Need Advice on a School Punishment.

Did you call the school and ask them about it? I would ask the drama teacher or who ever kicked him out, why they did. Then once you have both sides of the story, take action from there.

I would be livid! I think you have every right to question the discipline at school. Parents should be consulted before any non-traditional methods (ie timeout, detention, no recess) are used anyway.

I don't know what to tell you, but I would definitely be upset. I think there were other ways to discipline in this case, especially with the weather at 29 degrees and him having pneumonia. Do they realize that 29 degrees is below freezing!

I agree completely with you it was way over the top. I understand their need to keep kids from throwing snowballs, but ridiculous he is banned from an activity let alone do manual labor! I would be furious, take in the report he is recovering from pneumonia and read them the riot act.
You need to write a letter to the principal and the administration office (which I am sure they know nothing about this). Point out his excellent record and that he was ill recently not to mention you were given no notice of what punishment was going to be implemented! I would be so angry!!!! You should stand up for him!

You are not over-reacting at all. You need to call the school and insist on a meeting with the principal and the teacher that was involved in the punishment. In the meeting you need to say exactly what you have said here. Your child should be in the conference as well so he understands and doesn't see this as you trying to bail him out. (even though the punishment has already been issued.)You might find that there was a miscommunication amongst the staff. No matter what, by you having a conference and stating your concerns, the principal and teacher will know that you are both a concerned and involved parent and hopefully any future issues with your child will be handled differently.

T., It sounds like you are trying to be fair and make him be responsible for his behavior, which is good. However, now it's time to protect him and to let the school know that they went too far. Nobody else will protect him. They have too many kids to look after. The fact that he had pneumonia and then sent outside on such a cold day is outrageous. Get out your claws and a very soft voice and let them know that from now on you will be watching very closely. It might also help to sit in class a few times to see how the teacher is handling her classroom. Also let your son know that he has to be accountable for his behavior but that you're there with the big guns when more is needed for his protection. K.

talk to the school and tell them that when it comes to discipline, you would rather handle it. assure them that the punishment will be appropriate to the age and action of your son. it is not for children to maintain the school grounds and it violates child labor laws protecting children from manual labor. ask to see the policy on discipline in the school and ask if it is enforced for each child. in my mind, shoveling snow is too much of a punishment for a young boy, it's almost too much for me to do! also, in my experience, children tend to act out where they are not comfortable. someting to think about i know, but ask him if anything is going on at school he'd like to talk about. good luck

I feel as a parent you need to be your child's number one mediator. Before voicing your opinions too strongly I would suggest that you talk to your son and see if this was from the previous incident or if there is something else going on. I'm not suggesting your kid is a bad kid but even the best of kids can make a mistake once in a while or act out. Even if the punishment was for something else I would voice my concerns that if recess has been cancelled due to the weather than a punishment should not be place that could put the child in danger. Also if the school was aware that he had pneumonia because of missed school this should also be brought up. Nothing can take back what happened to your son but he can be assured that mom cares. It sounds like you did your best to help your son see that you won't rescue him when he does something wrong but that you do care to stick up for his best interests. You may also want to express your concerns about your son being bullied at school and the way the behavior was handled. Although it may have been better to voice your concerns as soon as you are informed and not just out of anger. Good luck!

First of all Ihave to ask when he and the other kids were throwing snowballs did they hurt anyone? Were other kids hit?
If that is the case yes, a stricter punishment would be in order....

Second, I don't think you are overreacting. If there was no recess outside because it is too cold there is no way that your son shoudl have been outside shoveling snow. Were the other kids out there with him? there are plenty of punishments that could have taken place inside. I also don't think having an 8 y/o shovel snow is a fair punishment sick or not.

Third, who dealt out the punishment? Was it the same person that so mildly disciplined the other boy for hitting your son? Or was it someone else completely? Whomever it was they were out of line. I would definaltely talk to the principal about this situation. There is no reason for physical violence to receive a slap on the wrist and throwing a snowball to get a "beating".

I think one of the things you should point out to the principal is that yu are not disagreeing with the fact that your son should receive some punishment, but that the leevl of it was way out of line.

I am rather petty so if your son relapses and must go to the doctor again because of this shoveling I owuld give the school your bill.

Please let me know how this turns out.

I feel yuo do need to advocate for your son. Perhaps begin by writing a letter with phrases like these... "Here's the background, here are other punishments we've seen by the school... Lack of appropriate and consisitent punishments... The need to contact parent FIRST if the punishment is beyond sitting ont the bench at recess." Writing it will allow you to vent on paper, so you can be concise to the school. Then either give the letter to the principal and request that you have a meeting to follow up, maybe inviting the school counselor, OR bring the letter to your meeting so you will not forget any points. You have the right and the obligation to follow up. Good luck.

