"Mrs." and "Mr."

I am a teacher and go by "Mrs." or "Ms.". When adults come to my classroom (or when my own kids meet a new adult) I ask the adult what he/she would like the kids to call him/her. That way you never offend anyone or make them uncomfortable.

to me using the Mr. and Mrs. sounds like the old south...

and very outdated.

You can be respectful when using someones name...not being respectful would be going around yelling HEY YOU...and expecting a response. This doesn't mean you have to address them as Mrs. or Mr. to be respectful.

In a professional position, teacher and or/something other then I can see the kids using the Mr. or Mrs...

But even when I was in school...we addressed the teachers by how they introduced themselves to us the first day of school...

"Ms. first name" is how I would teach my children to address someone that is very personal to our family. I agree with a number of points already made by others:

1) I prefer "Ms" because I kept my maiden name and I also feel we don't need to make an additional gender claim for females to distinguish if she is married or single (we don't for males).

2) When your kids enter school, they will be expected to address the teachers formally, so starting them out now, makes it much easier, shows respect and in most cases, is appreciated by the other party.

3) For some adults that we know that are not neighbors, but still presonable to our children, we have used other titles. For instance in Sunday School or preschool, we have used "Teacher first name" for the friend that may be conducting the class.

4) If you have your children start with the formal title, and the person gives permission to call them something else, then I think it is acceptable to be more casual.

5) Lastly, I don't think it is "old school" to use titles when addressing adults. Some of these "old fashion" ways are the greatest forms of respect, heritage, appreciation. (after all politeness and respect will always be in vogue)

Hi A.,
Here are my thoughts on the subject, for what it's worth :-).

People should be addressed as they would prefer. So, I believe it's fine for you to ask the other children (and their parents) to call you by your first name. However, if others would like to be referred to as Mr. or Mrs. ___, then that is how your child should address that person. Just ask if you don't know how someone would like to be addressed.

I agree that "Mr." or "Mrs." (or "Ms." or Miss") is a term of respect, but that is just my opinion and I don't enforce this on others. I plan to teach my children (they are too young now and not talking yet) to address all adults by "Mr.", etc. or "Uncle", etc. or "Dr.", etc. unless told otherwise.

Recently (I am in my late 30s), I asked my high school friend's mother if it would be ok to now call her "Marie" rather than Mrs. ___, as we are now both adults. She said no, that she'd still prefer Mrs. ___ -- so there you have it!

So, that's my 2 cents. It's all up to you. I don't know if I'd call it rude necessarily to call someone by their first name if they'd prefer a more formal version -- but it's not as gracious as using the name they'd prefer. :-)

Take care,
A.

I do practice this with our daughter, but only with people we know on a limited basis, and especially for older folks. They are not familiar with new trends and are so 'Old School' that I want my daughter to always be respectful, even if her beliefs differ from others. We are more casual with people we see often and have become somewhat friends with. For instance, some of our younger neighbors we call by first name, and have grown to be friendly with. Our older neighbors, (grandmothers and grandfather types) we address by Mr. or Mrs.

I am a firm believer that if we as a society start becoming lazy, then we are sacrafizing something greater, like respect and common courtesy. I personally think that society should hold a higher standard than that of our forfathers, and set good examples for who they raised. (taking your hat off in a restaraunt or when you enter a home, or dressing up for church, etc...those are all courtesy's that we're impressed on us as children. If we don't pass those same courtesy's onto our children,...where will they learn it?

I think that friends are different than people that we don't socialize with on a personal level. I've mixed it a bit by saying, "Mrs (first name), vs. Mrs (last name) It casuals's it up a bit, but not to much as to disrespect someone who is a few generations older than we are.

HI, I actually agree with Patty. I also personally believe there is a difference between being "polite" and being "respectful." Yes, being called "Mrs." can make a person feel old, but the truth of the matter is is that we ARE getting older. We are now in the position of being the teacher rather than the taught. I know i grew up in a very old fashioned culture (and not in the south =)), so I still appreciate being given the respect I was taught to give my elders, and do try to impress that "tradition" to my children. On the same note, it also doesn't offend me at all to be called by my first name, knowing that society is turning that direction.

I personally do not care at all for being addressed as "Mrs." because I kept my family name after I married, and to me, Mrs. M. is my mother. My SIL argues with me about this; she says it doesn't matter what my name is, if I'm married, I must go by Mrs. But one of my other objections is I simply don't see why my marital status changes my courtesy title, but not my husband's. Yes, I realize that is the prevailing tradition now, but many people don't realize that it's relatively new, and relatively Western. I'm not overly fond of Ms., but it's all we have right now, so I prefer people use it, especially since marital status isn't always apparent.

I have a friend from the south who was taught to address adults she knew better (baby-sitters, neighbors, etc.) as Miss and/or Mr. first name. I think that's kind of nice. I had a client from the south who always called me Miss C.. I found it respectful and familiar. It's an option.

If your child is polite in actions, and remembers to be courteous to people, I'd say you've done an excellent job, and someone who'd get worked up that he or she wasn't called Mrs. & Mr. needs something else to worry about.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. If your daughter's friends' parents don't like to be adressed by the first name they should politely tell them I would like it if you call me Mrs. or Mr. I grew up my whole life going by first names except in school and I had a friend who was taught different and my parents hated when she came over because it was always Mr. and Mrs. They finally requested nicely to be called bu their first names and afterwards they didn't mind her coming over.

