Husband Doesn't Want to Go to Block Party - What Do I Say to Everyone?

How about "Home--under his rock, as usual!"?

I would not lie for him. I'd say something like the above or simply "He didn't want to come. He's not very social."

This is one of my peeves with men. I DON'T like it when they get dragged out somewhere they DON'T want to be. They may YOU and EVERYBODY ELSE miserable.

If I don't want to go somewhere I don't go and he does the same. Not everything needs to be attended by EVERYONE. Been together for nearly 25 years and it's worked for us like a charm.

"He's had a busy week. He needs time to himself."
or
"I dunno. He's such a party pooper. Who want's more punch?"

What's wrong with saying he's at home and not very social? "I love him to pieces, but he's not a social guy. He's at home." Then change the subject.

It's really no one's business but your own. Go and have fun!

Happens to me often. I just tell them that hubby couldn't pass up a chance of the house to himself!

Why would you tell them anything and how awful if your neighbors ask beyond the polite inquiry whether he is ill or not.

He is not sitting at home watching TV because of anything negative. He is staying at home because that is his personality, it is what he is comfortable with. People should understand that. I can never understand why people feel that introverts are somehow slighting them by not acting like extroverts.

I am an extrovert but lord it makes me feel bad to see introverts drug to events, they look just miserable. Why do that?

Oh lord, if it wasn't clear tell them he is an introvert. Crowds make him uncomfortable. They should understand that if they don't your neighbors are stoopid.

I have an ex who suffers from depression/bi-polar disorder. I learned it was easiest not to make excuses. "He decided to stay home tonight." No more reason is needed. Go and enjoy yourself with your neighbors.

Why would you feel like you need to lie to your neighbors to cover for your husband not feeling like going to an event? There's no reason why anyone's feelings should be hurt, he's not skipping a wedding or something just because he feels like it, it's just a block party so no big deal in my opinion.

I've been to block parties, a lot of people don't go. Just tell people he wasn't up for it, or that he's just not into parties or big social gatherings if they ask. Don't act embarrassed, frustrated by him or need to lie. Everyone feels not up for things at times, and most people understand.

The truth. He is home relaxing. He needed it tonight.

Edit to add: I love what Jubee suggested. I think that is a great way to say it and doesn't make him look bad at all.

Tell the truth, or mostly the truth. Say he didn't feel like going anywhere and leave it at that.

My husband is very much a home-body. He prefers to socialize at home and is more than happy to have people over to our place, but doesn't like going other places. When I go places without him I don't lie about why he isn't there. If he just didn't want to go I say he didn't feel like going anywhere and stayed home. He has even skipped family events, and that is the only reason I give (unless of course he really did have to work or is ill).

Some people may think he is anti-social or a jerk for not going, but neither of us care what they think. I love him and am totally fine with him being less of a socializer than I am. As long as you don't say anything insulting about him then it should be okay.

My husband isn't a socializer either - unless he has to for work. I have a much better time if he doesn't come sometimes than to worry about him getting antsy and wanting to get home. Like the others have said, pay and go yourselves. Enjoy the evening and only offer an answer if someone asks, most people will accept a quick - he decided to stay home and not ask more. It's no use dragging him there if he won't be "happy". If they know you well enough to ask where he is, they probably already know he is not a social person - they live close to you everyday. PS: sometimes I don't want to go to events either - so my hubby does the same for me.

My husband has always been that way too. I think there are alot of men like that - there have been times he's been dragged to stuff with us and times when I let him stay home and chill.

In this situation pay the fee and don't say a word. Why would you need to give an excuse unless someone asks? Some people will ask - and you respond that your husband "is just not up to it tonight - a little under the weather...." and leave it at that. It's not a lie - he's not "up to it" (the fact that he's never been is another story for another time).

Have fun with your friends and kids and don't let this get to you. If I had allowed myself to get down every time my DH didn't want to go somewhere or do something I'd never go anywhere and I'd spend a sad life!

The fact is that people are made in many different ways - we're all wired a little differently. There are people who love to socialize and there are people who really are home-bodies and like to be in the comfort of their homes and not out making small talk. He's not a better or worse person becuase of it - he's just who he is. There are plenty of men out there who'd rather be out socializing and meeting women and hanging out in bars - so consider all the options before you allow youself to dwell on this. ;o)

"He worked all week. I think he needed some down time."

I would say what you just said in your first sentence, he isn't very social...and leave it at that. That's the truth and it isn't anything "bad" and people would understand that. Good luck.

