More Advice on Number of Children/environment

Kudos to you for thinking about the earth as a whole :) Awareness is the first step, but you seem like a nice person who would also raise earth conscious human beings, and we need more of them!

Hi A.,
Wow - I felt like I was reading my own thoughts when I saw your message!! What a relief to find someone with the same mind set. Like you, I was happily living child-free, and feeling proud that I was not contributing to global warming and the overpopulation of the earth. Well - a little unplanned event happened - my son! I love him very much - but I know just how you feel. When I talk about overpopulation and the damage we humans do people look at me like I'm crazy. There is a LOT of misinformation about this - as seen in some of the responses here. It is very simple - the most negative impact on our climate is CO2. The biggest producer of CO2 is HUMANS. So - if someone rationalizes having more than 2 kids by saying they will be 'green' or environmental champions, that is a ridiculous argument. You are absolutely right - there is no support for people who give attention to this issue and self-sacrafice. I think it is funny that people call us selfish for not having kids!!! Actually - having children is the selfish thing (unless there is some world crisis that we are running out of people or sommething...haha!!).
Well - if these comments don't get me kiccked off this site, please know that there is another 39 yo Mom out there who believes in population control AND loves her child more than anything!!
P.S. I think one child is plenty!

Well, I have four children and the environment was never an issue in these pregnancies. I love my children more then anything and while I know adding another life to the world causes issues, I try to keep our families' carbon footprint small. There are ways to even make your footprint negative. If the environment is your interest, simply have as many children as YOU want and be enviornmentally sound in your actions. IMHO, there's no reason why you have to choose between the world and the best thing in the world.

Hi A.,
When I lived in northern Calif., this was a VERY common mentality and MANY people had either one child or none at all. As I had learned, one US child uses the same resources as 200 Nepalese children. So, good for you. On the other hand, another view point has recently been introduced to me by a woman I know who is very environmentally focused: if the educated, environmentally-minded people are not reproducing, then whose doing all the breeding, and who will our country be made up of in the future. As a result she, and many of her friends have 4 children, and she's planning on a fifth as well. As she figures, she raises her children to have less of an impact on the earth, and she raises them in her energy effiecient home with cloth diapers, organic cotton or second hand clothes, and organic foods, thus making her children much less resource-sucking than the average american. And, she's raising them to be politically active, educated, informed americans. Just something to think about.

Hi,
I also have only one child. He is almost 9 now! I was up and down on having another child for the past 7 years! I am now 43 and have urinary incontinence. If I had another kid the whole 9 months I would have to wear a diaper! So, now I am glad to have my one and ONLY child! I feel blessed to devote more time for him only! And we are concious to make our footprint on the planet a minimal one! Hope this helps you be proud of your decision! L. P.

My husband has the same belief about minimizing the number of children you have to protect the environment. I'd kind of always thought I'd have two children, mostly because my relationship with my sister is such a blessing in my life. But we talked about it, and decided to stop after one, partly because of my husband's beliefs on minimizing impact on the earth, partly because I have health issues and was lucky my first pregnancy was uneventful, and partly because we just don't have the time and energy for another child. As you can see, part of our thought process was "logical" and environmental, but much of it was personal. Having a child, as you've probably discovered, is an immensely personal decision and an incredible spiritual experience. Most people think of it this way, not about the impact on the planet. So some people are going to misinterpet or take personally your previous life choice not to have any kids (although there are plenty of voluntarily childless couples out there), as a slight to themselves. I have a friend with six kids (who is adopting 3 more), and while I could never follow her lead, I respect her choice and don't judge her. Try a little "live and let live" with others - and yourself! - and see what happens. And make your decision about having one or two kids based on your own principles and instincts, not what others think. When I tell my friends with more than one kid why I stopped at one, I make sure to emphasize that it was the right choice for me, without appearing to judge them for their decisions. Praying (if you're religious) or talking with your husband about it is also helpful. And in the meantime, enjoy your daughter! 5 months is an awesome age, and they grow up really fast - cliche, but true. Mine's 5 now, but she was 5 months just the other day! ;-) All the best to you.
-M. C.

