Moving Baby (14 Months) to Own Room

Hi M.,

Have you thought about taking parenting classes and joining a parent support group?

Contact Kids Priority One and find both near where you live.

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Good luck. Hope this helps. D.

Girl don't worry about what othere people think. You have to do what is best for you family and at that time sleeping togther was best. I coslept until my son was 10 months. We really didn't have a choice. At that time we lived in a one bedroom apt. So instead of him screaming and waking my husband up who had to go to work the next day I just put him in bed with me. But what I can say I got much better sleep when he slept in his own bed when we moved. At first I weaned him into it. Everynight he went to sleep in his vrib but when he woke up in the middle of the night I went in there and then put him in mine. adventually I had to do some sleep training for the middle of the night. Now he is 20 months and sleeps on his own.

I don't have advice on the transition, as I did not co-sleep with my children, but I just wanted to add on to the PPs and say that if co-sleeping is working for you, don't feel like you need to change that. Co-sleeping is a personal/parental choice, and I have many friends for whom it's worked wonderfully. It's been their experience that many times the children make the transition to their own room themselves. Why not wait on your 14 mo, if co-sleeping is working for you and your DH now, and see if he wants to make the change after he sees his sister make the transition?

Also, on the crying issue, if you are not a person who can do cry-it-out, don't beat yourself up for that, either. There are many books out there that can help you resolve sleep issues without resorting to means that are outside your comfort-zone as a parent. Stick to your gut, and you will find what is right for your family.

M. -

I agree with the comments already made -- if co-sleeping is what you and your husband want to do and it works, then there is nothing wrong with wanting your child close to you at night. My husband and I co-slept with all three of our kids until they were almost a year old. The transition period did involve a lot of tears (theirs and mine) and was a really hard two weeks or so. But then they all became wonderful sleepers. I too read all the books and liked some of what I read and hated other suggestions. No, it doesn't feel natural to let your child cry while you are standing outside the door, fully able to go in and pick them up and comfort them. But there are a lot of other things that our children get very upset about not getting their own way on, that we do for their own good anyway (you wouldn't let your 5 y.o. have ice cream for breakfast every day just because she cried hysterically for it, would you?) Now I know that babies are different and I really do feel your pain on this. This is what I did: establish a set routine with a lot of sleep "cues" for them (same time every day for naps, go in the room, close the blinds, turn on soothing music or noise machine, rock them for the same amount of time -- usually while feeding them, lay them down with the same comfort object -- blankie, doll, stuffed animal); I let them cry for chunks of time before I'd go in (with one child I just finally had to let him cry as long as he would because it was worse if I went in and out); and after a set amount of time I got them up. At night it was pretty much the same thing -- sleep cues, controlled amounts of crying until a set time in the early morning. If it was just too much for us, I'd ease up for a few days and try again. By about 15 months every one of my children had figured it out. I think that sleeping, potty training, and enforcing discipline are the three hardest things about early childhood. I'd love for someone to come up with a pain free way to do all three, but I haven't heard about anyone doing that yet. Until then, know that lots of other moms feel for you and know how hard what you're trying to do is -- we also admire your commitment to doing what is best for your child. Good luck! Hope some of this helped.

A. T.

I think co-sleeping is one of the healthiest things you can do. I didn't start out planning to do it either but we did and it is the best decision we ever made. Whenever I hear people talking about getting up over and over in the night to comfort their children back to sleep in another room I cringe. We tried that route and we were all tired and miserable. Instead I occasionally wake up long enough to remove my son's foot from the middle of my back and then drift back to sleep. You need to not worry about what other people might think and do what feels best for you. Ignoring my child crying in another room wasn't right for me. People from cultures all over the world think Americans are crazy because we keep our children locked in diapers for three years for fear of getting anything on our designer couches and because we make families sleep miles away from each other in our 2,500 sq. ft. homes. Families sleeping together is what nature (or God, whatever you believe) intended. Enjoy it! They won't be little for very long.

I totally agree with the sentiments of others that co-sleeping is a wonderful way to share closeness in your family. It is true that we are one of the few cultures that expects babies and young children to spend the night alone. I think it's really sad. Also remember that you can't stand to listen to him sob because you are supposed to react to a baby's cries. We are designed to feel stress when our babies cry so that we will respond to them. It's amazing to me that letting children cry it out is still accepted and promoted as healthy for the child (and mother). I would like to encourage you to sleep with your children as long as they need it. Please re-read the first part of your last sentence and then listen to your own heart. Enjoy!
D.

