Help - Am I Being Irrational or Is Any Kind of Gun at School My Business?

I don't think you are over reacting at all. The school should have sent a note home and an email out! If they are worried about the child's name getting out, DON'T USE A NAME!!!!!! If that happened at my child's school, the school board would be hearing about it along with the news and a few other people! Safety should be the number one concern and there are too many kids who think that stuff like this is a joke. The whole "if I ignore it, it will go away" attitude needs to be DROPPED. IGNORING IT IS HALF THE PROBLEM because it teaches kids that it is tolerated and swept under the rug! They are probably trying to keep it out of the media thinking that the kid is doing it for attention, but I still think the parents have a right to know!!! They were wrong to not tell you about it and even more wrong to tell you they aren't supposed to talk about it.

You are spot on! I would contact a local news station and see if they would be interested in this story. It might just make a difference the next time around! Good luck!

I agree with Penelope G. They should have some type of protocol. I used to work in a school that was unsafe. I wanted to know what the protocol and policies were. You're not being irrational.

I'm in the Portland Public Schools District in Portland, OR. Our schools would have sent home a letter. At least the one my granddaughter attends. We've received 3 letters this year telling of safety issues. The first one was about a 2nd grader who during recess said that she saw a man with a gun in her classroom. The story was completely false. The room was dark and locked and the windows have shades so that you cannot see into the classroom. The second letter told about the school being in lock down because a car thief was on foot running from the police. The third was sent only to my granddaughter's classroom parents. It told the parents that the father of one of the students had committed suicide a couple of years earlier and the student was talking about it. Theletter said that the school counselor would be talking with the class and gave parents the option to have their child not in the room during the conversation or for the parents to attend if they wanted to.

Students names were not given. The letters were written in part to dispel rumours that might go around as a result of the incident.

As a parent, 20 years ago, I received letters explaining incidents at this same school. And over the years I've been aware of other schools doing the same.

I have thought that sending letters home regarding incidents that touched on safety or were likely to generate rumors was standard in all schools.

I have never heard of a school not being willing to discuss any incident about which the parent is concerned. They don't give names but will describe the incident and answer questions. The reason is to reassure parents that their school is addressing important issues. Even when the school thinks the incident minor they will talk with the parent to reassure them or to rethink their own decision.

Parents are an integral part of my granddaughter's school. They are a part of the policy They have many parent volunteers in the classroom and on the playground. I am a playground volunteer and happened to be at the school at the time of all 3 of those incidents.

I suggest that you first talk directly with the principal. The therapist who was standing in for him may have been wrong. I also suggest that if the principal was not there on the day of the incident the school staff may have not followed policy. The principal is the first person to talk with in the process of clarifying and/or correcting policy.

If the principal doesn't respond satisfactorily to your concerns go next to the superintendant of schools. The school board and the press are the last resort if the principal and superintendant are not responsive.

I sure do agree with your last paragraph. It seems that personal responsibility and common sense are being politicised out of our culture. Same for political correctness. I hate that it has been formalized. Common sense allows people to be considerate of other's rights and feelings. Yes, we have a lot of prejudice and uneducated people who do need to be trained some how. But we have gone overboard. When we ban Hucleberry Finn we are denying a part of our history. Ignoring history does not change it and sets us up for repeating it.

I guess I am confused how knowing more about this would protect your child? I am torn on this, because I am both a mama and a teacher. I think there are a lot of things that you don't know, and hopefully your child doesn't know that happens at school- physical violence, bullying, etc....basically sh_t happens everywhere... and we have to have faith that the people working there will protect the children from it as much as humanly possible. Really, is there anyway for our children (and our families) to completely be protected from all the BS that happens?? Unfortunately not. I think that the school would not want to publicize this to make parents overly fearful and irrational decisions on the part of parents. I think the school did the right thing by kicking that kid out. There are many expulsions and suspensions that happen that are not publicized, to protect everyone...especially all of the other children at school. Basically, the staff at schools try to swiftly, quietly and quickly get those problem children taken care of in order to protect the other children, and get back to the work that should be the focus of schools....learning.

No you are not being irrational. I'm a retired school teacher (middle school) and if and when any incident of import occured in our building, our principal composed a letter that went home to parents that day or the next at the latest. All schools in Washington State are required to have an emergency protocol in place to deal with any and all of these kind of occurences. I taught at a small country school, and I thought that I would get through my career without any of the "big" ones -- which ended up being rather naive; since we hit them all before I retired. I am passionate about schools being safe -- and the only way we do that is together, as a community. Go to a school board meeting and ask what the protocols are. If they don't have answers (in the form of a document), raise hell.