Hello,
You are definitely not alone in your thinking. I (and my four sisters) believe what you say. I think it is certainly ok to have two children, since you are really just "replacing" yourself and the father of the baby. I must admit that there are not that many people out there that are so aware of an over-population issue. FYI, I am the mother of a wondeful 3.5 year old boy. My husband and I struggled with what to do about a second child. Nature took care of it for us...we had a few miscarriages and decided to adopt (in waiting phase right now). I am not preaching adoption, but it is definitely another option that can grow your family in a very loving way and keep your population growth at zero.
Good luck!

I think it's great if you decide you only want one child - but concerns about the environment aren't really accurate. Western Europe is actually really struggling right now because the birth rates in many countries aren't high enough to replace the current population, which could collapse their infrastructure, destroy retirement plans for the current population (since social security-type plans depend on the income taxes of the next generation), etc. Many Western European governments are actually adding financial incentives for people to have more children to prevent a national crisis (Sweden and France are two good examples of this). Additional children raised to be environmentally responsible can make the world a better place; there is always the option of adoption if you have the resources and that way you aren't adding people to the world, just providing a great life for those who are already here. But don't let others pressure you into having more children, you should have however many or few as are right for you.

Hi A.,
I am a Dad who's children are grown now but I enjoy reading
this website.
I applaud your concern for overpopulation.
The world would be much better off if more people thought like you.
You are not selfish but to the contrary you are the opposite
by your recognition of the problem of globel overpopulation.
I think the birthrate for the USA is 1.7% but it is much higher for some other nationalities and some other countries.
In my humble opinion it is not selfish to have one or two children.
I know a family that has twelve children and the parents are devout religious people.
I don't want to go on and on but I wanted to let you know it is refreshing to hear socially responsible thinking.
Good luck with your family.
B.

I think you have to follow whats in your heart. I was 5mos pregnant with my 1st child when the World Trade tower was attacked and I was terrified of being a child into such an unstable world. But then I thought what if my kid was the one to change things...it helped me cope. My son has now been joined by a little sister and I am working on number 3.
If your financial situation is such that you are up at night sweating maybe you should just give yourself some more time to adjust to the one baby before making the big decision.
Did that help any?
S.

Hi A.,
You've gotten a lot of great responses...wish I knew all these wonderful women who share these views! I am going through the same dillemma myself. While I want my daughter to have a sibling so that she's not all alone in the world once her father and I are gone, I am also aware how great the impact is on the planet, finances, stress level. I carry a lot of personal issues that have effected my decision as well. I must say that I have not completely made up my mind yet, but I do agree with the other moms who mentioned that children are our hope...we have to pass these values on if we want to make change! I do everything I can to lessen our impact on the environment and plan to teach my daughter to do the same. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Hi A.,

I truly understand you.
I was raised in a large family, with many siblings to play with and could never imagine my life without children around. I also had the "selfish" desire to be a mother.
My husband is a single child and never suffered of that. His experiences were just so much different than mine!
We both are very earth-oriented and the issue you are raising arised also in our couple at the time to have children.

We arrived in United States less than 2 years ago. We are not "struggling" financially but not wealthy neither, going from pay check to pay check. We hope to be succesful here.

My desire to have children was very strong and I coulnd't have sacrificed it for the sake of the planet. We talked a lot with my husband and decided to have up to 2 children (the "replacement" rate). Later on, if we have the chance to be financially more comfortable, my dream is to adopt more children. This would fulfill my need for motherhood and leave no extra impact on the planet.

Now, we have a wonderful baby boy. Since he was born, I cannot remember buying him more than a couple of pyjamas. All clothing are lended by his (numerous) cousins. He has few "real" toys (but many households ustensils to play with and home-made ecologically freindly toys). We don't have a car. We don't have a TV (ans thus avoid all the commercials). We avoid "disposable" containers (paper or plastic cups, trays, napkins...) and I was amazed to see how little ecologically-friendly packages are available in United States. In France, I wouldn't buy the big detergent bottle but only the thin flexible plastic recharge for it. But, that's another topic.