It won't be easy to move him (for you), but if you already have him napping in the crib, that's the biggest hurdle, getting him used to that bed. My son started being moved into his own room at 15 months because we got to the point where Aiden would only sleep if we were in bed with him, and we got sick of a 7pm bedtime! Now that he is 20 months, my husband will randomly wake up and ask if he can bring him to bed because he missed the cuddling and I have to remind him how hard it was to break him of it! I would suggest moving the little one first, as someone else mentioned, because he will wake up a lot those first nights after he finally falls asleep. We bought an air purifier, one of the cheaper ones that makes white noise, and that seems to help him get through the night, and a vtech crib toy that plays music if he fusses for more than 7 seconds. Good luck!

Oh Joy. Lots of people luv co sleeping, personally I am against it. I think parents need their own bed/room to themselves. However, I co-slept for the first few months and also breastfed. Then we moved the babies to the pac-n-play beside our bed for a few months. Then to their rooms before they were old enough to realize the diff. Before age 1.
Not scolding, just sharing :)
Anyway, you are doing the right thing w/ letting him nap in his new crib. I'd try letting him fuss a bit more. Dont be so worried/paranoid/overprotective. When you do go in for him try patting w/out talking and see if he will go back to sleep. As for sleeping in the new room overnight, just do it. Just like naptime. It might take some time to adjust, but be firm and consistent. GL.

You are training your kids that they are in charge of the house and that will be a disaster.A household run by children is never a happy place.I get the feeling you and your husband would rather not feel the discomfort of administering discipline.If your child needed surgery to correct a problem,you would do it even though you know it was going to cause pain and discomfort to your child and yourself.You would understand that the long term benefits would outweigh the temporary pain and suffering.It is the same with discipline.Unless you come to admit that to yourself and adjust your attitude towards a proper parent child relatonship(meaning your in charge no matter what-not them!)your doomed to have major difficulties.You even admitted in your letter you know the situation is not healthy for your children.I suggest watching some episodes of Super Nanny.She gives invaluable advice for parents like you.I hope tings work out for you!

First off, what makes you think it's not healthy for the kids? Most of the world co-sleeps! Sleeping "alone" is a Western phenomenon. I have lived all over the world, including 6 years in South East Asia. When I moved to Thailand with a then 3 year old and a then 6 month old, I was praised and admired by my Thai friends. This is because my husband and I had our children in bed with us. I was told that until they met us, our friends thought that American's didn't like children because of the way they made them sleep separately and in a different room.

It's great, and not surprising that your five year old is excited about having her own room. What this says is that you have allowed her to be dependent and to trust you and herself enough to be ready to make this transition. As for your little one. Why not just let him stay with you. Watch and see, he'll more than likely be ready to move to a "big boy" bed at around the same time as his sister.

I am the mother of five children. All of them slept with my husband and I until they were around 6, and were ready to move on. They are no between 30 and 17 years old and are all very independent people.

I love that when my 30 year old, married daughter comes to visit (she lives in Oregon), she is comfortable coming in and lying across the foot of the bed in the morning and talking with us. I'm not sure she would feel this way if she had not shared the closeness of co-sleeping with us.

Enjoy your little ones while they can. They grow up before you know it!

Hi M.:)
I was born and raised in Russia, an average family of 4 lives in a 1 bedroom apartment.Kids stay in the cribs till they can not fit in it anymore(usually till age 4 )in the same room as parents, and after that everyone sleeps in the same bed. This maybe shocking, but I coslept with my parents till I was a teenager, when my sister and I went to my grandparents, we slept in bed with them too. So did every other kids that I grew up with.I would've liked to have my own bed/room, but that's just how it is due to the lack of space. I do not have any sleeping issues, I am not messed up in my head after cosleeping,neither are millions other people in my country.
We coslept with both boys till they were 6 months old, after that they went in their crib/room.For us it was a convenience thing to be honest with you, our kids just never slept well in our bed and just loved thier cribs/space.Now our oldest(3) has been sleeping with us lately because his room is being remodeled. Now that our 17 months old is out of the crib, I want him sometimes to sleep with us,but he just does not like it. He is up 3-4 times a night and takes over an hour to fall asleep. So we just put him in his room with his teddy, cup of water , say good night, close the door and he sleeps wonderfully.
I am sorry I do not have an advice , since our boys were a lot younger when we moved them out of our bed and there was not much crying.
You need to decide for yourself though, on why you want your kids out of your room/bed. Who is it that makes the rules about cosleeping being unhealthy.

