Marriage Dry Spell

My husband will almost always trade sleep for sex. Wake him up and remind him what things were like when you first got together. ;)

I am almost afraid to post this because someone might report it. I'm being dead serious and not trying to be gross at all when I suggest this.

Many people have suggested sex and even said that many men would trade sleep for sex. It's true! And, if you're adventurous enough to give this a try, wake him up a little earlier than normal by being naked in between his legs, orally pleasuring him. As he sleeps, just take control and do your thing and you'll wake him up and he'll wonder if it is a dream or reality! Of course, if you're grossed out by it and can't do it then don't. And, if he isn't in to that sort of thing skip it - but I know MANY men love receiving oral sex. This might be the nice type of surprise that sends him off to work with a big ole smile on his face and make him nice and, um, *amorous* next time (or even this time) you go at it. I know the dry spell isn't only about the sex but this may be a suggestion that works for the two of you.

Good luck.

And, I sincerely apologize if you think this is too crass.

Of course! Marriage has ebbs and flows and a strong couple can recognize this, not let it threaten them, and regain balance.

It doesn't take much to reconnect, but you do have to be intentional before you fall out of the habit. Be kind and considerate - leave a note in his lunch (a sweet or spicy one!) and try to pick up slack if he seems stressed by his work schedule. Affirm him as a man and provider and tell him how much you appreciate him. This "buttering up" is really important to a man. It means the world to them to know you're proud!

Go out for a date, even if it's for breakfast. Make a little bit of time to talk. this is not the time for hints, so be direct in saying you miss him and would like to be intentional about making more time for you as a family.

And of course....have some sex! It really is the glue that keeps married couples close. I notice a big difference in our connection when it's been awhile - we get cranky, easily misunderstand the other and feel more distant.

Good luck!

Bluntly, wake him up with oral. NO GUY will ever refuse that.

Waking him up always works for me...but what about joining him in the shower? My husband LOVES that!

When my husband works nights I send him sexy or out right naughty text messages while he is at work. I take suggestive pics and send them to him. On his nights off after supper I shower and get dressed up. Nothing fancy, but something kinda sexy or suggestive. Maybe a low-cut top with a sexy bra underneath. Then I make a point to bend over in front of him. I'll give him a kiss, the kind that makes it clear what kind of mood I am in. I tell him he is sexy and that he turns me on.

I buy sexy lingerie and surprise him with it. It is hard for a man to resist a woman in the mood wearing lingerie standing right in front of him.

If y'all are into it, buy some sex toys. Use them together. Watch an adult movie. Or read an adult book to each other. Buy an adult game and play it together. There are adult versions of truth or dare, and they can be quite fun. There are cards that have instructions on them, things like lick this, kiss that. Those can be fun too.

Don't forget the little things either, the non-sexual ones. Every morning I sit outside with my husband when he comes home from work. He drinks iced tea and I drink my morning coffee while we talk. When he wakes up in the afternoon I make him breakfast (since it is his morning) and try to spend some time with him, even if it is just watching television together. Eat as a family on his nights off. Those little things help us connect and lead to a better sex life because we don't feel like we are drifting apart or that we are just two people living together.

working opposite shifts (which is basically what you're doing) is HARD on a marriage. make a real effort to reconnect- get a sitter, plan a night out (or in!) for the two of you, and don't let it be just a one-time thing. and encourage hubby to find a day job.

We just celebrated our 5th anniversary. I have to admit, I was worried about us for the first 3 years. We would go through a dry spell once or twice a year. My personality is much more restless & I'd just not be in to him. Since to him nothing was 'wrong' he didn't know what my problem was and would get very frustrated that one day I'd be in to him and the next not. For me it got worse RIGHT after my son was born because I had these grad expectations that I would just completely fall in love with my husband all over again seeing him with our child. I didn't realize the fact that every day, lack of sleep and trying to get back into a routine would kind of preclude that. I was so overwhelmed with disappoinment from the expectations I had set for the whole situation, I went through one of my worst spells.
In the last 2 years, I've realized my behaviors that were causing the spells. I don't take full responsibility, but my husband would just mirror me. I quit expecting so much fairy tale, and have learned (also with hearing of SO MANY of our friends' divorces) to appreciate the amazing marriage we DO have. We don't fight (never have, which made the dry spells that much more frustrating. We weren't fighting, we were just nothing). We both trust each other, care for the other before ourselves. All of the things you need for the long haul. The THING to do to bring it back is remind yourself you care enough to. One day, one night won't bring it back, but get into a regular routine where you are reminding yourself and eachother that you care.

