iIf A Child in Your Child's Class Threw a Desk During Class...

I would expect the school to notify me if MY child was involved.

No more.

No less.

Best
michele/cat

Why is she asking us??????????? Because thats what Mamapedia is all about!!!!!!!!!!

Mama, do not go to the teacher, go straight! to the administration!

Wellllllll, yesterday my daugher "threw" a chair in her class. Let's see....she was sent to the office, and I had a conversation with the teacher too. I would say that what occurred in that conversation and how that was handled would be between the school and me and would not be something to discuss with every other parent in the class. At the same time, I know of some things other kids have done because my daughter freely shares the bad choices that everyone makes. As appalled as I was that she threw a chair as she headed into a sensory meltdown, I'm equally certain that she's neither the first nor last child to have ever done that, and I am handling the manner privately. Some of your questions (consequences for the offender, and how approached the child's parents) violate the child's privacy and are not necessarily your business. Also, throwing a chair or desk seems to mean knocking it over in anger versus the image that may run through our minds of a kid picking it up and item with both hands, hoisting it over his head and heaving it.

Well it's really none of your business what another child does unless they hurt your child.
Added: NO the school doesn't notify the classes parents, even if a child is injured its ONLY the injured child and the child who threw the desk parents that get notified.

Two of my daughters witnessed similar incidents in their classes.

My youngest daughter witnessed a child shove a desk and attempt to throw a chair during a temper tantrum last year when she was in first grade. She informed me the day it happened and told me that the boy was immediately brought to the office and sent home. The children were not informed of whatever else his discipline was and it wasn't at all my place to ask. The school would not have told me anyway due to student privacy rights laws. The boy went back to class within a couple of days and although he was always spirited, that behavior never occurred again.

My eldest daughter witnessed a similar incident as well and she didn't mention it for several days. That boy was also dragged to the office immediately by force as he was also trying to physically attack the teacher for not defending his dropping of the F-bomb and hurling racial slurs at all of his classmates (very racially diverse, btw) in a 5th grade classroom... because during an education discussion it came out that something his parents taught him was inaccurate. He called everyone racist pigs, assholes, effing effers, every potty word you would ever think of and more and he was just wild. The class was in shock when he went off and remained silent while the teacher tried to soothe him but the boy wouldn't have it. He just escalated. According to my daughter, his attitude had been increasingly worse from the beginning of the school year. She said he wasn't in school for a few days after that, and then he refused to apologize to the class or the teacher. His parents came and apologized for him. A month or two later, the family packed up and moved. It was all very odd. But the school never called home on that one either. Student privacy rights laws applied.

If my children were injured in those instances you bet I'd expect a call home. Simply witnessing the meltdowns? I don't need a call for that. My girls know that meltdowns happen to typical children and special needs children alike. They know that everyone has their trigger. Having a special needs child in our house has probably helped my children cope with things like that.

But really... our children aren't such delicate flowers that they can't witness another child's tantrum or meltdown even if it includes throwing chairs without the teacher having to call the parents of every child in the class to notify them. What would the teacher even say?

"I'm calling to inform you that a child threw a chair in class today."
"Okay... and?"
"That's it."
"Was it my child?"
"No."
"Was my child injured?"
"No."
"Was my child distraught and requiring a trip to the school psychologist?"
"No, I was simply calling to inform you that another child threw a chair."
"Ummmm... thanks? I guess?"

Can you imagine having to do that 15-20 times?

EDIT: What should a school do? Behavior plan per the school's handbook. Probably a suspension or in-school suspension. The child would also likely have several pairs of eyes on close watch. It could be a one-off situation and never happen again. If it's ongoing, then the school and the parents would have to come up with a long-standing behavior plan aka course of action to help prevent the behaviors and deal with the behaviors when there are signs of it being likely to occur. If the behaviors occur again, action taken would depend partially on the school handbook and partially on the behavior plan. Any further action would depend on what the school and parents are willing and able to do. Sometimes it's a special needs situation and a child needs a paraprofessional or, as some people think of them, a "shadow" throughout the day. But it really depends on the individual situation.

You need to really think about the fact that it's an individual little boy, and you don't know his personal, individual situation. You're not entitled to know. You have to simply trust that the school is working with the parents to address any concerning behaviors. If you can't trust, then you have to decide how you're going to handle it.

I had a student once who came into my room, kicked a desk as hard as he could, and sat down. Scared the bejeezes out of me and my other students. However, I DID know ahead of time that this particular student had anger and depression issues. I knew this kid was never going to get anything out of my class today, so why keep him in my room where he might get angrier? I got the closest Asst. Principal to take him to see what was wrong. Simply getting this poor kid out of my classroom had two positive impacts. The other kids were safe, and he got to talk to someone about what was wrong without getting in trouble.

