I Am Not a pacifier.....help!!

Tough love. Hate to say it but let her cry. A few nights should do it.
Hang in. If you continue to feed her she will continue to wake up. Good
luck.

I don't have any answers for you--just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I am in the EXACT same situation as you--my daughter is almost 10 months old. She also will not take a paci. The night waking is really starting to take a toll on me. If you find something that works for you, do you mind sharing it with me? I really don't want to do CIO, but I may have to. I wonder if it is teething? I know my daughter is getting her top two front teeth in. Good luck.

I run the Cape Cod Breastfeeding Moms Group (on Facebook with almost 80 moms). We have 4 get-togethers a month. Wendy T nailed it. Breastfeeding isn't just for food - it comforts, acts as a pain killer, etc. Yesterday my 18 month old was wanting to be with me and nursing a lot - sure enough, today he woke up with a cold.

I think she misses her mommy. Also, she may be teething. She may also be tanking up at night since she nurses less during the day. In the breastfeeding realm, she is still very young at only 9 months.

My son is 18 month and goes about 3 hrs at night between boob needs. My hubby and I always co-slept with our kids, but at about 16 months, we would put the crib in our room, take the side off and shove it against our bed.

So now, I nurse him at night until he is drowsy in my bed and then slide him into the crib. This is how I gently transitioned my kids. Is it a much slower process? Yes. Is it worth it to have a child not fear sleeping? Yup. Because he is physically out of my bed (yet right next to me) we both sleep well. He probably will be in our room until he is 2.5 years.

My Mother-in-law once came over to watch my son and she let him scream in his crib when he was tired. He never fell asleep and she eventually had to take him out, but I paid for that for months! He wouldn't go near his crib. I even had to change the colors in the crib.

Exclusively bfed babies are wired differently too - they tend to be tightly attached to their parents and I would have to say that 90 to 95% of our club co-sleeps - long term. They all say the same thing too - your best baby purchase is a comfortable, king sized mattress!

good luck and I hope you find us on facebook! You can post questions to our wall!

Oh mama, you are kind of a pacifier. Your breastfeeding not only provides your daughter with nutrition and health benefits, but also provides her with emotional benefits.

First let me say that I know how exhausting parenting can be! My first one kept me up A LOT and I was drained!

She may be hungry at night...she doesn't have any words or understanding to communicate that to you though. I personally think 9 months is too early to night wean.

She may be teething and is definitely going through tons of developmental changes which always go hand in hand with more wakefulness.

How about co-sleeping for a while? That would allow you to doze while she nurses at night.

I personally don't believe in crying it out, but if you are set against night weaning, then how about having daddy soothe her to sleep? Crying in a loved one's arms isn't the same as crying alone.

Unfortunately there aren't any "shoulds" as far as sleeping through the night. That is just one myth our society has perpetuated. My first son slept through the night for the first time at 25 months....our second one slept consistently through the night at 8 weeks. But is now back to nursing a ton at 4 months.

Hang in, this too shall pass. You are giving her so so much by breastfeeding and soothing her at night. She needs to know she has people in her life that are there for her and provide her with security. She can learn to "self soothe" later in life when she is old enough to have some skills and tools to help her do that.

Have you noticed at all that she wakes more on the nights that you have worked? She may just be asking for more mommy time.

Good luck,

W.

Hi A.,
This brings back memories. I'm not sure I have any advice - maybe I'm just reminiscing. You will hear opposing thoughts of view- the CIO, Ferber-minded folks, and the, "She'll only be a baby once", co-sleeping crowd.

Imho, it depends only on what works for you and your family. You're obviously exhausted....and it sounds like your babe isn't easily soothed. (Might she be teething, or experiencing some other change that will soon pass? Even learning to stand up is exciting for her - she probably wants to "practice". :-)
I was a baby-wearing, granola-head AP mom, but I remember feeling like I was going to go nuts if I didn't get some sleep, and if I didn't have my body to myself after years of nursing. But, even so, I let my second, a constant nurser, sleep in bed with me so that he could nurse on demand. I needed to sleep, and that's what worked. (btw, I was glad of it when one night, the smoke alarms went off in the middle of the night and I could just scoop him up, whereas I couldn't find my daughter. :-) But that's just what worked for me and my baby.

Ten years later, I think fondly of the time when my children were easily soothed by something like nursing. I guess we tend to forget the bad parts (the exhaustion, etc). Just know that you're not alone, and that it will get better. I always swore it seemed like my son would still be nursing in college (shhh - don't tell him! ;-) but he did, in fact, wean himself.

Best of luck to you, and may you and your baby sleep well soon.

My 4 year old was very similar as a baby. I KNOW EXACTLY what's it's like. However, I couldn't agree more with Wendy's advice. I definitely wouldn't nightwean a baby under a year either. Also, 9 month olds often wake a lot and not just cause of hunger. You may have heard of the 4 month sleep regression, but there's often one at around 9 months too. I don't understand why you won't just nurse her if it puts her back to sleep, especially if it works immediately?

