Husbands Going on the First Business Trip..

Looks like you've gotten a lot of good responses so I won't write too much. You can do this! People do this everyday. Head up, stay strong, and cry if you need to (it helps relive stress). Good luck! Stay positive.

Well now I have been in your shoes. Both here and on the other side of the Atlantic living in Europe. I only had my inlaws over there. Where I live now, I'm an hour from any given family.
You keep your usual routine. If your husband's going on a business trip, that means the company is paying. That means it shouldn't affect your personal expenditures. Which means you have the financial means to ask your sitter if she'd like to make a few extra bucks. If she can't maybe she knows someone. It's always good to have a back-up person.
Can you have the baby with you when, e.g., you read a bedtime story to the other? Sing songs to the toddler to go to sleep and have the baby with you. What you're doing is making a new routine. Both will benefit from music, not being left alone till it's convenient, and hubby can come home and be a part of it as well. Your sitter too.

Trust me, it isn't as hard as you might imagine. Don't run yourself ragged, but it will pass faster than you expect. I'm a veteran at this.

My best advice is take one day at a time!! My husband just came back from a 4 WEEK business trip!!! I have two children, 2 and 3!! And the first two weeks we all had sinus infections. It wasn't fun. I am fortunate to have friends and family close that could help out. Does your toddler watch DVD's? Maybe your toddler could do that while you nurse your little one. Or put your toddler to bed first. This was my husband's second 4 week trip away. The first time he went away, was when my 2nd was only 4 weeks old!!! That was harder than this last time. Do you have any friends that would come over and help too? Maybe come watch the kids while you go get groceries or something? You can do it!!!!!

When I was in college I helped a woman during dinner/bath/bed when her husband worked late or was out of town. Maybe there's a high schooler or even trusted jr. high friend who can come over during those times. I also would try to set up a few playdates or some other interactions for you with other adults. I would plan out meals and the such to make your life easier as well. Also...I know this sounds crazy, but I like to go out of town when my husband is gone as well (of course he's only been gone a weekend before). Maybe this is a good time to take the kids for a long weekend at a relative or friends house...even if it's stressful at least you won't be alone!!

Lisa, I have a 3 1/2 year old girl and a 13 month little boy. I am a single mom and I do it on my own all of the time. It is easier than you think...it is the unknow that probably scares you. I suggest a bit of an assembly line method. Sit the kids next to each other at meal time and feed them both at once. Use the swing or something else to keep the 9 month old busy while you get dinner together. Give them both bath's together. If your 9 mo old is sitting up, that is much easier too. Although not ideal, sometimes I need to use movies or something else to entertain my daughter while I put the other to sleep. She will usually sit and play with her babies or read books while I get my baby down also. You will be surprised that after a few days, they learn to entertain themselves for short periods of time which gives you more time to relax.

When my husband works late, about 2x's a week, I give my older children a bath during the day. It entertains them and that way it is one less thing to do at bedtime. My 8 month old sits in his megasaucer and loves to watch them play in the tub!

Hi Lisa, My husband travels a lot too, my son jsut turned one year. It is hard but it is not unbearable if you do a few things that people have suggested. I also suggest you contact a mom's group so you can get some support. The hardest part will be lack of adult conversation. You can find one at momsclub.org, or meetup.org. I belong to the linden/fenton mom's club (____@____.com, geocities.com/momsclublf) But I don't know where you live. Email me and i will be happy to help you find one in my national org. Take a deep breath and plan some outings so you have outside contact.

