Son Being Picked On

If the school and the parents can not help or do not help, the next thing I would do is go to the authorities and let them know what is going on. Tell them that you need some help with resolving this problem, maybe just the presence of the police at their door will get their attention. Good luck been there. One added thing keep a log of the events days etc. Do this for several weeks. So when you do contact the police (if necessary) you will have this log.

I agree with what the other M.'s r saying. This is terrible what your son is going through. I would create a paper trail. Send an email to the principal with a log attached of what the other kid is doing to him. I would cc: the school counselor and teacher(s). Within the email, I would ask for a response by a certain date and that if one is not received and it is not a good response with a good action plan then u will be forced to contact the school board and police. My childrens' schools both have anti-bullying policies. I have contacted the elementary school teacher concerning this and she forwarded the email I sent to her to principal who actually called me quickly and responsibly. I learned that teachers in this school actually attended anti-bulling awareness seminars!!! I am saying this because I truly believe the resources are there but some schools may not address this. But I hope that by standing up for your son and taking it to higher people, that he may get the help that your son is not receiving at his school. Good luck.

Honestly I haven't read any of the other responses, but here is my fist thought. Teach your son to punch harder than the other kid. If the other parents are useless there isn't a whole lot that is going to be done with their kid. So if it were my kid I would teach him to throw a punch hard enough to get the point across that he doesn't want to be messed with. So what if he gets a detention for it. If he gets the message across then the kid shouln't mess with him any more.

I am so sorry this is occurring. It is horrible that parents do not take responsibility for their children anymore. In a boy's life there are times that he will have to fight his way out of a situation. As a Mother I am horrified at this thought but as a realist, I understand it to be true. I would let him know that physical violence is never ever an answer but there are times when it could be required. (Be sure to tell him if he has to hit someone, always hit them in the nose. They can't come after you with teary eyes.) Let him know you trust his judgement on this situation and know he will make the right choice for him. Sometimes bullies just need their mouths shut for them. I would definitely begin a paper trail with the police. I would become a thorn in the rear of the school administration as well. If they are not giving you the results you are expecing them go to the Superintendents office and let them know that you would be glad to call your local newspaper and let them know that the school district is allowing this to go on. I only move him if that is what he wants. Poor guy. I feel so bad for him, my heart just hurts. Maybe sign him up for Judo or something to boost his confidence. You could always go with a M.'s last resort...Go whoop the bully's M.'s butt for raising a crappy kid. Just kidding (a little.) I hope this gets better for ya'll, I will say a prayer. CB

Cynthia,
I totally sympathize with you. That is one of my biggest fears. My son is in middle school too and it's tough out there. I've thought about that too, what would I do in that situation but it's a hard one especially if the parents are unwilling to address. Even if the principal is made aware, he's not there throughout the school day to see what is going on. Myself, I think I would transfer him but then I'd be concerned that I was teaching him to run from his problems but in a sense I wouldn't know what else to do because if it's not addressed it will escalate. I know I'm not much help but I will definately be watching the advice given to your post. Does the school have a life skills class that they can stick this bully in?

My son was bullied a couple of times by a couple of different kids. The minute he came home crying and telling me about this, the very next day I went and stood on the greenbelt (where the children walked or rode their bikes home). I stopped the boy on his bike and embarrassed him right in front of all the other kids coming home, by telling him I had better not ever hear him doing this again or he would be answering to me. Never happened again. Get involved immediately - even if you have to wait at the school door. Confront this kid immediately. Put your finger in his face and let him know this will not be tolerated. Do it in front of other kids, they don't like to be singled out, because they are really cowards.

Have you heard of this book, written by Dr Phil's son? http://www.amazon.com/McGraws-Life-Strategies-Dealing-Bul... I haven't read it, but you should get it. You can also google school bully for lots of free info, and here's an article on the steps the school should take if there is a bully http://parentingteens.about.com/od/bullying/a/bullying5.htm

He needs to be told not to throw the first punch...ever. You can be held criminally responsible if he does. Something else to be aware of is that even if he is defending himself, he can still be held responsible, as well as you.

I have a friend whose son comes home with torn clothes, scratches, cuts bruises EVERY DAY and the school says they can't do anything about it. Her son is autistic and yes, he gets a lot of attention from the bullies but the school makes it seem that it is HIS FAULT.