I know it doesn't work for everyone, but we have an open bed policy in our house because we do whatever gets everyone the most sleep. The kids start off in their own beds and after I've gone to bed, I don't care who comes into bed with us as long as I get to go back to sleep. My 17 month old often sleeps until 5 am and I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't squeeze another hour or so out of him by bringing him into bed and nursing him. When my daughter was around 9 months, I would just bring her into bed and nurse her back to sleep. Sometimes she would nurse forever and it drove me bonkers (she treated me like a pacifier too), but a least I got to lay down and I didn't have to hear her cry.

I feel for you! I call what is going on the "Meatball Sub Phenomena". Basically, she loves to nurse, just like my son does. But my son does not get up at night to nurse and has not since he was 4 1/2 months old. You have to get her out of the bedroom!! She smells you. She knows you are there. You are the meatball sub and how can you ask her not to want it when its just so enticing? You have to put her in the living room or anywhere else if not in your daughters room. I think this will help you immensely because she will see that getting up and crying is more hassle than its worth. And by the way, I never ignored my son when he cried. If he did get up at night it was because he was sick.

Hello!

We had a very small 2-bedroom apartment when we sleep-trained our second child. He slept in a pack and play in our bedroom... until older borther and my husband and I went to sleep. Then we moved him into the kitchen/living room (very small apartment with super thin walls). He was a baby who wanted to be held and nursed almost constantly. We did CIO because that's what worked for me and my family. My husband was a full-time master's degree student, and I worked in an office full-time. We both needed to be awake. (Me, mostly for the 45 minute drive every day to and from work.)

I have read the other responses. My response? Every family needs to find what works for them. You sound exhausted. I hope you find an answer soon.

Have you tried a modified version of crying it out? You will loose a few nights sleep but in the long run it will be worth it. As soon as you hear her wake just go to her pat her back, if she stands just keep laying her down, do not pick her up, sing to her, tell her you love her, but just stay with her and keep patting her back or behind. She will fuss, she will cry, but you are with her. You are not leaving her or abandoning her you are helping her and soothing her just not nursing her. She is obviously not hungry, she just does not know how to put herself back to sleep so you can help her but that does not mean you have to nurse her to accomplish that. Unlike the other mom's I am not as patient , and yes I require my sleep or I am a cranky monster myself. After a year of not sleeping with my second child I did this because I could not function during the day for my other child. Broken sleep for that long of a period of time took a toll on me. I don't think there is anything wrong with sleep training, sometimes we have to take our own well being into mind. It will not make you a bad mother if you sleep train.and get the much needed sleep you obviously need. I would do it over the weekend this way your husband will not have to get up for work in the morning and can help you. Like I said it will take a few nights of lost sleep but once it's over you will be glad for the rest. Remember, Happy Mommy Happy Family!!!!! Good luck keep us posted.

my daughter and son did that same thing. you might want to try finding a paci that is similar to yor breast, when she starts nursing and then falls asleep, place teh paci in her mouth and lay her back down. because the paci is shaped like your nipple, while she's asleep or sleepy, she'll think that it's you and she may not wake back up, it may take a while ( a week or so) to get her into the groove, but in the long run, you'll get more sleep. she wakes up because she can smell your milk, so try putting a little breast milk on the nipple of the paci. good luck

You've done a good job covering the things that can be controlled (solids, etc) to help her sleep. Some babies are just more wakeful. I've had four kids, all breastfed, like you, and the reality is none of them slept through the night at that age. Unless it's forced on a baby (CIO, etc), most babies will not be sleeping all night. Some do--hooray! But most don't. Your baby is normal.

Two wonderful books with ideas to help your baby sleep longer, and to give you specific ways to help a baby sleep without nursing are Good Nights and The No Cry Sleep Solution Book. (www.breastandbottlefeeding.com has links to these) Good Nights even has a 10-nights to sleeping "method" where the baby continued co-sleeping, but learns to stop nursing. Very kind, practical information.

When my son was a baby, he nursed a few times at night all through the first year, I felt that he was actually eating - it was the reverse cycling common when moms work. He didn't take much EBM when I was at work, and made up for it by nursing a lot when I was home. If you feel like your baby isn't really eating but just comfort nursing back to sleep, maybe you'd consider introducing a pacifier. If that's what your baby is looking for and you don't want to be that, give baby a substitute that he can find and put in by himself

i went thru the same thing with my son. he nursed right up until just before his sister was born in a few months.after she was born he decided he would give it a shot again, i guess he didnt like it cause he said yuck...after that he was fine. i use to have to co-sleep with my son alot too, and my daughter but she weened herself early,way before a 1yr. but most doctors will tell you that breastfeeding until almost a yr,even though they are eating solid foods is good. it helps their immune system, their speech, memory, and alot of other things. my son was talking before he was a yr old, he could say da-da and ma-ma by the time he was eleven months. his speech was very good for his age. i have a wonderful relationship with both of my children, my daughter has even said that she wants to breastfeed her kids when she has any just because she believes that doing so is a great way to bond and feel closer to them. it does get better, but not always in a fast way. give it time...he will ween himself or you can slowly do it for him. but at the moment night weening may not be a good idea, sometimes even CIO will cause problems later that will make sleeping at night even harder then it is now.