My ex was like that and you can't keep saying he's sick because it sounds like he has some kind of disease all the time! So I agree, the best answer is "He's at home, I'm so glad I was able to give him some time to enjoy some peace and quiet!" That lets everyone know that he's home and not sick, and that you're okay with it. If they pursue and say "oh, but we've never met him, etc." you can say "he's not really into big social events, but I'd love to have you over for dinner sometime."

As long as you act okay with the situation, others will be okay too.

I wouldn't lie -- ust say he's not really into parties and such and is chilling at home. Or say he doesn't have a chance to relax at home by himself alot and so this is his perfect opportunity for that. People shouldn't judge.. it's a perfectly normal thing to want from time to time and a lot of guys don't like going to parties and such. Have fun!

I'm with Jubee on this one! My husband isn't overly social and in general if it's not a "have to attend" event, a family event or something be hosted by/for someone in our friend circle he doesn't go. I respect that, like you and generally IF someone asks where he is I say that he had a long week and he's home. No biggie.

I don't lie for him and I don't make excuses. People who know my husband know that if it is something for someone he cares about, he's there without question, no matter what. If it's a party for one of my son's preschool friends... he doesn't need to be there. The neighbor's "kid" Halloween party? He doesn't need to be there. My childhood friend's child's 1st birthday party (on the first day of our FL vacation)... well, you get the idea.

If they think he's a jerk, then they think he's a jerk. In all reality, if these folks get to know your husband they will realize the truth. If they don't... they don't. Personally, I would tell the truth "He's not into big gatherings, so I decided to bring the kiddos out to meet the neighbors" and leave it at that!

Just say he's had a long week and would like to rest for a bit. He may or may not change his mind to come out. Or if you want it on him, say....Ask him! I don't know!

M

Just say he didn't feel up to coming.
That doesn't mean that he's sick, it just means that he didn't feel like coming.

I'd just laugh and say you forgot to wash his big girl pants, so he stayed at home... I've used this line SO many times when my husband was being a putz about going to something, that people (our friends) know what it really means now (husband is a putz), so it's kind of a running joke. It's being honest (he IS a putz), but at the same time, being a joke, it doesn't hurt his feelings. It's to the point, if he doesn't want to do something because he's in a mood, he'll actually tell me 'well SOMEONE didn't wash my big girl pants, THAT'S why I'm not going!!'... ;)

My hubby is the same way. I usually say he was too tired from working all week and needed the break and quiet.

Say you are letting him enjoy some, "quiet daddy alone time". Hey dad's need those too, I am sure you will get a lot of knowing nods.

Say, "I don't know!" and then suggest that one of them go knock on the door to ask him to come out. I wonder what HE would say???

If anyone asks, just say that he has some things to catch up on at home. No need to say anymore. Sounds like fun - enjoy.

"He just wasnt feeling festive and is taking this opportunity to have some peace and quiet in front of the tube for the evening." And then change the subject "Oh, yum, I see bbq ribs!"

You can't control or try to compensate for what others think of your husband. Not all husbands like being social....don't make him wrong for it...and making up excuses is making him wrong for it.

Where's your husband? Oh, he's at home, he prefers to be home, and I have to respect that decision.

I don't know what a block party is, but if it were me, and I wanted to go, I would go. If it's important for the kids to go and you need his help in that respect, then I would be up-front and say they need to go and you need help w/them.

What I wouldn't do is call my husband names in front of people, or say he's hiding under a rock, or any of the other incredibly disrespectful things I am reading here.

I think honesty is best. My husband doesn't like those big party things either. If he doesn't like it just say, this really isn't his thing. He prefers more intimate gatherings where you can connect on an individual basis, etc. If you truly don't feel comfortable saying that, Gammy G's answer is pretty good and I'd go with something to that effect. He's more happy on his own with peace and quiet and doesn't want to bring you and the kids down or put a damper on your fun...

You should read the article in the NY Times about introverts.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/26/opinion/sunday/26shynes...

This link might also be helpful:
When Innies Love Outies: How Odd Couples Cope
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142405270230431440457...

Anyway, just tell the neighbors either "Bob needs some down time, so he's staying home," or "Bob has other plans this evening" (which he does and you do not need to elaborate on). Then change the subject with a smile, and ask "How is Billy doing in soccer camp?" or something similar.

My husband is the same way. I got tired of making up excuses or taking him places and having to leave early because he was grumpy. We've been married for almost 9 years. With that in mind, I say take the kids and have a blast!!!!

I can totally relate.

Is it possible there's someone in the group that he doesn't care for? I noticed that DH would be really anti-social & resist joining when the event involved one particular friend of mine & her family. Turns out that he couldn't stand the friend or kids (long story, and I longer speak to this person.)