M.,

First of all no one as the right to scold you for cosleeping. It is your choice and if you and your husband are okay with it so be it.

That said. I co slept with all three of mine and will do it with my fourth when it arrives in December. It makes for fantastically easy nursing nad it is good birth control when the wee ones are under a year old.

Anyway. My oldest slept with us until she was three. Our rental was not as safe as I would have liked with the house being old nad her bedroom being behind the kitchen in the layout: far from our room. When our son arrived three years after her, she slept in a toddler bed in our room near our bed. Whe nhe was a year old he started pushing us away from him at night and so we moved him into a portacrib nad my daughters toddler bed into the other bedroom (new rental) and let them adjust.

He took longer to fall asleep and she protested but with patientce it paid off and they were sleeping soundly with night lights we turn off when we go to bed, relaxing music we turn down when we go to bed, and lots of stuffed animals near by nad one in the bed to snuggle.

I just have to say that I think you are truly terrific mother and a great person!!!!!!! No matter what happens and how you transition the kids it will be the best for you and your family! I don't think there is a right or wrong today!!!!

If you and your husband like the "family bed" and everyone is getting adequate sleep, then how is the situation not healthy for the kids?
I have one daughter (now eight) and we had a "family bed" (sort of -- we put her to bed in her own room starting at about age two and a half, and then she would wander into our bed during the night where she would stay until morning). When she was about four and five we stopped allowing her into our bed (when we were awake enough to take her back to her own room!) because she is a restless sleeper and was big enough by then that she was kicking the stuffing out of us every night. Night time is for sleeping, and if you make that the priority for all members of your family, then however you achieve that is healthy. Yes?

I am the first to not scold about sharing your bed. My 6 yr old still does. My husband worked nights & with my son getting up 5-6 times a night taking him from the crib to our bed was the only way I could get any sleep. He was getting better at sleeping in his own bed, or at least starting out there & comming in mine around 3 AM, until my husband passed away in Sept. Sometimes it is not worth the fight right before bed to get him in his own bed. I know, from experience with my step daughter, that he will grow out of this on his own, and until then I will pick my battles, knowing that bedtime is not the time to have one.
Good luck,
T.

When my son was 11 mos. old he'd been sleeping in the bed with us for a few months, and nobody was sleeping well. We got home from holiday travel determined to turn over a new leaf and get some use out of the crib! We began a bedtime routine - everyone brushed their teeth together, we put the baby in his sleeper, read 4 books together, then put him in his crib and sang. Of course he began screaming the moment he got put in the crib but we would sit and sing to him for a long while before going out of the room. We'd let him cry for 5 minutes, then come in, rub his head or back a little, then go back out. After another 6 minutes, we'd come back and do the same. Then 7, 8, etc. For the first night or two it took 50 minutes of this. You're crawling out of your skin and then, suddenly, you realize: the crying has stopped. It decreased a little every night until after about 3 weeks we'd put him in the crib (standing) and start singing and he'd immediately fall to his knees and down onto his tummy and relax - that is the greatest thing. Now he actually knows when it's time to sleep and when he hears the song (always the same one now) it's like a relief to him! I don't think co-sleeping is always wrong but at some point it gets uncomfortable and we reached that point. Our little guy sleeps a lot better now by himself.

Hi M.,
I think that transition for your baby boy will be easier on him than you. I had issues moving my babies into their own room. I get up several times a night to check on them. You already have your baby boy take naps in his crib, so the transition to nights shouldn't be that hard. What he may miss most is the sounds that everyone makes. Try putting a sound machine or a fan on low in the room. I our house, the walls are thin, so my baby can hear all the snoring, coughing, turning from her room. Picking them up when they cry is not a bad thing. He is old enough now where you can tell between his 'i just don't want to be here' cry and his 'i'm wet cry' and his 'i need you now cry'. Like I said, this will probably be hardest on you.
I would also space the moves out. Perhaps a week or so apart. No need having 2 kids crying at night, then you'll just want to pull them back in so that you can sleep.
Good luck.
M.