I do not believe you are being irrational, especially in the times we are living in today and the number of school shootings, bomb threats, etc. that occur. I would insist that the school send home a note when incidents of this nature occur. The school my son attends is very good about doing that. Parents need to know that their child is in a safe environment and letting this kind of incident go by without informing parents does not help parents feel their child is in a safe environment. If you do not get resolution at the school, then take it to the superintendent. If no resolution there, take it to the school board. If none there, take it to the newspapers. I would take my child out of the school if the issue were not resolved and even homeschool him/her. Both children and parents need to feel safe and informed.

I am a teacher and in our school, a letter would have been sent home to parents. Our district has a very open and honest relationship with our community. You should NEVER have had to dig around to find out that information.

I would be at the next school board meeting, along with other parents who feel the same way, because I am SURE you are not alone. You should have been informed, no questions asked. The school can inform you without naming names if that is what they are really concerned about.

I don't think you are being irrational at all! They don't have to name names in order to tell you that your child has been exposed to something potentially dangerous. First off, it helps to squash rumors and also if your child was present (or any other child for that matter) then they may (understandably) be upset or scared to go to school. I don't believe it is unreasonable to ask to be notified that the situation took place and that it has been handled appropriately for instance

"We regret to inform you that one of our students made a poor choice in bringing a weapon into our school. The child was caught, no injuries occurred and he is no longer in attending class at our school. Please call with any questions or concerns. Due to protecting the child's identity we cannot disclose who he/she was but know that we have taken proper measures to insure the safety of all the children in our school"

Or something to that effect. You may look to other parents at your school, if this is something they feel strongly about then I would take it to the board if necessary.

But, I can see how they may not want to send something out and unnecessarily frighten children and parents (just something to consider, but I'd still want the note!)

Hope this helps?

I am sure that this is going to be an unpopular stance, but, yes, I think you are being irrational. The school handled the situation. I am sure that the parents of the children who were shot at, i.e., in any kind of danger, were notified and the boy was expelled. It seems to me that the school handled the situation swiftly and competently. They also did so in a manner so as not to cause panic over a fairly dilute situation.

I may be totally off the wall but, but if the school policy says then can't talk about it then up to a point I think its ok as long as they are doing something about it. But at the same time I think that maybe they could send something out on a more general note as a reminder making us aware that that is not allowed so that we know something related to this happened. So that we can talk to our own children about it to remind them that is no correct.

In a perfect world, parents (i.e., the ones who pay taxes to pay for the schools)are the customers, and the schools would cater to them and keep them well-informed. However, it seems that more and more, the mentality of the school districts is that they are the ones in charge and the children ultimately belong to the state, thus removing any need to cater to parents. In fact, a year or so ago, there was a court ruling in Maine (or Mass.??) that stated that parents who choose to place their children in public schools basically give up any right to decide what they are taught. Sounds a little Nazi Germany to me!!! You can go to the school board meetings, grill your daughter with questions after school and even park outside the school to observe, but I don't think you will ever really know what goes on. Parental rights are under more attack these days than they have ever been: children are given serious medical treatment without their parents' knowledge or consent, high-schoolers and jr. high students are made to sign statments that they will not share information with their parents about assemblies that deal with sex and alternative lifestyles, here in California, our governor has signed a bill that requires alternative lifestyles be TAUGHT to young school children, regardless of their parents beliefs, the state is requiring mind/mood-altering drugs for children all over the USA. This is all true and real (I would be happy to forward you links to articles if you are interested). This is what goes on is public schools, and there is often little or no recourse. You have probably pegged me as a homeschooling mom by now!!! We do homeschool our children for the above reasons and mostly for the great academic and social benefits it proides for our kids. But, homeschooling is definitely not the best option for every family. I don't know what kinds of options there are for education in the area you live in, but I would look into other alternatives for education, as your school has proved to be as presumptuous and secretive as so many other public schools accross our country. It is the concerned mamas like you that the public schools need, but there is often little a concerned parent can do in the face of bureaucracy and sercretiveness. I do wish you all the best and support you in this fight, whatever steps you decide to take.

You are NOT crazy for feeling this way! The school should have told everyone about the gun. There is something wrong with the school not you. I would look into talking to someone higher up than the principal.

You absolutely have a valid concern. I can understand the position of the school not wanting to release the child's name who brought the BB gun, however, they to have a responsibility to parents to let them know A) what happened and B) what actions were taken and they can do this without divulging names.

I would not consider this a school shooting, (THANK GOD ) but there was still a level of danger and with what's going on in our world today, you should have been notified immediately. This, in my opinion, is what's wrong with our school system today. They are taking parental control away from the parents and deciding for us what we need to know and when we need to know it. I would definitely be having a tantrum that I wasn't notified. I would also be demanding to know what actions were taken & would push the school to hold an assembly for all the kids as well as parents about the dangers of guns, BB or otherwise.

