Lack of Sex

First- Congrats on 26 years! Second- I'm sorry you've been through so much! I know first hand about the money woes and infertility. Both of those can have a HUGE toll on you marriage.

As for the "how long is too long" question: according to a family theripst that was recently speaking to a ladies group at my church, medically speaking, a man needs to release at least every 3 days. I know! THREE DAYS! What in the WORLD do they need it that much for??? But- according to her, that is the "magic number" to insure his long term health.

Just as an FYI- I am sure you already know this, but Anti-depressants can have a negative effect on your (and his) libido. I was on Lexapro for a VERY short time (pulled off to countinue infertility treatment) and had a possative libido inpact. I am not sure if it is "good for most people's libido" but it was for mine. (My hubby asked if I could go back on it after we have our baby in November, even though I don't think I will need it then! LOL)

Anyhow, talk to the Dr about whether a different AD might have a better "sexual side effect" for each of you. If all else fail- get creative in the bedroom. Force yourself to THINK you want it, and sometimes you actually really do by the end of the day. Wear a sexy bra and underwear or a corset, and by the end of the day, you may be excitted to get it "going" that night.

It will be hard to get in the habit again-spread out the actions over a few days. Start with cuddling in snuggling, move on to kissing and massaging, then the big stuff. You may not feel like it but once you really get going you'll both be happy. Feelings follow actions. Don't dread it, look forward to it. Remember how good it feels?! There's nothing better than forgetting the days troubles in the arms of your hubby.

Talk to your dr. about side effects. Maybe your hormones need adjusting. has your hubby had a physical lately? Let your daughter live her life now and get on with yours. At 23 she can do what she wants, whether you like it or not.

you are not alone in the lack of sex dept. i have only been married for a few months (i am 28, he 35) and our sex life is non-existent. we too are facing a lot of external stress (our relationship is great minus the no sex thing all our stress is caused by work, family, etc). we have discussed it at lenght because we feel guilty that we each are just not that interested in sex right now. but we realized that there is more to being intimate than the physical act of intercourse. like last night, i wasn't feeling well so I went to bed very early and my husband came in and laid down with me and held my hand till i fell asleep. my suggestion is to talk to your hubby about this, express your sorrow over your diminished sex life and see if you guys can explore other ways to be intimate. Then work on the stressors in your life and the sex part will fall into line. As for your daughter, remeber her age. She is at a stage in her life where she is trying to establish her self as an adult (which we all know is not easy) so she is going to be miss-know-it-all. Let her live her life and make her own mistakes, sometimes that is the only way some of us can learn. She will figure it out, and trust me if you just let her be she will start coming to you for advice, at least that was the way I was.

don't worry about it, sex is for making babies, you don't need to make a baby do you

You and your husband have about a hundred reasons not to be interested in sex. The stress,the antidepessants, and your hystorectomy are really big libedo downers. Yes, if I were you I would have some concern, but not worry. Talk to your husband about this and see how he feels. It's the intamcy that's important here. And sex is something that helps to create that between people. Take it easy, don't make this one more burden for yourself.

You can go without sex for a long time and it won't hurt you. Really, most of us go for at least 16 (hopefully more) years when we are younger, and then some people deal without sex for years and years with no problems as adults. Anti-drepression medication and all the stress is probably to blame for the lack of sex drive for your husband and yourself. I wouldn't be concerned about it, just try to get the rest of your life under control (and both of you off the meds) before you start adding that worry.
By the way, all young women think they know everything. They find out at different times in their lives that they aren't as smart as they thought they were, so give your daughter a break. Sooner or later, she will grow up and be mature enough to deal with on a reasonable basis.

Hi C., I too have been married for 26 years, in fact next month we will celebrat our 27th. There is a lack of sex in my marriage as well, I am 51, been going through the menopause stage for about 2 years now, my husband thinks he's still 25. Fist of all i would get off the meds, and look for natural cures for depression, and anything else that ail's you
uness your husband is complaining about the lack of sex, i guess it's not a big problem, my husband still needs sex or a rlease in some way every 3 days, and for me tice a month is fine. I don't know how your 23 year old daughter fits in, does she still live at home? we have a 21 year old son at home and a 19 year old daughter, our 24 year old son is married and lives in Tucson AZ. You are done parenting your daughter, so try not to onsintait to much on her. The meds are probably affecting your husbands sex drive. With all that you have been through, how is your over all marriage? let me know and we can talk furture on this matter. J.