Mean Girls in 3Rd Grade

Nowadays they call that bullying and should be addressed with the teacher and counselor at school. If you are afraid if she does it it will add full, then you call and talk to one of them. good luck!

Ugh, girls are so mean! At least with boys, they throw a few punches and it's all over. Girls engage in psychological warfare!

I think first of all, this is a good opportunity to remind your daughter that this is why we shouldn't make fun of people, it hurts their feelings. It sounds like she already has that quality, which is great. Unfortunately, a lot of nice people do tend to get pushed around because they are afraid of EVER hurting someone else's feelings. My sister was like that; she got pushed around and taken advantage of a lot because she never stood up for herself. She always wanted to be liked, ar at least have the illusion of being liked. I was the opposite. If someone was a mean person, I didn't care if they liked me, because I didn't like THEM. And I didn't care if they called me names, because I thought so little of them that their opinions of me meant squat. This might be a good time to teach your daughter that not everyone will like her, no matter how wonderful she is. Some people are just plain mean, and they are usually friends with other mean people and that's it. Remind her that she shouldn't care about what those girls say because they are not nice. And taht she shouldn't bother being nice to them. She shouldn't be mean, she should just ignore them. You could coach your daughter to come back with some kind of retort that puts them in their place, if they start with her. Like next time they make some snotty comment about her weight, she should say something like, "Yeah, well, I can lose weight, but you'll always be a cruel mean person" or "It's pretty pathetic that you need to make fun of me to make yourself feel cool" or something like that. When they see that she's mildly annoyed at best and not feeling bad about herself but looking down on THEM, it takes a lot of the fun out of it for them. EVen if she needs to fake it, she should do that. She needs to realize that the problem is not with her whatsoever; it's with them. She should think about what qualities she admires and would like in her friends, seek kids out that have those qualities, and chuck those that don't. If all else fails, get the school involved. You pay good money to send your kids to a private school, and this kind of garbage should not be tolerated by the school. Odds are they are little brats to other kids too. The school wouldn't have to mention her name or anything, just say that they have noticed behavior from them towards other classmates that will not be tolerated. One last thing, get her Bill O'Reilly's "The O'Reilly Factor for Kids" to read. He has a whole chapter devoted to Bullies and another chapter devoted to friends. It was actually written for teens and deals with a whole host of issues, some of which, honestly, are probably a bit too mature for your daughter, but you could check it our from the library and read it yourself first, and if you find the chapters on bullies and friends worthwhile, you could have your daughter just read those.

Good luck, this is no fun. Mean kids are the worst! I swear, if I ever find out my son treats someone like these girls are treating your daughter, I will pinch his little head off!

M.

I would first and foremost speak to the administration and teacher. I am a teacher myself, and I would want to be aware of (any form of) "bullying" going on. I would continue to do what you are doing, teaching your daughter to be the bigger and better person. Kill them with kindness! More students will learn to respect how your daughter behaves and treats them rather than the other way around. Make sure your daughter is true to herself and knows what she is doing is the RIGHT thing to do...
Good luck.

E.
I don't have any children that age but I think you are doing the right thing. It's very important that a child be proud of herself and have self esteem...and it sounds like you are doing a great job of helping her with that!! I think that you really should help her become close friends with a group of girls. The more friends she has the less that the girls will pick on her and then she will have more people to be there with her when they do. Keep up the good work it sounds like you have a grest littler girl on your hands!!
A.

I would think especially because this is a private school that you could speak to a teacher or administrator about these girl's behavior. Perhaps a lesson in being a good citizen in their curriculum would be in order! :)

E., its a private school, you pay for your daughter to attend, you need to address this with teachers and principal, this behavior is unacceptable at any school, but when you pay for a private school you have can speak up a little louder.
As for me, when this began with my daughter I put her into a sport, I know your daughter is cheering, but I put my daughter in swimming, where everyone had the same love...swimming... and those are where she has made the best of friends, the kids at school are now jealous and want to be her friends because she is really good at swimming, so find something she can succeed at, and her self esteem will soar and she will make friends that accept her that way she is and appreciate her no matter what.

You know I was tormented as a child cause I just didn't fit in. Nothing anyone could say would comfort me. To be honest I dread the day I send my children to school. My husband also had troubles. He has Asperger's syndrome though. He doesn't understand social norms or body language. So naturally he stuck out like a sore thumb. With him to improve his self esteem his parents put him in martial arts. Worked beautifully. Best thing they could have done. He was confidant and no one bullied or made fun of him anymore. He was no longer an easy target. Unfortunately for me I didn't stop Getting tormented until i met him. He stuck up for me and made me feel like a had a leg to stand on. So I would say for me I needed a good friend who would stand by me and tell them to leave me alone. They all did to. Didn't take long of him telling them to get lost for them to do just that and move on to there next target. So enroll her in school functions with girls or guys that have something in commen with her. If she has a passion for theater put her in drama classes. It helps if she does things were she feels comfortable and on everyones level. Then she will make friends easily and they will get her and want to help her and defend her. I know that is what i needed just someone to say, that was on my level, that this wasn't right and wasn't gonna happen anymore.

I am having the same problems with my daughter who is also in the thrid grade she has a girl as school who constantly bullys her and I think it maybe should be addressed with the teachers. Girls are terribly mean and I get so upset because the moms of these girls dont want to do anything at all about it. I let my daughter go to the park one day and there were two girls pushing her and calling her names and not letting her play on the equiptment she came home in tears so I went to see what was going on and there sat these girls moms watching the girls do this? I was mortified I told my daughter that we were going home because we dont need to be around little girls that are bullys loud enough for the moms to hear...and they were actually offended... maybe wrong of me to do but I was so angry at them for letting this happen. I told my daughter she always has to be the bigger person and just walk away I told her she is beautiful and that her friends and family think that she is a amazing person and that is all that matters. I also told her to stay away from the girls saying bad things and to just play with her friends and that has seemed to help her a little but I would talk to the teacher about it too some girls can be so mean and just keep picking cause they kow it hurts their victim! The honest truth is that they just have to learn to deal with it because we cant follow them to school everyday to protect them. (as much as we would like to) all you can really do I think is just make sure she knows she is loved!

