Thoughts on a Third Child

We have 2 girls and we are done. We did think we might have 3 but since I have had problems(minor)with both pregnancies and 2 kids are hard! To those who do 3 or more I commend you :) My 2 keep me busy and the tought of a third just does not appeal to me. I love my 2 girls and would not change having them but to add another to the mix would be very hard.

We have 3, 4 yrs apart. Third baby was a suprise but we are so happy to have her. I stressed at first and still do, much more work with 3. More laundry, more gifts at christmas, more school supplies and sports to pay for. It's not always easy but I'm glad to have 3. Another thing to consider, when you have two, there is one parent for each kid, with 3, there is one kid out. That is hard.

My little piece of advice is that I feel that even numbers are best. I had three brothers and there was always two ganging up on one, and it was always the same two. With an even number they always have a partner to play with. Although, I myself have two boys and they always fought horribly. But now that they are grown they get along well.

Hello,
My husband and I have three boys. We love it. I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing the third child is. I don't know how to describe it but there is something about the third child. This has been the case for us and for some of our friends with their third child. I will admit adding one more to the household does cause some craziness in the home. It never fails, you take one of them out of the situation and the other two get along perfect. It doesn't matter which one you take out either. A third person means an extra person and sometimes tiffs come out of it but, the benifits far outway the little brotherly tiffs.
As for financial concerns, well, We never really gave it too much discussion. We did but, not in depth because we always came to the conclusion that it always works out. God is in control and if he has plans for us to have another baby, it will happen and the means for the child will be there. The bible says that God is the one who opens and closes the womb. If it's ment to be it will happen and it will happen perfectly accourding to God's will for your life.
Best wishes to you and your family. You will be in our prayers.

This is a long one, but I really hope you'll take the time to read it!

How much have you considered the overpopulation issue? I'm surprised no one else has mentioned it. Especially in these times of food shortages, climate change, wars, environmental disasters, etc, I think we should all give very serious thought to how many more people we want to bring to this already very taxed planet. Please check out www.vhemt.org (voluntary human extinction movement), they have some excellent (and humorous too) information, including a list of reasons why people want to have babies and other ways you can satisfy those needs without bringing more people on board this fragile planet.

Your boys already have each other, and I'd encourage you to continue to develop more social connections, so they can have other friends as well. If you want to have more children around you, there are many ways to satisfy that desire. There are so many children already born who desperately need love. I imagine there are children near you whose parents don't have as much time or energy as you do, who would love to join your family for camping trips and other fun times. There are children looking for forever homes through adoption, or you could take in foster children, or lead nature walks, help out at schools etc.

We humans have two arms, just enough to hold (or hold onto/hold hands with) two children! You can devote much more time and attention to each child, the fewer you have. Obviously if you have more, your heart will expand so that you can love them all, to the best of your ability, but there is a limit to how much energy you can give, when you have to spread it out more thinly.

To share my experience - I loved having babies so much, I wanted to keep having them as long as I possibly could (I originally wanted to have at least four, so they could be a string quartet!). After my second (who was born 11 years after my first, so that each of them had the luxury of being an only child, receiving my full attention), I tried for five years to get pregnant again, and finally did but miscarried. It was a long grieving process for me to eventually accept that I would have no more babies. For me, in a sense having babies was like an addiction to a drug, I so loved the feeling of being needed, having someone to cuddle, along with the oxytocin and prolactin hormonal rush from pregnancy and breastfeeding. Now, however, especially as I know more about overpopulation, I am grateful that my body stopped at two, and I realized how my desire for more babies was an attempt to meet my own unmet needs for love. I have been through some good therapy and have found other ways to give and receive love and to feel needed. I do now have three wonderful grandchildren, which is a blessing.

You didn't mention it, but I wonder how much of your desire for a third child is wanting to have a girl? If so, of course you realize there is no guarantee that would happen, the chance would still be 50/50. Also, the fact that you have a career (which I assume you enjoy) would also seem like a good reason not to have another child. I'd encourage you to think seriously about how much time you could spend with each child after a day of work, and how that would affect them.

I realize I am expressing my opinions pretty strongly here. I don't pass judgment on people who have more than two children (it could have been me, if things had worked out the way I wanted!). Also, on the other hand, from a spiritual perspective, I believe that it is possible that sometimes another soul may really want to come to earth at a particular time through a particular family, even though the parents had thought that they were done having children. I have heard that sometimes the soul will come to the mother through a dream or vision or intuition, asking to incarnate. And sometimes they come even though the parents are using birth control, and then it seems clear that they were "meant to be." Another possible viewpoint in favor of having more children could be that the world at this point really needs some good caring leaders to help us out of the mess we have gotten ourselves into. But - I think that in general, rather than bringing more people here to accomplish that, it makes much more sense to give all the love we can to those who are already here, so that they can grow and mature in love and become the strong caring leaders that we need.

