Marriage counceling....or Is It Time to Move On?

IMO, if it's been this long, it's time to cut the cord and move on. You need more fulfillment. You can't stay with him just for the kids.

Welcome to the roller coaster of marriage. These feelings you are having are all part of the ride. If your husband is a good man and willing to work on things, hang in there Mama and you will discover what true love is all about. Learn to open your heart and love your husband. True love, not romantic love, comes from honoring one's commitment for the long haul and a big part of cultivating true love is loving through the hard times in a selfless fashion. Ask yourself this question, what kind of person do you want your kids to marry. Someone who quits and tells themselves that they can get better or someone who fights for the family they made? Find a marriage therapist and cut ties with this other guy. If he is still in your life in any way while you go to therapy, it will be useless. The deep love that grows out of working hard through the doubts and hard times is precious. Don't rob yourself of that opportunity just because you feel romantic love for some guy. Romantic love is the easiest to find. 13 yr old girls can feel it but only a woman can create deep love. You can do this and create the relationship you want with the man you married. Go for it and do the right
thing for yourself and kids. Blessings!

When I first started reading this I knew there was another man in the pic.
You weren't un happy till you compared this relationship and it's possibilities to the one you have. It's like a plant. You let the old one die and now there is a beautiful flower out there and you are sure you could raise this one. But it takes just as much work on a new plant as it does the old one.

You would be MUCH better off honoring the commitment you made to your H. There is lots of work and struggle ahead and it would be much more likely to have a good ending with your H. For your kids, too.

You have 2 kids. It would not be like you just leave and take the kids and never see him again and your new beau is going to love them much better and never have any conflict with the priorities you have in your life.
Fat chance. That's a fantasy you have in your head.

Your H right now, has no idea how close he is to loosing it all. You owe him honesty. You owe him marriage counseling. it's his wake up call.
Right now, you are in the wrong. You are lingering on the edge of deception. How does it feel?

A few things I want to make sure you have in the forefront of this situation, in no particular order, & probably not written out nice & story-like. But important.

1. You & your husband need to have a connection. It does not need to be doing things that you like to do that he now likes & participates in, or vice versa. Go & find something totally new that you both can enjoy, & participate in, that allows you to grow closer & share something together. If possible, that gives you a social setting & chance to meet other couples that are also involved, & that is not too much of a social setting that will pressure him. Honestly, it may take a bit of trials to find the right activity. My husband is into roleplaying games, me not so much. But we found that we enjoy playing games with other couples that aren't roleplaying. I am huge into breeding/training/showing dogs, he doesn't wanna participate with a 10-foot pole. But he's a social butterfly, & found that he can enjoy going to lure coursing events, & some dog shows, where he doesn't have to do anything but talk to people, & tell me how great our dogs look.

2. There is someone that has caught your attraction? You don't go into specifics about how involved you are (just fantasizing, a connection formed due to common interests, a connection formed due to the ability to talk openly with them & feeling comfortable sharing things, reciprocal flirting?). But the problem here is that if you weren't in a place with your husband where he wasn't meeting your needs, you wouldn't feel so satisfied in such a way by this other person. A marriage seminar I attended talked about a "love bank". Your husband is probably not doing anything to make withdrawals from his love bank account with you, but the balance is probably stagnant, whereas new people come around you & their attention to you in various ways are like making deposits. Pretty soon, their deposits add up & you see a bigger "balance" with them, or at least more activity leading to that. It is key that you identify where your husband is falling short of meeting your needs. Maybe he buys you gifts, but you need him to show love by doing things around the house, etc. This starts with some soul-searching first to figure out what it is you need, so that you can positively communicate that to your husband. Telling him vaguely "I need more from you" will make it difficult to know where he is falling short & what kind of attention you specifically are looking for.

3. Your marriage counselor needs to be 100% FOR your marriage. My parents ended up divorcing after 30 years of marriage, because they had grown apart. Once us kids had grown up & out of the household, they no longer had the "glue" to hold them together - no common interest. Unfortunately, the marriage counselor they went to was not one that focused on engaging them & helping them to actively repair their marriage. (in talking with other people, I find this to be all too common. A marriage counselor needs to be dedicated to helping you work through the tough parts of reconciliation & reconnection, because it's not going to start out all smelling like roses - there's new territory to go through as you redevelop your relationship & it's hard!)