I had that come up this summer. I have a mom i have playdates with that will have her daughter address me as Mrs. Made me feel like my mom. LOL. My kid's are polite in saying thank you and please also. So, if they don't use Mrs or Mr. I don't think it's impolite? I remember as a kid calling my parents friends by their first name. Now if it was a teacher, then it was alway's Mrs or Mr. I quess for me, as long as they use their manners in the please, thank you and your welcome then it's fine. I'll be interested to hear what everyone else has to say.

This has also come up for my children as well. I am also of the belief that it is disrespectful for children to call any adult by thier first name. I have taught my children to either call their friends mothers by Mrs. ______ or by saying "_____'s Mom." I introduce myself to the neighborhood kids etc that I am Mrs. K. (as my last name is a difficult one to say). It also bothers me when I have tried to be sure my children are respectful and adult tell my children that they should call them by thier first name when they have obviously been taught otherwise.

Hi A.! Or should I say Hi Mrs. L!
I completely agree with you. I do not like to be addressed as Mrs. We, like you, are much more casual. I do not think it's rude if my child calls someone by their first name, as long as they say it politely.
I do, however, introduce my children to older people (65+) as Mr and Mrs. I find a lot of times that people will say "OH, just call me Kate."
I'll be interested to hear how others handle this.
Yours Truly,
Mrs. F ;)

Frankly I am tired of all the "casual" stuff out there. It has made people sloppy. There is no more business dress it's casual business and jeans are becoming the norm. I think people's manners have become too casual as well.

We just moved from the south and I had a friend whose children always called me Miss Beck (R. was way too hard). When I had my own kids I adopted the practice of using Miss and Mr. I think it shows respect w/o being too stuffy. We are a military family as well so it offset the use of Sir and Ma'am. I was raised calling all my parents' friends Mr. and Mrs. and even after I became an adult it was weird calling them by their first names. I don't like to be called Mrs. because that is my Mother-in-Law not me.

One of my friends has taught her daughter that all adults need to be addressed by miss or mister...or aunt or uncle...The difference is I am auntie H. to her...my sister is miss samantha...she taught her to use the prefixes to destinguish her friends from those that she can go to if she needs something, and says it's disrespectful to only use their first name.

At my daughters daycare all of the teachers are miss or mr. to show them respect.

While I don't make her do it, she even calls them by miss and mr if she sees them outside of her daycare.

The only people my daughter is required to call by their "proper" name are officers, doctors and teachers. It's not disrespectful, after all, you don't call them by mrs or mr do you??? Your child does more than a lot of kids her age...she uses please and thank you.

You could also tell the other parents you would prefer to be called by your first name

I believe its polite and more children should be taught to respect adults. Not saying your children don't, however this, in my opinion, is a way for children to distinguish that adults are to be respected, giving them a 'title' makes it obvious that this person is an adult and should be shown the respect they deserve.

My boys follow everything with 'Ma'am' or 'Sir', like 'Yes Ma'am' or 'No Sir', 'Thank you Sir', etc. Even when they are speaking to me, thier grandparents, cashiers in the store, its always 'thank you Ma'am' and I no longer need to prompt them, they realize its respectful and they automatically show it now. There is nothing cuter than my almost 2 year old saying 'Thank you Ma'am' to a cashier in a store. :)

As far as the 'Mrs/Mr' thing, we also practice this, only we use first names. Our neighbors are Miss Sarah, Miss Judy, Miss A., Mr Nate, etc. Sometimes we get odd looks but I'd MUCH rather my boys set an example, and be the uber-polite ones.

Do I think its necessary? In my household, yes.... but maybe for you, probably not, however like I said children should be taught respect for adults and this is one way for them to really get it nailed into them to show adults respect.

Are your neighbors from down south? The only time I've heard to address adults like that when I've been down south.

All throughout my entire childhood I had ONE friend who did that and she was from Atlanta,GA. Otherwise we just referred to them by first name.

I think it sounds adorable and so polite but I've still gone the casual route as well. My daughter calls our neighbors by first name. I don't think it's rude I just think that's how times are. As long as they have other good manners and aren't disrespecting adults I see no problem.

My best friend has had a strong impact in my daughter's life they're really close and I can't imagine my daughter calling her Miss.so-so that would be to weird. My best friend is to young, single, and little on the wild side.

I find it refreshing to hear children address people by Mr. or Mrs. our society has become casual but that doesn't mean everything has to be disregarded. Respect and manners are to be taught by parents and Just uttering the words MR. or Mrs. allows the child to know that they should treat the adult with respect. My son is 9 months and our neighbors will be Mr. and Mrs. I couldn't even imagine yet today calling one of my girlfriends parents by their first name.
KJB

I agree that it's VERY confusing for the kids, and the parents. I have 3 kids in school and one has Ms. Gwen, another has Pat, and the 3rd one has Ms. Anderson. I think it's more confusing to me because I always forget what they want to be called. I liked it when I was in school and it was Ms/Mrs/Mr. "last name".
When I lived in Texas all of the teachers were Sir and Ma'am with no names. That was a little too formal for me.
I think that if my child is addressing one of my friends they can use first names but teachers and others should be Mr. and Mrs. and family members should definitely be Gramma, Grampa, Auntie & Uncle.
J.