needs to get back into that routine. It shouldn't take to many days.
I feel your pain. My 15 month old has been sick with the stomach flu and wakes up each morning between 3-4:30am starving since he hasn't been able to eat much of anything. Once he gets 100% better I'm sure I'll have the problem also.
Unfortunately, my advice is to let him cry. My son would not sleep through the night due to breast feeding. When he was old enough that he didn't need to nurse at night he would cry and due to wanting to go back to sleep I would give in and nurse him. After I had enough of not sleeping I would go and check on him to make sure that he was ok, we just let him cry. By the 3rd night he was sleeping through the night and still is to this day. I know it is frustrating and hard, but you need to take care of you and getting enough sleep is part of it.
letting him cry it out wont traumatize him i promise. I say the best advice is to let him cry it out. It could dake a little bit for a few nights but he will eventually sleep and have no problem sleeping.