4. Marriage counselors are not "one size fits all". Just like not everyone becomes your friend, or you can be rubbed the wrong way by one doctor & think another is God's gift to medicine, not every counselor will "click" with the two of you. Make sure you see someone who you are both comfortable opening up with, who you feel is advocating for the BOTH of you, & helping you reconcile your marriage, not just saying "John, you need to treat Susie better" & thus alienating one of you against the other. Make sure you & your husband discuss this ahead of time, so that if it doesn't "click" with one, you are both willing to continue with a different one, rather than chalking it up to an irreconcilable situation between the two of you.

5. There are a lot of resources available to you through the internet, books & seminars. Many of these I know through activities @ my church, but despite that, they are focused on marriages, & not on shoving religion at you in the process. Look up some of these online - some even have videos you can watch.

His Needs/Her Needs - book & seminars available
The 5 Love Languages - book
Fireproof Your Marriage - book & movie, group seminars sometimes done
Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage - seminars, videos avail online.

Marriage is not a perfect institution - it takes a lot of work, and marriage for life requires both parties to continue to adapt & change together. You aren't the same people now that you were when you met 12 years ago - your priorities have changed (children, jobs, mortgage) & your interests have expanded & changed as well. You won't be the same people in 10 years that you are now, but what you CAN be is a married couple who is active in loving each other, appreciating each others differences & strengths they bring to the marriage, recognizing & complementing each others weaknesses, and a couple who engages in some activites together to stay connected.

Wishing you the very best through counseling, & many many more years of a better marriage. T.

I could tell by your first few sentences that there was going to be another interest. Because EVERYONE is somewhat content until the "greener grass" comes along and the all of a sudden they're acutely aware of all the problems their spouses have always had-and how unhappy they've always been. All the reasons they fell in love and said "I do" are long forgotten because they've never had anything in common....it's all so clear when someone ELSE likes them..

Could you have genuinely been unhappy all along? Could you and your husband not be a great match? Sure, possibly. But you need to resolve it or end it before you consider other people. You have no idea what this other person would be like in a serious relationship, and you can't find out without cheating. So nip it. Could your "feelings for the other person" be a general sign that "someone else" could be a better fit for you? Sure. If just being unhappy before the other person came along wasn't a strong enough sign. So go work on your marriage WITHOUT CONSIDERING THE LURKER and then reassess what you want to do for the rest of your life.

In the current situation you can unfairly focus on the bad in your husband while taking all the good for granted and pining over a different person which is NOT FOCUSING on reality. That's the nature of having a "Stable roommate and babysitter." You can ignore the stable person and find fault with them and create fantasies about someone else. Or maybe the other person IS awesome. Too bad you're married. BUT, Mr. social-fun-picnic-golf guy could be horrible with kids over the long haul and more interested in socializing than caring for you guys. My ex was super social. It wasn't all that great that he always wanted to run off and socialize socialize socialize. It was like he was the life of the party to everyone BUT me.

But maybe there is a guy out there with your same interests who is also a great family man who would be great for your kids and who really loves you and understands you better than your husband ever could. Maybe when all is said and done, your kids will be BETTER OFF if you get divorced and get a new husband because your old one was such a bore.

But what do you mean you got "attention"? If some guy thinks you're nice and pretty, so what? He thinks lots of other ladies are nice and pretty too. And millions of ladies are. If he knows your intimate personality traits and dreams, then you are flirting WAY too much and basically cheating and you need to get divorced immediately and cut you poor husband loose so you can run off.

None of the leisure time things you list that make you happy are important things. What about your life interests? Creative goals? Does he value your talents? Support you in things you try? Do you value him? Do you guys have deeper things that interest you other than how to spend leisure time? What if Mr. Social starts stopping you from doing whatever you want and shopping with your friends and sister all the time. My ex would have been totally annoyed if I did that. If time-killing activities are the only point of friction, sure, try to work it out. If you fundamentally do not get along on the important levels, do a little more work to be sure, then give yourselves both a fresh start if it wasn't meant to be.

Make a list of all the things he does not do for you and that you do not like about him. Can you honestly say to yourself that you give your best effort to pleasing him in his life, but he just doesn't step-up in return? Are you super nice and interesting and generous with him? Would all those answers be good from your end if the roles were reversed? Get help. And don't rush things just because the other crush is lurking in the wings. He's a creep to be giving attention to a married woman and believe me, you would never be happier with him. Let the lurker move on to some other pretty married lady and focus on what you have until you decide to be a single, available person.
If you have not seen it already, watch Fireproof. I'm not Christian, but I loved the movie. Watch it.