As a lawyer and a mother, I can see this from both sides of the issue. The mother in me thinks: "You had damn well better inform me of stuff like this!" And if my child had been hit by a BB and the school failed to notify me there would be a world of hurt coming down on every administrator who had a hand in making that decision.

The lawyer in me recognizes that guns, even BB guns, at a school are a HUGE hot button issue. A mass notification would have brought the media down on the school like a ton of bricks. Plus you'd turn 60% of the parents into neurotic messes who'd be demanding metal detectors and other security devices. The rumors, etc., would follow this ten year old kid forever.

If I worked for the school district, I probably would have erred on the side of notification simply because the rumors are going to get around anyway and then you're going to be dealing with the neurotic messes you wanted to avoid anyway BUT you're also going to have to deal with some seriously P.O.'ed people because they weren't notified up front. (Cover-ups are NEVER a good idea unless you can completely cover something up. If it's going to get out anyway (and 99.9% of the time it WILL!), it's better to get ahead of it!)

Not irrational.
The school is WAY out of line, especially if any shots were fired, to not have told parents.

In an insane world, being 'normal' isn't the healthy choice!

You go, Mom!

Spitting in the wind - certainly not! A gun, any gun, at school is dangerous. If I had ever been in your shoes, that principal would have heard a big piece of my mind. You have every right to know about potentially dangerous situations at the school - as does every other parent. How can you make informed decisions if you don't know what's going on. BTW - if he was at a conference, where was the second in command? Sounds like that individual was sleeping!

Personally, I would go to the next school board and PTA meetings and bring up the subject if the principal doesn't give you the time to discuss your concerns. He needs to establish a public policy about how and what information is given out if an incident occurs. The only information you aren't entitled to have is the offending child's name. His action is public information and you have a right to know about it.

Don't doubt your instincts - you're right on the money!

P.

I believe that the school most definately should have sent a note home with each child. The parents should be informed of such a potentially dangerous situation! The kid was aiming it at students while swearing....oh my god! AWFUL I know BB guns can cause damage especially to someone's eyes. The school won't say anything unless that happens? Why wait for that? A child bringing a bb gun to school and shooting it at the students is alarming enough.....I think the media should be aware of this too! That school needs to be corrected!!!!
I understand "protecting" the kids privacy....but they need to protect the innocent children first!!!!!!
I sure would like to know what school that was!!!!!!!!
Please let me know what school, and I will stand by your side if you decide to take this further!!!!

That is CRAZY! Evey parent should be informed, at least to speak to their children about what a bad choice this person made and how unacceptable that is. The school is only worried about their own heads. It seems these days, everyone is worried about the other kid, and you are the only one to worry about your own.

My first concern is which school was involved- was something going on at my kids school that I haven't heard about yet? Secondly- My stand on it is that the school should have sent home a note with the kids letting them know there was an incident at the school and that we should talk to our kids about gun safety. It could be used as a learning/reminder opportunity for our kids to know what precautions the school takes tokeep them safe and what the kids needs to know if they see or hear about a gun being at school. The Orting school district had a couple of attempted abductions a few weeks ago- a message from the school district was left on our phones and a flyer was sent home to inform parents and asking that we revisit the topic of "stranger danger" with our children.
We, as parents are the biggest advocates for our kids- no one will advocate or work harder to protect them than we would as the moms. Trust your insticnts and fight for what you feel is best for your child. Good Luck!!!!

Hi T.,
You definitely have the right to know immediately! I think it's the responsibility of the school to ensure the safety of ALL the students. If this boy was able to bring a BB Gun to school, then what kind of safety measures is the school taking to ensure that this doesn't happen again? It is your right as a parent to know all that goes on at school, and also to ask questions and to make sure that this absolutely will NOT happen again.
The school should be making you feel confident in their ability to keep all the children safe. And if one child was able to "sneak" a gun to school, what's preventing another child from doing the same?
It sounds to me that they need to step it up a bit, and respect the parents a bit more by keeping you in the loop.
Maybe take matters into your own hands, and go straight to the board, and even write your own newsletter, banding parents together to make some changes in your school.
It only takes one person to get the changes on the roll.
Good luck to you!
M.

I also think that parents should have been informed. It can be done without naming the child. This is something parents would want to talk to their child about when it happened! I hope you talk to other parents at the school too and all voice your concerns.
You are a good mother to want to be told about something so important. Some children may have been scared or confused about what to do in this sort of situation. Please keep on being so corncerned about your child's welfare.

