Money During Christmas

I would rather play sick than listen to my whole family dis me...or worse yet, spend what lil' $ I did have on driving to go see them. Blech!

You could say..I've been exposed to the flu (true, we all have!).

I can come on Valentine's day. No presents.

It's not a good time for us.

Or just skip it.

Wow.
This is really sad.
I can't imagine being made to feel that way by my own family and I'm sorry if your family is truly like this.

If you want to go, I have a few thoughts for you:
•$50/$40 is the LIMIT, not the minimum right?
•you can give a simple (inexpensive) gift with grace. O. year, in my office, an extremely strapped father of 3 gave us each beautifully wrapped bundles of M&Ms. It's the only gift from that year I remember, because it was a pretty presentation and given from the heart.
•check yourself that YOU are not making yourself feel this way.
•I've had some LEAN holidays, as have other members of my family, and while I may have felt sheepish about my lack of finds, my family hasn't.
•some of the wisest people I know don't have college degrees and its certainly not a prerequisite for class or graciousness!

So...my best advice is IF you want to go--go!
Enjoy your family. Give simple gifts and hold your head high. No O. can predict everyone's status next year.

Christmas is about family, love and gratitude.
Now, if you truly feel you will be judged or harassed--stay home!
Merry Christmas!

My take is to do what's right for your family.

There is nothing wrong with having a personal family Christmas.

Christmas is not supposed to be all about gifts and $$. Shame on your family for making you feel that way.

When we moved a plane ticket away from everyone, we knew what we were getting into. There are pros and cons to having family close by.

Do what your family feels is right and don't fret about what others think.... They don't live your life, they don't pay your bills.

You are under no obligation to anyone.

Merry Christmas!

I'd call and say I wasn't coming. That's all there is to it. It does sound like there is a lot of commercialism in your family's celebration. I'd just not go.

It's nice that hubby's family is more able to understand the real meaning and to do it in such a nice way.

Your family cannot make you feel this way unless you give them permission to do so. You can be proud of who you are and of your view of the meaning of Christmas. Stand tall. Yes, it can be humiliating to not have money for the gifts so that you can match the gifts others will give to you. Or you can know that you're the best person you can be and let their comments roll off your back. Not easy to do at all, I know.

If you want to see your family, then go. Focus on the people and having a good time. They know you don't have money. No need to apologize. It could be your sense of failure and apologies that encourage them to make the comments they make. If you present a happy face they may treat you differently.

When your mom comments on your choices that have put you here, tell her you don't want to hear it and if you have to tell her you love her and so are going to hang up.

Sounds like it's possible that you are focused on what you feel that you lack and therefore "hear" the criticism when they may just be making conversation.

I had a father who said a lot of negative and critical things. My mother said that he's just making conversation but I thought he was critical of me. As I got older I finally realized he was insecure and didn't know how to be kind in his use of words.

I've found that people who spend the most time talking about material things and college degrees etc. are usually people who are insecure and use that conversation to build themselves up.

Try feeling sorry for them and their focus on things. Give them hugs and lots of approval. I suggest that they'll say less to you about how great they are. Know that you're happy with your choices and you needn't feel bad when they bring the choices up to you.

Frankly, I don't usually advocate lying, but this might be the exception. If you already cannot really afford to go and bring the expected presents without negative feelings, find a way to stay home and be happy. Someone should come down with a 102 degree fever. Perhaps even your daughter because NO ONE would expect a Mother to leave her small child at home and go or to bring a sick child to a gathering.

Play it up and act super upset. Mom, I REALLY wanted to come and see y'all but I just can't given how DD is feeling. Maybe next time. It sounds like going would really open up a can of worms that you don't want to deal with...

There's nothing wrong with staying home and enjoying your own family on Christmas. In fact, I encourage it. Your family's judgments are so sad, why would anyone focus on how much money someone has, especially at this time of year? If you have to play sick, do it. But I also encourage you to just tell them the truth. Money is a little tight this year and you want to be financially responsible, so no travelling, and you are only getting gifts for your own kids. if she starts getting on your case about it, well, the kids need you and you have to get off the phone now. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Count me in on supporting you calling in "Sickmas." It sounds healthier for you to stay home and embrace what you have instead of what you are expected to "give." It's nice that your husband's family is on the same page as you and can provide the real meaning of Christmas.

Embrace that and god bless.

I have been on both ends. Growing up, my family was very wealthy. But, I didn't know it until I got older. My parents worked hard & respected money. They were not very religeous, but we knew "the reason for the season". Christmas was about family & fun, not money. Shame on yours ! My husband & I worked very hard & saved money. When our daughter was little (3) he lost his job & got very ill. Times were tough. We had no money at Christmas, so I garage saled with my sister & my daughter had a wonderful Christmas. We still had fun making cookies for everyone. Do you have a "skill"? Maybe they would love something from the heart. I think that $50 & $40 is to much. Do they appreciate it ? Don't do gift cards, find a gift (on sale) & spend ALOT less. That is, if you go. Thruthfully, if I was you, I would spend it with the in-laws. They sound like more fun. Good luck & try to enjoy

If it was me I would call and say I was sick too.

Just be honest with them, if they want you there, they'll find a way to get you there. For thanksgiving, my parents gave me a check for the gas it took to get down to them and everyone was happy. I didn't have to forgo paying the electric bill to visit them, and they got to see their daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter. Being honest was a win-win situation. My whole extended family knows we're struggling badly. There's no shame in being low of funds as long as you are responsible with the money you do have.