So, recognizing the potential danger of fighting back, there is still something he can do. He can write down in a notebook the time/day incident and then you can start a police report. I wouldn't just threaten it, do it. The school and the parents are already aware of the problem. Tell the police that blows have already been exchanged and that your son just wants to be left alone and ask them how to go about it (they should know just as much as a lawyer on this one.) That way if something major does happen there's already a log of it. If possible, try not to tell the police that your son threw the first punch, just that he is trying to defend himself and you don't want either boy to get hurt. The bullying must stop (even if it takes a restraining order against the bully.)

S.

I would get the law/police involved because these situations can get a whole lot worse and your baby can be in big trouble for reacting horribly when it's not his fault. Get advice from the police non-emergency I think it is 311.

You need to go back to the principal of the school and really raise heck. Threaten to bring in a lawyer. You won't really have to, but that will put the fire under them to get this situation under control. Bullying is such a serious issue and the school knows it. Just make them know you mean business.

I suggest that you request a copy of your school district's bullying policy. There should be steps to take for this matter. Your school's administration should be aware of the policies in place for this. Good Luck with this matter

This type of thing really upsets me. I have a 1 1/2 year old son and my heart goes out to you and your middle-schooler. I read a few of your other responses and holding the school administration and teachers responsible, keeping a log and having your child receive some sort of training to feel confident in his ability to protect himself sound like great advice to me. I would add contacting the superintendent and school board if you are not satisfied with the support that you receive from the school regarding this bullying issue. You should also call your son's resource officer, if they have one at his school. (law enforcement officer assigned to the school) I strongly agree with contacting the police so that there is a report filed regarding this other kid's aggressive behavior should anything else occur. I believe that once a child turns 10, they can be filed against, so check into that. As another of your responses said, that will get the parents' attention hopefully.
I hope that this issue will resolve itself for you and your son. As the old saying goes, bullies are cowards. Unfortunately, these cowards can make the life of others miserable. I hope that your son has found strength by standing up to him. I venture to say that this one act will probably do more to resolve this issue than the school's or local authority's involvement. I am speaking as a former middle-schooler who was bullied until I defended myself physically. The harassment continued, but I was never hit again. It sounds as if he is very loved and supported at home and that makes all the difference. I know it did for me.
You might try adding this other young man to your prayers. It sounds as if he needs them too.
Blessings to you and your family.

Hi Cynthia,
Sounds like the problems are escalating and something does need to change. However changing schools would be an option, but you said the boy also lives on your block. So changing schools will help during the day, but then you still have to deal with him in the evenings. I would speak to the police about your options. Have them aware of the problem just incase and then you will have something on record. Also, make sure they are kept separated during school, they can make the schedule change so they are not in the same areas at the same time. Make sure they do not ride the same bus back & forth and ater school if this becomes an issue, then get your son involved in sports or work or something away from the boy for the time being. This will and should go away because he will get bored from him bullying of your son and find someone else to entertain him. Since talking to his parents seemed to not work, you can probably see where his behavior is coming from. The main thing is you don't want your son to start fighting with the boy because now he is getting in trouble at school and if he doesn't do something then he will be a wimp in the kids eyes, so he is in a catch 22. Get the school to make some changes in schedules and if at home there is not a problem, and you are not happy with the feedback at school, then do look into transferring him to a different school. Good luck!

I feel so bad for your situation. Bullying has become a problem in schools and it needs to stop. I have never had to deal with it regarding my son, however I had to personally deal with it when I was in school and it makes you feel terrible. Here is a site that I found for you and I hope it helps

http://www.stopbullyingnow.com/

Thanks for bringing up this topic, I think its really current and important. I totally feel for you and can see myself in this same predicament in a couple of years. I read through a few of the suggestions and I really liked the idea a chronological log and the idea of you having to find creative ways of separating the two of them; new scheduling request at school, and definitely no bus riding. It may be tougher on your part but it seems worth it. This could alter his personality for high school. So if he's away from the boy then maybe that will eliviate the fear of having to deal with the bullying. The school should beable to accomodate this request. If the bullying is constant, copy the principal and the parents via email of your log. The police takes logs very seriously. Let them know that you have attempted to work this out with them but without assistance from them. The log is evidence and maybe they will all take you more seriously. Good luck and if possible please keep us updated.

Hi Cynthia
You said you've already talked to the principal, what did he/she say about it? Reading your post as well as others who have kids that deal with bullying just made me angry. No child should have to put up with that ! If the school is turning a deaf ear and the parents ( the apple dosen't fall far from the tree here ) are as insensitive as their son, I'd file charges against them.
Oh I just want to give your son a huge hug!! Do everything you can to build up his confidence.