You have a right to feel the way you do and your thinking is nothing less then rational. Always stand up for your boy if you think that something is unfair, don't worry about what they might think.

From what you said, you need to write a formal letter to the principal and district administrator and state your grievences. I would also set up a personal meeting with all parties and parents involved.

I think the punishments was unfair, harsh, and irresponsible.

Read them the riot act! Mention the boy who got time out for assualt and your son who go manual labor, apology letters, "time out" from activities, and exposure to the elements whith a compramised immune system!

I'm just curious-- was this latest punishment also given because of the snowballs? It seems strange that he would be punished twice for the same incident. Anyhow, from the way you presented it, the punishment is a little harsh in that the school seems to be easier on other students than your own child and disregarded the fact that he had been so ill recently. I would definitely speak to the teacher and the principal and ask why discipline isn't handled evenly with all students and why they jeopardized his health with that punishment.

First things first, the school should have contacted you concerning the incident, there are no ifs ands or buts about it. Next, the initial punishment should have been the end of it, adding additional punishments arbitrarily is not only excessive but confusing to a child. You need to contact the principal and state your concerns at the discrepancy of punishments and also the care of your child. That he was shoveling snow on a day when there was no recess and he was recovering from pneumonia. Just remember to stay calm! Good luck!

If I were you, I'd have a talk with the school officials. I know we don't want to jump to our kid's defense each time something happens as they all need to learn to take responsibility for their actions but I don't think it was fair to get kicked out of his drama class especially if he has been a model student all along. Plus, why didn't the school notify you?? If he was sick and everyone knew it, I'd be angry at his punishment for shoveling snow when it was too cold to have outdoor recess. I think you need to clear things up with the school. Seems a bit excessive of a punishment compared to him getting kicked so hard he couldn't pee. If no one from the school is contacting you, there is something amiss.
JMO

I am both a teacher and a behavior specialist and I would have never imagined that a school would have a consequence that harsh without parental consent. Typically the principal calls the student in and discusses the incident and then makes a phone call to the parents as well. There should not be a time when parents are not aware of the consequences that have been administered.
I believe that you should contact the principal and meet with him or her with your spouse and your child. I would meet with the adults prior to bringing your son into the room just to alleviate any suspiscion that your son may have about him being in trouble all over again.
Ask about the anti-bullying curriculum and the policy behind bullying both at the school and the district level. There are times when students don't always share exactly what happened and it is always best to be proactive and remember that until you have all of the facts you should maintain a positive outlook. Disciplining students in schools has become increasingly more difficult for school adminstration and they definitely welcome any supports from the student's family. Together, I am sure that you can come up with the solution.

I feel your frustration and my best friend who is a mother bear does the same thing she'll call me up and go am I overreacting? Sometimes she is sometimes I feel she is right, I think your anger is justified, when did kids not get to be kids and make mistakes? His first punishment at home and school seemed very reasonable to me, but why did it go over the top? Where all the kids shoveling snow? Where they being used as an example? Which isn't uncommon and in my eyes very wrong!

I have an example, my DD when she was in 8-9th grade, got in trouble for tying a paper towel bow on her bathroom stall, some background.....some other kids had wrapped it in paper towels and tried to tie a bow, but it looked bad so my DD tied a pretty one, she came home and told me about it and I told her she might get into a little trouble for it, she knew that but didn't think they would get into to much trouble maybe a couple of days of lunch duty, but she said it looked so cute all wrapped up like a present, and a about 2 weeks prior some girls had wrote on the bathroom walls in permanent markers and they got a weeks worth of lunch duty and had to help clean it up after school, so no big deal she was willing to take her consequences, it was a practical joke, I remember doing them in school! Two days later I get a call from the school she has in house suspension for 2 or 3 days, in house is about isolation and what she did didn’t warrant isolation in my eyes, so I went to the principle and said I don’t agree I think it was to harsh, after all all they had to do was pull the paper towels down and throw them away, if it was about money I would pay for it, they said no cause it was destruction of school property and considered very serious, so I pointed out the fact that the other kids with permanent marker got off very lightly and that WAS destruction of school property! He did care, so I went to the superintendent (I to live in a small town and small district) for 2 days I battled this, none of the other girls parents seemed to have an issue with it, I was even told that, can you believe the super said that they were using them as an example, these were straight A-B kids and the other girls weren’t......doesn’t seem fair to me! So in the end she got out of school suspension where we went and had fun, she did loose credits for those days, but all of her teachers gave her extra credit work ( I think they believed it was unfair also).