Hitting 30ish and having 2 kids is when I went through similar feelings. I grew and changed. My husband - not so much. My husband does love me, but isn't great with the romance. He's lazy when it comes to our relationship. (I call a spade a spade.) Mother's day came and went. The day before Father's day, I took him and the family into a jewelry store and picked out a diamond tennis bracelet and told the salesman we'd take it. I told my husband I didn't need anything tangible for Mother's day, but he didn't even have the kids make me a card or a picture....and they LOVE drawing. I didn't get mad, but I also don't want our children thinking that doing nothing in a relationship is acceptable.

I'm now 38 and we have 4 kids. Things are better. Things are different. I'm handling things differently in our marriage. I take things day by day.

I will agree that connecting with another man is invigorating, like waking up after a long sleep you didn't know you were in, but trading your problems for someone else's isn't the best idea. Get some clarity in your marriage and then make the decisions you need to make LATER.

You need to talk to your husband.

At one point in my marriage I told my husband I felt like I needed a boy friend again and I wanted it to be him. Fortunately, he took me seriously and we started "dating" again. We scheduled fun things for us to do as a couple and we started planning double dates with other friends. We have so much fun together. Years ago, we also bought a hot tub. That is probably one of the best things we did for our marriage. I actually feel like we are on vacation every time we are in it☺

To answer your question I do think there is hope for you. You just have to want this to work. Best of luck!

M.:

Let me start by saying - DO NOT ENTER INTO ANY OTHER RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU ARE LEGALLY DIVORCED....the grass is NOT always greener...once you hop that fence - you will see green grass, weeds and brown spots.

Tell this other "man" (and I use that word loosely) that you are NOT interested in pursuing ANY other relationship until you have closed the door on your marriage - LEGALLY....just think...if he intrudes on YOU while YOU are married? What will stop him from intruding on someone else's marriage? Think on that one for a bit...

Why did you marry Mark? Something brought and kept the two of you together for 12 years. So what was it? WHY did you say YES! when he asked you to marry him?

so you say you've told Mark this - about the new attention from another man - and he said WHAT?

Is there hope for you? Yes. You have to want it to work and Mark has to want it to work. Marriage is hard work.

Does he WANT to try anything you like?
Do YOU want to try anything he likes?

you two will ALWAYS in tied together because of the kids...so you will have to learn to co-parent together as well. Why not put the work into the marriage? Is he cheating? Is he verbally or physically abusive? if the answers are NO to those questions - it's worth working on.

This is NOT about ONLY YOU. This is about HIM to. you can't "fix" him. If that's what you are trying to do. What can you do? You can learn to compromise and work WITH him - TOGETHER...learn to do things TOGETHER, as a couple and as a family.

i can tell you - my husband and I have been married 16 years this October. Not all of it has been peachy. we've had some pretty rough spots. And we've had some GREAT high spots. It isn't a fairy tale. sorry. not every day will be wine and roses....it's HARD work....KISS him EVERY DAY. Not just a peck on the cheek - KISS HIM. Learn some of the games he likes to play....then he needs to learn something you like...then is there something you both have THOUGHT about doing but haven't yet? You might find something together....COMMUNICATE...LOVE...FORGIVE...FRIENDSHIP...set your expectations with him. He cannot read your mind and you cannot read his. Find a marriage counselor that will help you connect and find what brought you together in the first place....

Good luck!!

please, please, please....ditch the other guy.

Yes it would be worth the counseling.

stay away from this other guy and take care of your family.

this is a bit harsh but i blame you for not working a bit harder to draw DH's out and just dumping him all the time for your mom and friends. you need to do some work on your own self to figure out how you got your kids into this mess and if nothing else you owe it to THEM to get counseling.

I would definitely suggest marriage counseling, and perhaps counseling on your own too. I would want to figure out why you chose him as a partner and father for your children when you knew what he was before you married him, and you married him anyway.

The thing for now is that you only get out of your marriage what you put into it.

Yes, there's hope. Give counseling a try before calling it quits.

Remember, you have to WORK at any relationship, they aren't automatically exciting or not. Stop expecting marriage to be all fun and games if you aren't initiatiating any. Yes, you can have fun at home, with the kids or just the two of you.