I encourage you to really think this through, pay attention to all your feelings, discover your underlying needs, and consider all of these factors before making a decision. And if you do decide that you want to have a third child, I still think it might be better to wait longer, so that each child can have more attention. (I think it could be especially hard on your younger boy to become the "middle child," who can end up feeling lost between the other two). Best wishes to you in your decision.

My question for you is, Why would you let anyone else make your decision for you? If you've always wanted three kids, then what's stopping you? Hopefully no one makes life decisions based on what other people might say! I completely understand and agree with gathering information to make an informed and responsible decision, but in the end it needs to be what you and your husband want, not what anyone else thinks.

My husband and I got married at 20/21, had kids right away, (3 so far - and hope for more), and do it all on $32,000 a year! I don't care if it's not popular to do these things! We're in love, we have a strong marriage, and three loving children. Some days I want to run screaming from the house because of my frustration at the mess and the crying and the naughty behavior and everything that comes with three kids, but one request to hold the baby or one hug between the sisters and tears of love and thankfulness come to my eyes. Children are a huge responsibility, but a huge blessing. Do what you *want* to do!!!

Short and sweet....GO-FOR-IT! Yes, there is more work and a bit more cost, but I can't imagine my family without our third (who was not planned). She is now 6, full of spit fire and likes to shake things up, but a real blessing, like all children!

OK, a bit more after reading other responses. EVERYTHING is a choice. You can choose to add more expenses (you don't have to do three different sports for each kid, or participate in PTA, etc.) A child is a blessing and a gift who only wants a stable, loving home. Yes, the frills are nice, but shouldn't be expected nor necessary. Spacing the three out will help with dividing up you and your husbands time. My kids are involved in select sports and we always manage to have at least one of us there and they certainly wouldn't trade in one of their siblings just to make sure we both were sitting in the stands watching their ballgame.

It is busier, but better! If you're organized and a natural leader, it will work!

Most of the posts have referred to wanting children to satisfy our own needs. Few parents seem to think too much about the life of the child they will be bringing into the world.

Burgeoning human population places incredible stresses on the environment. Problems like global climate change, rising sea levels, increasing pollution, collapse of fisheries, deforestation, and more are rising rapidly. Our children and their children will be paying with reduced quality of life. Seems an important thing to consider.

I don't begrudge any child coming into the world. I do hope for the best possible balance of every being's needs, and this includes plant and animal populations as well. I had this concern three decades ago when I stopped with one child (it was a wonderful choice that I have never regretted). My concern has multiplied tremendously in the intervening years.

I always wanted to just have two children. I had a son first, then a daughter and then I decided I was done.
Well, there were obviously other plans in store for me. I got pregnant with my third child when my daughter was almost one year old.
I was mad, depressed, etc. (a whole other story...)
It wasn't until my son turned about 4 months old that I began to accept and embrace the changes this meant for our family.
There are a lot of pros and cons to having more children.
I can tell you much of the time I have felt frazzled and that I don't have enough time to give them all the attention I would like, individually. It is chaotic and lots of noise and mess, etc.
BUT, I can say now, this was the way it is supposed to be for us. It's right for them to have eachother, too.
I think if you are debating it at all, maybe you shouldn't have any more. It sounds like you feel pressured to make your decision now because time is closing in on you to get them spaced apart properly.
If you have doubts, they are there for a reason. Make your decision and embrace that it's best for your family. You are the only ones who know that. And then go with it - don't regret.
Sounds like you have two wonderful boys and you can be grateful for them.

