Where Are the Grandparents ?

As a grandmother who does watch my grandchildren two days a week I can tell you there is nothing better than grandchildren. However, many questions on this site are about how the parents won't take care of the kids the right way, feed them the wrong things, don't put them to bed right, etc. I would not ever watch my grandchildren if their parents started telling me how I had to do it. My house, my rules. That's the way it was with my kids and the way it is with my grandchildren (and all the neighbor kids who come to play with them).

My parents are both dead. My husbands parents are divorced. His dad won't have much to do with us as long as we are talking to his mom. His mom is lovely, but has her own life. She is still a year from retirement, and has an active social life, dancing and travelling. She has babysat a few times in ten years, once so my husband and I could get away for a five day vacation. I see lots of grandparents who watch the grandkids daily, or once a week, and I hope those parents know how lucky they are.

My parents live about 4 hrs away by car, and the inlaws live about 5 hrs away by plane. We only see them a few times a year. My mom always wants us to come see her.... even though she has a tiny house and no room for us, so we have to get a hotel room. And once when I was wondering out loud how I was going to make it through the summer as a stay at home mom with two little ones, all she did was talk about how no one helped her out when she had little kids at home. (Although, come to think of it...her MIL and FIL took care of us over the summers and after school when we were growing up...) She has never volunteered to babysit.... and I really wouldn't leave my kids with her for a long time anyway... she physcially couldn't handle it... and probably psychologically, too. Now that she's retired, she finds time for her own road trips, but none to my house.... My MIL is truly great, thankfully, but she lives too far away.

As one of the mothers who just posted about feeling overwhelmed I can tell you that I see grandparents as fairy god"mother" figures. I am so envious of the Moms around me who have family to call if they need help. We have lost three grandparents in the last 4 years and my mother is 86 and lives 4 states away. I take the kids up there several times a year but unfortunately, after having 8 kids of her own and being a grandmother for the majority of my entire life, she is not that interested in my children. Don't get me wrong, she tries. She sends cards and gifts but when we are there with her in person she gets overwhelmed by the energy in the room. My siblings are all over the country and similarly disinterested for the most part; busy with their own lives. its so sad to me because children grow so much from having many people to learn from and confide in. It certainly adds to the feeling of being overwhelmed when I feel like I alone am responsible for everything the kids need to know (my husband too of course). The wisdom of elderly perspective is a great thing. I very much look forward to being an active grandparent if I am fortunate enough to have the opportunity. It is very hard for me to bite my tongue when friends complain about their parents not helping enough.

I don't have parents. My husband has two sets of parents and neither set has any interest helping us. It's just as well because his stepmother is evil. His dad can't do anything without his wife's consent and all she seems to approve of is them putting up a front for others as if they are devoted grandparents. *Rolling my eyes*

His mom prefers to do everything for her other children who are overly dependent on her so they never try to figure things out. I am too scared to ask her to babysit while me and my husband go on a date, lest we have to deal with her acting as though we ask more than twice per year. Do I seem a "little" bitter? Then that's about right.

ETA: Khazle, I'm so glad you have the mindset and heart toward your grandchildren and family that you have. Just wonderful. A big hug to you.

ETA after reading responses... Of course our children are our responsibility. Asking the grandparents (or anyone) to babysit sometime is not a signing over parental rights sort of thing. Having them babysit would not be them "raising" our kids. o_O

There were no jobs available where my husband and I grew up.
So when college ended we moved to where there were jobs.
By the time we had our son, we were living 3 states away and visits were not always possible.
And then my Mom retired and was traveling - we got post cards from Africa, the Galapagos islands, China, the Caribbean and New Zealand.
My Mom had no help raising my sister and I - she did it alone while working and earning her Masters degree.
She'd always wanted to travel and she worked, planned, saved and waited a life time to do it.
It's nice you enjoy the grand kids - you are doing what you want to do - it makes you feel needed.
Other people have different goals.
If they want to travel, or sail around the world, do things they never had the time to do while they were working - that's fine too - they are still doing what they want to do.
My husband and I decided we wanted a child and he is our responsibility - not my mothers.
My Mom's been there, done that, and got the tee shirt.
She loves our son, but she's done with the hands on parenting.
We're all perfectly happy with the way things are.