It seems like schools have lost some of their common sense, they forget that kids are kids and make mistakes and that life is about fun for them. I would go to the school and let them know that any time there is a problem with your child that you want a phone call first, before any punishment is being handed out, that he is your son and want to be involved in all aspects of his life, this is what my friend has done for her son and it has helped to cut out a lot of the tension she was feeling towards his school. Sorry this long and I don’t have much suggestions but good luck!

I know your frustration. My daughter was shoved in front of her school by an adult and the school allowed this woman to come and go in the school and continue to intimidate my daughter until a restraining order was issued. When children tell what happened and their is an adult involved, for some reason society automatically believes the adult. There is not justice system in favor for children anymore whether it be in the courts, at school, or in some homes.

You have every right to be upset. I agree with the other posts that you should set up a meeting with the principal and your son and get all the stories straight. I also think that the school needs to provide parents a copy of a written disciplinary policy, which should be consistently used by all faculty. This way you can be aware of exaclty how the school will deal with acting out and you will be sure that the punishments are not over the top.

Go to the school and in a very non-confrontational way make sure you have all the facts. If you haven't received any direct communication from the school it could very well be you are only getting part of the story. No matter how great our kids are they make mistakes and often don't "get" the whole picture etc. etc. Then just ask whoever the person in charge of discipline is to send you an email or call if he ever has problems in the future. If you make sure they know you are open to clear communication and will support them (within reason) they will go out of their way to include you. If not - you've got real problems with your school.

This hits home for me. I was picked on and bullied as a child in school. One time I was strangled by a jump rope, the boy said that he did it as a joke. His punnishment was to sit on the stage during lunch. There was a time when a girl had accused me of bitting her, when I hadn't. We were sent to the priciples office to get things worked out. Things had gotten so bad that I actually had to bite my arm to prove that I didn't bite her. I then had to take a letter home to my mom, have her sign it. I also had to write a letter of appology to the girl. Even though I never bit her. My mom was just as angry as you are now, that I was not being treated fairly. I look back and think that she handled things rather well. She talked to the pricipal about the situation, and how I was being punished worse than the boy how strangled me with a jump rope. I just pray that things look up for your son, and that he starts to be treated fairly when it comes to punishment.

T., I am a teacher.
You are right.
School is wrong.
The first step would be to go to the principal, relate the story, INCLUDING that you grounded your son home,
and INCLUDING the punishment that the boy who hit your son very badly, got.
Snowballs as a group in winter is not such a 'crime' as kicking the other person sick.
Also, the fact that your son was sick, plays a HUGE role here.
IF there will be no consequences,
school district will be the right place.
I do hope your school principal will handle it.
AS TO YOUR SON, I know what you mean, I had 3 kids of my own in the SAME school where I worked as a teacher, my girl right over the hallway. She knew very well that if she misbehaves I am not going to defend her. If she is right and mistreated, i will be standing on her side as a wall. Same for other children: I do not care whether it is my OWN or the other kid in school, if they misbehave, they need to learn that it is not right. In this frame of understanding,
you just keep your line with your son,
and inform him precisely what are your thought:
"You misbehaved, you were grounded, you got your punishment and we hope it will not happen again. The punishment you were added later in school is UNFAIR, so I will be talking to the principal about it. Somebody got something wrong there, some misunderstanding happened, and we will try to sort it out, which does not mean, dear son, that you will have defence eveerywhere WHEN YOU MISBEHAVE."
I would NOT tell him that some particular teacher was wrong, as you need a cooperative environment, you need him to trust teachers and do what tasks they assign, so you need to still support the teachers' authority. Even if you figure out whose fault it actually was, I would say to the son: "They messed up all the information, it is the communication problem: that teacher did NOT know that you were already punished, so the teacher did the wrong move, but not out of meanness or eviol. It was MISUNDERSTADNING, and we sort it out." This is the info for the son, but for us adults, I'd say it is outrageous!
Good luck to you, T., and hope things will really sort out there!

Yikes! Sounds like something or someone is confused. Well, first of all I'd like to encourage you to stay calm and start by talking to the teacher/principal to get their side of the story. I am a teacher and one thing I always told parents at the first open house when I met them is not to let things boil up inside of them before talking to me about their concerns. Also, kids come to school saying all kinds of things that come out wrong and come across in a way that they shouldn't, so at our school we told parents to take everything with a grain of salt and so would we because sometimes kids just don't know how to express something. It sounds to me like your son told you exactly what happened and that it was questionable judgement on the principal's part. . . but before getting really angry inside go talk to the principal. . .adult to adult. Also, if what he has to say doesn't ease your concern/anger, let him know it and make sure he apologizes and suggests some way to make it up to your son and to you. Our kids are our lives and people in trusted positions should treat them like we would while we're not there. Good luck!!! I'm sorry your son had to go through this!