I would want to know!! Even if my child was not directly involved, or endangered, there are still psycological effects that must be delt with! I can't imagine how small children would take such a thing! You child was effected if she has ever heard the news from another room, if she has ever felt the smallest amount of fear. How is she supposed to learn effectively if she is afraid and not supposed to talk about it either? I disagree with the school and IF it was just a case of brining the gun not shooting it the school needs to squelch these rumors NOW.

The school should have sent home a flyer with the children explaining that there was an incident at school today. State what the problem was (no names) and the action taken. The children are going to go home and talk. Parents need to know what actually happened, so they can talk to their child and address any fears it may have created. I know at our school if there is a dangerous issue, a brief note comes home...downplaying the situation of course LOL but giving us info. That way if your child brings it up you aren't going HUH??? What??

I agree with you!! Maybe the school did not notify any parents (or just the parents in that boys classroom?) because they did not want to create a panic state. Not a good reason to not notify all parents! I also hope that this boy will be sent to therapy and monitored in several ways, not just by his parents. Here is the ground work for a much bigger incident in the future...then we'll ask were there any signs along the way?

Hi there,
I hope you decide to post whatever responses you receive to your concern, as I am also interested in what other moms have to say about this. As far as I know, nothing like your situation has happened at my school, but I do know that a county sheriff's deputy has been at our school on occasion. Apparently, a student at our school gets into trouble outside of school (though I don't know what kind of trouble, but if a deputy has to visit from time to time, it can't be good), but there's been no communication to the school community about it. Maybe it's because no one at the school has been hurt or worse and the deputy comes just to stay in touch with our principal about this student.

As for a kid bringing a BB (or any other) gun to school, the fact that he actually pulled the trigger (hurting anyone, including self, or not), THAT should have resulted in some kind of communication to the school community. Even if the school wants to protect the privacy of the student (because he's a minor, or for whatever other reason), the letter that could've gone out should have said something like, "Because of an unfortunate incident at school recently, school district officials would like to remind everyone that all schools are weapon-free zones. Any student found carrying a weapon of any kind (real or replica, e.g. toy) at school will be expelled immediately." That of course will set off a wave of concerned parent phone calls, but if the letter is done right, most answers (to appropriate questions, i.e., no questions regarding the name of the offending student or whatever else is legally deemed 'private') should be taken care of.

Maybe I'm writing this response too soon, just having read your issue and not taking a little more time to think before I write, but I wouldn't say you're overreacting. Yours is a natural reaction, and it's sad that nowadays, people seem to simply shrug stuff like this off and only worry about it when it affects them directly.

Let's just start off by saying that, no you are not irrational. Last year they had a scare in my daughters school district, and no one was told until after the fact. I found out and that teamed with a few other safety issues in the area led me to take my daughter out of school, she is currently homeschooled and I as a parent feel much safer. And I will continue to do so until improvements are made in school safety. So I emplore you to take action and if the district that you are in doesen't step up, then you may want to look into other alternatives.

OH MY GOSH!! I would be LIVID!! You have the right, as a parent, to know what is going on at your child's school. I can't believe that happened. If the school doesn't want to name the child, then fine. But, they should've at least sent a note, explaining what happened. I can't believe that happened! Good for you for standing up for yourself and for your child and all the children at that school.
It's interesting that schools complain about parents not getting involved enough, yet when you want to be informed of a dangerous situation at your child's school, they suddenly have minimal information to share!

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Stick to your guns, though. You did the right thing by trying to find out all the information.

The incident may or may not have been as big a deal as your child said. You know how things get blown up. Maybe the kid did bring a BB gun to school and got caught with it and now has been expelled. Does every case have to hit the national news and destroy the kids and families future? The kid may not be a serial killer in the making, but a misguided rascal. The school would probably have sent a letter home if any of the kids had been in danger or something serious had happened. I know we can't always trust are schools are doing the right thing, but before getting too upset try and get the whole picture.

First off, OH MY GOODNESS... I can't belive you had to be a dective and search for results yourself. It makes me mad that they didn't send home a note. I would be appauled. They have a right as a school to inform parents of any issue that concerns the whole school. A gun is a gun reguardless of what ocmes out of it. A paint ball, water, a bullett or a bb. I have had issues with my childs school about not taking things more serious, as my step daughter fordged my name and changed a grade, mind you she is in second grade. The reading teacher said it wasn't a big deal, and they see it all the time. No. That is not acceptable to me. I was later told that if I don't like what the school and princiable is doing, go right over their head and go straight to administrative. We were concerned that she changing her grade, and signing my name, would go farther in life, if we didn't address it now...she was grounded for her poor choice. Anyhow, my point is if your not happy with what your getting at the school, go above that, and go to administrative. You as a parent of a child that attends the school, have a duty to protect your child, and they as the school have a right to protect your child while they are in their care. Not informing you of the problem, is wrong on so many levels. Good luck.