The grandparents are typically working! These are not the days of retiring by 60, women at home, and kiddults living in the same town as their parents. Job markets are very difficult today. Many young people get jobs in state or cities that are not where their families live. When I became a mom, both my mother and MIL were working - MIL was mid 50s and my mom was early 60s. They were my responsibility and my husband's. My inlaws lived 45 minutes away, and my mother lived an hour and a half away and didn't have a car or a drivers license. I'm not sure what help is really needed. I chose to have my children. They were my responsibility and my husband's. We were busy working parents, but most of the time, not overwhelmed.
My sister is in her mid50's and about to be a grandma for the 2nd time. She works a demanding fulltime job, like most people who have a mortgage to pay and college loans for their kids! Her son and DIL live an hour away. My other sister also is mid50's, has a fulltime job and her son and DIL live an hour and a half away, which is where they chose to find jobs and make their life. When my mom was a young grandma, when my oldest sister and her hubby had kids, in addition to a fulltime job, my mom was still raising a teenager (me). Perhaps you've also never heard the term Sandwich Generation? Most grandparents do not have the luxury of so much free time. They are busy working, and then caring for their homes and the things that they need to do for themselves on the weekends, still may have high school/college aged kids who they are still parenting, etc. Many new grandparents are helping to care for their own aging parents!

My parents have drinking problems, my other parents (mine are divorced so I have 2 set) live out of state. My husbands have health and mental health problems. I only work part time, so I spend most of my.time with my kids, I dont feel.that I am overwhelmed or need the help. Not sure if that anwsered your question...

Your question is the reason I thank God everyday for my mother. She is there for my daughter and me. She loves my daughter so much that she spends more time at my house than here own. I am glad that they have a close relationship. I had a close relationship with my Grandparents. My Mothers parents lived in Ky and we live in IN about 5 hours away. My fathers mother died when i was a baby but my grandfather lived for a while. I had good relationships with all. Some families are not close and some just can't because of distance and death.

Khazle it's wonderful that you are in your grandchildren's lives. Thats something they will remember and charish forever.

when I lived near my parents, my mom would hang out with me 2 or 3 times a week! Now, she is in Arizona and we are in VA. My husbands family lives here mostly in MD. No more than an hours drive at most. They do not help me because it's not their responsibility. We are the only ones with kids in the family. They all work full time. My mother in law is actually very upset and mad at me right now because I am not working a full time job and she wants me to stick the kids with a babysitter. But, she doesn't realize that paying for the cost of a babysitter would make it pointless for me to go and work. So, they do not help really at all. They hardly ever even come and see the kids and I have asked to come by her house to visit and she always says she is busy. So, oh well. I don't expect help. I do expect them to at least give the kids a call once in a while to say hi to them.

Mine is that my family is over 26 hours away and my in-laws are 5 hours. It isn't because I don't ask for it or of my relatives attitudes it is because we don't live close enough. If we lived closer they would help out more.

Hi Khazle-

I had no family help because of sheer distance. For the bulk of my child rearing years (the first 15 or so) I was in VA, and my parents were in NH (my dad was retired military, and there they bought a beautiful home...pond, pool etc). Once I was no longer working outside the home (after my third child), I took all kiddos up for a few weeks in the summer...and we made the trek again the day after x mas.

When my dad retired from his 'retirement' job, they built a home In WVA...about 45 minutes from us. Unfortunately, my dad died shortly thereafter...and my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's shortly after that...So I am EXTRA GLAD that I made that trek to NH (a seemingly endless 12-13 hour drive with by the end 7 kiddos...and our beloved golden maggie). We have so many memories...and pictures...

So, I suggest that sometimes maybe parents have distance issues...and parents sometimes get overwhelmed just thinking of a trek like that with little ones.

I suggest they just 'do it'.