I am a stay-at-home mom of 3...a 5 year old son, almost 3 yr old daughter, and a 9 month old son. My husband is currently deployed with the Marines for the second time since the fall of 2006. We moved to the area the week of Christmas in preparation for my husbands residency after he separates from the military. I don't have a sitter at all and our families are 2 hours away. Although I don't know your children or your children's temperments, I would imagine that they will adjust to his absence. The most important thing is that you try to stay as close to a routine as you can. Maybe the routine will differ a little, but close counts. Children thrive on routine. For bedtime, try reading a book to your daughter while you nurse your son. It shouldn't distract your little guy too much, at least it doesn't mine. It's also a good opportunity for you to teach your daughter about patience and may also let her think she is helping you put your son to bed. Bathtime is a little tricky, but I usually bathe my little one first, then my 2 year old likes to get in the tub with my youngest son. If I'm really lucky the 5 year old wants in too, lol. Although it's a little hectic, the kids really enjoy the time together. I keep all of my towels, and a diaper right next to the tub, so that I don't have to blink an eye while anyone is in the water. I run all of my errands with all of the kids, and although my situation is a little different because my 5 yr old can usually help me out a little, it's never easy. I usually try to run errands in the morning because that's when everyone seems to have the best behavior...most energy, not tired, well fed from breakfast, etc. But, it seems like you might be able to get your errands done if you can get your sitter. Try to make a list so you don't forget anything, and group as many things together as you can. If you have to go grocery shopping with the kids, try to take a list and stick to it. Have your daughter help you put things in the cart, mark items off of your list, in short, have her help. Mine LOVE helping me as much as they can. Praise her for her good behavior. Try to remain calm. Your children will follow your lead. I know it'll be hard while your husband is gone, and although it's healthy for your children to see your emotions while he's away, if you try to laugh often and remain calm, the kids will likely adjust fine. Try to get them to nap at the same time. I know it's easier said than done, believe me, but it helps. I know by dinnertime you need a break...I can definately identify with and respect that. But, it's short term. Make it fun for the kids. Have themed dinners, have your daughter help out with dinner or have her play with your little guy (where you can see them) while you are preparing dinner. You will survive. I got pregnant with our third right before my husband left for his first deployment...I get terribly ill during pregnancy, so I had to try to raise my 3 and 1 yr olds without daddy while dealing with terrible sickness the ENTIRE pregnancy. You will do great. I am sure that it'll go by fast. Laugh often and make sure you leave time for yourself after the kids go to bed...take a bath, read a book, etc. The laundry can wait, as long as the bills are current, they can too,lol, and if you vacuum every other day instead of everyday, the house will not fall apart. Good luck and I'm sure you'll do great.

My brother has to travel alot with his job, and one of the things that he and his wife have done is to let the child pick out a picture of daddy that he likes. Then, my brother reads some of their favorite bedtime stories and records it. That way, when my nephew goes to bed, he has his daddy (in a picture) reading his favorite bedtime stories!
good luck!

Involve your 2 year old in the nightly routines. Have her "help" with the baby. It will help keep her busy and time will fly.

It is going to be tough. My husband had to travel before but he took his first trip since we had both girls this January. He went to Japan for 10 days. Everything that could possibly go wrong here did... we all got the flu, electrical fire, basement flooded but I did have help from family. We made it through. Any help that you can get from your babysitter or a neighbor - take it. Maybe you can convince your family to come in for the weekend to help out and give you a little break.
As for bedtimes, I would always try to put my youngest (then 5 months) in bed or in a swing while I got the older one settled (then 17 months). It didn't always work. Unfortunately, while my husband was gone, I just lived with the fact that someone would have to wait even if that meant crying. They don't seem too scared by it.
One big thing we went through... my 17 month old started throwing huge tantrums. She wouldn't let anyone else hold her. She only wanted me. We talked to the doctor about it and she thought it was separation anxiety brought on by my husband leaving. She thought I was going to leave, too. Sure enough, when my husband came back, the tantrums stopped.
But don't forget about Dad. My husband said it was the hardest trip he had ever taken - leaving his little girls behind. He said he would try not to travel that far and that long again until they were older because he couldn't handle being away. I put some picture of each of us in his suitcase with little notes on them. He said that made a big difference. And to help my girls, we put an 8 x 10 photo of my husband on the fridge. They loved to say hi to Daddy everyday.
Good luck. I hope the time passes quickly and that you find the extra help you need.

I was in a very similar position 3 years ago, now. My husband travels to China and did so when my daughter was 10 days old. Here are a few ideas on how I got through.