Anyway, our baby is very happy, very healthy and showered with love, caring and attention. He doesn't need to waste 200 times what a nepalese child wastes to be happy.

It's important to preserve the planet, not for us, but for our children. "We don't inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children". Nevertheless, if everyone had 2 kids on earth, the population would still decrease (the renewal rate is 2.1). Don't take earth as the main argument in your decision to have a second baby. Think about it, listen to your heart. Evaluate the adoption options. And rest assured you're not alone.

All the best,

Geranska

Anaastasia,

I am a 47 year old mother of four children. I also intellectually understand the impact each new human adds to the planets ecosystem and resources; so much so that I felt guilty with each child I brought into this world. However, as you are learning we are not simply intellectual beings; we are spiritual and emotional beings as well. To assume we can simply intellectualize the decision to add to our families is an insult to our unique human qualities.

Essentially, I do believe we should limit the impact we leave on this planet by our existense; including seriously considering the size of our families. I am not, however, prepared to dictate to others the decision they should make.

J. L.

I am an only child that comes from parents with multiple siblings, so I have lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins. I am VERY close to both sides of my family, so being an only child was not a struggle for me at all. Both of my parents felt their income could not support more than one child and I am glad, they ended up paying in full for my college education and spent so much quality time with me, teaching me life skills, good values and morals. I am a very well rounded person as an adult. I think only children are misunderstood. Most only children I have encountered are mature beyond their years, very confident, honest, focused, real people...sometimes that can be confused with egotistical, uptight, and self involved. I get accused of being insensitive sometimes because I am so honest and not afraid of confrontation, but people who get to know me find out they are wrong. Being an only child is not a bad thing and the stereotype that surrounds them is unfortunate. If you are as close to family as you said previously, I would not worry at all. Your thoughts on the environment are interesting, I was an environmental science major and have some of the same feelings...your life and style of living is yours to own, do what you feel is right, regardless of others opinions.

It is sad that you have bought into a myth regarding the things you speak of. Whether or not you believe in God/Bible, there is a great article that deals with overpopulation and the effects on earth. Good facts included.
http://www.answersingenesis.org/creation/v23/i3/people.asp

My personal thought on global warming is that it is a myth. The facts are that it has only been since 1982 that records have been kept of the atomsphere and I believe that weather goes in cycles and we are seeing just this winter, the swing back from minimal snow to bunches of it!

Buying into media induced hysteria is not healthy, just like you worrying yourself out of sleep regarding finances. When we lived in Appalachia for 4yrs, we lived on 8500.00/yr. Our rent was 400.00/month which helped. My children were 10 and 11 when we moved there and we all learned the art of frugality at its best. We were very blessed to have more then a lot of people there. Our family was happy just to have the simple pleasures in life. Truly happy.
Read the article I posted to the end...it really is interesting. We do need to be good stewards of what we have and never take advantage of it.
These are a few of my thoughts on the subject.

A., First let me say how brave you are and articulate in expressing your feelings. I absolutely hear what you are saying about the physical stress we humans place on our environment. I don't think you are alone in your thoughts. Having said that, I would also like you to consider another opinion on having a child - I am committed to raising children that are MORE than drains on the environment. When I consider my family, I think of them as contributing MORE than they are taking. Perhaps they will contribute to the world through medicine, peace, or through discovering a "green" path for our world. Your child may be the spirit who can stand for change - especially considering the strong beliefs you have and clear commitment to them. I think, whether you have 1 child or 2, that considering not only what that child/those children will TAKE from the world, but also what they may GIVE to the world is important. Best of luck in you decision!

i am surprised you decided on a birth child, with your phylosophy i would have expected an adoptive mom; you would not be adding to the population and still you would be able to parent a child. but hey, every one does what they can. i was about your age when i decided i did want to parent. until that time i always claimed that i did not want children. hind sight being 20/20, i just wasn't ready to parent. what ever reason we have not to parent is fine. maybe you need to parent to instill in the next generation your concern about our planet. by the time your child is grown we'll desperately need those we care about the planet. also, since you started parenting later in life you decreased the population by one generation. if you had kids at 20, you kids could be having kids right now and this would continue on. now, you daughter may decide to wait to have children and then saving 2 generations etc.

i did not see your previous post but you probably have heard that only children are lonely. that might be true, but having four can make you long to an only child. money is not a reason to have or not to have children. if you can parent more children, then why not. enjoy you new motherhood. i think it's an exciting time in life. R.