Dear E.~
You are so thoughtful, and in such a great position to have a third child. Once you do, you wouldn't ever be able to imagine your world without him/her.
I had a gaggle of them (like some here in the responses) and they have provided me with a colorful life, that otherwise, would have been black & white.
Now that they're all grown up, I see little babies, and my heart allows me to recall the love and joy (frustration always goes away) of having these children in my life, and they were ALL "not on purposes" (hee hee!!)--NEVER accidents!
I was active duty USMC,(THAT did NOT make things easier..) so I also had a blended family--all together, I have ("steps") Melanie (30) with a great Hubby, 3 kids and a happy home, Heidi (29) w/2 kids, and "working" on a happy home-both here in Salem. There are (Step)Christopher (28) in Florida--swears he'll never get married, but works hard and has fun, Shaun (26) has a little baby, also in Florida, and loves LIFE, Dominique (25) just had her first baby (I was there for his birth!!! EEEE!!!!!) and she and her hubby are in the Army, in Oklahoma (he is in Iraq :( and to see my grandbaby's birth was pure amazement and LOVE, and our baby, WHitney (21), who is also in the Army (they all had to NOT be Marines, I guesssss...) and her husband is in the Army too. They are in Japan, and I was also there for their 1st son's birth-AMAZING AGAIN-AND LOVE to no end.
The infinitely beautiful circle of life is something we don't immediately see when our babies are young--especially when they're teenagers (ARRRRGH!!!)and in retrospect, I SHOULD have gotten stock in Playtex, because with all the girls in ONE HOUSE, periods all came at the same time, and HORMONES (and chocolate) were the ruling factor----but let me tell you--even though I ended up making about 10 tons of Mac n Cheese, too many chicken nuggets, and had enough tears from all of them to fill the Pacific Ocean, and DIAPERS that "Never Ended", I could NEVER trade this experience for the world. It would have been nice to have a rich man (or at least a maid to clean & cook...)but that wasn't the fact.. :) My life has had it's ups and downs, but those kids are what made it the MOST amazing, and awesome experience EVER (I am repeating myself, because it really was--and we thought we were BROKE and soooo poor all of the time!)
You seem to be a very level headed, good planning mama, and I hope that you DO decide to have another child. It is amazing what they can do for you--when all along, you THOUGHT you were "doing for them".
Love to you~
R.

Let me start by saying that I am the mom of 5 living children, and 1 little angel.
Yes having more children does cost a little more. But there are things that you can do to make up for it. Buy at yard sales or clearance, make food from scratch. I have learned to be thrifty.
I would not change having 5 kids for anything. In fact if my body could have had more I would have. There are a couple of reasons for this.
One is that I have been blessed with great kids. I have a fashion designer, an Army private, and 3 still in school. My 14 year old is an actor with a heart of gold. My 17 year old is smart as a whip, and loves to do tech stuff. My 11 year old daughter is such a tom boy. She is the true baby of the family.
This is a choice that only you can make. You know what is in your heart. Yah, life can be hard. But it sounds like you both have jobs that will be around for a while. So that is a positive.

When my husband had a stroke last Nov (he has MELAS and is 42 but this was his 5th stroke.) My children where there. My 22 year old daughter came home, and helped with her younger brothers and sister. You give a lot to your kids, but when they get older, they give a lot back.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask. I say go for it! But again it is your choice, and you know what your heart would have you do.
Good luck
B.
Mom to Jessie 23, Pvt. Andy 19, David 17, Will 14, and Carolyn 11.

Hi E.,

We have had that same discussion and we have choosen not to have a 3rd child (however, if it happens by surprise we're fine with that). Here are some of our reasons why we are sticking with just 2 children:

Our income is not going to change (I teach at a community college and my husband works for a fuel distributing company)and we don't make a lot. Sure we will have increases in pay, but it will be because of cost of living so.....we want to be able to live comfortably.

We want to be able to take the kids to Disney, the Grand Canyon, Alaska, etc (we too love to the outdoors!). My in-laws live in New York, so we have to fly back at least once every 2 years and that's expensive!

We want to be able to help our kids with college and build a retirement for ourselves.

We don't feel comfortable living pay check to pay check with kids. It was fine when it was just the two of us and we were going to college, but once we had our daughter, that changed.

I guess our biggest reason was, we want to be able to give to our children what we didn't have (now don't take this wrong, our children are not spoiled and very use to us saying that they can't have things because we can't afford it) but we want to give them experiences and to be able to see parts of the United States and some of Canada and Mexico.

About two months ago I was getting the baby bug again (my son will be 3 in a few days and my daughter will be 7 in a few weeks), but then I saw how much we have in savings and how much we still needed to put in to pay the bills over the summer (your a teacher so you understand). We also have 1 of each, a boy and a girl. I'm sure my mindset would be completly different if we had 2 girls or 2 boys.

I know this may not help, but at least you don't have to feel alone and every now and then I still get the baby urge, but then I look at what I have (and I have friends who just had babies so I can get me fix then).

I only have one child, primarily due to health reasons. We had talked of foster care or adoption, but with our careers and caring for a chronically ill child, the added responsibility just seems overwhelming. Since you have a full-time job teaching already, you are well aware of the challenges of juggling a career and childcare. You are fortunate to have 2 healthy children and to have the time and money to travel. Having a 3rd child would cut into both as you know. I wish you luck in your decision.

Hi E.,

I was blessed with three wonderful children and would not trade any of them. Everyone told me not to have three as two can play great but three can not and one will always be left out. I laughed and said not mine but it was true. It varied which two but it was the odd boy or girl out.At first I thought it was because my middle child was a girl but no as sometimes it was the boys together and other times it was my beautiful daughter and one of the boys. The boys were always very protective of their sister as they too were close in age.