You knew how he was when you married him, and chose to. Why? Go back to that place in your heart.

Stay away from your new interest, you're not 16 anymore and playing the field, you are married with two young children. Stop concentrating on how "connected" you are to him, everyone can look good in the beginning, it's a game. If it wasn't no one would ever get divorced, life would be grand. It also would show you were committed to salvaging and working on restoring your marriage, otherwise, why bother?

Stop concentrating on your unhappiness, the grass is ALWAYS greener in someone else's pasture, you know? You're blessed to have a husband you've been honest with who's willing to seek counseling. Don't assume he's not taking it as seriously as you want him to, his heart may be breaking.

So, yes, there is hope if YOU are serious about working at it. You can only concern yourself with you, your husband is responsible for his own actions and shouldn't determine what you do. What are YOU willing to do?

It doesn't sound as there's anything unfixable at all. Best wishes, M..

Have you heard the saying the grass is always greener on the other side? A new relationship will turn out just like your current one after you neglect it for years (not saying just you, a good relationship takes constant work, from both people). I think part of the reason the divorce rate is so high is because people go into marriage thinking it should be easy, its not, it takes a lot of work.

My husband and I had counseling a few years ago when our marriage was on the verge of collapse. I had my bags packed, and the paperwork all filled out to dissolve our marriage. We decided to wait 6 months to file and go to therapy. We had both a couples session and individual sessions every week for almost a year. What we learned about each other, and about how to relate to each other changed everything for us. We are happier now, even years after our therapy has ended, then we ever thought we could be. We know how to relate to each other, how to communicate better, and how to step back and see things through the other persons eyes. When we entered counseling I was not sure if I would ever be able to feel love for him again (he had cheated) and it took a long time, but that love came back because we both worked on making it work.

It does not sound like your husband has done anything to deserve this, I think you owe it to your family to forget this other person on the other side of that fence and focus on making your current lawn green and beautiful. Commit to counseling and stress to your husband just how important it is to you that he try just as hard as you are willing to. Best of luck.

First, it's great that your husband is willing to go to counseling.

That means that you both have a common interest in your marriage, and that's a start.

When you say "he isn't taking it as seriously as I feel"... I wonder exactly what you mean. Are you hoping he gets really upset? Are you wanting him to dive in and do things *you* like doing?

Are you trying to do any of the things *he* likes doing? I'm not a gamer by any means, but my husband loves it and if he was willing to try some of the things I liked, I'd be willing to try out some of his games. All that to say, find a way to meet him halfway. You were both very, very young when you got together and didn't have a chance to explore what else is out there, interest-wise. Would there be a class you would both be interested?

And could this also be a little bit of "same old same old" complacency, too? I have to admit, there have been a few moments in my life with my guy where I met someone who definitely 'clicked' with me-- we had chemistry. That's great at the beginning of a relationship, but it's not enough. Be careful not to glorify this other fellow. He may be into some of the same music, but I know that when I really consider my *real life* situation in those circumstances, having common interests is no match for knowing that I have a guy who has proven, time and again, that he is a good father and good husband. There is a lot of freedom in familiarity, hopefully. As we grow as a couple, we should become better partners and better lovers to each other, so maybe the romantic moments don't happen as often, but they are *really good* when they do.

So, don't give up on things yet. Talk to him about some common ideas of fun things to do as a family. "Honey, if there were no video games anywhere in the world, what else would you like to do?" I'll also say this, as someone who is married to a gamer, that my husband works really hard when he's gone during the day. We've worked to ensure good communication regarding his playing his game, so that I'll know when we can expect to connect. For example, Kiddo's storytime is around seven, and then he's more or less able to play quietly until bedtime. Both adults take some downtime from around 7 until 8, so I might say "are we still on for (tv, cribbage game, to check in, etc.) around 8:15 or so? I'd love to get some time to just look at you today". He gets some space to relax and I know that we'll reconnect later.