I cannot say that my parents' raised my kiddos...but they surely had a wonderful time making memories...and were surely a positive influence...but I had to make the journey to them...for the most part.

So worth it!!

Now I 'await' grands. I hope I am able to be helpful with my future grands in a way that is helpful TO their parents.

Best luck!
Michele/cat

Several reasons. First and biggest on my parent's list is that since we moved too far away from them, this prohibits them from helping us out. (It's a 45 minute drive between our houses.) I have also gotten such ditties as, "It's not my job to make your life easier," and that now it's her time to have all the stuff I did to her when I was little get paid back to me by my kids. With those things over my head, I'd rather do it on my own and only use them when I'm truly desperate.

His parents drink, smoke, have fairly inappropriate language, conversation topics, etc. and let the kids manage themselves (namely running around the house) for the most part while streaming Law and Order SVU marathons or the likes in the background. Once again, only when I really need somebody.

I have always wished that somebody would actually want to help me out so instead I help out other moms if I can just because I know how badly it can make a difference.

Both. We have no relatives close by. My husband's parents live about 2 hours away. They would love to babysit, but frankly I am not comfortable with that idea. They have way different ideas about safety than I do. Plus, I feel that if I accept free babysitting, then I have to accept how they do it....which obviously I do not agree with... It is just easier and MUCH less drama if we don't even go there.

There is no way I would let my mom watch my kiddo's not with how she treats them or how she treated me...

My inlaws only had one child and well they put up a sign ("i've childproofed my house but they keep coming back") that was hint enough for me...but then again they all live over 3 hours away so we don't bother them much anyhow!!!

We live 3 hrs away from relatives.

Thankfully.

On my side, it is because my mom has the attitude of "come visit ME, come to ME, bring them to ME", and with a 45 minute drive to her house, and 4 children, it just isn't feasible. Plus, I have 2 kids allergic to dogs, and she has 4 dogs, so my kids can't be there. She feels entitled to have us come to her, and she doesn't consider the stress of the drive on little ones. She doesn't work, she just sits at home, and feels sorry for herself.
My husband's parents both work, and spend the majority of their off time caring for his siblings' kids. One of them is always dropping a kid off for the day to do this or that. We feel bad asking them to babysit our 4, and quite honestly, we've asked plenty of times when they've said no, saying that 4 is just to many, and they are tired from having "Whoever's kid" over the day before.
My dad isn't around.
I get it that 4 is a lot of kids, but with the oldest almost 13, we are praying for the day when our own are ready to babysit themselves for an hour!

God bless you Khazle . . . I hope to do the same thing.

We have always lived far away from my parents, but they still managed to help. I'm so thankful for them. In-laws too.

My parents live 1/2 way across the country from us and my in-laws help occassionally, when we ask. They don't offer. I don't know why, but they simply don't. We are intending to move to be near my parents as soon as we are able to sell our home because my parents do help my sister quite a bit and help us as much as they are able. They fly up to help if needed and make sure that we get time to ourselves when we visit them.

We have learned that even when we ask my in-laws for help, it typically falls through with little or no warning.

Not all grandparents relish time with their grandchildren. Many reasons, not all having to do with attitude.

My father is mentally ill. My mom worked for a very long time. Got cancer and no longer had the energy to tend to little ones but I have been very blessed to have a mother, sister and an aunt who took care of my son when he was much younger than he is now. I also had a handful of trusted friends who I could count on too. I made certain for my mental and physical health as well as the well being of the children that my village was well in place and secure.

I also helped my sister with her 14 kids. So we have really helped each other with the raising of the children.

You have got to have the village.

My parents live 6 hours away. My dad works 70-80 hours a week. My mom is taking care of her parents who are 87 and 86. My son's parents live in India. So I do not have the ability to ask for help at the drop of a hat. My son will spend a week or two at my parents' house every so often, but that is a hassle in and of itself since I have to drive to drop him off and pick him up. No matter how much help you have, there will always be times you get overwhelmed.