I know you have spoken with the principal, but maybe you should set up an appt with the school counselor. Get a copy of the bullying policy of your son's school, and ask the counselor what the school can effectively do to keep this child from picking on your child. Then yes, I would mention that you are seriously considering going to the police if the school cannot resolve this problem.

Oh, it may also be good to email the principal and school counselor, asking them what they have done, and will be doing to combat this problem. Then you save the emails and voila, you have a written record of you trying to solve the problem through the correct channels to bring with you if you ever do need to go to the police.

I agree that the school needs to be held accountable, teachers and administrators both. I would also start a police report - file charges of harassment. Keep in mind that if they are making sexual comments, which Jr High boys do, file sexual harassment as well since that sometimes gets the school boards' attention really quick. Then approach the school board. Do not be passive on this it is the school's responsibility to protect your son. If the school still does nothing file accessory charges on them.finally, if your son is truly unhappy don't make him suffer thru too much more. no, it isn't fair to make him move but sometimes its just plain easier and your main concern & goal is to get him grown.

Midland ISD has a code of conduct. If this harassment is taking place on school property or during school events (sports events) the school is responsible for your child's safety. Your child does not deserve this.

If the Principal will not handle this, you need to go to his Area Superintendent and requests help from that person. Document everything with dates and conversations to all involved. The Principal should be cc'd in emails. If this does not work go to the school board.

You can request that the harassing child be punished or sent to another campus. Your child should not have to be the one to be moved.

If this harassment is taking place off campus, the school has no authority. You said you have spoken to the parents, but they do not want to take care of this situation, this is when you need to speak with the police or an attorney maybe even call child protective services to report the parents of the bully.

ANytime,he does something to your son on school propert (that includes the school bus), notify the school.Let the school deal with the bully. (especialy if you are getting nowhere with the parents- you could talk to the parents and tell them you are going to the police and file battery charges against their son)
School districts take bullying very seriously.I would call the school and tell the person whoever answers the phone that you need to talk to somone regarding that my son is being bullied at school. They should direct you to the right person. Make sure you tell them everything that the bully is doing to your kid.Make sure you tell about the other boys doing it ,so they will be in on the talking to from the school.
Good luck.

First of all, if this is happening at school then the school needs to be held accountable. No more excuses from them! Your son deserves a safe learning environment and the school is required to provide that environment. Go back to the school and request a conference with all of your son's teachers. Everyone needs to be aware and the bullying needs to stop. There are several good books out there-I recommend you and your son get together and go over some strategies. Bullying is a huge problem but there are solutions and no one should have to out up with it. ( I imagine the behavior is being modeled at the other boy's home!) Good luck!

I'm appalled at some of the responses you're getting! It is never appropriate to teach your child to "punch harder than the other kid". Your child is not being "picked on". He is being BULLIED. Bullying is not acceptable, nor legal, at any school or in any neighborhood. It should be arrested NOW before it gets out of control and your child gets hurt or worse, hurts himself because of guilt or shame. You are not going to get any help from this child’s parents so you need to take matters into your own hands and go back to the school and have a conference with the principle and teacher. You might at that point ask for a conference at school with the Bully’s parents (may or may not work). If the principle continues to allow this behavior, you need to contact your local police. Document EVERYTHING. If you end up having to visit with the School District's Attorney (MISD: Ellen House) you'll need to have clear and accurate documentation (date, time, who, what, and where). HTH

"The best revenge is to live well." Your son is old enough to know make good choices and obviously physical violence is not a good choice. He needs to rise above this and live well. He needs to go beyond ignoring him, to actively living his life as a happy child.
I know that I have said no physical violence, but I would immediately enroll him in martial arts classes. This will give him the self discipline and self confidence to deal with this bully and many others to come in the future.
I wish you both the best.

We went through this with our son. We had just moved to Houston and he was one of the biggest boys in class. Right after Katrina, several kids from NO moved to the school and really started bullying my son. He ignored it, told the kids to stop and they didn't. He was miserable. My husband and I were concerned because our son has a senior red belt and we thought he might snap. He never did. We contacted the school and they were made aware of the situation. We also contacted the school district police and filed a report. Finally, our son had enough and punched the kid in the nose. I have to say I was very proud of my son. He didn't hurt the boy too bad but he did stand up for himself. I received a call from the principle and I told him in no uncertain terms my son would NOT be punished for this and he wasn't. Looking back, I should have moved our son out of this school. There is nothing wrong with moving your son to a different school. He deserves peace at school. I read several saying for him to stay away but if this kid is seeking yours out it won't matter where he goes. Good luck!