Do the counseling first, M., and don't give up just yet. Good guys are hard to come by, and if this is the only problem in the relationship, do try to mend things. And do enjoy the space for connections with other people: if my husband wanted to do all the things I enjoy, I wouldn't get to have some of those special connections with other friends. I'll also add this: many of us come from generations where divorce is common, and so we didn't get to see our own parents fall in love, out of love, and back in love again with each other. Couples who have been together longer know that this does happen, that marriages go through seasons and spells. I don't want to make a downer statement here, but I believe that this is why marriage is a commitment we make and not a 'we'll stay together while we're happy' sort of thing. I have to find out what makes ME happy and fill that need for myself. So, work, too, on the 'falling back in love' angle; physical touch just on a daily basis is so important, so reach out.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not give up......my husband and I were in that very stop 4 years ago (him in your place which led to emotional affair and I found emails to the other person that sounded just like this post) . In our situation it was our faith in God that got us through ....our marriage is the best it has ever been(married 9 years ) ....it's a LOT of work, but it's SO worth it . !!!!

Marriage counseling.
You both need to do some new things together so you develop some common interests.
How about target archery?
Or a cooking class?
Or a wine tasting class?
Stop distracting yourself with others and your husband needs to step away from the video games.
Of course it's great to do things together with the kids, too - all the things you liked to do when you first dated - zoo, aquariums, museums, etc.
Forget who ever was flirting with you.
You might have enjoyed the attention but a flirt is a far cry from a marriage.
I've known a woman who had an affair and busted up their marriage only to have the boyfriend leave once he realized having a full time relationship that wasn't sneaking around was boring to him - and she ended up with no one.
Work on the marriage first and THEN if it fails, concentrate on raising the kids and wait and heal for several years before getting involved with anyone else.
Ultimately - you are responsible for your own happiness - not your husband or a boyfriend.

Please go to marriage counseling, even if you feel he isn't taking things seriously. You made two children with him. You owe it to your kids to try.

Your husband doesn't know what he can to make you happy because he is stuck in a do-loop. The counselor can help him get out of it.

Good luck!

Weekend to Remember Marriage workshop (Christian)
http://www.familylife.com/weekend

New Life Ministries has marriage workshops too
http://newlife.com/dave-stoop-whats-different-about-this-...

What I've heard about these workshops is that people on the brink of divorce can and do turn around. Night and day. So I would work on it. But you need help.

CONNECTION WITH OTHER MAN
Of course, it is possible to be in a bad rut with your spouse and have sparks with another person, but that still doesn't excuse cheating. Do not pursue this other person at all.

And thinking about HIM will make you more miserable in your current situation because you can't help but comparing and driving yourself crazy with "why, why, why?" And so what if there are sparks? You don't build a relationship on sparks. You are so off limits right now. You have a husband and children. He has no business even looking in your direction and vice versa.

I would work on the marriage first. Divorce has long reaching effects that you don't consider when the kids are young. What if he (you) move out of state at some point? Are you OK with another woman (who may not be all there) parenting your children part time? How will you feel when your kids announce at age 13 they want to live with dad (in another state)? And on and on...

At one point you loved your husband. At one point, he was special. What was different then?

M., I have felt similarly in the past, sans the other guy. My husband is very much a homebody and has few interests. We did get to the point where we were just roommates. It has been a hard year for me and there were times where I wondered if we could even fix it. The good news is that just a few months later, I feel like we are bouncing back. Is it 100% fixed? No. But we have tried and have improved. The key is to keep trying. Trying to touch at all...like a back rub or holding hands on the couch...really improves your connections. I have tried to develop some interest in some of the things my husband likes. I went target shooting with him last month and I could tell that it meant a lot to him and I actually had a lot of fun and think this is something we could do together more often. We got amusement park passes for the family and have gone 5 times so far this summer and that has been another good thing. I think that you may have a husband like mine- I know mine will just go with the flow, he will not take the initiative. If he is unhappy, he will pretty much not do anything about it and just suck it up and be unhappy in the marriage. He is in it for the long haul, whether it is good or bad. I think that you will need to be the one who takes the initiative but the great thing is he will probably follow your lead, whether it is in setting up counseling or setting up dates.
I suggest you try to reforge your connection over the next few months. I think if you try, he will respond. And I really think that if you try, then in a few months you will feel completely differently and you will be glad that you are not dealing with a divorce and being a single parent. Good luck!

Please go to counseling, and please don't have any more contact with the "other interest". You owe it to your family to give this your all.