Find out what you can do so this NEVER happens again remember this is YOUR child you have the right and the resposibility to know EVERYTHING that happens to him/her! Take it to the top if you have to. It doesn't nessecarily matter who shot the gun but the fact that it happened and nobody told you is wrong and there should be regulations in place to see that you are told (and there maybe). If this is a flaw in the school or school district. Find a new one. Absolutly do not let them railroad you about your child, EVER!!! Good luck!

I have no school age kids yet. But, I am totally sure that I would feel the same way as you do... and my husband would take it a heck of a lot further.

The point that some kid brought a weapon that could seriously harm another student to school is a huge issue. I don't care if it is "just a BB gun". If this child had another, more serious gun at his disposal, he could well have brought that one. And, lets not forget that BB guns do not shoot out nerf balls. If a person got shot in the eye or mouth, or even ear, with a BB gun, very serious consequences could come of it.

Let me get this straight, the kid shot, several times, outside on the playground... and then even inside the building, at his locker? What happened to security that this child
A. Had a gun at school, and it was not confiscated?
B. Had a gun at school, started shooting it, and it wasn't confiscated before he had a chance to shoot inside and outside the building?
Where are the teachers, etc, in this situation? Did they not hear a gun being discharged? I know they don't make that much noise... but still.

Questions for you, what policies does the school system have in place for notifying parents when a child brings a weapon, of any kind to the school? that includes anything that is brought that has no other purpose than harming people: knifes, guns, martial arts weaponry, etc. (I mean, anything is a weapon... but these things are not acceptable in any case at a school.) Let me tell you, a BB gun can do more harm than a knife, simply because it has a longer range than a knife.

I seriously would check into the policies of the school district and the school, itself. Then, I would try and get some of those policies changed, or added, if they dont' go far enough. I understand that raising unneccesary alarm is not acceptable, either. But, a gun is a gun. And I do not think this can be chaulked up to "boys will be boys".

by the way, this is coming from someone who had a friend shot and killed by a 13-year-old boy when she was 14. She was shot through the eye. It was not a BB gun. But, the eye is extremely vulnerable, as is the rest of the head. I also have a friend that was "in the wrong place at the wrong time" and was shot in the head during a convenience store robbery. She had just graduated high school, 3rd in the class, and was planning on college, career, etc. She suffered a massive brain injury and ended up having to re-teach herself literally how to eat, let alone read and write. Guns are dangerous... any guns, in the hands of children. You need to know about this stuff, you are not crazy.

What school did this happen at? I don't want my child, when he is old enough, to be in that district.

Good luck... I'd fight this, with all you have.

OKAY... I tried and can't keep my mouth (or fingers) quiet. Yes, we did a lot of things when we were younger that were legal then that aren't now, such as some people being able to ride around in the back of a pickup truck (which was illegal when I was a child, and I am not from a progressive state on these issues). However, that was not done with the intention of harming another individual. Cap pistals, BB guns, etc... all still legal. But a school is never the right place to bring a weapon, of any kind. This boy brought this with the intention of shooting at other students. This is the key... intention. Also, laws are in place today because yesterday, people got seriously hurt or killed, when it was legal to do things that aren't legal now. You don't get things to become illegal on a theory... there has to be proof.

Yes, this can cause a symptom of mass hysteria. But there will be more mass hysteria if parents are feeling that their kids are not being adequately protected, than if the school informs the parent. And I totally agree, they don't have to disclose a name to inform you that a 5th grader--- roughly what, 10 or 11-years-old?, brings a gun to school and has been shooting at kids on the playground. That bullet that bounced off his locker and hit him could've hit another student, like someone else said, in a very sensitive spot, like a major artery.

There are a bunch of different opinions on this subject, mine are pretty strong, probably because I grew up in a city where there were not adequate gun control laws, and kids got killed on a regular basis because others were just playing around. This kid sounds like he was experimenting with how much he can get away with in the realm of school shootings and harming other children. The school, thankfully, at least, expelled him. Hopefully, his parents will get him some help, and not be outraged at the school for their response to him, which would only serve to validate his behavior.