You should be able to find a copy of your schools bullying policy on the school district web site. You should look that up. Since you've already spoken with the principal maybe it's time to go the next step up. I would also suggest to get the school counselor involved. Obviously this other child has some serious issues and he is taking it out on your son. The school should have already referred him to counseling, that is what the counselors are there for.

I agree that we shouldn't teach our children to respond to violence with violence, but there is nothing wrong with defending yourself and I say good for your son for finally defending himself. I read another post recommending aikido. If you have a chance to research this form of martial arts, it is very cool and does not involve punching or kicking. Something like this may help your sons confidence in himself. Bullies tend to pick on kids with low confidence or low self esteem.

I hope you can work with the school to take care of this issue and that it works out for you!

The boy is a bully and I thought school counselors were supposed to deal with these kinds of students. Evidently your son's school hasn't had training in that area. Why not teach your son how to use reverse psychology. When the boy calles him names or teases him in some way, tell your son to just smile a knowing smile like "I know something about you and I feel so sorry for you" then just walk away. If the other boy doesn't get a rise out of your son, it won't be fun anymore and he'll probably stop. If that doesn't work then your son will have to document each harrasment and report it to the principal. When enough reports have been make they will have to transfer him, but your problem is that the boy lives in your neighborhood. If it gets to the point of physical violence, then you'll have to get a restraining order from the police.

Since physical contact was made, you can fill out paperwork at the school that is, basically, the same as a restraining order. Once in place, the bully will be instructed to have no contact with your son. That would include classrooms, hallways, telephone, email etc.
Been there and it's not much fun (my son suffered a vision impairment from the punch given him) so I wish you luck!

I'm so glad to see that you live in Midland. My husband has studied Aikido, a martial art. It doesn't involve kicks and punches, but pins and holds. It stands for the way of harmony. It is about taking the energy from another and using it against them. I plan on putting my children in it the minute they are old enough. They do have a children's class. Aside from learning how to deal with confrontation, the self-esteem aspect is so important. I can't recommend it enough. Here's their website http://pages.suddenlink.net/aikidoc1/index.htm.

Good luck to you. I had a nephew who dealt with the same issues. It turned really, really ugly. Even my sister was facing felony charges for injury to a child. She never touched the child. Luckily, it all worked out. These situations can escalate like nobody's business. Equipping your son to handle it properly is the best alternative.

Send me a message if you have any questions about the Aikido class.

My son is going through the exact same situation. I've decided I'm never going to talk to parents again. It's a total waste of time! They just blame my son. I have really tried to find out what is going on by asking one or two of the good boys in the class. I've been told that they provoke him and then he reacts to it! I really don't know what to do either. I've tried speaking to the teachers and they don't really know how to deal with it either. The problem is the boys do everything mostly behind the teacher's back so how can they tell them to stop it if they don't see it. I don't think transfering schools is going to help, we will always finds someone who picks on other children and bullies them.

Updated

My son is going through the exact same situation. I've decided I'm never going to talk to parents again. It's a total waste of time! They just blame my son. I have really tried to find out what is going on by asking one or two of the good boys in the class. I've been told that they provoke him and then he reacts to it! I really don't know what to do either. I've tried speaking to the teachers and they don't really know how to deal with it either. The problem is the boys do everything mostly behind the teacher's back so how can they tell them to stop it if they don't see it. I don't think transfering schools is going to help, we will always finds someone who picks on other children and bullies them.

Have you tried to talk to the bully? I did this when my son was picked on and it seemed to help.
The next step after that, since there is no parental or school support in protecting your child you can file charges against this person with the police. I was picked on in high school and the girl bullied many others as well. My parents decided to put a stop to it and filed charges against her. She never bothered me again. I know this is drastic, but you have to do what EVER it takes to protect your child and not just physically. A final drastic option could be to take your child out of public school and homeschool him. I pray things will get better for you.

Have you tried talking to some of the other boy's parents? They may just be going along with the bully so as not to go against the group. The other parents may not even know that their kids are helping a bully.

The only other suggestion that I can think of is to get your son involved in positive activities whether it is with a church group, school sports, band etc. The more he is involved in positive activities the more esteem he will build. Most of the bullies when I was in school usually singled out kids who were not part of some kind of group.