I was fortunate and able to be home so was able to fill the void and become the fourth at times. Latter I did day care and there were always extra children for them to play with and it helped the problem during the day. Nights were family time so again less problems. I often wished that I had had a fourth child to even things out.

You need to follow your heart. No one could have talked me out of having my youngest son. He is wonderful and he lights up my world. God blessed me with three beautiful children that I will cherish forever.

We are awaiting the arrival of our thrid and I cant say I am very excited...more nervous...mine are 21 months apart and will be 18 months apart. My opinion is based on the fact we had not really planned on having kids so soon after we got married, we werent even sure we wanted them...now almost three later we are ok with having three but it scares me. I would weigh your options...I mean i guess that means have one or not but it is alot of work and I am exhausted and ready to fall over most of the time...I have two actice boys they dont know the meaning of sit down. I dont want to discourage you from doing it but just be ready to not sit down for a while!!

Just chiming in. You will know when you are done having children no matter what anyone else says positive or negative. I always wanted 4 children. While I was pregnant with my 2nd I knew that was it for me. We have never regretted not having more children. When I think I've missed out on 4 I borrow my niece and nephew. Reminds me every time that we made the right choice for our family, lol. Just do what feels best to you and all will be right in your world. Best of wishes to you.

P.

My dad always said that if you wait until you can afford it, you would never have any children. God will find a way.

Wow this is so odd to read bc my husband and I were just having a talk about this exact subject last night. We too have two children however they are 10 years apart (5 and 15) and its been so great. I have tons of extra help from the 15 yr old -girl and we have a little boy. So I am thankful I have one of each but I too have always wanted 3 children. My husband on the other hand was content with just one and then I demanded two and now here I am still wanting just one more. I cant imagine 3 children being any more 'work' than two, you just do things for 3 instead. Im 35 now and I dont have forever to keep putting things off but my husband worries about us being able to go on vacation alone; lack of childcare and the fact that now I have been a SAHM for 5 years-since my son was born but its been a blessing bc I worked the whole time my daughter was young and missed out on so much. I come from a family of 8 kids (blended family) and it was wonderful, financially rough for my parents at times but we always had a house, food, clothing and tons of fun growing up together. I want that same feeling for my kids just wait until they become adults with spouses and kids of their own to come see you...how fun. I wish I wouldve had another closer to my sons age but I kept putting it off and now he is 5 but I still have hope. But then again I will only have one at home and two at school. I think people sometimes over plan on how things will be with children but something always works out. I just look at it this way, you only have one life to live so live it to your fullest! After our talk last night I think Ill be tossing my birthcontrol out the window this summer to see what happens! Good Luck

Many years ago--28 to be exact, we decided on number three. our older two where 10 and 7 a the time so it was like starting over ith a firstborn again. I highly recommend that if you want a breather between kid groups or kids in general. As adults our three are so close. as kids the older two were close & third one was a "little brother: to "mother" or be labelled as a "pest" depending on which sibling was evaluating at the moment.
Good luck on your third one. Ours is a joy although the more challenging one in younger years due to very high intelligence. Maybe it pays yp be smarter than the kiddo,eh?
later,
K. M

We are in the process of debating a third child too, since we have 2 girls. Everyone I know that has three or more has said the absolute hardest change was from 1-2 children. The hardest things I can see would be stretching the finances and individual attention. I don't think there's ever a right time for anything so if you've always wanted three, go for it!

My children are close together and I love it. I've always wanted a big family, being that I'm from a big family. However, that said, it is harder I think. My personal opinion is that it's harder going from 2-3 than it was going from 1-2. I say if you want to do it, then you should. I don't have any regrets on having them close in age or anything - it's been a true joy watching them grow up being close in age and playing. There are those days, however lol But that is just with kids in general. Good luck in your decision.

I had three. There isn't any logical reason for you to choose to have another, to tell the truth -- but my third child is such a wonderful gift, the thought of not having had the blessing of her in my life is inconceivable. She is generous, kind, intuitive, and smart.
She is my best friend. She is mature beyond her years. She has insight that often boggles my mind. When my middle child, my son, had cancer (and survived); she was frequently the one that held me together. She wasn't an easy child to raise -- being of a very independent turn of mind, but I can't begin to tell you what a light she is in this wicked world. There is no question about it. God is very generous when it comes to that third child.