Hi,
You definitely need to talk to the school authorities and explain to them that he does need to be punished, but not in a way that is a danger to his health. You also need to tell them that when your son gets in trouble at school you should be informed of it immediately.
As for the other boys not being punished harshly for picking on him, you might bring that up, but sometimes it doesn't do any good...we have a small school here too and depending on who you are and who your parents are you may get in trouble for something and you may not...small town politics I guess...just make sure you have a voice and all the school officials know it - they'll be less likely to be unfair to your son!

Sounds like it's time to have a face to face with the Principal and the Person who saw the snowball throwing. There's always two sides to an issue. Before this meeting takes place take the time to write down everything you want to say. It will keep you calm during the meeting and ALL your conserns will be addressed. I definately agree with folks here about the sholveling after your son had been sick. Check with the Handbook from the school on two issues: 1. What temperature does it have to be before children are allowed to have recess outside and 2. What is the procedure for "punishment" BEFORE any is taken. In my opinion the children should have been spoken to at the time of the incident and told that snowball throwing was not allowed and then parents called. When my children were in school I was asked what kind of "punishment" I agreed to. I specifically told the School not to punish my child. If a problem arose that my child needing punsihed for I was to be immediately called. Any "punishment" would be handled at home with my discreation. As for your son being kicked I would have hoped that issue was addressed when it happened. I would bring it back to the attention of the Principal and see what kind of "punishment" was adminstrated to that child. I hope you can get all this worked out. You are in charge of your child, the school is there to teach them not discipline them. Disciplining is a parents job, not the schools job. Stay calm!

I am battling a similar situation with my 12 year old son. He is constantly being beat up on at school by girls and when he defends himself he is the one to get into trouble, being told that you dont hit girls. He has come home with welts and bruises all year and nothing is ever done to the girl who keeps doing it to him. It finally got to the point where I pulled him out of school for the remainder of the year and am homeschooling him until next year; we will then put him in a different school. There have been a lot of other issues with my 15 year old son as well. They attend a small consolidated school as well. I have gone rounds with the principal over these issues and the final straw was when the superintendent started targeted my 15 year old and his friends, trying to enforce a dress code that was not in writing. We had no clue how these kids were supposed to be dressing and the sup. was not willing to put a dress code in writing so that he could not pick and choose on a daily basis what he was going to attempt to enforce. In the midst of all of this there are teachers telling these kids that they are "faggots" and they are "gay" in addition to allowing other students to call them the same names and threaten them right in front of teachers and administration. I am fortunate enough to have a membership through Prepaid Legal Services, which is great (I am also an associate for the company and can offer you information on the plans). I contacted the law firm and an attorney wrote a letter to the superintendent and the President of the School Board telling them that what they are doing is illegal. Less than a week I had a letter from the sup. with a dress code (not so reasonable, but it's a start) and a phone call from him. I also contacted the Department of Education for my state (CO). That is where I would recommend starting if you don't feel that you will get any satisfaction from talking to the principal of the school. Follow the chain of command and fight for what is right. What is going on in schools nowadays is not right and they are putting kids safety on the line and it is their job to keep our kids safe when they are at school. The bottom line is that if your child was sick and the school knew all to well about his illness, then this is definately a matter that needs to be addressed; a matter that could very quickly turn into a civil matter. I realize that taking legal action may seem somewhat extreme, but so is what they are doing to your child. It is our right and responsibility as parents to do what it takes to keep our kids safe and make sure that they get the education that they are required to have by law and these schools need to do their parts and they seem to be falling farther and farther away from carrying out their responsibilities. I wish you the best of luck and again, start with the Department of Education and finally the Board of Education because they need to know what is going on before someones child gets hurt badly.

I am a teacher and my advice to you is to talk to the school and find out exactly what happened. A lot of times kids come home and stories get jumbled, not saying that your child did not tell you the truth. It sounds to me like the school needs to be a little more informative with you, especially letting you know about the punishment and working with you to correct it. Just communicate with the school so they will know your concern and so future problems can be avoided.

T - I've been in education for 12 years and it sounds like there is a lot of miscommunication. The best way for you to have peace of mind is to call and make an appointment with the principal and teacher. It would be a good idea to have your son there. Kindness will take you anywhere you want to go. I do not agree with some of the other post that have give negative fuel to the fire. A gentle reminder....little eyes are watching your response. Best wishes!