If you want to be a parent that is not a bad choice...it's a great one! Teach your child to love the earth and do what she can to help take care of it. Don't feel bad because you want to enjoy the miracle of being a parent...no matter how it happens. And an only child is not a terrible thing...my son is an only child...it's not mean. He has a loving extended family and many friends. It's possible to have the best of both worlds!

The people out there that are having baby after baby, already get state help yet keep having these babies...they are the ones who should stop.

Although I don't share it, I appreciate your conviction! Have you considered adopting? There are so many babies in the world who need a chance for a loving home. There are many agencies and groups that offer support. In some states adopting a child in the Foster system is not expensive at all. Those babies are already here by no fault of their own and need the love and care you obviously have to offer!! Just a thought:)

I think you should absolutely not have another child. Never mind your environmental issues, but if your finanacial strain keeps you up at night, then you will be having another baby you may not be able to adequately care for.

Hi. My husband and I waited for 6 years before having a child. We also are very concerned with environmental issues and have thought about that in our choices. I brought my perspective to that which was that of an only child. I felt strongly that I wanted my child to have a sibling because I felt the burden of being an only child with older parents (parents 35 & 42 when I was born). That concern about being alone, care-taking for them etc. was a driving force for me to want another child. However it brings up interesting issues for me with no sibling experience in parenting. I do feel my boys are fairly close and will appreciate having each other in the long term. I also feel grateful they will have each other to help when their parents are older. It has been hard having 2 though, no buts about it. While the second may not have the same environmental impact as you already own some of the stuff, it is a huge change and can be stressful to you, your marriage etc. ONly you can decide but there are times I feel perhaps an only would have been better for me; though my second is a special kid and I love him to death. So I am generally happy with my choice and feel these kids will be so important to our future. My oldest is very into environmental issues which is so great. Good luck in your thinking and deciding.

S., mom of 2 boys, 9 & 6

Hi A.,
Your heart is in the right place, but try not to worry so much about your finances and global impact. Children do not require as much money as we're lead to believe. I've taught my children to appreciate what we have and not to long for what they don't have. I accept hand-me-down clothes and furniture and toys. I shop at thrift stores and I go yard sale-ing--which can be a lot of fun (and I'm recycling too)! I come home with a big bag of good stuff for under $5. and the kids react like it's Christmas!
I believe that we all need to be good stewards of the earth, but it doesn't involve sacrificing children. Children are our hope and future. In the 70's the media and some scientists warned us about "global cooling". In school I was taught that we're losing all our forests in America--when in fact we have more trees since inhabiting this land because we put out the fires that would have devastated more acreage before going out on their own. But I grew up worrying about it before knowing the facts.
I don't think all the facts are out yet or widely publicized--such as the fact that all the synthetic estrogen from chemical contraceptives (such as The Pill) is going into our environment and our water and changing the sex of fish from male to female in some places! See: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080216095726...

So while family size is being limited with the help of synthetic hormones, our environment is being impacted as a result (not to talk about how the artificial hormones affect womens' bodies)! There exists a natural alternative. I space my children naturally with "Ecological Breastfeeding" (to differentiate it from 'cultural breastfeeding' that doesn't space as well). When I need additional spacing (beyond the 2 yr. average Ecological Breastfeeding provides) or need to avoid pregnancy, I use the Symptho-Thermal Method of Natural Family Planning as taught by the Couple to Couple League (ccli.org), which is 99% effective. I learn about my body--how it works--and I don't put potentially harmful chemicals in my body or the environment. It's all natural, but unfortunately, not widely publicized (because there's no significant money to be made).
Children are gifts and the greatest gift you can give your child is another sibling. My kids have given each other more joy than material objects ever have. Hope this helps!