Does he get social anxiety? That can make life very difficult very well. I despise large groups of people I don't know or don't know that well, and maybe he does, too.

You shouldn't lie, but you shouldn't make him look like a d-bag either. My guess is that no matter what you tell the neighbors, they've probably already made a judgement call. He's created his own reputation by not attending events or getting to know anyone. Anyway, I would just say "He had a really long & stressful week at work & is relaxing at home. He's sorry he couldn't come." or something to that effect.

Personally, I think it's disrespectful & rude to throw your DH under the bus, like many are suggesting here. He's a grown man & shouldn't be forced to attend something he's clearly not interested in, nor does the whole neighborhood need to know their business. I think women are more social by nature, while men are not. It's okay to not do every.single.thing as a family.

I guess I'd ask him what he'd like you to say. If you don't get a very good response to that, ask him gently (without sounding like you're nagging) "why don't you feel like going", and then tell people whatever his answer is to that. When people ask you might just need to shrug your shoulders and say "I don't know, I guess he just needed some time to himself." I know it's awkward, but it'll be ok.

My neighbor hosted a block party last year and my husband didn't want to go either..But he was also working on that day. I wouldn't worry about what your neighbor's say, just tell them he didn't feel like going then change the subject. I went with all three of our children and we had a blast! I don't rember having to pay anything though? What each neighbor did was make a dish to bring and drinks. So I made two types of salad and a veggie platter and took some juice boxe's. Go and have a good time hun! Don't worry about people wondering where your husband is, who cares what they will think. It'll be fun for you and your kids!

My husband won't do a lot of things either unless it's related to his family or I coax him into doing something with mine. He is a very friendly person, but he doesn't want to start new friendships or go to very many occasions outside of these. I actually don't do much anymore myself in the last year or so and am not unhappy with it. However, in this case I see that you see this as a problem. Your husband however doesn't. I don't see why it matters. Just tell the truth: He gets anxious in social situations. Truthfully I have tried to narrow down the number of social things I do after I have worked all week long I'd just like to sit in my little house with something to drink and watch the world go by. Your husband may see this block party as something very stressful, not fun like you are thinking.My husband and I have very stressful jobs and do not want to use up some of our free time to attend something like this. I am wondering if this is new or a big surprise and if it is you might wait out finding out why he won't or if he's vastly different -could he be depressed? When you do go- You don't have to elaborate or confirm that he is a big jerk or that no one would like him anyway, and since you sound like a happy friendly person you really don't need him to be on your arm while you visit. You would in more likelihood be the one who would interact in the future with these people anyway if he is at work all day. Also, I am trying to understand why you feel the need to lie (especially glad you pointed out that you do not want to do it in front of your kids).He isn't lying to you about it. He doesn't want to go. Besides, your kids know the guy. So it wouldn't be anything strange that he isn't going they might actually be relieved that they don't have him there. Just go and have a good time.

I realized that a lot of people answer, but my husband can be the same way. I didn't see anyone mentioning Daddy time. Thats what I tell people. I get my mommy time and now its his turn to have Daddy time. :D

You just described my husband! He will not even accompany me to family gatherings. My immediate family has come to expect his anti-social behavior. If others press me, I say that he just wanted to relax at home after a stressful day/week of work.

The truth. He is not a social guy so he is in the house watching tv. People will understand. Not everyone like to be social and since they have not seen him at social events so far they will know why.

maybe just be honest - "He's not a very social person, but I wish he was, you would love him!" or "He tends to be shy", something like that..

I thinking fibbing about him being sick with a stomach virus or eating something bad is better than them thinking he's a big jerk!

I would probably tell people that "He's just not in the party mood" or something to that effect. My hubby isn't a social butterfly either, and sometimes I just tell people that. I have yet to have someone be offended by being told, very forward, that he just isn't social in group settings. Most people are understanding about that sort of thing.

You do not need to make excuses for him. Just say that he was not able to come. If you start making excuses, a lot of your time there will be centered on hubby who is making his own choices. Instead focus on you and your children and enjoy the party.

Relax. Tell them the truth. Your husband is shy and not that outgoing so he has decided he will stay home. I wouldn't put too much concentration into what others think about him. If he is a good man to you and your children, celebrate him before others even though he isn't outgoing.

Honestly your neighbors probably have other things on their mind than your shy anti-social husband so again relax.

Updated

Relax. Tell them the truth. Your husband is shy and not that outgoing so he has decided he will stay home. I wouldn't put too much concentration into what others think about him. If he is a good man to you and your children, celebrate him before others even though he isn't outgoing.

Honestly your neighbors probably have other things on their mind than your shy anti-social husband so again relax.