M.

I would go to the school immediately and request a meeting with the principal. Every story has two sides, but it sounds like the punishment does not fit the crime. How does another child physically harm another and get a time out and your son throws snow and has to do manual labor in below freezing weather? Regardless of what happened, that seems extreme to me.

Find out on Monday....don't wait.

For sure I would call the school and set up a meeting with the pincipal and the home room teacher and find out what there diciplaner ations are for students and what the punishment are or can be.
And also one the most important of all is WHY you were not notified. If you don't get this resloved I would call the school district and let them know your concerns. That would probably prompt a investagation with your child to see if the school has acted whith in there guide lines.

I really think you need to sit down with the principal, and find out exactly what is going on. I'm a believer that you have one punishment per offense, and then move on. It seems extreme that he had three different punishments for throwing snowballs. And while I have always been the first to defend my child, there have been a few times that my child didn't tell me the whole story. Your best bet is to talk with the school and then proceed from there. :0)

T., my recommendation is that you make an appointment to speak with the principal and hear out the adults at school so that you can weigh their version of the story against your young son's. While it is true there are school personnel, who need to be confronted by a parent, more often than not (in my experience) there is more to a story than a parent hears from his or her child.

I raised four children (3 boys, 1 girl), worked as an elementary school secretary for 12 years, and went on to teach. Believe me, I know that how a little one may interpret words or events can be very different from what actually occurred! By this I do not mean the child is deliberately lying, but only that a child's perceptions are just that...child-like.

Time and time again I watched irate parents storm into the school office, demanding an explanation for what they believed an adult at school had done to their child. I also watched those parents sit down with their child, the principal, and a teacher and hear a very different accounting. More often than not, the parents left the school office feeling pretty sheepish.

On the other hand, you are your son's advocate. If what he says happened in exactly the way he told it to you, then certainly someone at school needs to be confronted. Get the "facts" first though. You'll be glad you did!

T. N.

Remind the school that they have no rights over your child without your consult. That being said, your parenting will be the more important thing to your child- as long as you are dealing with him fairly the incidents at school will not have lasting affect. Self esteem and learning start at home. If you are very worried that he is unsafe there- shop around. There are so many schooling options these days you should never feel stuck with an old, outdated, socialist system that does not suit your child and benefit him the most.Don't be afraid to go against the norm if need be. Some schools start getting the uppity attitude that they know best for YOUR child! And that they can police them as they wish. Last time I checked this is still America- we still have choices. Stand up for your rights as a parent and your child's right to be treated with respect and fairness.
I am a SAHM with three kids 9, 7 and 2. I have alot of experience in the world of education.

I would be outraged about this. Improper action on the schools part. What is the big deal with throwing snow balls in the first place. and if it is against school policy isn't a warning in order. I say take this up with the superintendent and the board.

G.

I would recommend making an appointment with the principle to discuss school discipline and bullying policies. School staff do not always keep parents in the loop in discussing incidents and policies. Make a list of all incidents, dates and witnesses that you can recall. Understanding the bullying policies will help your son know when to involve school staff. My 8-year-old child's school has a mediation counseling approach to bullying, where the victim is held equally responsible and is chastised if they do not stand up to the bullying. It has proven ineffective because there are no real consequences for the bully. Do not worry about being seen as overprotective if school policies are not keeping your child safe. Best wishes.

I am a public school teacher. I think communication is the key to success and understanding. I think it is good that you are giving yourself time to cool off. It won't do anyone any good if you talk about this issue when you are livid. (1) If this is such a big disciplinary issue, as the school seems to be treating it, they should have called you. (2) Look at the school policy manual to see what the disciplinary policy is. (3)It seems like the discipline is inconsistent. It is worth asking the teacher/principal about this. (4) Explain to the teacher/principal that you agree that your son should be disciplined. He has written a letter of apology. You have grounded him. He had to shovel snow (under questionable conditions). And he has been kicked out of drama class. But has the punishment fit the crime? I think you need to refer back to the policy manual and also request consistency. It is important that you discuss this issue in a reasonable manner. Then you will be heard. Ask questions instead of going on the offensive. I would like to know who dealt the discipline. A teacher or the principal? Also, has all of this information come from your son? Sometimes a child's version is different than the teacher's version. I recommend you get both sides of the story. I think you are justified looking into this further. Also, follow the chain of command: teacher, principal, superintendent, school board. I don't think this is an issue to take to the superintendent or school board.

