Dear M.,
Martin Luther King once said, "It is not the brutality of the bad, but the silence of the good that destroys us. The good should never remain silent." I applaud your tenacity in taking steps to protect and support your daughter against the bullying tactics being used. If you are dissatisfied with the results in the classroom the next step is to go to the principal. Skip the counselor. You don't have time for the complete hierarchy. Let him know the situation and let him/her know that your next stop is the school superintendent if something isn't done to stop the bullying immediately. Most parents have more power than they realize. Don't be afraid to use it. If you don't attend PTSA, you might consider joining and making your voice count.
Don't let them pull your daughter out of that class. Don't let them insinuate that it is your daughter that needs to change in some way. That tends to displace the responsibility for eliminating the behavoir on the victim rather than the bully. It enables the bully to continue with even more aggression. The parents should be notified by the school of the reason for her removal. If anyone goes, it should be the bully. The bully should also be counseled on her behavior to teach her about the effects it will have on her future, and they should also monitor the aggressive student to make sure that consequences and education are effective. The focus should be on the choices that were made, and the alternatve choices that were available.
The interview of the aggressor should include discovering the reason for their behavior. What goal were they trying to reach? Is there anyway to reach that goal without hurting anyone? However, that is not your job. that is the school's responsibility.
Please keep in mind that bullys are made, not born. The child that is being aggressive may not realize that what she is doing is wrong. She's more than likely repeating behavior she has seen or been subjected to herself.
When your daughterfinds herself in this situation again, she could do one of the following: 1) say loudly, STOP IT! 2) turn her back and walk away as if it doesn't bother her or as if she wasn't aware of what was said or done 3) immediately tell the teacher.
Your daughter should 1) remember that she is not alone 2) that it is not her fault 3) not stop doing the things she enjoys doing 4) Stick to the kids that are her friends 5) never, never bully anyone else.
The bully is in a power play, but they can only "win" if you give them the right to do so. Letting them see that their tactics are working gives them greater power and nobody has the right to take your daughters right to a safe learning environment. No one has the right to destroy her self worth.
Our children are our most precious commodities and hold our future in their hands. It is the responsibility of all adults, parents or not, to see to it that they are given the values that will best protect us all.
Blessings