First, it is really, really difficult to listen to your child cry... even after having gone through the process, but I am so happy that we did. My son has great sleep habits, but I did feel like it took some guts of steel and distraction techniques to make it through. I found the video monitor to be really helpful when we were going through the self-soothing/cry-it-out process. I would keep the volume turned off and stick it some place out of the way, but look at it once in awhile to assure myself that my child was ok... just screaming and crying. It sounds really callous, but I found that the easiest way for me to deal with the crying was to block it out. I went to the farthest corner of the house, opened a bottle of wine, found a good movie/tv show, and grabbed the kitchen timer. I would let him cry for about 15 minutes first... and then slowly increase by 3 - 5 minutes. I came up with 15 minutes, because that is the time it takes me when I am showering/inaccessable... so previously my child had cried that long often without me really realizing it because I was in the shower. If you have another friend who can come over or be on the phone with you to support you in doing this... someone who knows how much you love your child and soothe your child, but also will support whatever strategy you decide... that would be great. Best of luck to you.

M.,
I'm a stay at home mom too and I've been kind of going through something similar with my 14 month old daughter. My husband was deployed to Iraq when she was 3-11 1/2 months old during which time we lived with my parents so that I had some support since I was a new mom. During that time, my daughter and I shared a room. It was a rough transition moving into a new home and moving her into her own room. As long as you keep the crib and blanket (and any special animals, etc.) the same, I think it will be easier for your little one. I had trouble breaking away and leaving her in her own room for the very same reasons and I had grown attached to having her there. When we moved into our new home and she had her own room, I left her crib and blanket the same. For the first couple of weeks, I slept on her floor so that she would realize that I was still there with her while she got used to being in a different room. During the day, I even had to lay down to get her to think that I was going to nap too. After a couple of weeks, I tried the trick of standing near the crib and singing her a song or shushing her to sleep, slowly making my way closer to the door every day. But, I had great difficulty getting her to fall asleep on her own (and still do for the most part). Now, I have to lay her in her crib, tell her to lay down, sing her a song as I slowly back out the door or sometimes I get lucky and can say "lay down and go to sleep and mommy will be back in a couple of minutes to check on you." Then I give it a couple of minutes, go back in, ask her why she's not sleeping and then do the same thing over again making my return intervals further apart until she's fallen asleep. Usually, that only takes a couple of times of going in and out. But, like I said, my difficulty has been getting her to fall asleep without me. It's been rough because throughout the night she will wake up and I have had to do the same thing, but it has gotten better. It's going to take time and patience, trust me.
Anyway, hope this helped.
Good luck,
A.

I just did this, too! My 18 mo. daughter was in her own crib in our room, so it was a bit different. But two months ago we moved her in with her 3 sisters. They have a bunk bed set, and her crib is in there now, too. I thought she would keep them up with her crying, or they would entertain her too much for her to fall asleep. It did go much better than I expected. All girls were excited to be in one room together (beds and crib in one room, dressers and toys in another room). At first the baby did cry long to go to sleep but the others just fell asleep anyway. Then when she got used to it (about 1-2 weeks) she started to just go to the room with her blanket or stuffed animal (usually a different one every day)and wait by her crib to be put in, then she laid down and quietly played until she fell asleep about 5 or 10 minutes later. One a few days, like weekends, the girls are talky or giggly and it takes a little longer, but they are all used to it now and they don't really interfere with each other's sleeping. (by the way the baby was still getting up about twice a night in the first few weeks too, and that didn't even wake up the others) Good luck in your home.

i wouldnt say its not helthy for the kids. maany cultures and pople here have theirs kids slep with them.i know of one family that has their queen size bed and twin bed next to each other so that they can have a family bed. if thats what you wan to do i'd say do it.i'm sure their wil come a time in your childs life when they will decide they are too old to sleep with you and will ask for their own bed. mine sleep with me. our 8 year old did until she was 2 then i got crib mattress and put it on our floor and she would sleep their when she felt the need now our 3 year old sleep s in our bed with us still t this day 90% of the time. you do what you feel comfortable with and dont listen to what others think it's not their place or life to worry about.

Hi, M..

I'm not sure where you're getting your information about co-sleeping, because it is SO GOOD for the children to sleep with their parents. The media's done a good job of spouting the horrors of it, but it is SO wrong. The media jumps on the anti-co-sleeping bandwagon when one child is killed by a parent--and all the examples that I've read about that were BAD situations to be co-sleeping: the parent was tipsy or drunk, or they were sleeping in a hospital bed made for ONE person (not 2.5).