T.,

You are NOT being irrational. This time it was a BB gun, next time it could be another Columbine, or Virginia Tech, or, yeah. Yes, there are confidentiality issues, but the school should have sent home a letter saying a student brought a BB gun to school, but has been blah blah blah. There are ways to write a letter like that without naming, or even giving away the gender of the student.

if it were me, I'd be raising h*ll to find out who made the decision to not inform the parents of every child there that something like this had happened. But I digress. You are right to be upset and concerned for every child at that school.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I don't think you are overreacting, but I do think you should take into consideration that the principal is away and they are probably not allowed to send out a mass memo to all parents without her coming back to figure out what happened and draft an appropriate letter home to parents. She's the boss and most school-to-home correspondence has to cross her desk first. Wait until next week - I'm sure there will be a note home.

T.,

No, you are not over reacting. As a mother and former teacher, I too would be very upset that the school did not let me know that this had happened. You need to ask them what the School District's policy is on this type of incident, and then see if they followed it. If they didn't, I would contact the Superintendent to make sure that this will not happen again in this way. If this is the policy of your school district, then I would be contacting the Superintendent and School Board members to get this policy changed.

When my children go to school, I need to be able to trust that they are in as safe an environment as possible. If my local School District treated a dangerous situation like this, they would definitely be hearing from me, along with any other parents that I could gather to support me on this issue.

Good luck on this. Don't let them intimidate you. If push comes to shove, you can also contact your local newspaper and encourage them to do an article in the paper about this so that more people can be informed and get on the administration's case.

My son is only 18 mos. old but I'm hoping more people speak up regarding common sense. I hate that schools don't tell parents why the school has been locked down until after the school opens back up. I think parents should be notified of a gun or bb gun at school or it being shot. I can see the point of wanting to protect the kids privacy because they don't want the child to be targeted for revenge but we need to know. They can even keep the name confidential and say: the child didn't have any previous problems but we did expell someone who is confidential,etc.for having and shooting a BB gun. Then it's our choice what to teach our kids regarding safety or pull them from the school if we see fit. Thanks for venting to us. I didn't read what people wrote but more Americans gathering together to stand up for our rights the better. Remember to breath and think positive. We can help it get better.

Here is a link I thought might be helpful, I have read read two of this authors books and they are AMAZING, truly. Gavin De Becker. Here is a short list, and also check out the book, "Protecting the Gift."
https://www.gavindebecker.com/ptgquestions.cfm

hope it helps.

I would be very upset if this had happend. I would contact the school board and ask about the policy for this in the future. I think they handled it wrong! It is scary no matter what kind of gun and something should have been told to the parents. I would keep pushing regarding this and not let the school just simply let this pass. If this is how a school handles such a problem I would seriously consider moving my child. Rumors are worse than the truth sometimes! There are ways to share information and still have confidentiality at the same time. I am horrified at this. Please get more information about this incident and make sure it gets handled in a better way. This is no day in the park...and even if it were so to speak...you would have been there with your child to help them through the situation.....by not providing info they have made the sitution even worse than it probably was. and proceeded to create some panic and doubt in the way the school handles behavioral issues! Good Luck!

T., I'm with you girl. A notice should have gone out to parents that a gun was brought to school by a student, what incidences occurred and whether anyone was harmed, and an explanation that the child in question was permanently suspended. Without notifying parents about these events, we only begin to hear through the grapevine, speculate and fear the worst. The privacy of the child could still be protected in this case by not identifying a particular person as the perpetrator.

If you think the BB gun situation is outrageous, let me share a story of mine. My two young daughters attended a Waldorf school in another city many years ago. Our family was attending a festival when I noticed a young boy holding something in front of my Kindergartener's face and staring at her in a hostile way. As i got closer, I realized it was a long-blade knife which the boy quickly ran off with when I started yelling at him to put the weapon away. Loooonnnngggg story but the bottom line is, the school body was not notified of this incident. The family's other children remained at the school and I was told that the school was still considering admitting the boy in question (he would have entered kindergarten the following year). The incident was explained away as the boy's knife was one he used for whittling (you've got to be kidding me! A 5 year old with a switchblade for whittling?) and that he didn't mean to harm my daughter. The whole thing was swept under the rug in the name of maintaining the peace and their laissez faire attitude toward discipline. Needless to say, we left the school shortly thereafter but I can't say public school has been a vast improvement. At my daughter's previous public school, I saw two boys at the back of school property with BB guns, aiming them at students on the playground. I immediately went to the principle's office and she told me she would take care of it and call the police. She never followed up with me - I had to call her to hear about the outcome. And of course, no one else at the school was notified about the incident.

