Need Help W/ 9 Yr Old and Friends, Bullies Etc

I agree w/Diana. I don't know that I'd really consider it bullying, given that she is actively seeking these girls out, and continues to allow herself to be targeted. Have you thought about maybe enrolling her is some type of self esteem class? Or maybe finding some kid books on the subject? It sounds like she really wants these girls to like her, and to her own detriment. Please, help her learn healthy friendships & self love while she's young.

Two things come to mind: 1) Your daughter needs to understand that, no, she does not have to get along with everyone or like everyone. In fact, she can flat out tell "mean" girls that they are not friend material. If you figure out where your daughter's need for approval is coming from, perhaps you can help her with this - perhaps she just needs your permission to not be nice all the time along with some modeling of how to do this effectively? 2) Contact the teacher and the guidance counselor asap - I would send and e-mail for documentation purposes, and be very descriptive about what your daughter is experiencing and who is involved, as well as your guess about whether there might be a specific girl taking the lead. Try to convey a mix of concern, openness to intervention, and seriousness - a friendly reminder of zero tolerance for bullying never hurts. Request that the girls problem solve with the counselor as a first step. The trick with bullies is to make it not worth their time to pursue, both via your daughter's reaction and by the consequences (i.e., meeting with counselor, having to talk about it, possibly getting in trouble). If your daughter continues to want to interact with these girls (i.e., need for approval), you might want to set her up with a therapist to help her figure out why this is! Good luck to you!

Children are mean, They don't think......My daughters friends do the same to her, I have had to end some relationships with some of her friends also.. or ground her from seeing them. I have spoke to her teacher and she keeps an eye on them at school which help and she relates back to me anything that happens at the school, They don't take Bulling easy these days, they do something about it right away. Is it only one school she has been too? or? Has she tried joining some extra sports/activities outta school? Then she can see what nice kids are like and not wanna hang out with the ones that treat her rude.? On a positive note, seems like your daughter opens up to you and tells you these things are happening. have you tried talking to the school?/teacher?/those kids parents?

4th grade is sure where it starts. The bullies see her kindness as a weakness and go after it. Some schools are better for keeping the peace. If talking to the teacher did not help then try switching classes to give your child relief. But it wont end because you need to teach your child self-confidence and strength. I had to switch my daughters school because of a bully. If the bully is a pta kids bully you wont have a chance. If its in public school and the teacher and the principle cannot help you can go after the school board because Florida does hae the anti-bullying program. Explain she cant be nice to these girls and if they start telling on her she has to be annoying and start tattling on the kids. A letter sent certified to the public school stating that the school is not protecting her from bullies. This will put the spot light onthe kid who caused the trouble. You need to keep going to the school each and every time and cc the school board.

I also have a 9 yr old daughter in 4th grade. We went through this every year until this year. My daughter finally realized on her own that the girls who are nice one day, and not the next are not really her friends. We were lucky that some new girls came to her school this year, and she seems to have hit it off with them. Does your daughter do any activities at school? If not, that might be a good way for her to get to know other girls that she has something in common with. Does she go to a small school? Is she in class with the same kids each year? Sometimes it helps if you can request that she not be in the same class with the bullies. If all else fails, report it to the teacher and principal. My kids' school has a strict anti-bullying policy. Kids shouldn't be allowed to get away with being mean. Good luck!

My son is going through something similar his first year of middle school. It actually got physical on the bus and I had to involve the school and the district bus safety coordinator. You might want to alert the teacher and/or school counselor as to what's going on. The school counselor has been helpful for me and my son. Here is a website I found helpful: http://www.bullying.org. It has suggestions for how bullied kids can respond and protect themselves. I have other websites if you want to send me a PM, but I found that one especially useful. Ironically, this is anti-bullying week. Oh, my son wouldn't listen to my advice either ("you don't know everything, Mom"), but he is paying attention to the school counselor and he read the material I gave him from that website.

My suggestion is to read the book called Queeen Bees. Have her look them straight in the face and say "You will not bully me, you are a bully!" as firm as possible and if it is done with a teacher around even better.

Talk to the principal and school board if need be and start documenting everything so they know you mean business. We are having an anti bullying guest speaker at our school. I think they need something like that at your school where the parents have to attend sessions so their eyes are opened to this behavior - a lot of parents are in denial and say, oh, my kid wouldn't pick on someone, not my kid...

I agree about having her take karate lessons too and be more assertive and tell everyone she's not going to put up with it. The first step is for her to speak up loudly.

My son is the same way. He is in 2nd grade and is very calm and sweet, unlike most boys his age. But i just went to a birthday party with him and noticed how he looks for the approval of the "bad" kids. I just keep telling him how great he is and that he does not need "friends" that bully him. I described to him what a real friend is and how he wants people in his life that like him just for him, that he does not need to gain approval, just be himself and the real friends will find him. Hope this helps, i know how upset i was when i saw this behavior and hope for both our sakes that they will grow out of it and gain the confidence to just be great kids.