I recently talked to an urgent care Dr. who said life was great when they only had 2 kids (both boys). There was always one adult per child, and it was "manageable". We were talking about it because I too have 2 boys and my husband is going to miss having a baby around. Our baby is now 2. Anyway, the Dr. said as soon as they had the 3rd (another boy) "all hell broke lose". Those were his exact words. He said his house is always in chaos and never in control anymore. I got the feeling he wished they'd stuck w/ 2.
But then again, I have friends w/ more kids, and they wouldn't give it up for anything in the world (of course, most of these are SAHM's, which I'm not). It's not easy sometimes, but only you and your husband can decide what's right for you. Good luck w/ your decision.

You know what it is like with the first two, so I'm sure you can calculate what one more would cost you, financially and emotionally. I only had 2 boys and they grew up so fast, I wasn't done being a mom yet. I have to borrow them now.

Hey E.! Having even one child in this day and age is expensive, I know. I have 3 wonderful children and even though my third one was a bit of a surprise, I wouldn't change a thing. Yeah its a little bit more expensive. My 2 older ones were about the ages of your boys, and both were still in diapers when I got pregnant! You learn how to cut costs (and pray that the older ones learn to use the potty before you have 3 in diapers!) As far as the work load goes after 2 kids its not much more work raising 3-??. I come from a large family...I am the oldest of 5 kids. My generation has 66 kids on one side of the tree. Even though my not so little ones where surprises I don't regret it at all.

We have three boys, ages 11,8, and 4. Our first 2 are 2 1/2 years apart, so when our middle son was 2, I was feeling a lot of pressure to decide if we were done. My husband was happy with two, and I just didn't have that "done" feeling. However, I knew it would mean a 3rd C-section, so it was a really tough decision. After weighing all the pro's and con's my husband finally said "we have to do this again, so we did. Our age gap ended up being 4 years, but it was great. I think it was real helpful having the other two able to do things for themselves before #3 came, because it is more work. It has been the best thing for our family. I couldn't imagine not having our youngest son. Adding another personality to your family is just priceless. It was really good for my middle son to have a younger brother. I think you just need to go with your gut feeling. After I had our third, I knew for sure we were done and that our family was complete. I just didn't have that peace with two. It is busier, one more to be on top of, more laundry :), but one more to love. This fall all three will be in soccer, it should be fun!

Good luck on your decision. Don't be afraid to give it a little more time.

Going from two to three kids was a harder transition for me than from one to two. It wasn't so much the finances and the van (though we did have to move up to a van), but just the fact that so many people needed me/touched me at once - I was overstimulated! It made for a tough six months or so. Nonetheless, three years later, I'm really hoping to have a fourth!

I have 3 children ages 7, 5 and 2 1/2. I wouldn't change it for the world. Our youngest was kind of a surprise, I had wanted another child, my husband didn't, for the exact reasons you stated. But when we found out we were expecting again he was just as happy as I was. Sure everything is more expensive, but the benefits more than outweigh any negatives.
Actually, I am currently talking to him about may another one! :)

Hey E.,

We are currently in the decison process of having a third. I was going to post a question about this too so I am excited to read all the replies you receive. I never imagined I'd even consider having a third but after having our second and everything has gone great and it's so much fun having two, I think three would be even more fun. We are leaning more towards having a third than not. When I see the excitement in my kids eyes and how much they love each other, it just totally warms my heart. Yes, I'm sure it will be a lot more work and all but it's a lot easier having two than I ever imagined it would be. We already have one of each so we have both boy and girl clothes and toys. My son will be 4 in a few months and he's really starting to be a big helper. He really wants another sibling. We don't have any family to help us out or to babysit either so that is a draw back. Our kids have no first cousins so this is a big factor that goes into our decision to have one more. We love being parents and the time goes so fast and soon we'll be looking back and all the kids will be in school, etc. If you guys have always wanted 3, then you should just go for it! I have an iud right now but were planning on getting it out in August at my yearly appt and trying after that. We do have friends who have two and wanted a third but never did and I think they do regret it now. I don't want to regret not having a third. Also, you have to think about unexpected accidents and other awful events too. I know it's kind of crazy to think about but two of my cousins have passed away from different unusual ways. One died in his twenties and one in her early thirties. My vote is for a third! Good luck to you and your family in making the right decision.

Our daughter and husband decided to go only 2 girls...at age 21 the youngest died in a car wreck...how they wished they would have been wise and had the other child. (they now have 4 grandchildren) We lost our second child at one yr. old. an eye-opener when we thought "we had it made".
We ended up rearing 5, and all are great treasures to us and a blessing to the world, honoring God. "Let not your left hand know what your right hand is doing."