I don't know what prompted this student to throw a desk, but the school is obviously trying to handle it in the best way they can. They are under no obligation to tell you if another student has done something unless that something was done to your child. Let them do whatever it is they are trying to do. I promise you they are going to do everything they can, because they want the kids safe as much as you do.

ETA: Okay, to try to answer your questions more directly, how these instances get handled is highly varied. It's all very subjective depending on who the child gets sent to for discipline and also taking into account any prior issues of the child that only the child, parent, and staff are aware of. As I said in my example, my student did not get punished in any way. He didn't hurt anyone, and he just needed help and time to calm down. Could he have gotten in trouble if I had given the Asst. Principal a different start? Probably. If I had said "Hey, this kid just brought in a whole barrel full of attitude" he might have gotten in trouble. As it was, I knew that (even with his issues) this behavior was out of character and we needed to get him the help he needed.

First of all this sounds like second (or third) hand information from a six year old. If you didn't actually see it happen then you don't know the whole story. Remember the old adage, "believe 50% of what your child tells you happens at school and the teacher will believe 50% of what your child tells them happens at home."

All schools have something like a "parent/child/school handbook of rights and responsibilities" thing either in their office, or on the district website. This spells out EXACTLY what kind of behavior will or will not be tolerated, and what the consequences will be, including suspension and expulsion. I suggest you take a look at it.
And schools also have privacy laws in place. They will generally not notify parents of another child's behavior/discipline issues, because it's really no one else's business (except in the case of bullying.)
Example: my daughter scratched a little boy in kindergarten, hard enough and deep enough to draw blood. I would have been mortified if the teacher had told all the parents about it, and my daughter would have been seen as violent or troubled, when in fact she wasn't, she just had a bad moment. She was disciplined by the principal (lost recess) and nothing like that ever happened again.

I've never had the school notify me of another child's suspension unless the incident involved my child. (My DD was 6, and was shoved down and kicked in the stomach by another child - they notified me because my daughter was the one attacked.) If your child was not in the line of fire, so to speak, then there are probably some privacy aspects that have to be respected, even if your child witnessed the incident. In 1st grade, for a child to throw a desk... there is something major going on with that child, you can bet on it. But the school can't really discuss it with you, except from the standpoint of your child. As in, they can outline for you what steps they'll take to protect children from violence in the classroom, but they won't say what's up with this child who was suspended.

My Andy had a lot of anger issues to work through because of his Autism spectrum. What I found was the school was willing to allow him more freedom than I was comfortable with.

I say this because I wonder if the norm is giving the child with issues latitude.

They did have to report to me everything he did and when I felt he was a danger to the other children I insisted he be kept separate until we figure out what is causing him to act out.

I guess I am saying if there are spectrum issues involved you may hit a brick wall. I would like to think that had I ignored the dangers the school would have listened to the other parents concerns but I am not sure that would have happened.

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I get what your question is, I can only answer from the point of view of the aggressive child. I do not get the feeling they cared how the other parents felt and that troubles me.
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Ya know, the trouble with your what happened is we can't tell who it is directed at. If it is at me, I think you are being rude, if it is directed at others it still may be rude. Could you perhaps be clear as to which response you are attacking?

Why do you think the school should breach confidentiality in this instance? There is absolutely no way the teacher or any other person at that school should be discussing this with you. At the conference if the teacher does not tell you that she cannot discuss that with you in any way she should not be in the position she is in.

You would not want your personal information discussed with all the other parents at the school, why should this parent or family be any different?

Why do you think they should let you know something happened, your child was not hurt, you were not effected by it in any way. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

They cannot tell you if they are taking any action, they cannot tell you if they feel you child is not safe or is safe, they cannot discuss this with you in any way at all.

Hey K.!

Unless the situation directly effects your child, the school is not responsible for notifying all the parents. They have busy jobs, can you imagine how time consuming that would be?
That doesnt mean that if you have questions, that you cannot ask. But, be prepared that, another child's punishment is none of your business.
Now, you can ask what the schools policy is on behavior, but they dont get into too much detail with each specific kid. You can understand that right?

If my child was not hurt in the process, but it bothered her, we would discuss it at home.

If the child hurt my child I would expect the information, but other wise no. All it would do is cause unnecessary worry and turn parents against this one child.