It's just crazy and when we send our precious children off to school every day, we want to be assured of their safety which includes being informed of any breaches. You're not just spitting in the wind and I would follow up with this if I were you. Good luck! p.s. I happened to be shot by a BB gun while I was at high school (too many years ago to count) and it was not only extremely painful but scary as hell (whoever shot me was hiding and I never found out who did it). Fortunately the shots hit me in the rump rather than the eye. Anyone who classifies BB guns as "safe" and poo poos the threat of them hasn't been shot by one. In fact my friend's niece died as a result of a pellet gun shot wound inflicted by her brother in an accidental shooting at home. This is nothing to mess around with.

OMG - I would be sooooo mad if that information weren't shared in some way. I think the school should have sent home a letter, not naming the boy, but basically explaining what had happened, and how they were handling it (expelling the boy, classes on school violence, etc.). They should have invited parents to contact the school with any questions or concerns. Yes, that would mean extra work for them, but in this day and age, parents are justifiably scared about things like this, and investing in communication opportunities helps to reassure parents that everything's being handled appropriately (or, to get good feedback if things need to change).
If I were in your shoes, I would write a letter expressing my concerns to the school district, and possibly the superintendent as well.
- R.

I think you are totally entitled to know what happens at your child's school. The school doesn't have to disclose who the culprit was, but as a parent they need to inform you especially if he shot at kids on the playground!

Hopefully more parents would be informed and make this into a learning opportunity for their kids and tell them that ANY gun can be dangerous and that is why they can't take ANY type of gun to school.

This fuels me up because my husband and I believe that guns are NOT toys and we do not allow our son to even have toy guns because we don't want him to be confused. My husband is a hunter and we have guns in the house, we want him to know that a gun is a weapon, not a toy.

I know that schools take this very seriously. I mean, my friend's son who is in preschool said to a little girl (while they were playing) "I'm gonna shoot you", and now it is on his permanent record. Yes, this friend lets her son have toy guns that are lazer type space guns, but still, he said it and now it is on his record. Not to mention, her son is borderline autistic, but that doesn't matter. The teacher knows no seriousness was meant of it, but she has to put it on his record. Now, that tells me schools take this very seriously, and if they do they should know that parents take this type of thing seriously and deserve to be informed.

What is frustrating is that there is probably some political reason at the root of this that kept them from informing everyone, such as it would reflect badly on the school or school district, or they would have to get metal detectors for kids to pass through or do some other form of security and they don't have the budget for it.

No wonder so many people are home schooling their children!

NO!!!YES!!!You are not being irrational...It is your business!! If my child had been in that school I would have been in the company of the DA...a lawyer...a police officer...and a few other parents when I approached the principal of that school. How did he get the GUN to school? On a school bus???in a private car???or, just carried it in and NO ONE SAW HIM??? What's wrong with this picture???? The school should have been put in "lock down" and all parents notified.I think you should talk to someone connected with the law and then seriously consider some alternate form of education; ie, a private school,or perhaps home-schooling. THIS IS YOUR CHILDS' LIFE AT STAKE HERE!!!! Remember Kip Kinkle in Oregon? No one thought it could happen there either but it did, and at several other schools after that.You are the only protection he has from the rest of the world.
Good Luck
C. H.

While it's true that it happened and corrective actions were taken, I definately feel you had the right to be informed immediately. This is your child at the school, and your parental responsibilities are being compromised. Not to make you more upset, but how do you know how many other times this has happened at the school, whether with that same child or another one? Is this a pattern at that school? Demand that you be informed of those serious goings-on.

I would expect the school to send something home immediately! I don't care if they give me the child's name or not, I want to know that something happened.

BB guns are not "safe" guns. I was shot in the knee (accidentally) when I was about 4yrs old and have the bullet scar to this day and I just turned 40. I can still vividly remember the incident too.

This is something to take seriously. I would contact the principal when he/she returns. If you don't receive a satisfactory answer then I would call the school district. If nothing then go to the local paper. This needs to be brought to the public attention so all parents can be aware.

Hope you find the solution you are seeking.

P.

You have every right in the world to know what is going on at your child's school. My children are in High School and I still want to know what goes on up there. You are sending them there with the understanding that the school will keep them safe and it is their responsibility to do that. It is also their responsibility to let you know when something happens that may have an impact on your child's safety. If they feel it is their job to pick and choose what is important to tell you, then they need to be set straight. Unfortuantely, my children's Grade school learned to recognize my voice on the phone and they were also very intimidated by my presence because I wouldn't just sit idly by and let them roll over me. My children are very important to me and the school is going to either recognize that or they will lose my children in their establishment. Period.
Sorry, I get worked up about things like this. I tend to get very vocal about my feelings, especially when it comes to children.

I totally agree with you. Especially with all the malicious school shootings that have happened, it is not something the school officials should take lightly. My children are not in school yet, but this is the kind of thing that really makes me distrust the whole system!