Sounds like you both need to spend a little time doing what each of you enjoys..together. I play certain video games with my husband, because I know how much he loves that time with me. He attends get togethers or goes to plays with me, because he knows I love those things. Also, you sound like an extrovert who needs to be with other people a lot. That's fine, but your husband sounds like an introvert. You both get your energy and happiness in different ways. You'll both be happier when you learn what each of you needs. If you need to be with people, you'll need to keep scheduling fun events with friends or the kids. Then go home and do something quiet and fun with your husband. Plan a romantic dinner together or grab pizza and watch a movie together. Sounds like you both need to put some effort in. Skip the flirting with others. That never leads to happiness, just pain.

M.,
Divorce will ruin your children's life and all it will accomplish for you is to supposedly give you more excitement and fun. Can you hear the level of selfishness you are contemplating? I don't know what the word adultery means to you, but just because you divorce does not make a new relationship legitimate ( No I'm not catholic). Divorce for the purpose of remarriage is adultery. Is that really the kind of mother and example you want to be to your children?

I believe in my heart of hearts that marriage counseling is ALWAYS worth it, giving your ALL to try to fix your marriage should be a given, no matter what! You loved him enough at one point to marry him & to have children with him, so it is ABSOLUTELY worth fighting for!

Now, with that being said, if you ask yourself and if YOU feel in YOUR heart of hearts that you should have never married him & that you guys REALLY never (if your willing to be completely honest with yourself) had that strong of a connection with him & that he is not your soul mate, if that is true, it is my belief that we only live once & you should own up to your mistake & move on. You BOTH deserve the time & opportunity to find each others special someone. I believe in True Love & that there is 1 person for each of us! If you HONESTLY do not believe that your husband is 'The One' then let him go & find his true love!

There is a real chance that you guys just let young lust/love take over, you guys were very young, still are actually, & being afraid to speak up & hurt your partner is a real thing, no one wants to hurt someone on purpose!

So search your heart and be COMPLETELY HONEST with yourself...& then tell your husband how you feel & ask him to search his heart to.

~For what it's worth, if I were you I wouldn't let my feelings for this new person who is showing interest in you or you in him, have any stock in your decision making. That would be incredibly stupid & will do more harm then good. And on the severely off chance that this new love interest is your one True Love, he will wait for you...

Hi, M.:

What you are experiencing is normal. You are developing into a young woman and haven't learned the skill of romance. (He hasn't either). Like you said: "you didn't have anything in common."

Now you need to learn about yourself without any interference from your husband or others.

Get you a weekly calendar (ataglance.com)

Schedule time with your husband every week as a date night.
Obtain a babysitter and go out or stay in.
Plan something you would like: movie, dance, dinner, etc.

Be funny, witty whatever makes you feel silly or whatever.

Start observing your husband: What does he look like, how does he dress, what about his physical shape, hands, feet, eyes, etc.

Drink him in. Watch he has he works, plays, relaxes. Be a detective and make a note of all this in your personal diary.

When you do all this, let us know how you are progressing.

There is a writing from the Song of Solomon 2:15:

"Little Foxes that are ruining the vineyards"

These are the things that will steal the fruit of love before it has a chance to be enjoyed. If you want to taste the delicious fruit of romantic love in your relationship, then you'd better pay close attention to those things that are nipping your love in the bud. For us, these "foxes" have included:
...Wrong priorities
...Young kids who wear us out
...Teenagers who won't go to bed
...Financial pressures
...Changing seasons of a marriage
...Poor health
...Crowded schedules
...Unrealistic expectations
...Critical Spirits
...Unresolved conflict

We think the most deadly fox, however, is apathy. If you truly are committed to making your marriage last for a lifetime, and enjoying the type of oneness God intends in a relationship, you need to make a choice to keep romance in your marriage. Neglect has snuffed out the romantic fires in far too many marriages.

Counseling can help. You have to do the work to learn about you and what you like about yourself and your husband. Make time for you and make time for him with you.
Good luck.
D.

ah, grasshopper..the grass on the other side of the fence always looks greener..however, the guy you are lusting after from afar will only lust after YOU as long as you are married to someone else, when and if, you make the mistake of leaving mr. homebody, mr. lustbunny will suddenly decide that you are "crowding him" and "trying to force him into a relationship", trust me, instead of trying to justify getting involved with someone who is eager to help you destroy your relationship, work on the relationship you already have. send mr lustbunny packing, he can and will find someone else to tempt into being his "fu#kbuddy"cause, thats al lhe wants, anyway. you will sleep better, your husband will thank you and most importantly, your children will admire your integrity
K. h.