In my case, bath and bedtime were the hardest and I agree about putting two to bed. I arranged for the "sitter", in our case, a close friend to come over every other night at that time to help. As soon as the kids were in bed, the helper took off.

Here is the recommendation for you. Follow those kids to bed. You'll need all the energy you can get during the day and with watching both kids in the night, you'll need as much sleep as possible.

I also highly agree with the other respondent that said you must do things for yourself. My husband still travels, right now for 3 weeks to China and Bangladesh, and I work. My kids are now 3 and 5. If you feel it is the right thing, definitely plan a short night away (3 - 4 hours) with a sitter in charge once a week. If it doesn't feel right or you don't need it, fine but it can help your mood and mix things up for you and the kids. Also, take your friends' help with groceries and errands and view it as a break in your day.

Most of all, keep your sanity. Your kids reflect your emotions. If you are upset, they get upset, so make sure that you take care of you and the rest will surely be better.
Ah yes, and I like the ideas for dinner, etc. I fondly make mac and cheese for the kids and salad in a bag for me. It IS NICE to not have to make a meal with meat all the time!
Cheers.

Dear Lisa,

Three things came to mind when I first read your letter.

1. Could you read a story (or several stories; have more than one ready when you get the baby ready to nurse at bedtime for your daughter) while you breastfeed your son and keep reading to her until the baby has drank from both sides and been burped appropriately?

2. Allow your daughter to watch an age-appropriate video that you approve of before bed while the baby is nursing. Perhaps it could take place all in the same room so that you can keep an eye on her while you nurse the son?

3. Is there anyone in your church who would watch your kids for free or trade time for time? If you need one watched and she needs two watched,if you babysit 2 hours for her, you get 4 hours repaid. You figure out among yourselves what is fair and agreeable. Or if your friend from church has older kids that are not as time consuming, you could repay more hours. Example: If a friend has two kids who don't need diapers changed and just need supervision, you would repay more hours than somebody who has kids who need diapers changed and are more labor/time intensive. It's really just a bartering system for child care.

L. C.

I would cuddle them both one in each arm and watch a Disney movie or read a book. Let the baby nurse if he/she wants to. They will love the time to both bond with you.. I have 4 children and my husband works 12 hour shifts and the kids love to all pile in my bed and watch a movie and sometimes we scratch each others feet. he he he!!!!!
Hope this helps.
L.

Does your daughter have a favorite video that she could watch while you are nursing? That is what I usually do with my oldest daughter while I put our 10 month old to bed. My husband travels about 4 times a year and it does get easier, but I would definitely take a few breaks during the week with the sitter. Good luck!

Lisa

I had two really close together like you (they'r now 6 and 7 and have a new 3 mos old sister), and my husband traveled almost every week for a few days. In fact, he had to leave for a training once for 4 straight weeks when my kids were about the same age as yours. I can assure you that the 'thought' of being on your own is worse than the reality. It can absolutely be tiring, but with a few adjustments to your typical schedule...it can be much easier than you imagine. The most important thing for you to do is to loosen up your routine. Your baby does not need a bath every night (no baby does). Even though it may be part of her sleep routine, try going without the first or second night. If it does not mess with his sleeping, then plan to just bathe him every other night or even every third night (it is just for a 10 day period). Also, use those videos for your toddler! Toddlers are busy and want constant entertainment. Again, 10 days of a little more video time will not harm her. When it comes to sleeping, put whichever child that goes down easier to bed first...even if it's not your typical routine. For meals, dinner, etc.---make your toddler some foods she likes ahead of time. By making some sandwhiches, or pancakes, or chicken nuggets (that can even be eaten cold once cooked), noodles,etc. earlier in the day, the evening meal can be really simple. And you will be pleasantly surprised at how few dishes you use while your husband is gone. You can eat whatever you want for dinner~even a bowl of cereal. When husbands are out of town, there is inevitably less kitchen mess, less laundry, etc. I used to get nervous when my husband would leave, but over time I found that the home ran even smoother (though I would never tell him that). And one last pointer: take full advantage of that sitter/mother's helper you have. And at least once, if you're comfortable leaving her alone with your kids for an hour or two, get out of the house. Go to the bookstore and unwind for an hour or so. Allow yourself that time away and it will make the 10 days not seem so long. And ask friends who have toddlers if they can take your daughter to play once or twice. These are all just suggestions. The main thing is to approach those 10 days knowing it is more intimidating in your mind than it will be in reality. And be flexible and casual (not ridgid) in your daily routines. You will surprise yourself at how well you manage. Good luck.

