My 9 Year Old Daughter Hates School

I think that you need to put her in some sort of martial arts class where she will learn some confidence in herself. She needs to find her voice and stand up for herself.

I would talk to the teacher, and principal in person, explain to them how she feels, this is bullying and now they are taking better response to things like this....if you see this is not working transfer to another school, but don't homeschool she need friends and to learn to interact with the rest of the world, tae kwon do is a great idea they teach self confidence ....

I would consult a play therapist. The somatic issues would be cause to get some theraputic assistance. You want to be sure that she is not becoming depressed too, see a psychiatrist if the play therapist suggests it.

What the girls did was called retaliation, and there should be a program at school the holds that particular bullying behavior to a higher diciplinary standard. You could write to the school and request a copy of thier bullying and harrasment policy. You will have the principal's attention.

I hope that you will respond to the next person who writes a question about your expereince in holding your daughter back in Kindergarten, and will encourage other Moms on this site to send their kids to school on time.

I hope she feels better about things soon, and I am glad that, at the very least, she is not having the academic issues assoicated with being held back.

M.

Your poor daughter! It sounds like she has been bullied far too long at school. As a teacher myself, that is unacceptable and I am sorry you have had to deal with that.

Now for advice, it might be good to look into homeschooling or transfering her to another school in the district. I can say for sure that it is hard for her to learn in that kind of environment and since it doesn't sound like it is going to change anytime soon with that principal. Your daughter's best interest would be to get out of that situation.

Take her out of the shool, Keeping her in an environment that you have no support from will only effect you and child more and more overtime. I have been through this myself. Look into sholarships to private shools and transfer to other local shools. Don't be told you can not transfer, go over their head to district admininstration office for the transfer. Keep your child involved, very involved with education options and yet not letting her have her way when things get tough, but things being tough and bullying are too different things. You be in charge not the school. Good luck to you!

If it were me, knowing what I know now, I would not leave my child in that environment. I would either homeschool, or change schools, and I would help my daughter develop her unique interests where she can excel and learn how to find other kids with whom she is compatible.

While I would not panic, I would NOT underestimate the long-term effects of this situation on my child.

Good luck and hope you guys can come to the best resolution for your daughter.

This is a tough situation. But, it is also an opportunity (regardless of what you decide about shooling).

By that I mean an opportunity for you to help your daughter develop strategies for handling problems. As was suggested in a previous post, seeing a therapist may be useful (for both you and her).

It can be tempting to rush in and "save" your child. But the life skills she needs to develop are also important to think about. I hope that whatever the outcome, she gains greater resiliency, because this will not be the only hurdle she will face in life.

Another strategy I've heard of is having your daughter call out the mean girls for what they are: bully. Example, if she's getting bullied, she can tell a teacher in the room, "Ms. Smith, please meet my bully" (instead of "Ashley called me fat," which sounds like a tattle).

I'll pretend that the bully's name is Ashley. Somehow, putting a label on the bully, that is, calling Ashley a bully right to her face and if front of other people, surprises Ashley enough to make her realize what she's become. ("Hey everyone, look! My bully is here!") Once other kids look at Ashley weirdly, it gives your daughter power. If your daughter can manage to state that Ashley is a bully clearly and without emotion, all the better.

When I was a kid, this technique worked for me, although I didn't figure it out until about 10th grade. I wonder if it will work in 3rd grade?

P.S. If the guidance counselor and principal don't take bullying seriously, then you need to tell them that they are wrong. Always try to be calm and rational when you speak.

Three strategies: One, stand up for your daughter, label these other girls as bullies, and put a stop to what's been going. Two, homeschool. Three, put her into a different school. With open enrollment pretty much a given all over the United States, you should be able to find another school to put your daughter into.

At this age, kids should enjoy school and the social interaction they get from attending. If she is getting bullied that bad that she's making herself sick so that she doesn't have to attend school--and the teachers, principal, superintendent, etc., aren't doing anything to help the situation--then it's perhaps time to think about a different school. It will help her self-esteem immensely.

Your poor daughter! I can't imagine how horrible she feels inside every day. Is there another school nearby with open enrollment you could transfer her to?

I would look into transferring her to another school. Your school district might have the bullying policy online. I would also go to to the district and question why they would hold back a child just because she is shy. If she was doing the school work then that should not have really been a reason to hold her back. It really doesn't sound like the teachers or principal are looking out for the best interest of your daughter! I like the idea of the marital arts classes. If for no other reason but to give her a place to go with peers that accept her!

She is being bullied point blank. I heard of a woman who's daughter was being bullied and the school did nothing about it. She took it to another level and got a restraining order on the little boy. Take control of the situation. The parents of the other kids and the school need to step in and make it stop. If not, you turn into mama bear and do what you have to do.

Label it by calling the kids a bully and get a restraining order. It's also not so far fetched to switch schools. Kids in kindergarten latch on to ideas and carry them throughout. My daugher is cryer and cries when she messes up. Her teacher pulled me aside and told me that she worries that the other kids will label her as a cry baby. So we've been working on having her manage her emotions. Things like that stick.

Hoping you find a peaceful resolution and that your daughter will be ok.

Get her involved in something she does like and do it with her. Like maybe joining girlscouts. They work on building self-esteem and recognize each person is unique. Your daughter needs to first realize she is unique, not bad or stupid or too tall - she needs to focus on what makes her different and unique and learn to appreciate these differences in herself. Kids at this age do not realize that the same girls who are making fun of her now may gain 200 pounds after high school or contract a life-threatening disease - that is too far off and 9 yr olds don't look that far ahead.