I went through this with my son, we started feeding him the stoneyfield farms yogurt with baby cereal right before bed and that helped to tide him over a bit longer. It could also be she just loves to nurse, I'd try and find a paci she will take, we had to go through lots to find one that my son would actually suck on! Hang in there!

I'm with you A.....My son's only 5 months and has been this way from day one. It totally stinks that he doesn't take a paci, and I have tried EVERY pacifier out there. But I did just find a new one, at Babies R us that I can "sometimes" transition him to once he's put himself to sleep on the boob. It's called Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature Soft Shield Pacifier - 0-6m, its worth a shot I guess. It has some ridges on it that at the very least my son chews on!! What I'm struggling with, and I don't know if its the same for you, but when he's full and its like around 3-4am my little guy even stops taking my breast...Ahh I'm so frustrated and TIRED too....I'm so sorry I don't have any solutions for you either but in the same boat and truly sympathize....Periodically I found following the sleep, eat, play routine during the day has made my nights easier. But nothing consistent enough to get me to feel rested.

I do know I had issue with my first not sleeping through the night (he at least took the paci and not my boob) and it wasn't until we moved out of our room that I saw improvement. But I should say at 9 months it was the WORST he had severe separation anxiety, teething and new milestones like pulling himself maybe this just a hard age for ur little one..hoping for you that it passes quickly either way!! Let us know if you find a solution I'm open for any suggestions at this point as well!!

I had the same problem. My youngest is now 7 months and my oldest is 2.5. Everything was fine at night until he was about 4 months old, he would wake once at 3 to feed and then again at 5 and the day would progress. Something happened around 4.5 months and he started waking every 45 minutes or an hour. I know it was to nurse, I was back to three night feedings until I went cold turkey and realized that I had to night wean him. After all he was 17 pounds! He obviously didn't need the calories.
So I stopped feeding him at night but it didn't stop the wakings. I was in the same boat as you, pack and play in the bedroom. Problem was, we were prepared to let him cry it out, but he would wake up and he could see us through the mesh walls of the pack and play!! So I really think he saw me lying there with a pillow over my head and said "Crazy lady!! Why aren't you doing anything about this???" And he would cry for 2 hours or more.
After a couple of really bad nights, My husband and I started sleeping on the floor of the living room. When we were out of the room, he would cry it out for 30 minutes or so and fall back asleep.

I got desperate and put the baby to sleep in big brother's room. Now I nurse the baby to sleep at 7:30, BB goes to bed at 8. And everyone including Mommy and Daddy are sleeping. It IMMEDIATELY worked. We started it on a Sunday night and by Friday we were in a sleep routinue. He still wakes and crys for his paci, but we let him whimper now and he goes back down. And he has nights now where there are no wakings until 6. Hallelujah.

I truly think that when they are alseep in our room, they can smell us. Just getting him sleeping in a room without me in it was all he needed.
Besides the first night, little brother did not wake him up.
Good Luck!!

Can your 4 year old sleep in your room while the baby gets used to sleeping on his own?

Sounds like CIO is the way to go... a few sleepless nights is a lot better than being woken up indefinately in the near future. It will be tough, but you are right, 9 mos. olds don't wake up because they are hungry... it is a habit. Try rubbing her back briefly, but don't pick her up or talk to her much... if you are consistant, it will only take a couple of nights. Hang in there!

I nursed my daughter every couple hours until she was almost one. She was just a very active child with a high metabolism. The doctor confirmed that she just needed that when going through growth spurts. She was very tall for her age and grew very fast, so it was basically non stop for awhile. I know how tiring it is, but it may just be best to get through it if she is truely eating. If she's not truely eating and just using you as a paci then I would try to get a pacifier.

I always recommend Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solutions", http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/ and Dr. Sears "The Baby Sleep Book", www.askdrsears.com (I purchased both books from amazon.com). I went through the same feelings of exhaustion with my son and these books really put things into perspective for me and had really good helpful ideas. Good luck! :)

I'm afraid I don't have any earth-shattering advice, but just wanted to let you know that I am in this exact situation with my 9mo son. I'll check the advice you get to see if I can use some of it! I'm thinking that we might just have to let them CIO, but I honestly don't know if I have the strength at this point. I also have 2 older kids that would probably wake up - Oh joy.
Good luck, and I feel your pain. Hope you get to sleep again soon!!