my husband works 2nd shift (3:30-12 or later if there is OT) which sux for us & for the kids because he only sees the kids on weekends (except now that its summer)

if your hubby works night nights, then these wont work for you but you could still find a way, like breakfast together if you can get up early before he goes to bed...

we have made some "rules" so to speak as he has been on this shift forever. when he comes home at night it is awhile before he goes to bed, & therefore he must do his "chores" before he goes to bed (like unloading the dishwasher & folding his clothes) so that in the morning when he gets up he can just relax & spend the time with me & the kids before work

he has to get up by noon, so that he spends at least one hour with us & then has an hour to himself to get ready (noon is the latest & thats for when he works OT usually he gets up by 10 or 11)

now to get more time with him I do a couple of things, one is I stay up till he gets home, I am usually up anyway because I do online classes & cant get anything done until after the kids go to bed anyway. so once he gets home we will watch a show together or talk

in the mornings I wake him up, our baby is usually down for her morning nap at that time & I can let our oldest have her computer time & go into the bedroom for 20 min or so...its the best wake up call ever & I never have a cranky hubby that way : )

also on friday nights I stay up almost always & we have dessert & a bubble bath together, its our time & its wonderful

we have had our dry spells even before this shift came along, the key is you have to put forth effort (both of you but if you initiate he should be happy to return) just make the most of any time you can get together

Every marraiage has a little dry spell. You and your spouse do not have to be mad at each other or fighting for it to take effect. Men like attention! Cater to him. Have your husband a big breakfast cooked when he comes home after a long night of work, run his bath water ahead of time, send him a HOT text, give him hugs and kisses through out the day instead of just the usual "I Love You", on his day off, wake him up and be ready for you know what! He will be more pleased if you are already on top of him when he wakes or giving him a little oral. He will be in a daze for days! I hope this helps! Good Luck.

absolutely! My husband and i went a few years with sex like once every 2 months, or less. Now we have it 4 or 5 times a week, and we would have it more if he worked in town. Make sure you guys are still flirting and cuddling, showing affection in other ways.

Most likely it will steam back up, especially if you initiate it and throw in a few tricks.

**8edited, im totally taking M Rs advice

Guh! Night shift sucks! I know your not just talking about sex, but its real hard to do it during the day when the kids are running around. Mood killer. Does he have weekends off? I would try to do date nights on the weekends.

We've been together 4 years, only married for a few weeks, 3 kids... we will go weeks sometimes without doing anything very intimate, BUT... we always make it a point to curl up on the couch together and hold hands, if nothing else. I'm a huge fan of hand holding :) It's so simple and easy and doesn't require any extra energy. A lot of times, when we get in this rut, it's hard to be the first one to turn things back on (I joke to my husband that 'I'm out of practice! I forgot what to do!', and he laughs)... We almost always snap out of it at the same time and just pounce on each other! I'm only 27, there's no reason I should be going 6 weeks without sex!!... but I'm also a WAHM with 3 kids... hello exhaustion! For me, if I can catch my guy DURING THE DAY, things work better, since none of us are passing out tired. If we wait until after the kids go to bed, forget it, we'll both fall asleep in the middle of it.... so we try to sneak a little something in first thing in the morning or in the middle of the day.

Or, you could always send the kids to grandma's, wear a little something that he thinks is sexy (and makes you feel confident), and wait for him to come home... then tell him (like I say), you're out of practice and have forgotten what intimacy is like... then tell him to show you ;)

You could always simply slip an 'x' rated note in his lunch... he'd never see it coming!

Good luck! Have fun trying :) If you want more suggestions, PM me :)