I need some advice. My husband and I have been together for almost 9 years. We don't fight often, however over the last 5 years, when we do, he becomes verbally abusive to the point of calling me the "C" word and "f-ing B". A few times he's thrown things and once he punched a hole in the wall. My children have not witnessed this behavior until this weekend when he yelled "F-you" at me in front of them. He's also started getting nasty with our daughter when she acts up. He tells her "Shut your mouth!" and one night last week when she woke up crying with leg cramps, he told me "if she wakes up her sister I'm throwing her outside!! Thankfully she didn't hear this, but I did and I'm devastated. I do not accept this behavior, and though I've told him repeatedly this needs to stop, I get the same pattern. He feels bad, swears he doesn't mean it, apologizes, then it happens again, over & over. My girls are my life and I know I am their only advocate. I will not keep them in a situation where they grow up thinking it's ok for a man or anyone for that matter to treat them this way. I will leave and I think I need to. However, leaving now is not an option. I can't leave my job as I'm the bread winner and carry the health insurance. Plus, my family and friends are all out of town. I'm not afraid of raising them alone but then I've heard so many terrible broken home stories. As a last resort I mentioned I was going to look for a counselor this week and it would mean a lot if he went with me. He is refusing. I told him I can't do this alone and without help, we're not going to make it. He either doesn't believe me, or he just doesn't care. Has anyone gone through something similar? Did you survive? Can you offer me any advice on how to deal with this?
I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are raising your children in a broken home. You are also showing them that it is acceptable for men to treat them that way when they grow up, a lesson that I'm sure you don't want them to learn.
You're the bread winner, why would you have to leave? Tell him that you both are going to counseling our he has to get out.
Dearest G.. I was in a predicament like yours. Eventually, he will hit you and or the kids. My ex hit our littlest child and screamed at her that she wasn't his child. Then a few days later he tried to hit me when we were talking about the bills. We were talking casually and he lost it. He threw things at me and balled his fist up and tried to hit me. He is in anger management and it's not really helping. Needless to say, we divorced. I'm not having him around the kids, verbally or physically hurting me or the kids. They deserve better!
You can survive without him. If I can do it, so can you G.. Good luck and if you want to talk, drop me a message and we can talk.
blessings,
M.
I've heard of cases like this where the couple found out that the husband was actually bi-polar. Once he was able to get on medication the behavior went away-- back to his normal self. Maybe, this could be what is going on?
G....i would say to go to the counselor anyway, even if he's not with you. explain the situation to the counselor, who can set you up with services (such as the columbus coalition against family violence) who can assist you in getting out of that abusive situation, if that is what you ultimately decide. that decision must come from you, no one can tell you to do it, or you will just keep going back (yes, this advice is from experience). but you need someone to trust, to counsel you.
& you are correct, you are your daughters' advocates & they need you to keep them safe.
i hope things do not escalate any more than they already have (from throwing items to throwing punches, to actually putting your daughter outside).
bottom line is that your husband needs serious anger management help & be held accountable for his abusive words. it's unlikely that he will change without professional help...
No, you and your husband won't survivie without conuseling. It sounds like your husband REALLY needs to see a counselor badly. I am concerned that he may hurt you or the girls one day. If your husband still refuses to see a counselor, you can go ahead going to see counselor without him and see what the counselor says about your situation. You need to find out what is going on with him, why he changed after several years. Hopefully, it will work out for you and your family.
