Moms of teens...do Your Kids Make It Sound like Everything Is Horrible?

I think I would just listen. I wouldn't let her be rude to me though.
My SD would come home from sports & activities and complain about every single person every night but she had friends. She was a late bloomer in making friends (high school).
I would listen, give advice when asked and not ask questions.
Maybe she's not enjoying high school (not everyone does due to the social cliques), is moody, is trying to navigate friendships and social nuances/interactions w/other teens. It can be a rough time for all teens. Just listen to her venting & be supportive. Only give advice when asked OR when you really see it needs to be given. Otherwise just listen. Let her talk.
Part of it is normal, part of it is a personality type. Just listen to support her.

She is not wanting a solution. She wants to vent. So just listen and let her know you care about how she feels. Be empathetic.

If she's doing this for sympathy, it shows she needs sympathy. She needs you to understand/accept that she's having a difficult time. She needs reassurance that you love her enough to just listen. I suggest that sometimes you reflect her feelings back to her by saying such things as, "I know you're having a rough time." My adult daughter and teen grandchild hate for me to ask questions while they're venting. They don't want a solution. I try to just listen. It's hard to do the first few times. I'm finally able to just listen without making an comments.

I suggest you set a boundary that helps you. Such as I'll listen for 10 minutes and after that we'll talk about something else. After school is common time for decompressing. She's a teen. Drama is to be expected.

She keeps repeating her complaints because she doesn't feel heard. I suggest that if you can be a compassionate listener some of the time she will complain less.

I've learned to only listen with a few ums and ohs, letting her know you've heard. I remain emotionally unconnected. Parents are not responsible to change the way kids feel. I suggest you just accept that she feels this way at the moment.

I urge you to read How To Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber. There is one focused on teens.

I suggest that her unhappiness is in part caused by her not having friends. She is complaining to you because she doesn't have the outlet of complaining with friends. I suggest finding a way to help her make friends. Is she involved in school related clubs or sports? What are her interests?. Perhaps you could encourage her get involved. Perhaps invite a classmate to have a "playdate" after school. Perhaps have her invite someone to see a movie with her. Perhaps take a friend for a snack after school. Encourage her to invite someone she'd like to be friends with.

I think she's just going through a stage where she wants to vent.
She makes it sound like she hates everything - but I don't think she really does.
She's just running her mouth.
Often the mouth runs before the brain engages.
Teens can get caught up in topping stories.
"If you think that was bad, well let me tell you, practice was the WORST!".

Don't ask questions about specifics so much.
You respond with 'uh huh', 'that's interesting', and 'and how did that make you feel?'.
Take what she says with a grain of salt.

It's the teen version of our culture's "human nature". Ask an adult "how are you", and - most of the time - the most positive response you'll receive is: "oh fine, just busy". The stressed/negative angle becomes increased the closer you are to the person: "I've just been so tired lately"; "Bill's shoulder injury has been acting up again", etc etc. Feelings of Disney-Princess-style joy are not widely discussed...which is why many religions remind us to "remember our blessings" and such.

Just let her vent, unless something specific comes up. The same way that when an adult says "I'm just so busy" it does not require a deep examination of "why" the person is so busy.

Yes and it sucks. As the mom you just get dumped on and then told "I don't want/need your help." Over, and over, and over :-(
With my older daughter it was like this pretty much from 6th grade through high school, and she didn't start her period until she was 14.
Good luck, hopefully it won't be too bad or last too long.

My teen stepdaughter is similar. She can go on and on but we don't let her get going too much. She will wind herself but not find a good place to land so we help curtail the venting before it takes too much flight. We listen noncommittally, let the venting carry on for a bit, and then shut it down with a kind turn of conversational topic. Very rarely do either of us butt in with questions or comments with real substance. A lot of 'oh yeah', 'mmm hmm', 'really', etc. I believe sometimes when your voice feels very small it is nice to have a sympathetic ear but it should be well understood there are limits to how long the ear can and should listen. Venting is about letting out the stream of stresses and then turning the flow to a more positive note. Whining and venting are not the same thing in my book. When our teen ventures into 'life's not fair and everyone sucks' territory, we take the opportunity to correct the whining on display. It is okay to have a vent session; it is not okay to have a pity party.

she does sound moody and prone to adolescent dramatics.

not the end of the world.

use the good old tried and true mirroring techniques. don't offer her solutions, or even try to elicit more information. not that there's anything wrong with that, but she's clearly indicated that's not what she wants.

just say 'what i'm hearing, honey, is that you're not enjoying this science class much.' don't include a question, or solutions. just validate her.

but it's also okay to say, 'i'm not okay with you speaking to me like that.'

she gets to ride her teenage roller coaster, but family courtesy should always be expected.
khairete
S.

No freaking way! First off, I've taught my kids since toddlers not to use the word hate, it's just an awful word, so negative. Also taught them throughout their lives to be positive, make their own happiness, it comes from within. Don't be winers and blamers. They are taught to appreciate things. Honestly, your daughter sounds like a whiny, mean brat. It's ok to have feelings (of course) but it's not ok to behave in such a rude way, even to YOU!!! "shuts you down", um, ya, that's not an option in our house, we treat each other with respect. Sounds like she needs a crash course in it. DD almost 14, DS almost 16.

I can totally relate to what you are experiencing. I have a 15 yr old daughter who is freshman in high school and 13 yr old son in middle school. My daughter has had to find new friends at school as her friends that she use to hang out with are now drinking and smoking pot. It is a very difficult age and she is finding out what a true friend is really like . So many changes in their lives : social , emotional , physical...
She is interested in boys but is very shy. Many times I just take her for a ride in my car when I am running errands and try to talk with her. I took her to get her nails done last week and she was very chatty. Everyday is a new day.. sometimes she wakes up crappy and some days she is my sweet daughter that I remembered 😊
My mother constantly reminds me of what I was like at this age and it helps me stay grounded . Time is flying by so fast as she will get her drivers permit next month ... makes me happy and sad ... mixed emotions...
I just try to take it one day at a time as I have no control over what happens tomorrow 🌷
Hope this help!

She’s a teen girl, they hate everything no matter what.
It’s probably just her age.