I work for a school district in Colorado Springs. From my experience, I feel you should have been notified by the school of the situation, especially as he is being continuously disciplined in this way.

That's number 1. Number 2 is that they should never have sent him outside when recess was cancelled, whether he was sick or not.

I would call and ask for a meeting that he can attend (at least partially). Ask if the other students are getting the same punishment. Speak to them about the fact that you don't agree with him being outside in the cold if other students are unable to go out there. Get both sides of the story.

Kids throw snowballs. If that truly is the only thing that happened, they seem to be going a little overboard. Removing him from a class, forcing him to do physical work to make up for it, etc. sounds a little extreme if the story he told is completely true. If he did something more serious, though, why did they not contact you? You need to get to the bottom of this.

It's hard to know, as parents, when we need to step in and get involved, but I think this is a very clear cut case of you needing to get involved and hear all sides of this story. I also agree a bit with a PP who said taller kids tend to get picked on more by the adults. The smaller kids are somehow billed as more innocent. That isn't only true in school. I had several friends who were shorter than I was and who looked more innocent overall. They were shoplifting in another aisle from me, which I didn't even know. A security guard came up to ME and started threatening me when I hadn't stolen anything!! I had a job and was going to pay for anything I might have decided to buy. He never ever approached my two friends who were the ones actually committing the crime. It happens, and you'll want to make sure that's not what's going on here.

I'm wondering if someone got hit and hurt by the snowballs? Even so, you should have been contacted. If it was just throwing of them, I think your home punishment and the letter to the principal was good enough punishment.

Good luck!
S.

This IS something you talk to the school about. If it does not get better...you find a new school. That is completely unacceptable for a school to only make a boy sit in "time out" after hurting another child physically like that and then for a few snow balls make them shovel snow...physical labor. This is NOT something I would let slide.

SAHM of 3yo & 5 1/2 yo in Kindergarten

Just out of curiosity, and playing the devil's advocate. Was he outside throwing the snowballs after his bout with pneumonia? Maybe the principal figured that if he was well enough to be outside getting into trouble, then he was well enough to do a little snow shoveling instead ...

Also, does the school have a policy restricting extra-curricular after-school activities for children who are being disciplined? Was he warned not to snowballs, and persisted on doing it anyway? Did he throw the snowballs at a student or at the principal or a teacher? (I would think that if he threw them at a student, he should have had to write the letter of apology to the student and not the principal.) Where all three punishments doled out after the offense as one punishment, or were one or two of them tacked on later?

While I would be concerned, as others pointed out there are two sides to every story, and your child is presenting his side. I would set up an appointment with the school to discuss your concerns, let them know that you care, and emphasize that you want to know when and if future incidences occur. I would not criticize the school or teachers in front of the child, but if after the meeting is done you still believe your child was treated unfairly, I would talk to them about what you would like done in similar circumstances in private. As an aside, a friend of mine who is a teacher, said one of the most effective techniques she uses for children who are misbehaving is to make the child call their parents at home or work from school, and tell them what happened. This way she knows exactly what the child is telling her parents, so she can head off any misunderstanding, and she can discuss remedies on the telephone with the parent after the child gets off the telephone -- it makes problem resolution a team effort between the parent and teacher, and prevents the child from "leaving out" important facts or neglecting to tell the parent altogether. She also said the child just hates making that telephone call, especially if it is for cheating -- by the time it is done the child is usually in tears.

Very Best Wishes,

A.

Wow... I would go to the school district with this one. You also need to tell the principle that the school is not to punish your kid again with out consulting you since they seem to be incompetent when it comes to justified disipline. Also, if he gets sick again, i think you have a civil lawsuit on your hands, you shouldn't have to pay for any of the medical bills as a result of their inhumane ways to teach a freaking 8 year old.

I have gone through the same thing with my 8 year old this year. I think that they are just testing everyone around them. I make sure that my punishments are right for the crime. I told my son that if I need to, I will come with him to school. He seems to be doing better. Give hime some time and let him know that this is unexceptable behavior. I think he will be just fine. They go through many changes at this age. Good Luck.

You just gave me 2 more reasons to be grateful for home schooling! I am so sorry about your situation. I would DEFINATELY go talk to the teacher and the principal about what happened and ask for an explaination. There's no reason for all of that!

When you can do so calming and with an open mind, call the school and hear their side of the situation.
There might be a lot that your child is not sharing with you.