I completely agree with you. In my own words, I believe overpopulation of our planet to be the number one environmental issue affecting every nation and every person. I too believe weather and climate are cyclical, but we have ruined these natural cycles with the industrial revolution, and the most industrialized countries and citizens have a responsibility to control not only our carbon footprints, but also our population choices. Yes, having children is magical and we parents are lucky to be able to enjoy our children, but adoption and having fewer children are acceptable choices keeping the environment in mind.
This doesn't mean having more than one child is bad or evil or irresponsible, it's a personal choice. We need to remember we are fortunate to live in a wealthier nation and we have a responsibility to be stewards of the planet, as another mother said. That can mean not having a family or having a small family or having a bigger family but always making sure you live in a "green" way. Love has no boundaries, but having children is a personal, individual choice based on personal, individual reasoning.

Wow, I am shocked by the majority of responses who cheered for you and your way of thinking. I appreciate your thoughtfulness for the earth, but doesn't the miraculous event in your life that has recently occured (that would be motherhood, in case you are unclear) overrule environmental issues?? If I am following you correctly, you may choose to deny yourself of life's greatest gift due to earth's issues. This is life, there will be many issues to deal with. Should I not have anymore children because they may get cancer someday? I think you are missing the point entirely and you should rethink a lot of things, not just whether or not you should have ANOTHER child.
I am about to have my fourth, so basically you look at the biggest joys and precious gifts given to me in MY life and think we are contributing to the destruction of the Earth. I can assure you that the world is a better place because all of my children were here. Good luck to you.

A.,
You are not crazy to think that way ! There's a lot of reasons NOT to have another child in this world, as well as MANY for doing so. I am sure that the earth-conscious kids you will raise will be a boon to the Earth and maybe even be important in inventing new green ways to live! You may have the kid that teaches 100 others who teaches 100 others etc..Have the baby and be happy! Besides, the $$, 1 or 2 makes not much difference trust me I have 3 ! I work with the very very elderly, and believe me you want a few kids looking out for you when you are 80 and looking out for eachother in this crazy world. Have fun cloth diapering and enjoy the short life we all have here. Kudos to you too for making a difference as I am sure you do, in the lives of others and the planet :)
Peace.

I don't have much of a response other than my husband has a very similar mindset as you. When I mentioned your post to him he essentially said having 5 or 6 kids is irresponsible but doesn't feel that two is. I am not posting this start any kind of debate..

Hi A.,
If I were you, I wouldn't hesitate to have more children. It is not being environmentally irresponsible. It is creating more love; it is a natural thing to do. There are many other ways to help the planet. It doesn't mean you have to stop doing that. Nothing brings greater fulfillment in life than family. A cleaner planet would be useless without it. I so loved having four siblings growing up that I knew once I had my first daughter, I wanted another. It was a bigger decision to have baby #3 but I am sooooo glad I did and now that I have lost daughter #2 in a tragic accident one year ago at the young age of 21, I wish I had more children.
Having a second child is a precious gift you give your first child. At the end of the day, it is what means the most to people. Family are the ones who are there for you at the end of the day, end of your life, etc. No amount of money, prestigious career, cleaner planet, or anything else means as much.
Again, I wouldn't hesitate. It is a natural urge for a reason.
Sincerely,
D. M.

Hi A. ...
I am an "environmentally-savvy homo sapien" and I understand your concerns about our planet, however!! Please do not let something as fulfilling as motherhood be denied to you because of this issue. Do not let other make you feel "guilty" for wanting to have children. We all have the right to choose whether or not we want to "procreate". You can completely turn this around ... imagine if we ALL raised "environmentally-savvy homo sapiens" ... what would our planet look like? Vastly different, I believe. So, have your children if you want them ... raise them with the moral, ethical and environmentally consciousness that you clearly already have ... you will be proud of them as they do things to save our planet that others do not. Trust me on that one ... our children range in age from 9 to 14 and they are ALL environmentally conscious -- it is a beautiful thing to watch a 5 y.o. pick up a can off the street and bring it home to be recycled!!!
Good luck to you ...
:) B.

