Losing Control, Not Listenig

The books:
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk.
Have A New Kid By Friday (by Leman)

the more you fight with her, the more a vicious cycle of it, will happen and duplicate and ripple.

she is a child. You the adult.
They don't have the skills like an adult does.

Kids are not always like how they are now, when they are older.
It is not permanent. But if they don't learn coping skills or emotion management & boundaries... then it will be harder. When, they are older.

I strongly suggest Dr. Sear's discipline advice, it talks about having patience, behavior shaping.... I actually bought his book, but a lot of the info is here on his website. My kids are the same age as yours and it has helped a ton:

http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

Read the book Back to Basics Discipline (or scan it on Amazon) by Janet Campbell Matson and change your approach. A 5 year old who is happy and firmly handled (time outs and removals don't faze some kids and just make them madder that they have no boundaries and respect isn't effectively enforced) will not act like this. It's premature to suspect a medical issue if you haven't been firmer. Testing is never a bad idea, but If she is able to behave and focus some of the time, and she fights more with you than anyone else, it's likely she does not have ADHD, and you may be able to handle this naturally. My daughter is like a best friend thanks to early discipline as well as all the love and attention she gets. You can turn this around. What are the repercussions when she gets aggressive or fights you? That should not be an option for her. Scan the book, and get ready to firm up if you think it resonates with your home and her behavior. If you feel you're already too firm, then you may want to look at Dr Sears type stuff, but if you're not firm enough, being even less firm will make things worse.

my mother was my mother and father and she was very stern with me i never really got spankings because my mother let me know the first time it wasn't a game. and the more i did it the more severe the punishment would get. and the last resort would be a spanking.

i was on medication for ADD and it turned me into a zombie because the addiction levels of those medications are very high and similar to the equivalent of street drugs. so you have to be real careful when getting perscribed medications like that.

she needs more discipline and she needs to know you are not playing with her. she needs to know she can talk to you and trust her but you are not her friend you are her mother.

Food allergies can cause behavior problems. You can also try to put her to bed earlier at night. Keep consistent with the discipline 100%.