Well, DH's mother lives several states away. Even if she were close by, I'm not sure how much "help" she would be. The rest of the grandparents (including my mom and dad) are in heaven. Not everyone has the luxury of having grandparents available to help out who are near by and in good health and can be trusted.

I think lots of times family lives far apart. My kids grandparents were hours or states away, and they all worked..... and that's the way it is for me too now that I'm a grandma.
I have to give my help over the phone or via skype.... no hands on help.

It was different when I was a little girl, all of the family lived in the same town or at furthest a neighboring town. Neither of my grandmothers had jobs outside of the home, so they were always readily available when needed.

Family evolution has changed a lot, and you can definitely see the fallout of it now for sure.

They are in Missouri, I am in Florida.

My mom's mom had that attitude. In return for her indifference to us as children, we only see or even really talk to her at Christmas. It's not that we are bitter, it's just that she has always been this non entity to us and we hardly ever think about her.

That's nice of you to want to be so involved. I hope you're appreciated in your family. In my circle of acquaintances and friends the reason there is help or not can be attributed to attitude. The grandparents are like you or have lives/goals/other pursuits/no interest/poor health/fill in the blank excuse.

My in-laws help as they can but they live about an hour and a half away. My FIL is not in the best of health but they are baby/kid people all the way. All we have to do is ask and they'll pitch in with joy. It's a pleasure seeing them with their grandchildren. My own father is anti-baby. Until the child reaches about 7 or so, he's just not interested. Also he travels a great deal so he's out of reach more often than not. I think having him babysit would be like asking Archie Bunker to pitch in. Scary. My mothers (my own mother and her wife) help as best they can but my mother's terrible health is a hindrance more than anything.

I miss having more involved grandparents because growing up both sets of my grandparents were super involved. I always found it a blessing to be so close to my grandparents. I sorely miss them now that they are all gone. My grandparents aren't simply faces in photographs. They were real people with whom I had real relationships and connections to. I loved them dearly and looking back on it as an adult I realize it was wonderful to have so many more people helping to raise my brother and me. All those experiences and influences help shape a child.

Alaska and Mississippi, I'm in Indiana. :)

In my case it's distance for both sides. 4-5 hour flights and they're elderly. Friends though often have gotten lucky and have parents who help regularly and I've always been so jealous! But I do think some people take advantage and use their parents as daycare. The instances I've seen amongst my friends where their parents aren't really helpful is either distance or the parents were helpful but got a bit overwhelmed once there were numerous grandchildren. I'm not a baby/toddler person so I'm not sure how great a grandmother will be and I don't think that makes me a horrible person. Sure I"ll help sometimes if I'm close by but no way am I going to provide daycare 5 days a week. I'll expect my daughters to only have kids when they can financially provide for them vs get free daycare from me. Though maybe by then I'll feel differently! And I think help is very nice but shouldn't really be necessary unless there's an illness. I decided to have children. My parents didn't decide it for me.

We do it on our own despite my in-laws living nearby, about an hour drive away. However, neither of them drive due to their own circumstances, they are not together but live in the same town. My MIL is toxic, as toxic as they come as far as I'm concerned and I no longer want my children near her alone and really not at all if it can be helped. My FIL is fine but he is disabled so he cannot ever watch the children, which is fine, he however enjoys being grandpa when we visit. My family lives out of state so there's no help there, not that I expect it. :) I find it works for us doing things on our own because we rely on no one but ourselves to live life. It actually saddens me to see just how used other people in my family use members of the family and rely on others to help raise their children. It is one thing to be a village and be raising children together due to living in the same household, it is a whole different thing IMO to drop off your children with others to the point of only acting as a parent in title not action.