I don't expect that any notice would be given to the parents. I mean really, what would be the point? Would you send your child to school in a helmet and /or other protective gear? Keep your child home from school? Insist on a meeting to discuss this other child which the school can't really do (confidentiality)? All it would do is get people riled up.

I'm not sure how a 6 year old "throws a desk" but I would expect that the child would be suspended and any further acts of violence would be grounds for expulsion. My thought is that the desk did not get air born and no one was in real physical danger.

My initial reaction is that I would not expect the school to report it to the other parents in the class. It sounds like they handled the situation and I'm sure there will be major conversations with the child's parents. If the desk had hit another child, I would expect those child's parents to be notified, as I would if the offense was hitting, kicking, biting, etc.

As much as I would want to know that something like this is going on the classroom, I don't think it's appropriate for the school to spread information about a child's discipline problems to the rest of the class. As bad as the kid may be acting, there are still privacy concerns that the school needs to consider. It would create even more negative stigma when he returned from his suspension.

Wow, these responses are surprising to me. I understand that they don't need to tell the parents private info about another child, but that child stood up in a room full of 20ish other people and threw a desk. Hmmm.....seems like everyone already knows who did it and what they did. Telling the parents isn't going to hurt anything. Perhaps the kid acts like this because no one calls him on it!

It is being handled so I would not bring it up. Teacher will not discuss anyway.

Nah--you won't be notified about something like that. The school will discipline the child according to their guidelines/rules.
You got the story from your daughter.
That's about it.
Unless she was involved or affected, you're not going to be notified.

No, you do not have any "rights" here, unless your child was hurt. Why are you asking us? What does your school's discipline handbook say? My kids' charter school and regular public schools have specific protocol in place regarding the age of the child, the specific behavior, and specific consequences depending on frequency. I suggest you read your school's policy.

In both districts, it has been handled with increasingly more strict disciplinary action, our district has a no tolerance policy with weapons, but a school desk does not count. In every case, unless your child was specifically targeted or was hurt as a consequence, the teacher is not even allowed to discuss other people's kids with you. You'll be crossing a line to ask, unless your kid's teacher is a gossipy busy body.

Your best bet is to talk to the Principal about it.
The Teacher will not or cannot tell you about the incident.
You can ask the Principal about policies/safety issues/concerns and their procedures for kid safety and/or Bullying.
But they cannot tell you details of the specific incident or about the children involved.
No doubt, many other parents are asking the school/Teacher or Principal about this, since news like this spreads like wildfire at a school and among kids.

Sorry this happened!!!!Teachers can't tell parents how they disciplined or even if they disciplined another child. I would teach your child how to handle themselves if they are ever in a situation like this again.

I don't really care what the kids issues are - I just don't want him hurting my kid (and other kids and the teacher).
I want to know what the school is doing to prevent things like this from happening again because if they are doing nothing and my child is injured - someone is going to be held liable.
If it happens a lot, I either want the violent child removed from my sons class or if that is not possible I want my son in a different class from the violent child.
This might be a matter that will make a difference if all the parents of the whole rest of the class demands to be moved away from this kid - it might be easier for the school to shift the child elsewhere where there are fewer things to throw or more adults in the classroom to help control his behavior.
Main streaming is not for everyone - some just can't handle it.
I don't care HOW they handle it as long as my child can expect to feel safe in school and will not fear being attacked or hit by flying furniture.

Yes this is probably an extreme case of something that happened in your child's class, and yes it's somewhat alarming, and yes you do have a point that your child possibly could have been injured....But even taking all that into account, I don't think it would be normal to notify parents of all the alarming things that happen during a day. I'm sure there are lots of kids that say rude things to the other kids and/or to teachers and staff, I'm sure there are kids that throw or have thrown a pencil across the room, I'm sure a kids get angry and shove furniture and in all of those situations your child could have been close to it, accidentally involved in it or hit by a flying object but it doesn't mean they need to or should tell you about every incident.

Think about your own current or previous work situation...there are people you work with all the time that have bad tempers, poor work habits, poor attitudes, etc. If your coworker shoves his computer off his desk in a fit of rage, is your boss going to come to all of you and explain the situation...probably not.

I would not expect a teacher or administrator to tell me anything about the situation unless my child was somehow directly involved. As a parent of that particular child, I wouldn't want anyone talking to the rest of the parents about my child unless their child was directly involved.

If you have concerns, and you obviously do, then absolutely talk to the teacher about it. Likely you will get more of the story and possibly additional information, but it is not likely you will get further communication about this child or any other incident like this in the future.