You should be livid!!! This is way out of line. I am going to assume that all of the boys were shoveling show and were not able to participate in extracurricular activities. With that assumption in mind, I would get together with the other parents and request a meeting with the superintendent. You also have the right to request an executive session with the school board. DO NOT accept anything less than the superintendent ... trust me, it's useless and a pain. I would not let the kicking incident slide either. Colorado has a fairly tough policy on bullying. This stuff happens because parents don't act. Please act!!! If this is a private school, get out now!

Set up an appointment with the principal. Your boy should attend the meeting so everyone gets their stories straight.

I would talk to the school principle. He is being over disaplined for something that does not require all that you said for the lessoned to be learned. He should have never been outside in those conditions doing work. Did the other kids involved get this much? I am not saying he shouldn't have been disaplined but that that seems excessive. I personally homeschool my children know and one reason is how the schools handle disapline of bullies. I would bring that up to because what that other child did is assult and he got a slalp on the wrist compared to your child who through a snowball. (Which lests face all kids do.)

SAHM and Homeschooler of 8 yr boy, 5yr girl, 3yr girl and 16m boy

WOW I do not blame you for being angry, I would be furious! #1 if it is too cold to go outside for break it is too cold to be out side working! #2 If he was punished the day it happened it should have ended #3 I really don't get the whole thing about throwing snowballs anyway as long as they are not throwing them at people or cars what is the big deal? ( and what does throwing a snowball have to do with drama anyway?)
I would talk to the school and find out their side but I would tell them how you feel, I would also make sure that they understand you are to be contacted BEFORE any kind of punishment or discipline is carried out with your child!
This all seems a little extreme to me and if the situation turns out to be as it seems I would go to the principle, school board or whoever it takes to make sure that this kind of situation does not happen again! Don't be afraid to stand up for your child you are the parent it is your right and your responsibility to protect him when he cannot do so himself. I put my children in a private school because I finally got tired of "fighting the public system" just know that you DO have other options for your son if his school is unwilling to be reasonable, let them know this too. I hope your son gets feeling better soon! Good Luck

I would go and voice your concerns in a calm way to the principal. Tell him what you just told us. And ask him why. And then let him explain. If it wasn't the principal then talk to the person who did the punishing and then from there if it isn't resolved go to the principal.

Okay my parents have been teachers for over 20 years so I have experience with how punishments are suppose to be given because my parents complain about how they can't do certain things anymore. That is the most ridiculous thing I have heard and it sounds like the school is trying to make examples of these boys. The letter sounds correct for standard punishment procedure. But the shoveling snow outside when he has been recovering from being extremely ill. Is over the line my advice would be to write a complaint to the school administrator, and principal letting them know that was uncalled for especially since recesses were cancelled because it was to cold and the fact that they wouldn't give the other boy harsher punishment for actually doing harm to him is beyond wrong. I personally would talk to a lawyer. But that is me and I am very protective about my child. Let the school know from now on all punishments need to go through you first. I would also give them all the bills from the pneumonia and the boy hitting your son.

Hi T.,
I think its time to say something and maybe even a call into the school board. The thing that bothers me the most about your story is that no called you to discuss it. Punishment for something of this nature should be up to the parent. I'd ask them questions like why wasn't I contacted? Did the drama club have a behavior standard that you and your son agreed to?
Did throwing snowballs violate that standard? And lastly find out who is deciding these things? Teacher, principal, was there a meeting to decide and if so why weren't you included? I'd talk to the other kids parents too. What punishment were they given. This is one that you don't just let it go.

I'd call the school principal today and set up a meeting for you, your husband and your son to discuss what happened. There usually is two sides to every story but it does sound a bit harsh for the incident, maybe there is some sort of punishment protocal they follow. Your know your son better than anyone, follow through with your gut feeling!

I think democratic school is for the birds, as the time fo4 school has come and gone. Honestly as Mothers we can teach our children what is taught in school. Are we asking alot from those in the schools to do more than what we could do at home. Their actions are not acceptable and should be addressed promptly

HI T.,
You've gotten alot of good responses here and for the most part I would go with them. Put your concerns and complaints into writing, schedule a meeting with the principal and discuss everything you've told us. Leave a copy of your complaints with him/her and request that follow up action be taken. Because they are way wrong in what they've done to "punish" your son. He was punished 3 times for the same action and that is way over the top. It does sound like someone in authority is buddy buddy with some parents thus other kids aren't getting punished when they need to be. I've seen that way too many times when I was in high school so if you feel like you haven't gotten sufficent results from the principal go to the school board and address your complaints with them. You definitly need to do this. you are the only person who will stand up for your children and you need too. Good luck. Let us know.