Bullies are unfortunately always around, but it is great that you are working with your daughter on loving and respecting herself. Have you heard of Girls on the Run? It is a national program for girls in 3rd-5th grade and sponsored by the schools. It teaches girls to love and respect their bodies just the way they are and also teaches girls to work as a team. They also train for a 5k race. They teach them to do their best-it's not about winning its about finishing the race whether you walk or run. Look under www.girlsontherun.org.
good luck!

Hi E....I know your pain...my daughter too had trouble with mean girls in 3rd grade. She was overweight and kids are mean! She is now in 8th grade and one of the more popular girls, but from then to now it was a very long road!!! I did did everything I could to boost her self esteem, but she thought it was just because she was "fat" that she wasn't popular. Shopping trips would end in tears because of her weight, we cried together many times from hurt feelings from girls at school BUT I always told her no matter how mean girls or kids are to you, don't be mean back, because you know first hand how terrible it feels.
I got her involved in with the swim team, and I will tell you she dropped 20 lbs in that first summer!!! She really started feeling good about herself. When on the team in the summer / fall they have you in the water for 2 hours doing 4-5 days a week for excercises and laps and this helped in 2 areas, getting thinner and releasing frustrating with excercise. She bacame a very good swimmer too!
Now she is in 8th grade she is a size 5, thin and beautiful, inside and out!!! She even won the crown for "Miss pre-Teen Indianapolis 2005-06" last september.
One special thing I did do for her every year, (and she still doesn't know it was me), on Valentines day when all the "thin, pretty" girls were getting the little roses they can buy and give to each other and the lollipops, I would have a single pink rose sent to her from the florist with a note " I'm too shy to tell you, but I think you are very pretty" unsigned.She would bring it home proud as a peacock thinking a special boy sent it to her And for 4 years 2nd - 6th) I would have a different saying with the rose, but never signed it. That was always good for the self esteem in February. She is well like now by those "mean girls" now because she always is nice to all people...she know what it feels like to be picked on and has never done it...she is the one now who stands up to bullys for others and tells them, "just ignore them, they have to act that way to make themselves feel better, because they have no self esteem"
I hope this helps. It will get better for her, Just keep supporting her and be honest with her.

I am not sure about private schools but I do know that the public schools have enlisted NO BULLYING! Since this seems to be an on going situation I would go up and talk with the teacher or principal. I had a similar situation last school yr with my 5th grader only he was getting hit and kicked on the way home from school but he was still on school property. Since it was so crowed with so many students walking at the same time the teachers monitoring outside was unable to notice it. After acouple weeks I was in the office twice and the third time I requested that I speak with the resouce officer. It was taken care of immediately and there were no more issues. The principal was out the first time I went in for a family emergency so I understood why it was not addressed sooner. Hope this helps. Also, tell your daughter that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Beauty is only skin deep and as I tell my kids "Pretty is what pretty does." You can be the most beautiful person in town but if you have a bad attitude, your looks don't mean anything. Besides if the world only had one shape for everyone bodies the earth would be a very boring place. My 13 yr old boy got pretty "husky" between medications, pubery, and laziness over the winters and he is very self consciece. We tell him he is not fat but fluffy. If he doesn't like how he looks then that is one thing that he can help control. He can do sit ups, and more exercising then just riding his bike and running around with his friends. Good Luck.

You should tell your child to say I wouldn't say that to you that is hurting my feelings and if it does not stop call the school princabal

What school does your daughter go to? I have a niece that goes to a christian school in the third grade. If they attend the same school maybe we could get them together if they are not already friends?????

Is there any chance it is possible for you or that you would be interested in homeschooling? It seems the bullying and "mean girl" attitude out there just keeps getting worse. I have a twelve year old who has a large group of friends her age. They are all homeschooled, and I am so thankful we don't have that problem with them. There are around 12 or 13 of them, all between the ages of 10 and 13, but we rarely see any cattiness between them. I think it's because the peer pressure in home schooling is just the opposite. Everyone is horrified that (fill in the name) said (fill in the blank) to (fill in the name), even if it was just a little bit catty. Thank God, it's just not done. I know not everyone can homeschool, but I wanted to make you aware of the option. Email me privately if you have questions.

I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. I MYSELF HAVE AN BLOSSOMED DAUGHTER. ALSO IN THIRD GRADE,(2 YEARS AGO) THE SAME THING HAPPENED. I TOLD MINE THAT SHE WAS LIKE A ROSE. SHE WAS ALREADY STARTING TO BLOSSOM, WHILE THE OTHERS (SKINNY) WERE STILL JUST THE BUDS AND HAVEN'T START TO BLOOM YET. TO HER THIS MUST OF MEANT THE WORLD BECAUSE I HEAR HER TELLING OTHER GIRLS THAT TO WHEN THEY ARE MADE FUN OF. MY WHOLE FAMILY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PLUMP AND I KNOW HOW THESE GIRLS FEEL TO BE MADE FUN OF.

Get her into an activity that is not so focused on how she looks. I think cheerleading is a blight on little girls lives. I never wanted my daughter to cheerlead and I don't want my sons dating cheerleaders. Look for another activity where she can focus on learning a special skill that will give her confidence. I highly recommend Irish dancing. She's at a good age to start and it's such a special skill that she can work at for decades. Just Google Irish dancing for your area. I hope you'll find a school to check out.