I totally agree.
If I found out that something like that had happened at my kids school I would freak out.
They could have notified parents without naming the kid and preserving confidentiality.
I would talke to the principal, and go over the principals head if you don't get the answers you want.

Wow. This sounds very similar to a situation my son was involved in a month ago. I'm not going to go into the details, because I don't feel that is necessary. Primarily the schools wish to keep it quiet to avoid the attention of the media. They do call in the police to investigate and react according to the recommendations of the officer and the school district policies. I do not think you are being irrational. From the other side of the fence though, I think it is to help the other child's parents deal with their child's actions as privately as possible. Trust me I am sick of the "poor choices." I nearly flipped my lid when the situation was classified as a "poor choice." My child was expelled and I had to take him for psyche evaluation. He spent a week in the hospital (which gave us a bill of $18,500 and no answers). In essence, I think the school is cautious about informing all the parents to prevent a bad situation from getting worse. My suggestion is if you are not satisfied with the answers you received speak with the school board.

I don't know about Oregon, but ANY gun is illegal in CA to bring to school. In addition to it being illegal, both parents and students have a right to know that this incident occurred and what measures will be enacted to prevent future occurrences!

My response could be a book but I won't go there. You are so right to be concerned. I wouldn't let it go. E.

No you are not alone. Schools are making poor choices in who they defend for 'privacy' reasons. A few years ago at our local school a letter was sent home because of a fist fight in the bus line at the end of the day. that same day on the local news there was a story that a boy had forced a girl to give him oral *** in the library! during lunch time! both events occured the same day, and the school took the more public issue to talk about....thank goodness for the local news telling us what else what going on. If you send your kids to school, you really have to stay in touch. It's no longer a safe place to send your kids for 7.5 hours a day w/no questions asked. I homeschool my oldest but do send my youngest. Right now he is only in preschool so it's only half days 4 days a week. I still keep in contact w/the teacher regularly.
Keep up the diligence! I've even had to complain to the local principal about the students harrassing me and my kids in our own yard!

I think that it's fine to call the school and get more information, as second graders can tell some tall tales, but now that you have varified what you could I would try and put it into perspective. I heard of a kindergardener who was expelled for bringing fingernail clippers to school, as it was determined by the staff to be a potential weapon. Kids play with toys, a kid brought a toy to school and yes it wasn't appropriate. Kids do a lot of things that aren't appropriate and my guess is that the little guy will probably not make the same decision in the future. Why completely stone the kid to death by making a huge deal out of what was most likely a totally normal lack of better judgement choice. If it had been my child I'd appreciate the school's decision to deal with it without fanfare and allowing me as a parent to have an opportunity to teach my child a lesson. If you don't like the decision I would look for a school that is more in tune with your philosophy on kids and education.
On a final note, remember when we grew up we enjoyed summer days riding in the back of pickup trucks- and no one died.

It seems to me the school dealt with it and did a good job of it. If they spend time sending out messages every time they have to deal with discipline issues they wouldn't have time to teach. A BB gun is a bigger issue but they did deal with it and the child who was disciplined has a right to some privacy too. If you think about it, a pencil can be a weapon too. I think you are over reacting to it. What different would you do if you had been told immediately?

you are not crazy you are mom who loves her child. my son recently brought a b b gun to school as well. i am going crazy as well. i do not know what is going to happen next. so with that said i share some of the same thoughts as you and again you are not crazy.

Hi T.,
Well I don't think that you are being irrational. I think that you are reacting the way society has taught us to react. Or maybe the news has taught us to react this way. Anyways, I can see both sides of this situation. I absolutely understand your point. However, on the other side, what if that 5th grader made a stupid, stupid mistake? What if your kid made a stupid, stupid mistake like that? Would you want your kid's name and "offense" sent to every parent in the school? What would that do to your kid? I think that parents and kids would feel completely bias against that child for a long, long time. That could make that child, who is on the brink of a major make-it or break-it point of his life go the wrong way. Would you want that for your child? I can only imagine that it's extremely hard to think in favor of the child that brought a gun to your child's school, but I think that it should be considered.
Let's just hope that the kid did in fact learn his lesson and decide to go "the other way". Good luck with your mental struggle about this. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. However, my first starts kindergarten next year. :)
Take Care,
A.

I have 3 kids, 13, 10 and 5. I don't think that I would get involved unless it directly effected my child, meaning he/she was the one hit but the BB's. I think the school is best to handle this. It really would not bother me to not be informed. Really, what could or would I do with the info?
If my child told me what happened at school, I would have a conversation wiht my child about the dangers involved with that childs actions and that he broke the rules.
JMHO
D.