I think you should go with a gift from the heart and give it with pride. I think the values you describe about your life and how you live are worthy of respect and if your family doesn't get it, rest assured others do.

There are lots of ways to show someone you love them with out spending a bundle.

I just got an adorable girls coat for $15 (originally $50) from Macy's for a little girl we love who doesn't have a lot.

I went to the back of Marshall's and Ross for teacher's gifts this year. Cute stuff under $10 each.

We always bake for my BIL, that is the only thing he really loves and appreciates and my daughters and I bond in the kitchen.

We make ornaments for each other every year, possibly the highlight of our little family's Christmas as we draw names (only four of us) and the rules are it has to be handmade with only things we have around the house. The creativity and excitement is adorable, even at 10 and 14 my girls still love this tradition.

A family picture of a special moment in a cute frame is a great gift.

I give a "box of books" to my girls at least once a year. Thriftbooks.com, Amazon (bought one for .01 plus $3.50 shipping this year) and thrift stores are great places for nearly new, current books on the cheap. I think these are some of the sweetest gifts they've ever received and will remember forever.

I know it's late to do SOME of this stuff but I bet you can come up with something. Don't let materialism in others change the way you feel about Christmas. Be proud of what you have and let it show, talk about what you said in your post openly to your family. You should feel no shame, only pride that your happiness comes from a life well lived, not out of a box.

If you truly mean what you say-you are beyond rich, you are the embodiment of Christmas, your family should want your "presence"-not just "presents"-and...you may be bragging just a bit! God Bless You and Your Family and have a Blessed and Merry Christmas!

I had to look at your address and name to make sure that you were not a neice speaking about MY FAMILY!

You will not be lying when you call because you are SICK of them!

You still have time to go to a mall and see what gifts/items have been marked down 40%, 50%, or more, now that Christmas is actually here and the merchants need to get rid of their Xmas overstock. Many stores started the big mark downs already this last week. I bought a few things for my husband's grandma, so we could send her a Xmas care package (she lives in a retirement home), and found some nice things for very little money (she'll get her surprise box before New Years).

Do you bake? Why not make some of your favorite things--breads, cookies, jellies or jams, maybe homemade truffles or chocolates/candy--and give those as gifts? Many people have no time to do any cooking or baking themselves and would cherise getting some homemade goodies. Give everyone a little care package of various things, done up festive and bright.

My husband and I hit Bass Pro Shop in Altoona, IA, right after Thanksgiving (just because we were there, visiting his family). Found beautiful gifts for my dad--2 long-sleeve T-shirts with wildlife motifs that went all the way around the chest area, and a long-sleeve dress shirt with a hunting/deer motif all over it. All three together were almost $90; we got them for less than $40. Nice, nice gifts but we paid almost nothing for them and they were within our budget. My dad knew he'd gotten a windfall, because he knows how much that stuff costs. And we let him know he was just lucky this year, that we'd found a BIG sale.

At the same place, we found a sweater for my neice that was $58 and we got it for $25. A Columbia long-sleeve shirt/sweater for my nephew was $75 and we got it for $25. Nice, nice presents--and we paid for them within our budget. All you have to do is look. You'll find sales--and nice things. I'm just giving you examples of what I found; you can find stuff within your budget limit too.

Same with quite a few of the presents we bought this year for our family. We just happened to find something that person would like, and it just happened to be on a great sale. So that person(s) got a great gift, and we barely paid anything for it! Win, win, for both that person and us!

I am seeing really, really good deals on quite a few things in the stores this Xmas season. I bet if you really looked, you could find $20 gifts for $10 or less, or $10 for $5 or less.

Our family also has "a threshold" we use when buying, especially for the neices and nephews. It used to be $20, but with everyone getting older and the price going on up stuff (damn inflation), everyone's bumped it to $30 or $40 a person. BUT. Because we find most of the gifts we give on sale, we give them gifts that equal $30 or $40--but we don't spend that much.

It is a win for them, and a win for us. We don't stress over it. And now that the neices and nephews are getting older, they mostly just want the money anyway. Makes shopping soooo much easier. LOL

This isn't supposed to be a stressful time of year; it's supposed to be full of laughter, hope, sharing, and good cheer. Don't stress yourself out over stuff that doesn't have much to do in the big picture of life. Enjoy the season, the friends, the family. Let the other stuff roll off your back.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and happy holidays, everyone, however you celebrate this special time of the year!

that is really sad.

would it really be so bad to just say (after christmas, maybe in january) "hey you know what, i think we really need to downscale christmas. we should only do a $20 limit next year." someone suggested that in our family and it was really nice. plus we started drawing names. so that was even better.

it's sad that you feel this way about your family. but you are an adult. try not to let it get you down. you could also have been shopping all year, knowing they are this way and what they expect. but in the end, YOU know the real meaning of christmas. focus on that. good luck. i know that being broke at christmas sucks - we have been there many times! it really won't get better (no matter your income) until you are prepared and it doesn't stress you out so much. but you can do things, like i mentioned, to make it easier on yourself. hang in there!

one doesn't need to ludge other...do what you can in your heart...and leave it their..

I much prefer white elephant party gifts and have given and gotten hysterical things. My sister and I no longer exchange presents and decided to make a donation to a charity in each others name. Maybe you could suggest that to your family and remind them of the real meaning of christmas! We basically give gifts to the little kids in the family and my elderly mother. With any decision, be true to yourself and remember that it's not the cost or size of the gift that's important, it's the thought and enjoyment of giving.