PLEASE read about co-sleeping on attachmentparenting.com. It is SOOOO beneficial for the kids to co-sleep as long as they're needing it (and you/hubby are comfy with it). We slept with Sophia for just more than 2 years, when she stopped night nursing and sleeping through the night. Then we moved her to the crib.

At least get the "other side of the story" from the AP site, and then make an informed decision about what works for YOU and YOUR FAMILY, not what the docs say or the "experts." They don't know the dynamics of your family, and they don't know your kid. YOU are the expert, and even experts need to cull information from a variety of sources before they can know what choice to make. Please do this for your children!

Good luck.

If both of you are happy with the co-sleeping arrangement, then keep on doing it. My 20 month son never took the bassinet or crib. We started co-sleeping on the second day home from the hospital. We even napped together, because I needed the naps too. My son is a very restless sleeper and it did become too hard on my husband, so at 11 months we bought a full size bed for my son's room. He naps in is own room and at bedtime my husband or I lie with him until he falls asleep. When he wakes up I go in his room with him for the rest of the night. At naptime, if he hasn't fallen alseep in the car (he transistions well) then I go in and lay down with him until he falls alseep. Some days he cries becasue he does not want to nap, but I just pretend to go to sleep and breathe heavy and he will then give in and sleep too. My son knows the routines for bed and when we say it is time to brush teeth he races to the bathroom and crawls up on the tiolet and waits for one of us to give him his toothbrush. We then read books in bed and when I ask him if he ready to go read books, he takes me by the hand and leads me to the bed. Now in the mornings when he wakes up the first thing he does is hand me a book. My point is establish comfortable routines for your kids and do what works best for your family. I loved co-sleeping and can not let my son cry it out, so we found a way to work things out to everybody's benefit. My husband enjoys having the queen size bed to hog. Our pedititrican told us she doesn't care where he sleeps, but that he sleeps.

I just want to say that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with letting your children sleep with you if that is what you and your husband want. They will transition to their own rooms if you do it in a possitive and patient way. Parent make the best decision for their family, and there is a vocal group that decides that infants should sleep in their own room on their own, but that is a choice that they made, that doesn't make it the best way or the only choice.

Hi M.,

Actually, there are LOTS of experts and Moms and Dads who will tell you that it IS best to have your kids with you. Some call it the 'family bed'. Check out books by Dr. Sears, or www.askdrsears.com. We ended up having our son sleep with us because of a back injury I got when he was about 6 months old, he stayed with us until he was about 3 and wanted his own 'big boy bed'. Our almost 2 year old is with us now and we are no real hurry to move her out, she will let us know when she's ready. As long as they have their own space/room for their stuff I think its just fine. Relax, follow your gut instincts and enjoy your family!
Good luck, S.

Don't feel guilty or bad about co-sleeping! If you and your husband are okay with it, why end it now? It will probably be a harder habit to break the longer you do it, but we did it with both our sons (5 and 3). Our 3 YO still crawls in bed with us in the early AM. It's the sweetest snuggle time we get with him, 'cause he's a rough-and -tumble, non-stop force of nature the rest of the day.

That being said, I know it's frustrating at times! We actually used a "supernanny" to help with naptimes & our 3 YO when we were trying to prep for an out of state move and I couldn't nap with him anymore. She said the standard, "don't pick him up, let him cry it out, if he gets out, put him back, etc." It worked to some degree for us, but seriously, he has a stubborn streak! One day I counted over 114 times I put him back in the crib. We got some improvement at the time, but after he turned 3, he regressed. Now, if I put him down, he will stay awake, play, etc., and not even nap (and he still really needs his nap, he gets way too cranky if he misses it). But if I lie down with him, he's usually out in 10-15 mins, and he'll sleep 1 1/2-2 hours. Some days, I snooze with him (I'm pregnant with #3), but most of the time, I just get up and leave once he's asleep and he's okay with that. He doesn't wake up confused or wondering where I am. At night, we put him in bed (he shares a room with his 5 YO brother) and some nights he'll drift off right away, others he'll cry that he needs someone to lie down with him, and others he'll crawl into bed and snuggle with his brother. So it's an ongoing process, but the fact that he spends MOST of every night in his own bed means that it's working. We'll get there eventually. And in the meantime, we enjoy him joining us to snuggle at 5 am!