Hi E.-

Wow! We are going through the same thing. We have a 4 yr old girl and a 2 yr old boy. We both come from families with 3 kids. Like you, both families are far away, but we are relatively new to Oregon, so we do not have a support system fully in place.
Right now we are leaning towards just keeping it the two of them. It's partly because of the costs, but also because of the amount of time and energy that two take. We feel blessed to have the two of them, and we love to watch them play together. I think what it boils down to is how much you and your husband can handle. Some people can handle alot of kids and other people are more suited to one or two.

I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide, and please be sure to e-mail me or post what you do.

E.-

I can only tell you from my own experience. Though I knew it was an 87% chance of a third child being the same sex as the two I already had my only reason for not doing it was my husband's objections.

Too late I learned husbands come and go unexpectedly no matter how great the relationship may have been. By the time I got into another one that would have supported a child I was deep in my forties and the other children were grown.

I hope you will take the chance. One extra child won't take the work or trouble you anticipate. How do I know? Other people's daughters began to live with us while their families were in trouble. They came one after the other invited by one or the other of my daughters. Most stayed a school year until their families became stable again.

L.-Maggie

Hi, I'm a mother of three, two boy's and our wonderful baby girl. Let me tell you that having a third wasn't that much more work. I thought having going from one to two was hard but going from two to three was pretty easy. I stay home though so we can avoid those daycare cost's. I think you should go for it. Good luck.....

My husband and I thought that having two children would be absolutely the right number financially and emotionally for our family - given that I was going to be a stay-at-home mom and my hubby would work full time until he retired. (When he retires in about seven years, I'll work full time and he'll be primarily at home.)

Of course, when we got pregnant with baby #2 we were actually pregnant with twins . . . so all of our careful planning went out the window. Things have been tighter financially than we would have liked, but we bought a smaller house and trimmed the budget in other areas and have made do!

E.,
I am also a mother of two boys. We wanted to stop at one, but went for #2 because we didn't want him to be alone. I wanted a girl really bad, but I got what God felt I needed in my life. Having more children would have been to overwhelming for me, so that is where we stopped. Kids are very expensive especially when they get into school and sports. Ours are 5 & 7-1/2 now. With both of them in sports we are almost topped out. Not only do you have the enrollment fees, but then you have the equipment to purchase. (shoes, balls, mitts, etc.) Nothing is cheap anymore even when it's on sale. There is also all the fundraisers that the schools have.
Having two boys is enough for us. I have no regrets, but still a longing in my heart for a girl.
Whatever your decision is, it will be the right one for you. We made the right one for us.

Hi E.,

I am the mother of four. When we were considering our 3rd & our 4th we faced the same questions. In the end we decided that the sacrifice was always worth it and that even if we hadn't conceived on our own, we would have adopted. The benefits far outweigh the costs, sacrifices and the loss of sleep. My youngest is now 5 and I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever.

Best of luck,

D.

Hi E.,
We have 3. Each 2 1/2 years a part from eachother. 17,14 & 12. Just as we decided no on a third, guess what? It was too late.I think if it was really a no, we would have been more careful. If you are thinking of three then you should do it. You won't be sorry but if you don't you will wish you did. A few things to thing about is many things are set up for a family of 4, resturants, hotels, now that the kids are older we do have to get 2 hotel rooms and it really adds up. Also, my husband and I can't be 3 places at once. Sports, lessons and activites all seem to scheduled at the same time. Every one wants mom and dad at their ball game. So,that is something we have to work on always.
Good luck to you what ever you decide.

We had 2 boys.... Kyle was exactly 3 years old when Dylan was born.... we bought a house then too... considered having more kids...but it was kind of a family legend thing... we would only have 2 boys.

Well, then we got a little too excited about biuying our first home (if ya know what I mean) and voila! I got pregnant again...SURPRISE!! So, I guess hormones and mother nature took over.... And whatdoyaknow? It was a girl.... Gracie and Dylan are 13 months apart.

well, NOW we were done.... rrrrriiiigggghhhhhtttt....... child #4, a girl was born 14 months and 7 days after Gracie.

So - I wouldnt change a thing and I am so glad that the last 3 are so close together because their interests are relatively common and they are the best of friends.

Never once, in deciding to have any of our kids did we analyze the financial impact, logistical impact etc.... Child #2 was kind of planned. when I became pregnant with #2 we decided I would stay home. Now 3 years later, I work part time from home. I bring home about as much as I would if I were working full time and paying for childcare for all 4 kids. We have found a great fantastic wonderful sitter who takes care of the 4 kids when needed for $50 per day. We do not make a lot of money but we own our house and arent in danger of losing it, my kids are home with me everyday and are happier than ever.

I do have my tubes tied so we wont have anymore.

