Hear is a long story shortened. I'm in a middle of my divorce. I have split parenting time with my other half. Which to me is not a bad thing but his mom is in the middle. He lives with his parents and they want them full time. His mother is playing head games with my kids. My son wanted to go home early this weekend because they made him feel bad because he was with me. I'm trying to be good about this but I'm falling apart and my daughter is watching. I love my kids and want what is best but I'm lost. My son is 10 and my daighter is 8. I know that you shouldn't put them in the middle but that is the only thing they have on me and they want me to pay. In every way.
I don't have any specific advice for you, but I do have a good website to get some www.divorce360.com I am still at the considering divorce stage, but it has been helpful. If not just for the reason you won't feel so alone. Good Luck!
sadly this is something that happens all the time, in fact I'm going through it right now with my 5 kids. oldest dad's favorite, and boy he really showing it breaking all the kids apart and the anger, hitting that coming around my 15 year old totally disrespectful and does what she wants to do.
tell the lawyer, and does he have seperate rooms for each?
Dear C.,
First of all let me express my sympathy for going through a divorce with having to deal with child support and all you are dealing with. I went through a divorce 5 years ago but my son was an adult. I later led a support group called DivorceCare.com (no dating allowed during the sessions) for people who were seperated or divorced. It is nationwide and I reccomend it to everyone involved in a divorce.
I have two ideas, the first may be the hardest, talk with your husband, keep the focus on what is best for the kids. Ask him to ask his mom to not put the kids in the middle. That where they live is a decision for the adults.
I would also talk with your lawyer, they often have access to resources that can help the kids.
And one more thing, keep loving your kids, tell them that you are sorry that they have to go through this, get them into counseling, help them to see that they are not the only kids whose parents are divorced. Look up DC4K.com for a childrens support group that is connected to the adult DivorceCare.
you will be in my prayers,
S.
Well i am also going through a divorce and my suggestion to you would be to contact your lawyer because you can take him back to court and fight for physical custody and he can have only visitation but have it stipulated that enable for him to have overnights he must be in his own place. This can be awarded if the lawyer and judge speak to your children and find out from them what is going on over at that house. Do your children tell you what goes on there?? If so i would definitely call your lawyer and take your children to see him with you so they can tell the lawyer what goes on. Something needs to be done ASAP before this leaves a big lasting effect on your children. I know you want to share custody with your ex but sometimes it doesn't work out how you want it too and sometimes it is for the better that it is not set up that way. You can have it as temp. custody until he does get his own place. Does your ex know this is going on? I would also have it where your in-laws are only allowed to see the children under supervision or not at all if this is how they are, this is something you can bring up to your lawyer as well.
Remind him of the paperwork that he signed that stated that they shall not speak ill off or allow others to speak ill of the other parent in the childs presence. Its standard in PA for both parents to sign. Who gives a rip what they think? Speak directly to your almost ex only. YOu did not marry his Mother or Father. You are only required to deal with him. If he continues to allow the children to be in that enviroment....call your laywer. Be proactive and keep a log of what the kids are saying/asking you after they return to your residence. Don't be obsessive about it, just mark down the negative comments that they are hearing and passing on to you. Also remeber, at 8 and 10 they will be able to see each parent for what they are, they do NOT need any adult interference. I have been legally divorced for about 7 years and physiclly seperated for over 8 1/2. My kids are you kids age. It totally sucks, but don't make them share in the emotional burden of what you are feeling. Look up the effects in divorce and making your children your emotional lovers. It will make you not share a darn things with them. Also, my husbands MOM was to open about her divorce and dumping her emotional gargabe on my husband that he is still dealing with the effects of it years, and years later.
I would try & talk to your ex & his parents about the situation in any way possible, even if it's writing a letter. They need to know that what they're saying to the kids is unacceptable. His mom may think she's doing what's best for the kids, but in reality she's just hurting them. She shouldn't be bad mouthing you as well as you shouldn't be bad mouthing any of them. This puts the kids in a weird position, feeling they have to take sides when they're the innocent ones.
What your children's grandparents are doing is not right and this needs to be stopped immediately. They are putting your children in the middle, which is only going to hurt them. You need to go to your lawyer because a court will NOT allow this to happen. What his mother is doing is not right and your children should not be in that type of environment. This is not about her. This is about you and your children. How DARE she make them feel guilty about spending time with their own mother. You should have the court order him to live somewhere else, what she is doing is emotionally abusive to your children and is not an environment they should be living in.
I'm not a lawyer, this is based on what happened to a close friend: Her ex moved in with his parents and they played head games like this too. She tried to talk to him about it and got no where. She told her lawyer about it. Her lawyer took him back to court and the court ruled he had to have a home with a bedroom for each kid. Living at his parents, he could not provide a room for each kid. In the end, he had to find his own place so that he could see the kids. The games stopped. If you can't talk to him about it, then maybe you need to talk to your lawyer about this.
Not sure this will be any good but have you spoken to your ex about his parents? I don't know he will be of any help to you. Good luck you you!
C.,
I have been through a similiar situation when I went through my divorce. As hard as it might get at times, the only solution is to contact an attorney and take him to court. At that point, full custody will be given to you and visitation will be set for him and it can be supervised if his mother doesn't quit running you down in front of your kids, and also to help make things a little easier on you, they will also set child support for him to pay you. If he complains about having to go to court just let him know that you were willing to agree to the arrangement you had but his mother ruin it for everyone. Honestly, this is the easiest way to handle it and in the end it will be best for the kids. Hang in there.
Hi C.,
Have you thought about Family Conferencing?
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Hope this helps. D.