First, stop being so hard on yourself. And give yourself a little time, your daughter is only 5 months old. I was perfectly content and happy with my one child. However, I chose to have a second child simply because it was the greatest gift I could ever give my child - a sibling. Seeing them play (and fight) and knowing they'll have each other to lien on when I'm old and gray (or gone someday) gives me great comfort.

Why not consider adoption?

My Friend...you are certainly not alone. Please, let me applaud your choice to help the world in the most selfless way possible!

When my husband and I decided to participate in the institution called "marriage" it was not an easy decision. At the time there were so many people who were capable of serious, committed love who were unable to be legally married that we questioned becoming part of the "married majority." In the end we did make that choice in the hopes that we could hope to raise conciousness about that choice. Fortunately those social conversations have come to the forefront lately.

Similarly, my husband and I discussed the prospect of children with an awareness that our world is indeed shrinking and that we didn't want to be part of the problem, but part of the solution. I have wanted to be a mother for my whole life, so not having children in our house was not an option. Also, I dreamed of having the birthing experience at least once. This being said, we decided that we would limit our biological reproduction to replacement of ourselves. We also negotiated the possiblity of adoption (that sounds so clinical, but we were methodical in our process) as a means of increasing our family size. But as the financial realities of children materialized, the possiblity of more than two kids narrowed.

As it turned out, we were unable to reproduce biologically, so the problem never really presented itself, but I strongly feel that once I had had the birth experience once that we would have chosen to adopt our second child.

At this point I'll tell you that we have successfully (and easily) adopted week old infants. One is now 2 1/2 and the other is 10 months. We chose domestic adoption for a variety of reasons: less possiblity of hidden health issues, greater potential for reconnection later in life, ease of travel, lack of desire to "pick" how our child would look and much more. This decision has been fulfilling in so many ways, it's hard to even identify them. Let me just say that I am grateful to their birthmothers every day for allowing me these precious gifts. I highly recommend adoption as a possible solution to your quest to feel morally accountable and personally fulfilled.

Good luck! I'd love to talk more to you about being a responsible human being as well as being "human." And please, don't feel alone. Many of us struggle with what is the "right" thing to do in many ways.

I would think that three or four well-reasoned, caring, thoughtful and responsible children added to the world would actually be an asset. Maybe one of your children, raised with a deep respect for the Earth, might grow up to solve some of our environmental problems.

Before we decided to have a child, I read "Only One," by Bill McKibben, a rather renowed environmentalist. YOu might want to read it. He and his wife wanted only one child for the same reasons you're outlining, but he wanted to understand if there were any negative consequences of being an only child. He found none, excepting for when a (hopefully adult by then) child has to cope with the death of parents. That's a big one for sure.

Anyway, my partner and I are stopping at one child mainly because we're older parents and are too tired to take care of another child. We work hard now and always will at helping our young daughter have a large community of friends, in part to compensate for not having a sibling.

But, I have to say, I think a lot of the environmental footprint anyone in the developed world makes. Even adopting a child from a developing country, as we did, doesn't negate the huge amount of resources our daughter now uses compared to her counterparts in less affluent parts of the world.

I think you have a valid, important, and responsible point of view.

I know of only one family, though I know there must be many, who have four kids but whose environmental footprint is relatively small. They choose to have just one car, live in a very small house (all four young kids share one bedroom),and all bicycle commute most of the time. And they are a wonderful family - the kids are some of the sweetest and kindest and brightest kids I know. I couldn't do it...but it's a standard I keep in mind.

We all do the best we do; we all make decisions about family style and lifestyle that are best for us...and as global citizens...it behooves us to think carefully about the impact of our decisions.

Ok! My 2 cents.