Hi,
My two daughters are 16 years apart! We didn't plan it that way- we had terrible infertility issues and finally resorted to IVF to get our second child. You might want to consider waiting a longer amount of time to have your third. Now that we are older and wiser and more financially stable we are really enjoying our second time around.(Not that we didn't enjoy the first time but we were young and struggling financially.) We have a built in babysitter too! A financial advantage is that you wouldn't have multiples in daycare at the same time and later on multiples in college at the same time. And if you aren't looking forward to the empty nest you get to delay that as well.

I have heard lots of older couples say "I wish we would have had MORE children". But NEVER heard anyone say "I wish we would have had less!"
We had 2 beautiful girls and went through some of your same thoughts when it came to POSSIBLY having a third child. Well we did have ANOTHER beautiful girl and I feel TOTALLY complete now!! Yes, it is crazy and wild sometimes. But our kids our 8, 5 and 2 years old now and I love all the craziness. It is the hardest job I have ever done........... but also the most rewarding!!! The three of them are so wonderful. I am glad they all have eachother! I say if you have ANY desire at all to have a third, then you should. You don't want to regret NOT having one 10 years from now. I know I won't!!

Well I have three of my own 6,5 and 3(my first two 15 months apart)! my advise would have to be that when a family is done having children (which we are) you just know. You may have always thought you wanted three kids or maybe you feel that your family is not yet complete, whatever it may be go with your gut!!! do you stay home during the week? Do you like being involved with the kids? what dose your husband think? you have one chance to make your life with your family. If your not starving and have a roof over your head you do what your gut tells you!! good luck and for me I wouldn't change having my THREE children for anything-life is good and you make it work.
-A.

If you're questioning it....you SHOULD have one. Your family must not be complete yet :)

My third baby has brought so much laughter and smiles into my home.

We have three children whose ages are 15, 8 and 6. I wasn't sure I was ready for a second child until my eldest went into first grade. My house was too quiet and I realized I wasn't ready to be done with babies.

I love having three children. I wish I could turn back the hands of time had filled the gap between the first two with a few more kids.

My husband and I joke that with the third child, the parents become out numbered. It is more work than you'd think, but so wonderful!

My husband and I had the same discussion, starting shortly after our second child was born, and ending last fall when we went for it and got pregnant with our third. Ours will be 3 1/2 and 2 when the new baby is born in 2 months.

One of our tipping reasons was for the sake of our children. I grew up with 3 siblings, my husband with only one. I always had people around, things going on, and now my brother and sisters are some of my closest friends. My husband was 5 years apart from his brother, always felt somewhat on his own, then lost his mother as a teen. Then his father died last year, and all that's left is he and his not-so-close brother. Now we know we have no control over our children's lives or what direction they take, or whether we will survive to see them grown, but we wanted to provide them with one more buddy they can go through life together with. We also wanted one of them to have the experience of a same-sex sibling (we currently have a boy and a girl, and now our third will be a boy). Two siblings only have a single way to connect - the two together. Three can be combined in four ways, always giving them options in their relationships with one another, and hopefully enriching their lives. My two are wrestling and giggling on the couch right now. I can't wait til their baby brother is in the mix.

We know it'll be crazy, busy, more expensive, more exhausting, and at times just plain more difficult. But as a previous poster said, I could only imagine getting beyond childbearing years and regretting not having done it, never regretting that we brought one more into the world.

As a side note: pshaw to the overpopulation issue. Our country (and European nations) are barely replacing ourselves, most caucasians are actually dying out. The issues that poster mentioned in relation to overpopulation are there because of social and political problems, not too many people.

Seems this is a popular topic! :) I have 3 children, the first two being boys and 15 months apart and the 3rd is a girl, followed 12 1/2 months after her older brother. I had all 3 in diapers for a short while. I think our gargabe man was really happy when the trucks and cans switched to the automatic arm. Our children play really well together, and they also BICKER like crazy. But... who doesn't that has a sibling?! Most times, it is a lot of fun and the joy they bring is absolutely AMAZING! I honestly can't tell you what it was like from 2 to 3, as it was all such a blur in looking back. Yes, it is a lot of work and as others have mentioned: you have two arms and two kids. That is kind of convenient and sometimes a friend who has 2 doesn't quite get it, the whole 'there are 3 of them and 2 of us' concept when we go to very crowded public events, like the Rose Festival. It can be very challenging as they are 4, 5, and 6 now. Yours, however will be more spread out and I bet the youngest will be an amazing helper as he will be about the age. I guess, maybe? Remember, my youngest is a girl and she sooooo wants a baby sister or brother. SORRY! This mama is happy with the three babes and the big 16 year old stepdaughter. Plus, I have been able to stay home since the 6 year old was born. I have been babysitting for the neighbor since she was 18 months old, now just 7 and she is like a 4th kid to me. Nowadays, I just take care of her in the morning, feed her breakfast and get her safely on the bus. This gives a little extra cash as I don't work. (All the babysitting money I make goes into a vacation fund) HAVE FUN!!!!