If your son is riding the bus and the bully rides the bus, take him to school instead or find a car pool group with other moms. If the bully is in one of his classes ask to speak with the school counselor and have your son switched to another class. The less avoidance with the bully the better.

I hope you find some resolve to this situation. Good Luck to you and your son.

My bullies did the same thing. The school wouldn't do anything. I picked the time and place and confronted them. I couldn't even drive yet but my brother drove me to this girls work. She would alway gang up on me with a bunch of people. At work it was just her. I was skinny and she was a lot older and bigger than i was. I told her I didn't appreciate what she was doing and I wasn't going to put up with it any more she started crying and said she didn't want to take it there. I was shocked I was ready for a beat down. That just shows how bullies really function. She never bothered me the whole upcoming year of school. She was a senior i was a freshman. The bully gets their power because they are in control. It would be best to confront like someone else mentioned. My older brother was bullied from elementary into jr high. My M. tried to talk to the kids M. and they were the same way wouldn't do anything. That kid in high school ended up murdering a mentally challenged man. It made national news. These things are serious. You never can predict or imagine what things will turn into. Wrestling--martial arts,ground fighting(NOT KARATE) is cool for anyone. Not that it must be used but put more confidence in your kid. My dad told me to just walk away. That is when they will jump you. My M. didn't do anything. My brother showed me how to use my scrawny arms and bony knees to defend myself. Not being a bully myself and thinking the world was good didn't think I'd need to use it. But still worked out everyday on a duffle bag hanging in my closet. I am the only one who really knew what I was capable of. He may not have to give that elbow back when he is provoked by that kid.When you have such a confidence and know something for yourself you can just walk away from the little things and it won't even matter.That is the message your kid need to send to him that he doesn't even matter not that he is just trying to avoid the situation ...My heart goes out to both of you.

And let me add. These people that say don't answer with violence probably havn't been in this situation. Go through all the politics if you can but as you have already experienced they will most likely fail you.

I was picked on in high school a few times like this. The best advice I have is to absolutely 100% ignore it. Don't even change the speed he walks, the direction he looks, NOTHING. NO recognition that the bully or his friends even EXIST! The only reason they keep picking on him is b/c they get some kind of reaction. If there is absolutely no reaction, they will move on! I know it's hard to do, like I said I've been there! I know it's instinctual to want to say something or fight back, but that will only fuel the fire. I hope your son has at least a couple good friends at school. If he does, tell him to walk with them as often as possible. Bullies like to target "loners".
I would definitely advise you not to let him transfer though. There is ALWAYS going to be a bully, no matter if you are 10, 13, 18, 25, whatever. There will be one in high school, college, places you work, even at church. You can't run away from it, you have to learn to deal with it. You have to learn to let it not get to you. He needs to know that whatever they say is not true b/c he knows who he is as an individual. If he's not already, maybe he should be involved in an after-school activity. Something like sports or music or drama club or chess club, anything that will boost his confidence and maybe make some new friends!
I hope things turn out well and I know how badly you just want to protect him, but he really does need to learn to deal with it, with your advice and guidance of course =)

In James Dobson's book, Bringing up Boys, he touches on this subject. His advice is to listen to your son very carefully and cautiously. Get your son away from these kids at all costs. If he wants to transfer schools, let him. He's trying to tell you he just can't handle any more and unfortunately, you can't change the bully... But you can protect your son.

We are going through the same thing, but our son has been physically hurt several times by different kids. We finially told our son to fight back so the other kids would see he wasn't going to take it anymore. We also talked to the principal. She usually takes care of things when they happen. Here, we have to talk to the principal first and if they will not take care of the situation, we can then file a police report. Edited to say: He's been choked, punched in the stomach, stabbed in the back with a pencil, slapped in the face and pushed SEVERAL times.

If the parents and school aren't going to do anything then you might want to look into pressing charges or informing the school and the parents that if it doesn't stop then you will be pressing harrassment charges. Your son should feel safe and comfortable going to school. My next door neighbor went through something similar not too long ago where a group of girls were doing the same thing to her daughter and even jumped her. The school has limits on what they can do and hopefully are at least doing those but if they aren't force them to do so. When my neighbor talked with the parents their reaction basically was that they felt her daughter was starting it and good for the other girls to be standing up for themselves. When she informed them that if it didn't stop she would press charges I think the reality hit and the school began taking more action the harrassment stopped. It may sound harsh but if the school won't protect your son then it's all up to you. Good Luck