First, I would be very upset that this occured. If the child hurt someone with the desk, they should notify the parents of the injured child. Notifying all of the parents that he threw a desk is unnecessary. I would discuss the issue with the teacher and let her know that you are concerned for your child's safety. She will let you know what is being done to keep the other children out of harms way. I would also express you concerns with the principal in a rational, calm way. There was an out of control child in my sons class one year. He was sent to the alternative school very quickly and I think parents, including me, discussing our concerns helped speed that process along and he was sent sooner than expected.

Honestly, I really wouldn't expect there to be ANY communication from the school to me, unless my child was directly involved in some way. Either the child doing the aggression, or the child on the receiving end of it.

My son had a student with a lot of anger issues in his class in 4th grade. The student didn't last long. They moved. My son came home often with stories of what the kid had done on the playground or what have you. But since he wasn't involved in it, the school didn't mention it. Given that we have communication with our own children, I knew everything I was "entitled" to know by virtue of my child's account of events. And really... that was all I needed to know to talk to my child about it. If he was upset by it, that was what "I" needed to address... the rest is/was the school's responsibility, not mine.

There was an occasion when the child moved back, the following year, and he and my son's friend and my son all were involved in something on the playground. Son was indirect involvement... the kid chased him into a fence. But son's friend was a bit of a "macho" type, and wanted to "defend" my son and so jumped the kid. Fight. All 3 were sent to the office and ended up spreading mulch around the flower beds at school during recess and after they finished eating at lunch. I WAS informed by the teacher what happened and why the boys were spreading mulch. They were friendly with each other after that, too. Ended up being an excellent therapy for all 3 because they had to work together on the task/punishment.
But I was not told anything other than the facts, that the child had some anger issues that were being addressed, and that was about it. Actually, the anger issues info might have come from my son. Can't remember. It's been awhile.
The boy had changed households and was being raised by his grandfather at that point. Son ran into him at a fair a couple years ago... ran right up to each other with the "hey man!" stuff.

The only information you need (since your child was not involved) is how your daughter is affected, and your daughter is where that information will come from. Just talk to her. You should be able to tell if it has affected her or if she has shrugged it off and is not concerned. THAT is what 'you' deal with.

Just my 2 cents.

I haven't read any of the other responses.

I would talk to the teacher about your concerns. If you don't feel comfortable with their response, go to the principal.

6 year olds are awfully small people. Getting hit with a chair or desk could cause serious damage. Children should feel safe at school. I can see other behavioral problems arising from children who do not feel safe around this other child.

It's worth following up on.

You ask how administration makes sure no one gets hurt, well short of shackling the kid during class, nothing. If they remove him from the calss...well they can't. I can only assume this is a public school, as you don't mention and I am not one to go digging in your profile to search for clues.

Basically, they will have to take their steps of discipline and then if he cannot behave properly and messes that up, he will have to go to what they call an opportunity school. He will have get himself thrown out of the school first.

Exact same thing has happened in our school and we were not notified either. My son told me and he wanted to know why the kid did it. This same kid has gotten physical with other kids and this year with my son. We are in a small school & we do know that this child in question has mild autism. I tried to explain to my son that while he appears the same, his brain formed a little bit differently and he can't get surgery to fix it. So he has a harder time learning some things and while we do not want anyone getting hurt we need to try & be kind and loving and patient with him, but do not let him hurt you and always know he can hurt you and not mean too. I have been told that laws have changed and that since government is broke, they are starting to integrate children into the mainstream that may not be quite ready. My son has become close with this child and he has a connection that none of the teachers have been able too. My son is a natural at calming this child down, now the teacher is always near by and so far we have not had any injuries as we are going on year 2. I see it from both sides, if my son had the same problem, i would want him mainstream & not with more severly behavioral children however I can see that my son aand his other classmates have to accept a lot of distractions with the choice. I do see though that the kids have learned that when the teacher is occupied with this child, they have become more independent and have developed a little network of helping each other and I think that is pretty cool too. Do I want him hurt? no. Could he be? yes. The only way I could protect him with 100% would be to home school. Hope it all works out for you.

If your child was injured they should tell you.. but would you expect them to tell all the other parents taht your child was injured and the nature of the injury??

my friend is currently a long term sub in a classroom of autistic children. the teacher is out for 6-8 weeks because a child threw a chair and it broke the teachers arm. none of the parents no how the teacher broke her arm. the parents of the child that threw the chair do not know that their child did this.

What is normally done in cases like this.. is no one is notified. the child may be suspended or recieve other discipline as appropriate. but the other parents do not need to know this.