I am so incredibily lucky to have the help of my mom. She is a wonderful grandmother and helps me tremendously. She watches my 4 month old during the day while I work, and my 3.5 year old goes to preschool now, but she did watch him for me also until he was about 21 months old - then my dad had a major stroke and she needed to have more time to help him with his recovery. Before my kids, she also watched my brothers 2 boys for the first 2-3 years until they went to preschool. My MIL lives 6 hours a way but does visit when she can, including coming to stay with us for a week when my mom goes on vacation so she can help watch the baby. My FIL is dead and he was a drunk bastard anyways. My dad helps when he can but he has severe Aphasia from the stroke so communication is very difficult and he would not be comfortable watching any of the kids alone, but he sure does love them and he plays with them a ton while they are being cared for by my mom. I am so incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful mother helping me out, and my children & nephews are blessed to have such a loving grandmommy in their lives. You sound like a wonderful mother & grandmother too, and your kids and grandkids are very lucky to have you!!!! :0)

My parents live 3 and 5 yrs away and DH's parents are 8 and 11 hrs away.

My parents both help alot, but they also both work (they are in their 50s...well my mom is just turning 50 in July) and have their own kid living at home (my little sister who is an adult, 19, but is in college so still lives at home) Most of my babysitters are my cousins who watch the babies for free. So we do get alot of help from my family, but my hubby does not get along with his parents, so they are not involved.

ETA: I am suprised a little at people who say its distance then say its a 45 minute drive. Maybe its just because of where I live (small town at least 30 minutes from anything) but 45 minutes isn't alot to me. My parents are 45 min away and we still see them once a week.

Distance, I'm from MN, but we are living in the Chicago area.
My in-laws moved to California a few years ago for warmer winters, and to be closer to my SIL.

I didn't read all the responses, but wanted to chime in.

When I had my kids, now 22 and 18, my mother was sill working full time and my in laws traveled quite a bit. Both parents knew that if we called we were semi-desperate. If we couldn't afford a baby sitter, we had to decided how bad we wanted to do something or go somewhere.
As far as everyday life in the house. . . with both of us working (I was working 12 hour shifts as nurse in a hospital) my husband and I did have to be a team together to get things done. And we both finished our college degrees after marriage and kids. Talk about stretched!
I don't think it was we didn't want the help and certainly not the grandparent attitude, it was because we wanted to do it. It made my husband I stronger people both individually and as a couple. And in our relationship.

Please, I truly mean no offense when I say this, so don't send nasty messages. ;-) But 15-20 years ago we didn't have forums like this to air your dirty laundry so to speak. Yes, I realize it is a forum and a place to get help and support. But I sometimes wonder if you can get "too much" help with something like this? Does that make sense?

And Khazie, my parents and in laws do 'relish' the time alone with their grand kids. My mother in law as a matter of fact as 1 week every year that all 11 grandkids come in for grandma and cousin camp. And yes she has been doing it almost 20 years, so not just when the kids got older. My mom is in a different place now in her life and does take my baby niece for my brother and sister in law. And she loves time with my 2 older kids too!

What kind of grandmother will I be? I'm not sure. I hope a mix between the two.

We are military, so we move a lot and have never been stationed close to home (no Army bases in FL).

Well, I live 700 or so miles away from family so I can't exactly call up grandma and say hey, I want to go bowling tonight. Can you watch the children?

When I had my son in St. Petersburg, FL, one set of grandparents lived in Birmingham, Alabama and the other set in Pittsburgh, PA. Each set saw him maybe 2-3 times per year until he was 3 and we moved to Cincinnati, OH. Inlaws moved to DC around the same time and we are approx 5-6 hours from both. So we visit more but still there is no day to day emergency help. I've never lived near any extended family my whole son's life. Many people don't live where they grew up (by choice). We are going back to FL end of summer but my in laws plan on moving there too in January 2013..when he turns 5.

When we first became parents, we lived two states away from all family (except my BIL and SIL and their kids). We hired sitters (teenage nieces) to watch our kids if we wanted to go out, had a work function where they were not allowed. But typically we did things, went places as a family.

Now we live within a 30 mile radius of my family. I am lucky, and so happy because my parents are like my grandparents, they offer help. Heck they actually call and say "hey we'll take the kids Saturday night. You two go out, stay home but we'd love to have the kids over to spend the night"...

