I Need Help on Grandkids

Your daughter in law needs a reality check and your son should give it to her. NO ONE in your condition should be traveling for any long period of time due to the threat of a clot breaking lose and causing another stroke. Your son should talk to the priest and see if, due to your circumstances, a video could be make of the ceremony. If not, ask for pictures of your granddaughter in her communion gown. Send a nice card and an appropriate gift to your granddaughter. That is all that can be reasonable expected. You sound like a wonderful lady that has been dealt a bad hand medically. If your daughter in law is still being a pain in the butt, pray for patience for you, and understanding for her. Your son really needs to intervene here. I also suggest this website for you: www.strokenetwork.org. Best wishes to you and your family.
L.

D., I just wanted to offer a little moral support. It's hard having grandchildren and not getting to see them. We've been fortunate that one of our grown kids makes sure to put our grandson on the phone to us. We are strangers to the other two grandsons and although we'd like to see them, we realize we can't force their parents into knowing we have good intentions. We simply pray for the time when they will realize how much love has been awaiting them all.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers!
Kristy

D. L.,
You have a lot going on. I too have hypertension-severe, and Ruptured Disks in L4 & L5 and T1 & T2. I hope you are taking your medicines and doing exercises, try YOGA. That helps the back and the pain associated with the disks. You did not say if you are in pain all the time and your level. I know for me I am always at least a level 5 of pain or grater--NEVER STOPS! People without this problem do not understand because the pain is not visiable to them. I know for me long car rides are a killer even with the seat straight up all the way to keep the back in line. Plus, the hypertension makes it uncomfortable to have your legs bent for any length of time. I know for me just watching tv or sitting here in my office at home Kills at the hip and leg joint! Heck I am only 43 yrs.old and I understand, but I am there!
Your daughter in law is showing her anger because she wants you to be a part of the children's lives. However, she needs to understand your condition.
Do you have other grand kids that are closer to where you live? If so that may make her jealous that they are spending time with you and her kids are not.
I know I remember the times I and my brother and sisters spent in PA with my aunt and grandparents--what treasured times and memories-- I am sorry my grandparents passed away by the time I had my 21st birthday so my kids did not get to have memories with them and in my family my parents are divorced and my dad and step mom live in Fla and my mom is on the west side all of which have never taken the time to get to know their grandkids from any of us kids!Just my half brothers and sister--from my dad and step mom! My kids are missing out on a wonderful experience, so when I become a grandparent I will have to bring back what I had so My children know what they should be doing!
Maybe your daughter in law has no one in her family stepping up to the plate either and she is hurt that you are unable to as well, and she just feels slighted that you too do not want to create memories for her children?!
It is very hard in this forum because it does not allow interaction and questions to be answered to help further and we only get ONE CHANCE to voice our oppinion and help the person on the other side.
I hope this helped some.
Maybe they could move closer or visit sometimes when they get older. Talk to her and let her know what is going on with you and see what is happening with her as well. It does work both ways-- we tend now to stay so far from one another in general that a conversation is almost foriegn. Let's bring it back!
Start today!
Best of luck and try the YOGA or do a slower/moderate 30 minutes of exercise-- I know I feel better when I do it daily otherwise I hurt and get all cramped up like I am 105 years old! Try Denise Austin she is on Lifetime at 6am--Slower Yoga type and 6:30am Areobics (I find this one works best to keep pain at level 5!) and do what ever you can to move and get as healthy as you can--if we don't move it we lose it!
Let me know how the exercise works--even if you have never done it before try it for your grandkids and your BP!
C.

First, of all I am sorry to hear that you have so many medical problems...
Secondly, I am extremely sorry to hear that your daughter-in-law does not understand. I am sure that it is breaking your heart very badly that you can not be there for your grand babies, as you would like to... I completely understand considering that my (pretty much is)Mother-in-law has many health issues herself, as do I.... However, I'm sooo fortunate she lives near!!!!

I'm sure you've tried talking with your son and Daughter-in-law, and explaining your conditions..... If not try, and maybe even send some pamphlets, on it to better explain!!!!!

I know it's hurting you now, but in the long run they are really only hurting their children!!!!! Trust me I know.... I have a grandmother whom barely acknowledges I'm alive, let alone my children..... Then, the only other grandparents I had I didn't know til I was 12 treated us (my family)like outcasts... I've never had grandparents, and every child wants and needs them!!!!!!!!

Hope it all works out for you!!!!

D.,

I am so sorry to hear about your medical problems. You sound like an extremely caring mother in law. If you are able go to the first communion please do. But from a daughter in law I can tell you when my mother in law came, at the church mind you, and I sat next to her and asked her how she was, she yelled "Bad and like you care"...I was furious and so hurt. ...could you email your daughter in law and let her know your feelings? You sound a like great woman who is doing the best she can. I have had a mother in law from H***. For you to post your concerns shows you are trying. I give you a high five for that one. Give her the site...see our replies..it may give her diff point of view. She doesnt see it right now.

Let her know your trying...

K.

I had a hard time accepting that my grandparents didn't come to either of my high school or college graduations or my sons first communion, even though I knew they had health problems. Their health problems are not as extensive as yours but they do choose not to come. On the other hand, I want my child to know his great grandparents while they are still here and I think it's good for them to see him. I think your daughter in law needs to lighten up a little bit and just accept that you will be there when you can and you won't be there other times. Sometimes we miss things in life that we don't want to miss and it's because of life itself. I wish you luck in portraying this message.

What does your son say they aren't just her kids. She has no right in the world to do such a thing. It should'nt matter whether or not your sick, you couldn't make it so what she can send you pictures and what not. These things upset me because the daughterinlaw is acting this way the ones who are affected the most are the kids. Heck, my mother inlaw lives across the street from me and my kids are lucky if they see her once every two weeks. I don't say anything because when they do see her I see the look in their eyes and they are just filled with joy. I say you call your son and talk to him he has to be a man and put his foot down with his wife. GOOD LUCK!!!

wow, that is mean! if your daughter in law cant understand that you have medical problems that keep you from going to ky, than maybe you can talk to your son? i think that's a little . . . overboard, telling you to forget you have grandkids down there because you missed a first communion. i mean i guess i understand that is an important milestone but she has to understand that you are not in the best of health.

*hugs*

God bless you D.. I am so sorry you are going throught that. Maybe your daughter in law should talk to the preist about her behavior concerning her daughters 1st communion. She seems like a bit of a hypocrit teaching her daughter about the church and then acting in such an unchristian way. CAn you talk to your son? I know my husband would not stand for me treating his mother like that.

On another note how was your disc surgery? I will be having 4 fused very soon. Surgery was scheduled for last tuesday but cancelled because I had some sort of infection. Blood test on Monday will hopefully be better then it will be as soon as it can be scheduled. I have 3 kids a loving husband wonderful supportive mom who will be staying with us for a while and 2 awesome in-laws a few blocks away. I am blessed with support. G

God bless you and your health concerns. Hopefully your daughter in law will realize how selfish she is being.

God Bless,
J.