Since you already expect dinner to be a challenge, try to plan some meals ahead. Plus, keep it simple. Make easy meals like macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, spaghetti, maybe even a fun meal of McDonald's!

I would also say this would be a great time to break out the DVDs to entertain the 2yo. Also, if you have a new toy that you have been saving, now would be a great time to use that.

If you attend church, maybe there is a grandmother figure or a babysitter that could come and help you out on a few nights. This is going to be tough but you can do it! Best to you!

Lisa,
I was a single mom and I had my 2 sons 19 months apart. I would have my oldest son help hold the baby's legs or have him read a story to the baby while I nursed my youngest.
Hope this helps you and I'll also say a prayer for you.
D.

My husband works out of town alot. He is usually gone Monday thru Fridays. I have a 2 1/2 year old son and a 5 month old daughter. I work full time. Dinner is the worst. I try to have something simple that I can warm up (left overs are usually my dinner of choice) for him while I nurse her. I have set her bedtime at 8, his at 8:30, that way he gets a little one on one. My son is a huge help with his baby sister. By having him help, he feels a part of everything. When he helps, I have learned, that it may not be the way I like it, but it is done and have time to do for me. Mommy time if after the kids are down. I try to take a half an hour for me, even if I stare at four walls in silence. That is how I recoup.

Lisa-
My name is D. and I have two girls very close in age like your children. My husband travels frequently for work so I am very familiar with the "single Mom" schedule. Preparation is the main tip. Every night write down what you will feed your kids for the next day. Make meals very simple. Before bath time, get p.j.s, diapers, lotion, towels ready so they are at your fingertips when needed. I usually get the baby out of the tub first, dress her (in the bathroom) and have a few toys ready for her to play with while I get the older one out of the tub. If your toddler likes t.v. and cheerios, set her/him up right before nursing the baby. That may break a few "bedtime rules", but it will help w/ your sanity. It gets very crazy, but remember its only temporary. Try to get out of the house for a few hours. Also, take your toddler out for a while, too, so she/he doesn't get cabin fever. Good luck!

Dear Lisa,
The best thing you can do is prepare for the unexpected.
Know ahead you are not going to be able to run all the errands you normally do, so stock up on things like diapers, food or whatever else. Put the clothes in the wash before you go to bed, so all you'll have to do is put them in the dryer in the am. Have ready made snacks available(cheerios) so when you are trying to nurse your 9 month old, the two year old can have a snack, too. Find all the favorite toys, etc. and put them in a laundry basket beside the place you feed your baby. That way, she can be doing something, too. I used to hate it when I'd be putting my youngest son down for a nap and the middle guy couldn't find his truck. I could have prevented a lot of unnecessary crying if I'd thought ahead.Tell your husband right now, NOT to come home and ask what you did for 10 days. Tell him you want to hear how difficult it was, and how you are looking forward to time alone with him. You tell him how much you've noticed how you depend on him, and how lonely it gets when he's not around. Good Luck! Sincerely, MS

First I would like to say that you are very lucky to have your husband there to help you. My husband is a dairy farmer and he leaves every day at 6am to return home for lunch and then 9pm for the night. I have 3 children under 4. I am also a SAHM. You are also very lucky to have a sitter come that often. You will often find me with all 3 of my children trying to do the grocery shopping. BTW my husband has just 2 days off a month. I also have no one nearby to help out. I have activities set up for my children while I make dinner and I usually set the 10 month old in his high chair with a snack. The children bathe together. I also put my 2 children who are 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 in bed before I nurse the baby and get him to bed.