My dad and Othermom (step) just bought a brand new house, the house has one of those giant play gyms/swing set in the back. My dad actually negotiated the previous owners into keeping with the house. For his grandkids.

So grandparents are there but not everyone is this type of grandparent. My husbands parents...no way. They are a different kind of grandparent. Doesn't make them love the kids any less than my parents do. They just visit, have fun and then we or they go home. No biggie...sometimes people just aren't "close" like that.

This is a loaded issue on my side of the family. My parents and step-parents think that they "should" be treated in a certain way with visitation and holidays - on THEIR terms- and when they don't get what they want they give my brother and me a hard time. This is especially true for him, because he's the one who lives closer. They also resent that my brother and I spend more time with our spouses' families. I can't vouch for my brother but I will say, my MIL makes it out to Chicago at least once a year to attend her granddaughter's therapies and special ed classrooms. She does a lot of hands-on work with my kid and has made a real attempt to connect on my child's terms and not her own. Ditto for her sisters. If DH's family lived closer, I would trust my daughter alone with them at any time.

My family, not so much. Year after year when we visit, my mother has some lame excuse as to why she just sits in her chair watching TV and playing computer games instead of at least trying to be with her granddaughter. She judges our lifestyle because we refuse to live beyond our (currently very humble) means, and won't visit us because "a hotel and airfare is too expensive". My father, on the other hand, goes into hyperdrive the one time a year he sees us and tries too hard which overwhelms my kid. He rarely gives her even a small present for special occasions, yet, he and my step-mother find the money to fly to Florida several times a year to visit her children and grandchildren.

So, THAT is where the grandparents are. And I doubt the situation would be any different (both positively and negatively) if we all lived closer.

We live in China now, before it was South Africa. Even when we lived in the States, we were no closer than 3 1/2 hours away. I would have loved a "built in sitter", but oh well. At least when any of our parents or family visits, there is no problem leaving the kids with whomever. It's a rare treat for all involved and no one feels taken advantaged nor is there unwanted and un needed interference or advice.

I was lucky that for a time we actually lived with my in-laws, and my DD was able to forge a strong bond with them. They helped us out immensely. I know that if I needed help from my own dad, he would be there in a heartbeat... IF he didn't live on the other side of the country... My mom is next to useless though, and there is no way in hell I would trust her to watch my DD. Heck, she couldn't even raise us. :/

Unfortunately, the in-laws have since moved for FIL's job... so if we need help, there is NO ONE around... It all falls to hubby and I.

Well, in my case because I’m from another country, my parents live abroad so I don’t get that support year round but my mom helps a lot with household stuff when she visits once or twice a year and I know many of my friends are on the same boat as me.
This year will be a little different since I will be traveling to my country for a long vacation and that will give me help from my parents and the fact that there’s domestic service at their home; so I won’t have to worry about cooking, cleaning and laundry and there are some activities and classes already planned for the kids during my work hours (that’s the beauty of working from home).
As for my in-laws, my MIL lives on the other side of the country so there’s no help there and my FIL takes my kid or kids for a couple of hours, usually once a week. I don’t ask him to do it more because he has had health problems, so when he offers it means he’s feeling well. He has also helped me when I have a work video-conference and things like that because I can’t have the little one around.

I don't have any family at all besides one sister. My husbands mother stays home & has tons of free time, but is in the 'i raised my kids....' camp.

Hi, Khazle:

I have g grandchildren who live about 30 minutes away. My daughter has custody of them. She got mad at me and does not allow me to have the children on week ends. I love children and enjoy seeing them grow and learn.

While in Bethlehem, PA, I drove 2 little cousins to preschool when the transportation was cut off. The transportation lasted from August to December and then the transportation was reinstated in January of the following year.

I love children and have no issues dealing with their behaviors.
That's quite different than when I had small children.
Just wanted to share.
D.