E. S I was just reminded by my childhood girlfriend what I told her (3 decades ago) when she asked the same question.

I told her you'll know when your ready to quit, you will just know!

She laughs at that because she said after her 5th she KNEW!

What's one more if you're up to it?

~Kate

E.,

Hello! I and my husband are currently due soon with our seconed child and are thrilled. We eventually have discussed having four or five, depending on how everyhing works out. I think that children are such a joy to have and your kids would probobly love another sibling, ofcourse I don't know your whole situation, but if you think you can afford it and want to have another child I say go for it! I myself grew up in a large family and love all the family conectons I have. I wish you all the best.

N.

We also have 2 boys. 8.5 months and 2.5 years. We want a third but are waiting until the youngest is 2 before we try to have our last.
I think as long as you have a form of support, family isn't always related by birth... sometimes it's those around you... as long as you have support and can afford it without hurting yourselves or stressing too much then go for it.

Funny...my friend and I were just talking the other day. I said to here...you know you warned me to not have three. She laughed and said that people warned her too. You just don't know what it is like till you have three. You can not run man to man anymore, it is all zone. We are lucky that are first two are 4 years apart. Our oldest is 8 so she does not need as much attention as our 4 and 2 year old, but is so hard to make sure they all get the attention they need. I don't regret having three. We lost a boy at 22 weeks and I knew after we had our 2nd daughter that I would try one more time for a boy. Thankfully we got our boy. And what a boy he is! They sure are different. But I am so blessed to be able to see what life is like raising a boy. Anyways. As my friend and I agreed...your going to do what you want. If you are thinking three, then you will have three. Maybe you will get blessed with a girl so you can experience all the wonderful and different things a baby girl can bring to your family. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.
D.

Hi there E.,

It's a hard decision, and not one that is reversible! I have four kids and I must say, that for me, going from 3 to 4 tipped the scales in every way more than going from 2 to 3 kids. (Car size, hotels rooms, housing size, overall cost obviously!)

My husband and I are from overseas, so we have no family here at all. And yet, we manage to raise our 4 kids. I know I am done with 4 mind you! With three, I knew there would come a day when I would wonder what my fourth would have been like, and knew I had to meet them. But I doubt I will ever wonder about who the fifth in line was! I knew my limits.

I always think ahead, about how much I am looking forward to seeing them grow and progress into adults and that really excites me. I am a person who loves being around people, so a small family didn't fit right for me.

Having said that, wow, my life is so much easier when I get the chance to halve the kids and head out with just two of them! And there are times I wonder why I made my life so much harder by doubling the load!!

But I have four adorable kids, and I read somewhere a long time ago that your arms grow longer and your heart swells larger to accommodate each new child you have. I love all my children for all their differences and similarities and joys they bring individually and as a family unit. I love that they have each other, watching them interact, and knowing that siblings can be the most enduring relationship in your life and I hope that will be the case for them.

My husband and I always joke that the more kids we had, the more chance someone would look after us in our retirement!

Good luck with your decision. Kids don't need the best of everything, they just need the best you, you can be. I know my kids won't have everything other kids will, that they share rooms and wear hand me downs etc, but they are very well loved, they know that and are happy nonetheless.

(I don't think I have made any sense at all and have just rambled!!)

Cheers,

Dear E.;
I say from my experiences..go ahead and have the third baby..
Now is the time..even with families far away..you will never regret it....but could if you dont get the third...
Three was my husbands and I!s ideal number also..however..it didnt work out that way.We lost one full term and went on to have two more boys..So yes I have two boys, now grown up..
Time the pregnacy so that the due date is around the end of the school year.Enjoy the third weather it is a boy or girl..
Good Luck to You!!
C.

Hi,
I am a 30 year old mom who works at the chamber of commerce part time, and am a full time moma, with my oldest haveing a baby I am about to be a grandma. So young I know but I am not able to have babies anymore so it is a blessing.
You know life throws so many curve balls and ups and downs at us that planning a baby is a task all on it's own. I believe this GOD has granted us the freedom to give and life is the most perciouse thing you could share follow your heart hunnie, and don't let the cares of the world drowned out your feelings because the only fact we as moms and soulfull beings truely have is our feelings. All other things have been taught to us. Listen to your self and you will never go wrong.
What ever you decide will be the right thing for your family and the generations you will leave to follow.
Blessings
J.