My daughter, who is now 15, was always the largest girl in her class - we were shopping for plus sizes for her when her skinny classmates were mean & teasing. She was very hard on herself for a long time, but we started piano lessons and took a photography class together. I even taught her how to sew - these were all things she could do by herself or with a friend if she chose to. We also took a self-esteem class (they offer those through scouts and some local counseling and hospital education departments). I wanted her to lose weight for her own health, so we also watched shows on health problems that occur from being overweight.

She is now in high school, takes photos for the yearbook, has many friends, continues to play the piano and feels good about herself. It has taken many years to get to this point, but by emphasizing her good points like her height or her eye color she can see these and build self esteem.

The principle, teachers and counselors need to be aware of the continued harassment and enforce a "no bullying" policy at the school - with so many students who have unresolved problems that lead to school shootings and student suicide this should be mandatory. If they don't listen - it is time to go to the schoolboard! Homeschooling your daughter I believe would only teach her to run away from her fears and not confront them or deal with them and she will need those coping skills the rest of her life.

Talk to the school guidance counselor immediately. Check out the anti-bullying rules for your school district, make the principal and her teacher understand that there is a problem and there needs to be a plan to address this situation. Go to the school district if you don't get their support. We had a minor version of this when my daughter was younger but we had a great guidance counselor, teacher, and principal and it was very well handled.

Don't give up on her school yet, unless you really want to home school. I think it's an important message to tell our kids that bullying is not acceptable and that we (parents, teachers, etc.) will stand up for them and support them.

I'm sorry to hear that. K.I is right, it is bullying and you should talk to her teacher or principle in person. I want to share with you the protection I have for my daughter. I provided her a panic button on her cell phone that in case she needs help, she's being bullied or threatened by her classmates she will just press it and her trusted friends and family members will be notified. It gives more confidence to my daughter knowing that her loved ones can be reached by just a press of the panic button when she needs help. There are other features also that would help your daughter avoid danger. If you want to check out, this is their site http://Safekidzone.com/

This is just awful. I'm wondering if maybe she makes friends outside of her school district..
Maybe go to a church that is big on kids, to get her involved. She would make good friends there...and she'd get involved in wholesome things along with a sense of belonging. She'd also learn how to deal with "bullies" somewhat..
At least she'd have friends. Good luck.

Updated

This is just awful. I'm wondering if maybe she makes friends outside of her school district..
Maybe go to a church that is big on kids, to get her involved. She would make good friends there...and she'd get involved in wholesome things along with a sense of belonging. She'd also learn how to deal with "bullies" somewhat..
At least she'd have friends. Good luck.

Updated

This is just awful. I'm wondering if maybe she makes friends outside of her school district..
Maybe go to a church that is big on kids, to get her involved. She would make good friends there...and she'd get involved in wholesome things along with a sense of belonging. She'd also learn how to deal with "bullies" somewhat..
At least she'd have friends. Good luck.

A lot of good replies here, but I feel I have to point out that simply transferring your daughter without helping to develop self esteem or social skills is not going to be helpful. I don't know of any schools that are completely bully free...
I went through this with my daughter as well-she has always been very sensitive and would cry when kids were mean which was like fuel on the fire!! She only had a few friends. We did transfer to a new school, but there were mean kids there too. The teachers tended to blame her for being overly sensitive and often ignored what was going on, claiming that the kids needed to learn conflict resolution on their own (Where's the TEACHING here??). We ended up finding a wonderful counselor, who taught my daughter all kinds of stratagies to deal with bullies, and taught me ways to help build my daughter's self esteem. I took a lot of this information back to my daughters school and demanded that they intervene immediatly. I actually had to get them all sitting down in one room to force my point-that this wasn't something minor, my daughter was starting to physically suffer from the bullying going on and I wasnt going away until the situation was addressed.
They now have small groups that meet with the guidance counselor once a week for 20 minutes. It gives the kids a chance to meet with the counselor in a small group setting, where it's easier to build relationships and they can talk openly about whatever they want. They do self esteem building projects and learn how to develop social relationships and handle conflict. Both of my daughters have a "buddy" at school which is an adult teacher. Once a month, the kids get to eat lunch with their buddy. It's just an opportunity for the kids to feel special. There is hope. My little girl joined the running club after school, and ran the Cellcom Mini Marathon last year. She ran with a small group of kids from school, and I think crossing that finish line boosted her self esteem through the roof!
Talk to your daughter's school. Tell them that you're not giving up and you need them to intervene and help your child. Keep going up the ladder if you're not getting anywhere with teachers. Get her involved in as much as you can. There are often wonderful AFFORDABLE classes through your community center or YMCA. Help her make friends. Find out if your daughter has friends she's comfortable with, or ask her teacher if she notices your daughter hanging around or talking to anyone, and invite them over for just a few hours at a time - I realized too much too soon isn't always good!! And most importantly, ALWAYS, EVERY DAY, EVERY NIGHT let your little girl know how beautiful, brilliant, and loved she is.

I would find a way to make her size an advantage. My almost 9 year-old daughter is large for her age and she has been training in Karate since she was 5. She realizes that her size is in her favor and has learned to speak up and defend herself.

Is Baltic a fairly small town? If so, then even if there is another school, she will not avoid these bullies by switching schools or homeschooling. You have gotten lots of advice about working with the school about the bullying, so I would sugest also working to teach your daughter specific strategies about dealing with them.