I always read books (age appropriate) to my younger children while nursing my babies. Or, possibly, lay your toddler down with his favorite blanket, etc... and pop in a calming, favorite video/dvd for the toddler to watch, while you are in the same room to oversee him. Hope this helps!

In October, my husband when on a business trip to Mexico for a week. At the time, my children were 9 mon and 3 years. I too am a sahm. We had a similar bedtime ritual. To make it easier, I tried to make most evenings special. I would get them ready for bed and then I let them come into my bed (this is something I don't usually do) One night we made brownies and had a slumber party in my bed. I put in a video and my son watched while I nursed my daughter to sleep and then after she went to sleep, we had a special treat. Well obviously it wasn't brownies or even food every night. A couple days it was a game or just even getting to stay up late and have private conversations with me. My son loved it. He didn't miss Daddy so much and evening went fairly smooth. Good Luck!

Lisa, Honey, rent a series of vidios, or have a neighbor, (a young teen or 10 or 11 yr old) to keep your 2 year old company while you nurse your little one. Someone who can walk to your house, or even drive if you get an older one. It is worth it.Make it clear to your 2 year old this is a special treat just while daddy is gone, (every day tell her this) keep dinners simple, even make some after they are both asleep so all you have to do is warm them up. I have young neighbors that will trade for cookies! Or an older teen that will cook a meal after the little ones are asleep. Organization is the key. You can do it! K.

Prep dinner as much as possible during the nine month old's early nap. Two is quite old enough to start teaching certain things right now. Yoiu are laying the ground work for how you want this child to be at 7, 14, and an adult. Let the toddler's playtime happen while nursing the baby be putting her stuffed animal to sleep. You are also calming her down. Bathe them together. The toddler can help lather. I would let them be a unit. Take care of one,you've got them both covered. My children are now boy 12 and girl 10. They are close and don't fight more than tiny disagreements because it never appeared that one got more than the other. Learn this now because if or when you decide or have to go back to work, you will have trained them early on. We don't have local family either. I stayed at home until they started pre-k and kindergarten. Actully you may like the break from having to have dinner for hubby. You should also arrange to have a night to go to movie by yourself or with friends or take in a play or see an exhibit. You must learn early that as the children develop their own lives you must continue to develop and maintain your own interests. My husband now works very long hours, I am single mom in the evening and I'm doing science projects, algebra. etc. He used to travel some. You at least have a good babysitter. I feel that you will be fine and that you may see it will be easier because your husband is gone. I felt that I had to have the entire house clean and a great meal made because I stayed at home. But please do some stuff for you.

hey lisa my oldest two were 1 yr and 4 days apart at that time my husband was over serving in the gulf war and i have no family on my side and my husband family lived over two hr away so i was on my own the whole time . so i would give them both there bath at the same time put pj on put the baby in the swing or j jumper nurse my oldest at nite then put her to bed then i would nurse the baby and put her to bed as far as going out i would but the baby in her sling and hold the other hand it alot to get use to but you can do it well good luck

Lisa:
Perhaps put your 2 year old to bed first and then nurse the 9 month old. You are just nervous because you always have your husband there. You will be fine. Have the sitter come over a few days to help you out not only with errands but if you can have that person help at nighttime if you cant get the 2 year old to bed first. Try it and see what happens. Good Luck! You will amaze yourself. I had 2 boys 11 months apart and my husband was gone a lot and worked swing shift and I worked...you will surprise yourself.

Lisa,

I can relate to your scenario as my husband travels quite a bit and I have a just turned 3 yr old son and a 17 month old daughter. It is quite challenging, especially at night when they are used to dad coming home to give them attention. I try my best to entertain in the evening by trips every couple of nights - sometimes Chuck E Cheese, the library playroom, or even a movie that we have at home for the older one to watch while I try to nurse the younger one to sleep. Or inviting a friend over for dinner helps sometimes too. It is challenging and usually some one ends up going to bed later than usual, just depends on how things are going to who stays up later! 10 days is a long time, but you can get thru it - good luck!!