My mother lives about 2.5 hours away and her health is not good enough for her to help at all. She can hardly leave her apartment, and is on 24 hrs of narcotic pain medications. Although she is young - 71, she is just not able to. My father has a wife who has never had children and doesn't seem very interested in being involved with my or my sisters kids and for them, their social life and travel takes precedence. So they see their grandchildren only about 2-3 times per year. It pains me greatly to know that my mother, who, if she was physically able, would be so much more involved our children's lives, and it hurts her beyond words to know that she cannot participate in the same way her friends her age do with their grandchildren. And then, my father and his wife, who have all the means and health to do so, CHOOSE not to. Its a sad reality. I have a son who is 6, and our second child is on the way. My mother just holds on each day to see her next grandchild born, and has told me before that if it weren't for her two girls and her grandchildren, she would just rather not be here at all.

After reading responses: My husbands parents are both dead, and the rest of his family lives in another country as he is an immigrant to the US. When we travel to them, I don't even feel like I have a child, since the extended family network is huge and I don't see my son since he is so busy being taken care of by others and cousins. Which is amazing! but we only get there every couple of years. Someday, I hope to live closer to this wonderful network of people.

My hubbys parents are divorced both live in different states. My parents are up in age, my father has many health issues and is barely able to get around and care for himself. My mom still works (she is retired but doesn't have a choice) and my brother & niece live with them. They have enough on their plate.

If I am really in a pinch I may ask my Mom to help but that is rare.

I can tell you that with my son I was 19 when he was born. I tried to do it with as little help as possible...outside of babysitting while I was at work, I wanted him with me. Due to crazy schedule, it was easier on all of us if he spent more time there so I didn't have to wake him and them up super early or pick him up super late. I'm older now, with my daughter I was 34 when she was born...I refuse to allow as much time away from me. My schedule is not crazy anymore but I do have her on a schedule (which no one else would keep and she and I would have to pay for it later) plus I have to spend time away from her when I am working so I don't want to be away from her more. I have a situation where they will help but my parents work full time and can't necessarily. My MIL would help but she works too and if I did let her when she could it would take from my time and she tends to not know the boundary between mom and grandmom.

I hate seeing parents assume or allowing grandparents to take over so their lives are not changed by being a parent.

One set is a thousand miles away, one set died many years ago. One grandmother is local and is a great help, but her daughter is very demanding so she doesn't have much time for my kids.

We don't have any other local family.

I'm fortunate that both sides of grandparents want to help out! They watch our kids for us during the day while we are at work (the three days a week hubbins and my work schedules overlap)

That said... since they do full-duty a couple days a week... it's hard to know where to turn next for an evening out or a weekend get-away. It's like, they pinch hit enough for us, just so we can both work and bring home the bacon... which IS what is stretching us thin (the two workers on differeng schedules). So when we are stretched thin, and it's my weekend with the kids, hub's at work, all me with them for 48 hours there's no help. Because I already got my help during the week when I went to work ;)

I'm fine with it, but I know hubby struggles when he has the kids ALL day all to himself on his two days off.

Couldn't do it without them though. And my sis will step up and take the kids sometimes for a night out, she lives around the block. We trade off.

For the first few years I did it alone. When I divorced I knew I couldnt do it alone and moved close to my parents They have been wonderful and helpful, still helping some at age 82! Moving back to be near them was the best decision!
I am hoping and praying that my grandchildren will live close to me and I will be healthy enough to babysit them A LOT!

My parents live 4 hours away and my father in law works full time and while he loves to see the kids is not the type of person to just take the kids (my MIL is deceased). My sister in law will sometimes - like every 6 months or so - ask if she can take the kids somewhere. My brother in law is much like my father in law - he likes when the kids come over but has never asked to take the kids or to just come over to play with them. My sister lives in Louisiana (we are in IL).

When I grew up all of my grandparents were in the same town. One of my grandma's would always take or pick us up from school or we'd regularly go over there in the summer or after school. My grandmothers did not work. If my parents even did live close to us - they still both work full time.

It's because my family lives over 2500+ miles away from me. We're former military and this is where we were last stationed. We bought a house here because after he ETS (basically ended time in service) he got a good job and so we stayed.