C. C

Call the principal and politely request a meeting about this issue. Make sure the Drama teacher is there. There may be more or less to this than your son told you, or maybe this teacher is totally out of line (I think the latter). There are many different things that could be going on here, so it's best to get to the bottom right away. Take notes. Email or send a letter to the principal afterward outlining the meeting and situation and make a copy for youself. I after the meeting you still feel that the situation was not handled properly, contact the School Superintendant. I wish you luck!

-Betsy

here`s my advice- I am a mom of two and a stepmom of three (5 kids) 1- you need to sit down with the principle, and the drama teacher and the teacher or playground duty and find out their side of the story. If it is different from your childs, you can take it from there and let them know how you feel. If his story matches theirs, you tell them that you will have to get a PARENT ADVOCATE and set up another meeting with your parent advocate. You and your son have rights and they should work with you. As far as the other boys picking on him - BULLYING IS NOW A CRIME! But his best defense for the bullies that he will have to deal with in his adult life, get him into any marshal arts, wrestling or football. Something that will help him learn how to defend himself appropriately. It will also give him self esteem. Good luck!

I agree with you, it sounds like the punishment is a to harsh for your sons health at the moment. Their punishment for him shoveling snow after throwing snow balls is a suitable punishment for the crime if he were healthy. The punishment should fit the crime or the natural conceqences of the crime should be punishment enough for a child depending on the out come and the crime. I don't condone punishments that don't fit the crime or over punishment. As over punishment can hurt the child more then it does good.

I am sure if you explained to the principal that your child's health is a issue at the moment a more appropriate punishment will be established.

Don't be afraid to speak up you may be your childs only advacate. The teachers and staff have alot to think about during the day and your childs health issues are usually last on their minds unless there is a obious issue.

Schools often punish kids with out noitfying the parents. So make sure you let them know you want a call each and every time there is a issue with your child. You could mention that if it were their child they would expect the same.

Sometimes children who are punished continue to find themselves in trouble for "negative attention" and they get alot of attention when in trouble. Try to catch him doing positive things and give attention to him for them. He will want to do good for the good attention from others.

Teach him to stand up to bullies, one way is for him to have friends who will stand up for him. Bullies like to pick on kids when alone or when nobody else will stand up for them. He needs to know that if he has a bully he needs to "tell" his teacher, school counseler, and the principal. You can also write a note or email to the school to document that there has been a issue for future references. That information is valuable later when your student may be injured or your student has to defend himself. If the school isn't aware of the previous situations with the child and your son, your child could easily be seen as the bully if a fight occurs. They can help get the bully to leave your son alone. It also helps to talk to the childs parent about it if you know them outside of school. My son had a bully who was a past freind. Once I spoke to the parent about the things the child was saying and doing the parent took care of the situation for me. My child didn't have the mob after him anymore. I spoke to the father of the child.. it works best as us moms want to think our kids are angels and get offended and stand offish easily. lol.

Hope this helps.

I have been dealing with this too! I conatacted the district and got paretns together and went in and talked to the principal. Still having problems i am really considering home school i am fed up with how things are running and really think parents need to step in; we have a say in our kids lives. It really seems like we don't anymore. As parents lets make a difference!!!

Hi! I am S. from Norway. Snowballs used to be accepted for having fun, even at school! But we were instructed to keep away from "hard balls" sent directly to one person. Did we have fun! And now kids are punished for doing it! Surely, this is a kid's way of having fun! React to the punishment! Your kid is just a normal kid. Embrace that.
Best regards, S.

I am quite shocked by this type of punishment also! However, take a moment to calm down and then think about the best way to approach the principle. I am not at all infering that your son may be lying, but I do think the best way to approach the school is in a questioning manner. Ask for a meeting with the principle (or whoever has the authority) and ask questions about the situation such as "it's my understanding that my son had to miss drama class and instead shovel snow....." Depending on what their responses are, I would then point out your concerns. If indeed your son was outside in 29 degree weather for 1/2 hour, point out that you don't agree with that not only because he was recently ill, but if it was too cold for them to go outside for recess, then it was too cold for him (and the other students) to go outside period. Most schools/daycares, etc... have guidelines from the state or licensing that direct when kids can be out based on temps, wind chills, etc.. You may even want to check that ruling before you meet with them. Also asking why they felt a punishment like that was appropriate for 8 years olds. I would also ask that he be able to return to drama as you feel it is a good outlet for your son and that 1 "error" in judgement should not affect after school activites.

I would not bring up the other situation but rather ask if there is any way the discipline policy can be discussed. It there is a PTA or PTO, get involved and again, discuss discipline.

I would definitely go to the school and complain. What they did was to your son as a punishment is ridiculous.